Age, Does It Matter?

Dakotawoman · Post by **Dakotawoman** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:46 am

Question:

Does age matter in a relationship? I mean (Anna Nicole) there is a point of insanity, right? How about it?:-3

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:50 am

Nope, age doesn't matter at all..........................

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:55 am

Maybe not initially, but at some point it definitely matters.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:07 am

Lon wrote: Maybe not initially, but at some point it definitely matters.
I think after you hit 20 age is irrelavent. It is all dependant on how you feel with each other.

jasmund · Post by **jasmund** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:14 am

Well, since there is 17 and a 1/2 years between me and Sparky, I'm ok with it,

-however, there comes a point when you might want to view the facts

-young model

-wealthy 90 year old man

-hmmmmmmm

I am thinking there was another motive (could be wrong) but I dont think so.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:37 am

Women, who typically outlive their spouses, can look forward to a longer period of being a widow if their husbands are too much older. Of course they can remarry, but then they would loose SS benefits. I am 10 years older than my wife which has posed no problems up to this point. Fortunatley I enjoy good health and have excellent longevity in my family history. Older fathers that cannot actively participate with their children is unfortunate.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:40 am

Lon wrote: Women, who typically outlive their spouses, can look forward to a longer period of being a widow if their husbands are too much older. Of course they can remarry, but then they would loose SS benefits. I am 10 years older than my wife which has posed no problems up to this point. Fortunatley I enjoy good health and have excellent longevity in my family history. Older fathers that cannot actively participate with their children is unfortunate.

Or they can get a younger man to live out their later years with tee hee hee

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:44 am

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:26 am

Wolverine wrote: yes
Ah Wolfy, and we thought you loved us older women here at FG...........

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:36 am

oh, i should clarify...

42y.o. man + 18 y.o. girl = WRONG

now.... 26yo fella + 37 to 56 yrWOMAN= Oooooooooo damn

:sneaky:

kitty · Post by **kitty** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:49 am

I'd have some reservations but love conquers all right?

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 11:06 am

I think it doesn't matter if both people are happy about the relationship. It only becomes a problem if one person might want children and the other person feels maybe too young or too old etc but at the end of the day love conquers all :-4

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 11:57 am

Far Rider wrote: I have been told before (not sure if its true) that the average age of a groom in New Testament times was 30 years old. The average age of a bride... 15.

I met my bride when we were both 14/15... Married her when we were 20/21 we have grown up together.

I'm 40, the last thing I need is a 20 year old, or a 25 year old woman to grow up!

I think one needs to consider ALL aspects of a partner, age is just one factor.

Bah give me a boy toy any day ahahahahahaha ok joking....

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 12:44 pm

*peeking in at mention of pool boy*

Rats, Minks got him again!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 12:51 pm

I've been in and out of this thread, trying to come up with a good reply. This is the best I've got:

Age does matter, when you're younger. When I met my son's father, I was 17, he was 28. My parents had a fit. I was young and stupid, he was...well, he's a guy. Immature, still living at home, and horny as a toad.

We had our son when I was 18 and things worked for a while. The older I got, the younger he got. Today, he is a grandpa and has children from 3 women. When I am around him, I think, "Thank the fates that it didn't work out between us, because I would have killed him by now." He has never grown up, his mother and his wife still tell him what to do.

So, when you are young, age does indeed matter. When you are older, grown both physically AND mentally, it matters less.

Two people aged 35 and 46 matters a lot less than 17 and 28.

I've dated men older and men younger, and I'll stick with the older guys every time.

venus · Post by **venus** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:17 pm

There are some good points brought up here in regards to the age' thing'

When over a certain age it doesnt matter as much, but as pointed out how about older man younger woman.

Man has grown children and granchild....woman, (same age as eldest child,) wants kids... Man being a granfather and nearing 50 doesnt want anymore..

Now there is a disaster waiting to happen...

Does he give into pressure and have a child to fulfill the womans need, or stand firm and say no?

knowing he may lose the woman he loves...

There are so manby scenarios, the thing is if you love on another its ok for some age difference, but it will haunt you at some point if it is too great a difference..

That is my opinion anyway....

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:22 pm

My parents got married when my mother was 21 and my father 34. They were married 40+ years until his death. My husband is 8 years old than I. We're going on 19 years together. I once dated a guy 17 years older than myself. I've seen a lot of 18 year olds that were more mature than he was. I think it depends on the couple. Age is just a number.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:28 pm

venus wrote: Does he give into pressure and have a child to fulfill the womans need, or stand firm and say no?

knowing he may lose the woman he loves...

Well, there's an instance where love does NOT conquer all. The desire to have or not have children is one of the most important factors in a successful relationship. Why should a person who wants children face a life without if their partner does not want them? In my mind, that couple is not ideal, because one thing they will agree on is having children or not. IF they went ahead and got married anyway, someone, at some point, is going to resent the other, and if the one who does not want kids gives in and creates them anyway, they could even live to resent the children.

A couple who does not agree on that is bound for failure.

There is a "formula" I read somewhere, meant as an aid to help people determine what's important in a relationship. According to this, there are several areas that a couple needs to agree on in order to be successful:

1. Children

2. In-laws

3. Money

4. Religion

If a couple can agree how to handle those 4 areas of their life, they stand a better chance of success. Personally, applying this to past relationships and the problems there, it makes great sense. It works with my current relationship as well.

TenneseeGirl · Post by **TenneseeGirl** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:59 pm

my husband and i are two years apart. he is older. once upon a time i heard statisticly speaking marriages are more sucessful when the male is older(up to five years) and the male makes more money. not saying i agree but i thought i would throw that in. I think for me i want someone i can learn with and from, not just learn from. i think an essential part of a relationship for the younger people is learning together not being taught by one or the other. after alot of the major things have been established in ones life-- ie house car job the financial aspects then i think age does not matter. may sound stupid but that is what i believe

Wuva · Post by **Wuva** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 7:42 am

I have a friend who is 39, her bf is 28....when they are together they dont stand apart as in her looking older. He is a engineer and is very mature for his age, she tells me that in her relationships before with older men she never felt that calm and most satisfying feeling like she has with her boyfriend now. They are very compatible and get along so great. I often wondered how hard that has to be to do, but then its a Demi/Ashton type of relationship and they are married now.

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 8:01 am

chonsigirl wrote: *peeking in at mention of pool boy*

Rats, Minks got him again!
how about a FarmBoy?

will that work?:D

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 9:29 am

I am the oldest of four.

My husband is the youngest of four AND the only SON.

The biggest difference between the two of us is our taste in music. Tho we are but 3-1/2 years apart, the music each of us likes is eons apart.................

Southern Belle · Post by **Southern Belle** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 10:07 am

Age is only another way of keeping score

Seriously, it's the maturity level of the people involved that matters, not the physical age. I've met 20 year olds who are much more mature than men my age. And I've met 50 year old women who need to grow up.

Two people who manage to find each other in today's world have so much more to contend with than being older or younger.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 5:43 pm

Like most questions in life the devil is in the detail. An age gap isn't necessarily a problem, but if your 27 and she's 71 (or visa versa), I think there are going to be a couple of issues, though mostly involving partying I would think. I mean I'm 33, and you know, 18 year old girls certainly look nice, but its a bit depressing when you can't discuss anything that occurred before 1997 without having to refer to an encylopedia. If you are my age or older and you like girls younger than that, then you will probably need to speak to a local law enforcement agency, or is it 17? O.K. I'm stopping this line of thinking right now.

lynuk · Post by **lynuk** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 2:51 pm

In some ways I think that it doesn't matter, there is 14 years between my partner and me and any problems we have is not due to the age gap (if anything he is more immature than me! :wah: ) LOL!

But I can't see myself falling for a 90 year old and cannot see how anyone else could at such a younger age. But then some people maybe 'into' the much much older person!

Lyns x

Valerie100 · Post by **Valerie100** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:00 pm

When I was 18, a friend of my father's took an interest in an 18-year-old friend of mine. The man was in his 50's. I asked my father, "What would you do if I wanted to date a man who was your age?" My father said, "As long as he treats you right, that's all that matters. You're your own woman now." I absolutely agree with that.

I would never date an 18-year-old guy as a woman. I wouldn't date anyone under 26. I'm 35 and I think 26 is pushing it a bit. I've met some 30-year-olds who have lacked the maturity. It's different for men, though, I think. They're naturally geared to go after younger women.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:09 pm

My son is 33 and his fiancee is 23. I have never seen him so happy as he has been in this relationship. They have just had a baby and their wedding is in June 2006. They adore each other.

My friend at work is 46 and her boyfriend is 23....wow...I here you say. There are issues that they completely understand:

The attitudes of friends and family (specially her children)

How will he feel in ten years time

She cannot have any more children (how will he feel about that in a few years time ?)Yes...just 2 issues....as far as I'm concerned...live for the day...be happy !

Note: Why is it OK for a guy to have a young girlfriend, but NOT OK for a woman to have a young boyfriend ???

Annie Mouse · Post by **Annie Mouse** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:55 pm

Bez wrote:

Note: Why is it OK for a guy to have a young girlfriend, but NOT OK for a woman to have a young boyfriend ???

I read somewhere that a man's worth is in his wisdom and wealth while a woman's is that she's "high and tight".

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:59 pm

Dang it...I always end up being the bad guy in threads like these, but I refuse to be less than realistic. Tomb's Girl is the exception to the rule, usually a difference of greater than 10 years means trouble.

Age differential....don't take my word for it, look it up in any human development or psychology textbook.....the greater the age difference, the more likely the marriage or relationship won't work. Why? Simple, it's called a "cohort". A cohort is a group of people, all the same age, who grew up together and were shaped together. When you grew up, you were shaped by the political atmosphere, the economic realities, and the pop culture influences. In short you are a product of YOUR times.

And the older partner is a product of theirs. Do you know what that means?

You won't be able to talk about the same movies or TV. You won't like the same music, clothes, furnishings, posters, radio stations, home products, etc., etc., etc....... An infinite progression of small things that will slowly work their way in between yourselves.

Age - sooner or later the older partner will be to the point that they will no longer find extreme physical activity enjoyable, if not already. No more skiing, no more swimming, no more tennis or bowling. It's not their fault, it will become more and more painful for them. (As it will us all).

But you'll still be in the prime of life. Do you honestly think that you won't begin to feel resentment for having to sit on the couch and keep them company? And that they won't hate you for going there anyway and leaving them to their own devices at the house?

Sorry to burst everyone's bubble....but these relationships are DOOMED FROM THE START!

Do yourself a huge, huge favor.....stay friends with this person, invite them over for drinks on New Year's, maybe even go on a double date occasionally but...

Don't marry them!

LilacDragon · Post by **LilacDragon** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 7:50 pm

Gosh, Jives, I better line up the divorce lawyer now!

I am 41 and DH is 27. We have been together for 9 years.

We enjoy the same music (although I do know some oldies that he doesn't) and most of the same movies. Our only major disagreements are architecture ( I like old farmhouses and Victorians - he likes modern homes) and pets (his family didn't have any when he was growing up and he doesn't understand my "need" for a family dog or two).

We are both homebodies but neither one of us feels the need to be so controlling as to not "allow" the other a night out with friends.

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 8:07 pm

LilacDragon wrote: Gosh, Jives, I better line up the divorce lawyer now!

lol. No of course not, two things work in your favor, maturity and a parallel relationship.

I am 41 and DH is 27. We have been together for 9 years.

Actually, you are within that ten-year window I was talking about (more or less) Outside of that window the probability starts to drop off.

And I think that the fact that it is you that is the older also works in your favor. (And I'm not implying any Edipal Complex here.)

We enjoy the same music (although I do know some oldies that he doesn't) and most of the same movies.

Now think about how rare that must be. The 60's were similar to the 70's, but the 80's were completely different. Starting to see what I mean? You grew up with Flower Power and Disco, he grew up with Disco and New Wave. Not too bad there.

But how hard would it be to mix Flower Power and 90's Techno?

Our only major disagreements are architecture ( I like old farmhouses and Victorians - he likes modern homes)

Not insurmountable.

and pets (his family didn't have any when he was growing up and he doesn't understand my "need" for a family dog or two).

Since pets are cross-temporal, that is, not linked to any particular time period, I don't think that would be irreconcilable either.

We are both homebodies but neither one of us feels the need to be so controlling as to not "allow" the other a night out with friends.

Ahh. Now here we have something. I'm betting that the "nights out" differ significantly between the two of you. Without the maturity and the stability of a parallel relationship, you can easily see how this could be a problem between two far-apart spouses.

For example, if I am a 40-something who enjoyed a night at the symphony, do you think a 20-something would want to accompany me? Or wuld I enjoy a night at a rave-bar with her?

Not bloody likely.