No Desires?

ruste · Post by **ruste** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 4:46 pm

I have a friend that is puzzling me. He's always had a bit of an ego and been a little on the strange side, but he's a friend so I put up with it.

I talked to him yesterday and went away shaking my head. He says that for the last several years he has had no desires. He says he has no desire for love, sex or companionship. He also said that he doesn't even need God because he has his heaven right here.

Then he said that since his realization that he doesn't need anyone or anything his business has flourished, his music is going very well (he plays guitar :guitarist ), and his kids are all doing well.

It's great that everything is going so well for him but I can't believe that it's all due to the fact that he suddenly has no desires.

Just to satisfy my own curiosity, is it normal for someone to have no desire for anything? I mean, at times I wish I didn't but it doesn't seem pratical to not ever want or need any form of companionship. I can't help but wonder about him.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 4:56 pm

if he's content whats wrong with that?

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 4:57 pm

Interesting question. Some people are just dead inside, or at least it appears that way on the surface, but man is a complicated animal and we each learn our lessons in our own way. When my mom died by the look on her face a moment before she went, it appeared things came clear. Who knows really ? But if he had no desires he more than likely would vegetate, not flourish at work or excel in his music, or even care that his children were well. Dont frustrate yourself too much, Im in the same boat with my brother. I finally figured out, I cant change him and I dont understand him. Thats just going to have to be ok.

charity2k4 · Post by **charity2k4** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 6:53 am

sounds like he is just content with the way things are in his life now...his accepting his lot in life ..why cant you.?

ruste · Post by **ruste** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:23 am

I don't know really. He's always been one to preach one thing and do another, and I shouldn't even care what he thinks or does. The part that irks me so much is that he always leaves me speechless to the point that I'm unable to carry on a conversation with him. Just once I would like to have something ready to say to him when he goes off on one of these...I don't even know what you'd call it.

For example: He is far from being a christian, he doesn't even believe in God. He constantly makes fun of people for going to church (behind their backs of course). He says they're wasting their time and think they're better than everyone else, and they're totally brainwashed.

He's commented to me several times that he would NEVER date a religious woman, and he would NEVER get married again. Then he suddenly developed an obsession (and I do mean obsession) with an extremely religious woman and started going to church on Wednesday nights and twice on Sundays (this went on for over a year). He continued to make fun of her behind her back and said to me that if he could get her out of church and away from her mother he could have her, church was keeping them apart. She finally told him to buzz off and eventually had to quit her job (she worked for him) to get away from him. He blames the church for preventing her from seeing how truly great he really is, and even told me he would have married her. This coming from a man that looks at marriage in the same light as religion.

After that he got into a 3 year relationship with another religious woman who finally broke up with him because he wouldn't marry her. You guessed it, he blamed church for that one too.

Anyway, this sickening "I have no desires and I'm the happiest person in the world because of it" kick has me ready to vomit. I think he has no desires because nobody will have him but I can't put it to him that way. He's constantly reminding me how much of a friend he is to me, yet now he's trying to convince me that the only way I'll ever be happy is to lose all desire for everything. What can I say to a zombie like that? I swear I don't think the man is just right.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 11:33 am

Just be glad you're not him.

Really.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 11:49 am

Now that's funny:wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 1:11 pm

Do you love him though ?

ruste · Post by **ruste** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 2:06 pm

No, it's him. Really. I'm in a situation where I'm forced to see him once a week (work) or I'd avoid him entirely. One day he asked if I want to go on a rafting trip with him and he said he would try to arrange one in the next few weeks. I asked him the other day if he was able to set it up and he looked at me with a puzzled look and said "I didn't know I was supposed to, but a buddy of mine is coming in from out of state and I arranged one for him if you'd like to join us".

I think from now on we'll just exchange pleasantries and leave it at that.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 2:27 pm

You might be better off that way, Ruste.

Although . . . his behavior is odd yet intriguing.

I say cut your losses and invest your energies elsewhere

Like here in the Garden:)

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 9:44 pm

Ruste, Your friend just seems off to me, something just isn't right..

You seem to be a good friend and he doesn't seem to care, why waste more time.:-5

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:14 pm

ruste wrote: No, it's him. Really. I'm in a situation where I'm forced to see him once a week (work) or I'd avoid him entirely.
First he's a friend, and now he's someone you'd avoid entirely if you could?? This doesn't make much sense to me. If you'd avoid him if you could, what do you care how he lives his life?

ruste · Post by **ruste** » Mon Jul 03, 2006 3:46 pm

Because as I mentioned, I have to see him once a week. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person he can talk that way to because I'm the only one that will listen, but yet he gets pleasure out of making me think that he has everything and I have nothing. We've known each other for 10 years and he's constantly reminding me that we're great "friends", but I need something to say to him other than nothing or just agreeing with him because I don't know what else to say.

He has plenty to say about my life, but I have nothing to say about his because he's so freaking weird that who knows what to say. A weird friend I guess.

Erinna1112 · Post by **Erinna1112** » Mon Jul 03, 2006 4:05 pm

ruste wrote: I have a friend that is puzzling me. He's always had a bit of an ego and been a little on the strange side, but he's a friend so I put up with it.

I talked to him yesterday and went away shaking my head. He says that for the last several years he has had no desires.
Yes, he has. He just defines them differently. If he ate dinner last night, he had a desire - two, in fact. Food and survival.

ruste · Post by **ruste** » Mon Jul 03, 2006 7:40 pm

You're right!

Although his weirdness has almost stopped that too. The only things he will eat are a protein shake for breakfast and lettuce with tuna fish for dinner. That's ALL he eats EVERY day. His son told me last week that he doesn't even recognize him anymore because he's so thin. The day that we had the whole "no desires" conversation I told him that I was planning on eating out with friends and he said "I have no desire to eat out, you couldn't pay me to". The more I write about him that more I realize how glad I am that I'm not him.