Abused Confused
Abused Confused
first..let me welcome you to FG. secondly, are you being physically abused? i am just a poster here and a mod too, but i am also a cop and deal with domestic abuse, it is a priority to me, so i can't ignore your plea...do you want to talk about it on the forum? if so, lots of good people will talk with you. if not, pm me. i am not here every minute, but i WILL get back to you.
Abused Confused
Tishri wrote: Why is it that I stay. I keep hoping that it will change,,,,but it hasnt. Oh maybe for some time there is good behavour but then there is anger and it begins again.
I know I try but it is never enough. And I am numb inside, can't give affection or think about love, sometimes only survival within myself.
What do you do when you loose yourself, go inside so you will not feel anymore. That enrages him because I do not see to his every need.
I do not want to give up, but i do not know how much more strength I have. Part of me also feels obligated since he supported me for three years. He feels I owe him and maybe that is right. But in owing, I have taken so so very much from him in physical and mental abuse, control and allienation from my children because of his nastiness to them at times.
Before, I can remember I was happy. My children, my friends, my home and inside I felt respected. Now I am ashamed of what I have taken and I do not know how to get out. Not physically get out, but to break it off and go away and not get hurt or feel guilty in doing so.
So I stay and pray I will see a clear path and peace in my head again. Hope that I am not lost completely. :-5
Tishri, as someone who has been there, done that, I really feel for you. He WANTS you to feel you owe him. He WANTS you alienated from your family. It gives him the power he wants. Control is not about love. He's not going to change and you know that. It's not about giving up and getting out. It's about getting out as a matter of survival. I wish I could tell you to leave and not feel guilty, but that is totally up to you. You will feel as guilty as you LET yourself feel. You can spend years of bending over backwards trying to please him and pay him back for supporting you but guess what. IT WILL NEVER EVER BE ENOUGH. I think you know the answers to what you need to do. The question is, will you?
I know I try but it is never enough. And I am numb inside, can't give affection or think about love, sometimes only survival within myself.
What do you do when you loose yourself, go inside so you will not feel anymore. That enrages him because I do not see to his every need.
I do not want to give up, but i do not know how much more strength I have. Part of me also feels obligated since he supported me for three years. He feels I owe him and maybe that is right. But in owing, I have taken so so very much from him in physical and mental abuse, control and allienation from my children because of his nastiness to them at times.
Before, I can remember I was happy. My children, my friends, my home and inside I felt respected. Now I am ashamed of what I have taken and I do not know how to get out. Not physically get out, but to break it off and go away and not get hurt or feel guilty in doing so.
So I stay and pray I will see a clear path and peace in my head again. Hope that I am not lost completely. :-5
Tishri, as someone who has been there, done that, I really feel for you. He WANTS you to feel you owe him. He WANTS you alienated from your family. It gives him the power he wants. Control is not about love. He's not going to change and you know that. It's not about giving up and getting out. It's about getting out as a matter of survival. I wish I could tell you to leave and not feel guilty, but that is totally up to you. You will feel as guilty as you LET yourself feel. You can spend years of bending over backwards trying to please him and pay him back for supporting you but guess what. IT WILL NEVER EVER BE ENOUGH. I think you know the answers to what you need to do. The question is, will you?
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A Karenina
- Posts: 968
- Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 8:36 am
Abused Confused
I'd also like to welcome you to FG, and to offer to write with you as well - publicly or privately.
Cutting to the chase - you do NOT owe this man your soul, your relationship with your children, or your safety. He has not supported you - he may have paid for your basic needs, but honey, that is NOT support.
Pack up your children, take whatever you can, and get out. Find a safe place for you all, and if you need help with that, there are organizations who can direct you.
You will never find peace with this man because he has no peace within himself. It is NOT your job to make life better for him...and you can kill yourself trying, but you will never be able to succeed. It's his job, and his alone.
He has a very serious character disorder. Chances are very high that he can never be cured. Don't fool yourself, and don't let him break you into thinking you are not worthy of a better life. And if you can't manage thinking highly of yourself right now, then do it for your children.
I packed up and left in 1998. Traveled 2,000 miles for a new life...and it's scary. I know very well how scary it is. But you are not alone. Mostly, I want you to know you are worth it, your children are worth it.
Please, get out of there.
Cutting to the chase - you do NOT owe this man your soul, your relationship with your children, or your safety. He has not supported you - he may have paid for your basic needs, but honey, that is NOT support.
Pack up your children, take whatever you can, and get out. Find a safe place for you all, and if you need help with that, there are organizations who can direct you.
You will never find peace with this man because he has no peace within himself. It is NOT your job to make life better for him...and you can kill yourself trying, but you will never be able to succeed. It's his job, and his alone.
He has a very serious character disorder. Chances are very high that he can never be cured. Don't fool yourself, and don't let him break you into thinking you are not worthy of a better life. And if you can't manage thinking highly of yourself right now, then do it for your children.
I packed up and left in 1998. Traveled 2,000 miles for a new life...and it's scary. I know very well how scary it is. But you are not alone. Mostly, I want you to know you are worth it, your children are worth it.
Please, get out of there.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle
Aristotle
Abused Confused
Greetings. Welcome to the garden.
In reading your post, I empathize with you, but will refrain from taking my usual hard-nose, down to the facts approach as ... some will find it hard to believe ... I, too, am a human with emotions. Thus, I will say thay you have already came to the proper conclusion on what MUST be done when you are in a state of "abused and confused". Your brain doesn't lie to you. Trust it. Look for local support group(s) through family, friends and community services. DO NOT subject yourself or your innocent children to any form of abuse due to the ignorant arrogance of another's forced ill-treatment. It is demoralizing, delapitating and destructive for all involved ... including the abuser.
I tend to babble too much. So, do the right thing for you and your kids. Don't rely on hope for him to change. Take action. Move on, move forward and eliminate the bad from your life and your kid's lives too! How to do that? Seek support as mentioned. If you look diligently and with relentless dedication, you will find it.
Praying is very good too, but I suggest the prayer be a supplication of benefit for you and your kids and not that of happier days miraculously happening while staying with an abusive person.
The web is a wonderful place to seek information for local services and should it become a question of the law being broken and judical punishment being pursued (legal advice), let me know as I can help you in that area ... depending on what state you are in and its established laws and local ordinances.
God Bless you and good luck.
In reading your post, I empathize with you, but will refrain from taking my usual hard-nose, down to the facts approach as ... some will find it hard to believe ... I, too, am a human with emotions. Thus, I will say thay you have already came to the proper conclusion on what MUST be done when you are in a state of "abused and confused". Your brain doesn't lie to you. Trust it. Look for local support group(s) through family, friends and community services. DO NOT subject yourself or your innocent children to any form of abuse due to the ignorant arrogance of another's forced ill-treatment. It is demoralizing, delapitating and destructive for all involved ... including the abuser.
I tend to babble too much. So, do the right thing for you and your kids. Don't rely on hope for him to change. Take action. Move on, move forward and eliminate the bad from your life and your kid's lives too! How to do that? Seek support as mentioned. If you look diligently and with relentless dedication, you will find it.
Praying is very good too, but I suggest the prayer be a supplication of benefit for you and your kids and not that of happier days miraculously happening while staying with an abusive person.
The web is a wonderful place to seek information for local services and should it become a question of the law being broken and judical punishment being pursued (legal advice), let me know as I can help you in that area ... depending on what state you are in and its established laws and local ordinances.
God Bless you and good luck.
If you're not good for your word, what good are you? :yh_think :yh_flag Live & make a Difference!
Abused Confused
If a person were to treat one of your children the way he treats you, how would you feel? I don't blame them a bit for hating him. I don't know him and hate him already.
Because you could have accidently broke his glasses, that is a reason to hit you? If you did it on purpose that is still no excuse for hitting you!
There was a beautiful girl living down the road from me. Now the kids' mommy is dead and daddy is in prison. She kept hoping he would change.
Please get out before you become another statistic.
Because you could have accidently broke his glasses, that is a reason to hit you? If you did it on purpose that is still no excuse for hitting you!
There was a beautiful girl living down the road from me. Now the kids' mommy is dead and daddy is in prison. She kept hoping he would change.
Please get out before you become another statistic.
Abused Confused
tmbsgrl wrote: You need to let the Police in on this whole thing. Have the police ever been called to your residence? They will put him away and make sure he never goes near you again. Call the police. they will help you... As i said They would NEVER judge you!
I agree with tmbsgrl, but I must be my usual self in noting an important fact here tmbsgrl, and please don't get all emotionally upset at me as I only wish to enlighten and educate for everyone's benefit when I am able to ...
Police can temporarily lock people up, but judges decide final judical sentencing, not police. Also, no human has the absolute ability to assure that "he NEVER goes near you" again unless incarceration is enforced infinitely or the death sentenced applied to its final end ... which is decided by a jury in the U.S.A. and envoked by a judge, not police. In the U.S.A., police are enforcers of legislative laws and public safety officers serving the good of their community. They have no absolute control over verdict or punishment. Lawyers, juries and judges are more suited for that end of the deal.
I guess I am not making too many friends so far, but I pass on information for the power of truth and understanding. I hope you see this and not judge me otherwise. Too many times a person is given wrong information and very bad things result.
Peace to all.
I agree with tmbsgrl, but I must be my usual self in noting an important fact here tmbsgrl, and please don't get all emotionally upset at me as I only wish to enlighten and educate for everyone's benefit when I am able to ...
Police can temporarily lock people up, but judges decide final judical sentencing, not police. Also, no human has the absolute ability to assure that "he NEVER goes near you" again unless incarceration is enforced infinitely or the death sentenced applied to its final end ... which is decided by a jury in the U.S.A. and envoked by a judge, not police. In the U.S.A., police are enforcers of legislative laws and public safety officers serving the good of their community. They have no absolute control over verdict or punishment. Lawyers, juries and judges are more suited for that end of the deal.
I guess I am not making too many friends so far, but I pass on information for the power of truth and understanding. I hope you see this and not judge me otherwise. Too many times a person is given wrong information and very bad things result.
Peace to all.
If you're not good for your word, what good are you? :yh_think :yh_flag Live & make a Difference!
Abused Confused
Hey Tishri, It's really pretty simple, if you want your dignity, your health, and your life leave, now. Find a place away from there, engage a lawyer to straighten out your legal status, and establish your property rights, arrange eviction ect. DO NOT contact mutual friends, and tell no one but your immediate family where you are. One other thing, get your lawer's advice about protective measures at your new location, and while you are traveling.
:yh_sad :yh_pray
:yh_sad :yh_pray
Old age and treachery, is an acceptable response to overwelming youth and skill 
Abused Confused
Abuse is a cycle, and if you don't get out of it, it will not stop. As others have posted, he wants you to feel awful about yourself as this is his way of control. Please seek professional help, there is no excuse for abuse.
Your safety and sense of self worth are very important.
Your safety and sense of self worth are very important.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Abused Confused
You are right. You won't "be here for long" unless you leave him immediately and never go back. I pray that you find shelter and that you find the courage to love and value yourself enough to escape this horrible trap.
Please PM lady cop. She can help you to find safety!
Please PM lady cop. She can help you to find safety!
Abused Confused
Der Wulf wrote: Hey Tishri, It's really pretty simple, if you want your dignity, your health, and your life leave, now. Find a place away from there, engage a lawyer to straighten out your legal status, and establish your property rights, arrange eviction ect. DO NOT contact mutual friends, and tell no one but your immediate family where you are. One other thing, get your lawer's advice about protective measures at your new location, and while you are traveling.
:yh_sad :yh_pray
Excellent Advise DW spoken like you have experience.
:yh_sad :yh_pray
Excellent Advise DW spoken like you have experience.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Abused Confused
Tishri, there are many women here who have gone through the same things you are going through. I'd be willing to bet that several of them have sent you private messages. I am also one of those women who has been there. You CAN get away. You CAN be safe. But the operative word there is "you." You are the one who has to want it. Yes, the people here will talk to you, encourage you, tell you how to get help and advise as much as possible. And it's up to YOU. Listen to LC. She can tell you how to start, things you can do to keep you safe. All of us will talk with you here, or in private. And the statement you made about "not being here for long" is eerily accurate. I am not an alarmist, normally, but the day I looked down the barrel of a gun was the day I realized my life was truly in jeopardy. If you think I am harsh in trying to scare you, I'm sorry. But this is not a joke. Do whatever you have to do to make yourself and your children safe.
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
Abused Confused
From where I come from if a man hits a woman then he is not a man. You are not living with a man. You are living with a subhuman. And he will do serious injury to you if you let him. By staying with him you are letting him use that option. Get out while yo still can!
You owe him absolutely nothing. You cook, you clean, you take care of the home and that is your end of the bargain. If he doesn't see that then you are in peril to his moods and will be the victim of his inabilty to come to terms with himself. You can"t change him he has to do that himself.
Your children don't need to come to your funeral because he has intimidated you into being with him all the time. If a man hits you once you should be out the door. It is not worth it. You are not the problem and as long as he can suck you into believing that you are the problem then he has you on his sights. GET OUT FAST!!!!!
Call the cops. They are there to help you through these trying times and would relish having you leave more than they would picking up your body and having to tell your children that you are dead.
Take care of you because he obviously is not going to do it for you.
You owe him absolutely nothing. You cook, you clean, you take care of the home and that is your end of the bargain. If he doesn't see that then you are in peril to his moods and will be the victim of his inabilty to come to terms with himself. You can"t change him he has to do that himself.
Your children don't need to come to your funeral because he has intimidated you into being with him all the time. If a man hits you once you should be out the door. It is not worth it. You are not the problem and as long as he can suck you into believing that you are the problem then he has you on his sights. GET OUT FAST!!!!!
Call the cops. They are there to help you through these trying times and would relish having you leave more than they would picking up your body and having to tell your children that you are dead.
Take care of you because he obviously is not going to do it for you.
Abused Confused
i wish i could say it strongly enough....CALL THE POLICE!! this is what we are here for. trust us. get to a shelter so you will be safe while you assert your human rights. i know it's not easy. i know you are afraid. but i also know this...BULLIES BACK DOWN WHEN CONFRONTED BY SOMEONE STRONGER. in fact they usually pee their pants.
Abused Confused
lady cop wrote: i wish i could say it strongly enough....CALL THE POLICE!! this is what we are here for. trust us. get to a shelter so you will be safe while you assert your human rights. i know it's not easy. i know you are afraid. but i also know this...BULLIES BACK DOWN WHEN CONFRONTED BY SOMEONE STRONGER. in fact they usually pee their pants.
You used a three letter word. Or do you not want to tell of how some of them go number two at the same time?
You used a three letter word. Or do you not want to tell of how some of them go number two at the same time?
Abused Confused
kensloft wrote: You used a three letter word. Or do you not want to tell of how some of them go number two at the same time?
yep, i did...i will instantly report myself! but it is seriously true...bullies are very tough until they face one of us, they can beat up on their women or kids, big bad-asses, and then when we show up they are sniveling whiney sobbing crybabies begging not to be cuffed up and taken to jail. i LOVE it when one of them gives me trouble. oh i really do.
yep, i did...i will instantly report myself! but it is seriously true...bullies are very tough until they face one of us, they can beat up on their women or kids, big bad-asses, and then when we show up they are sniveling whiney sobbing crybabies begging not to be cuffed up and taken to jail. i LOVE it when one of them gives me trouble. oh i really do.
Abused Confused
lady cop wrote: yep, i did...i will instantly report myself! but it is seriously true...bullies are very tough until they face one of us, they can beat up on their women or kids, big bad-asses, and then when we show up they are sniveling whiney sobbing crybabies begging not to be cuffed up and taken to jail. i LOVE it when one of them gives me trouble. oh i really do.
Love listening to them in the back alley as they rationalize their disorder. It's the second time they are there that they usually do the potty stuff. I hear you. I know what they are like and I don't like them. They either give me a wide berth or they put their heads down and act very humble. The joke is I'm the good guy.
Tishri should listen to us and all the advice that is coming through. If she wants to go down as dying for her love then she is going about it in the right way. Wrong kind of dying for love but definitely dead. Kids won't be happy that they didn't drag her out of that hell hole. They'll have to live with it. What a legacy.
Love listening to them in the back alley as they rationalize their disorder. It's the second time they are there that they usually do the potty stuff. I hear you. I know what they are like and I don't like them. They either give me a wide berth or they put their heads down and act very humble. The joke is I'm the good guy.
Tishri should listen to us and all the advice that is coming through. If she wants to go down as dying for her love then she is going about it in the right way. Wrong kind of dying for love but definitely dead. Kids won't be happy that they didn't drag her out of that hell hole. They'll have to live with it. What a legacy.
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capt_buzzard
- Posts: 5557
- Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2004 12:00 pm
Abused Confused
Welcome to FG. You are not alone anymore.