Mid Air Drama!

[Philadelphia Eagle]

8.50am Eastern/ 5.50am Pacific

Fox News Alert

Fox News has just learnt of a dramatic development in the hunt for Bothwell - the English arch-kidnapper who has threatened to spirit one of America's top law enforecmemt officers away to his lair in England.

A sharp-eyed immigration official, scanning the manifest of a flight from London to Miami, became suspicious when he noticed that on board were 324 people and 1 giant armadillo. "Something just didn't look right" he said. "I couldn't quite put my finger on it but to be safe we contacted the flight captain who confirmed our fears that Bothwell was on the flight in disguise"

Reports say that when Bothwell was approached he became agitated.

He is known, however, to return to his normal docile state when offered alcoholic drinks.

"We were prepared for this eventuality" said a member of the cabin staff,"and we offered him our standard economy class wine - Chateau Rocket Fuel .

"After a few glasses of that he lapsed into an unconscious state and we were able to subdue him. No-one can withstand the effects of that drink for very long"

The flight returned safely to London and was met by British police officers who interviewed Bothwell.

"We couldn't hold him as he hasn't committed a crime in England" they said "so we had to release him. However we shall be watching his every move closely from now on"

Meanwhile here in America the anti-Bothwellian movement is gaining strength.

Several notable public figures have pledged their support and the governors of Arizona, New Mexico and Texas have ordered increased security measures along their southern borders.

It is believed plans are in an advanced stage for a possible invasion of England.

"We have to be extremely careful on this one" said a spokesperson who declined to be identified. "The English are a very strange race and are extremely devious.

Quite recently, for example, they invited some of our top military staff to watch a cricket game there. For some reason they call it a Test Match. What we didn't realize was that these Test Matches last for five days and, at the end, no one wins. You have to sit in sub-zero temperatures the whole time. On that occasion we lost 3 of our best people - 2 from exposure and 1 from boredom.

Lady Cop - the object of Bothwell's criminal intentions made a brief appearance on the balcony of her jailhouse in response to popular demand and could be seen waving to the crowd below.

In a defiant show of solidarity ordinary people pledged to remain on the streets until the evil had been defeated. "People power is paramount" they chanted.

The exact whereabouts of Bothwell are not known at this time but rest assured that we shall bring you breaking news as soon as there are more developments.

[Philadelphia Eagle]

Come on Arnold - You can't fool us. You don't HAVE 5 warm days of summer there although I must concede that the sun was reported to have made a brief 10 minute appearance in 1993.