What an idiot !!!!!!!

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:27 am

I made such an idiot of myself today, I feel like going into hiding for the next few weeks :-5 :-5

As most of you know I have a few problems with my health, well 3 weeks ago I started a chronic pain group. Everyone is friendly enough but being stuck in a room with people whinging non-stop is not my kind of thing. The point in attending these classes is that we can look at alternative remedies, to try to help our coping mechanisms.

I have to be at the hospital for 13.00, so leave work 30 mins early, so when I get to the class, I have already been on the go since 6.30am, well it all started last week when one of the people started that it wasn't convenient time wise, as he normally has an afternoon nap, and would it be possible to change the time (so to suit him 9 other people rearrange their day), then the woman that has chosen me as her new best friend, went into great detail of how she is unable to control her bodily functions, now don't get me wrong I feel for each and every person living with pain, but why do they have to whine for the whole 3 and a half hours, it makes the whole thing a bloody miserable and depressing ritual.

Anyway, I was in the room listening to all of them talking over each other, each one going on about how much worse they are than the person next to them, what do I do, bloody burst into tears!!!! Yep, I cried in front of the whole bloody group, then to make things worse the guy that runs the group, kept trying to ask me questions saying that I need to talk!!! I told him I didn't want to talk, he kept pushing and pushing, so I told him that I was sick of hearing everyone moan and how depressing it was going there, I then just totally ignored everyone and pretending to read a leaflet, they must have thought I had sight problems as I had it literally in front of my nose, to hide behind.

I have got to go back next week and face all these people, that I'd just basically insulted, when I think things couldn't be worse, I seem to have the knack of proving myself wrong :-5

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:33 am

I think what you did was great.

Maybe they need to think about it. Unfortunately they'll probably shrug it off. I agree with you though. It doesn't help anyone if they all just moan and complain... it's supposed to be about coping.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:34 am

SuzyB;619916 wrote: I made such an idiot of myself today, I feel like going into hiding for the next few weeks

As most of you know I have a few problems with my health, well 3 weeks ago I started a chronic pain group. Everyone is friendly enough but being stuck in a room with people whinging non-stop is not my kind of thing. The point in attending these classes is that we can look at alternative remedies, to try to help our coping mechanisms.

I have to be at the hospital for 13.00, so leave work 30 mins early, so when I get to the class, I have already been on the go since 6.30am, well it all started last week when one of the people started that it wasn't convenient time wise, as he normally has an afternoon nap, and would it be possible to change the time (so to suit him 9 other people rearrange their day), then the woman that has chosen me as her new best friend, went into great detail of how she is unable to control her bodily functions, now don't get me wrong I feel for each and every person living with pain, but why do they have to whine for the whole 3 and a half hours, it makes the whole thing a bloody miserable and depressing ritual.

Anyway, I was in the room listening to all of them talking over each other, each one going on about how much worse they are than the person next to them, what do I do, bloody burst into tears!!!! Yep, I cried in front of the whole bloody group, then to make things worse the guy that runs the group, kept trying to ask me questions saying that I need to talk!!! I told him I didn't want to talk, he kept pushing and pushing, so I told him that I was sick of hearing everyone moan and how depressing it was going there, I then just totally ignored everyone and pretending to read a leaflet, they must have thought I had sight problems as I had it literally in front of my nose, to hide behind.

I have got to go back next week and face all these people, that I'd just basically insulted, when I think things couldn't be worse, I seem to have the knack of proving myself wrong

:yh_clap You are NOT an idiot...and tbh I am proud of you....how many times we have been in a similar situation and just gripe about it later?? I do it all the time. To tell them outright and let them think about it was a good thing. Yes, it was awkward...but as time goes, people will think about it..."and hmmm?? gee....maybe I do whine a bit much??" I bet you any amount of money next week, you will still be their new best friend....and if not...well that's okay too!!:D :-4:yh_hugs

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:35 am

I don't think it's that bad, Suzy. Maybe those people needed a jolt to snap them back into composure somewhat. Its' really easy to **** and moan about your problems and end up making them bigger than they are and support groups are notorious for that stuff. Besides, you have some very difficult issues on your plate as well right now, so you're allowed to snap too. I think the best way to handle it would be to explain that to them. That you have more than you can say grace over right now and things just got to you. Apologize sincerely and then carry on. And stop feeling like an idiot. We all have our moments. :-4

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:37 am

Thanks guys, just feel pretty guilty, wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to see the again, but I'm already dreading next Wednesday coming around

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:38 am

Umm, Koan and I replied at the same time and very similar replies...what does that mean??? Will she dream about me tonight??

Sorry Suzy, don't mean to throw your thread...I did have another thought, that I've only been to a support group once and only 1 session for the same reason, everyone was complaing and griping and hating God etc. And we were supposed to be helping each other cope with losing a baby?? And I just never went back and complained afterwards..so once again....I'm proud that you told them how you felt too...they didn't mind telling you...fair is fair!!:-4

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:39 am

RedGlitter;619921 wrote: I don't think it's that bad, Suzy. Maybe those people needed a jolt to snap them back into composure somewhat. Its' really easy to **** and moan about your problems and end up making them bigger than they are and support groups are notorious for that stuff. Besides, you have some very difficult issues on your plate as well right now, so you're allowed to snap too. I think the best way to handle it would be to explain that to them. That you have more than you can say grace over right now and things just got to you. Apologize sincerely and then carry on. And stop feeling like an idiot. We all have our moments. :-4

Thanks Red, problem is I won't say sorry because I meant what I said and it was true, if I say sorry they will know that it's not sincere :-3

911 · Post by **911** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:46 am

Good for you Suzy! You're all suppossed to be helping each other, not trying to out pain the next one. Try starting the conversation off with a new remedy you saw and see if that gets them back on track. We all need someone to talk to when we're down from pain, but just doing only that makes you feel worse sometimes.

I work with someone like that. If I say I have a headache, she says she has a migraine. If our boss walks in she starts complaining to him about her headache like she's trying to outdo mine. Silly really, all I did was take an Advil and was all better but she had to do it all day cuz she made the mistake of going one bigger than me and couldn't say she felt better! LOL :yh_loser

Is this the only class available? Could you get in with another group of people? I hope you feel better soon, physically and mentally. Have you tried any herbal remedies? Some are good, some not so good.

Kisses to you

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:50 am

SuzyB;619924 wrote: Thanks Red, problem is I won't say sorry because I meant what I said and it was true, if I say sorry they will know that it's not sincere :-3

Well, thats' cool too Suzy. Just go in and be your normal lovely self to everyone and act like nothing happened. Or at the most, if you must, just say you were having a difficult day. That way you're not apologizing.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:51 am

............

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:53 am

911;619929 wrote: Good for you Suzy! You're all suppossed to be helping each other, not trying to out pain the next one. Try starting the conversation off with a new remedy you saw and see if that gets them back on track. We all need someone to talk to when we're down from pain, but just doing only that makes you feel worse sometimes.

I work with someone like that. If I say I have a headache, she says she has a migraine. If our boss walks in she starts complaining to him about her headache like she's trying to outdo mine. Silly really, all I did was take an Advil and was all better but she had to do it all day cuz she made the mistake of going one bigger than me and couldn't say she felt better! LOL :yh_loser

Is this the only class available? Could you get in with another group of people? I hope you feel better soon, physically and mentally. Have you tried any herbal remedies? Some are good, some not so good.

Kisses to you

Thank you :-6

I wouldn't be able to come off my meds as I have too many problems, but I do think if I could relax more and sort my breathing out, it would help, they keep promoting meditation but my mind just goes on overdrive and I end up more anxious than when I started!

I don't think this group thing is for me really, I have no patience when people are full of self pity, not to bad if it's a one off, but 3 blimmin weeks, like a record being replayed :rolleyes:

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:55 am

RedGlitter;619935 wrote: Well, thats' cool too Suzy. Just go in and be your normal lovely self to everyone and act like nothing happened. Or at the most, if you must, just say you were having a difficult day. That way you're not apologizing.

Hehe, I won't even do that, too stubborn for my own good :sneaky: :-4

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:57 am

:wah: I understand. :-6

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed May 23, 2007 1:23 pm

Good for you. Sometimes we all have a tendency to wallow in our woes. You sound like just the person to give them a kick up the bum and remind them that life could be worse!

Don't apologise, brazen it out. You are not wrong for being fed up with listening to them whinging.

I have my doubts about group therapy thingies - someone will always dominate a group meaning that others don't get the help they need. I think counselling is a good thing but better on a one to one basis.

Keep your chin up, and any time you need to sound off we are all here for you.:-4

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed May 23, 2007 1:25 pm

Imladris;620015 wrote: Good for you. Sometimes we all have a tendency to wallow in our woes. You sound like just the person to give them a kick up the bum and remind them that life could be worse!

Don't apologise, brazen it out. You are not wrong for being fed up with listening to them whinging.

I have my doubts about group therapy thingies - someone will always dominate a group meaning that others don't get the help they need. I think counselling is a good thing but better on a one to one basis.

Keep your chin up, and any time you need to sound off we are all here for you.:-4

I do try mate, but it's proving impossible for the 2nd one :rolleyes: Thank you for the offer to sound off though :-4

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Wed May 23, 2007 2:11 pm

SuzyB;619916 wrote: I made such an idiot of myself today, I feel like going into hiding for the next few weeks :-5

As most of you know I have a few problems with my health, well 3 weeks ago I started a chronic pain group. Everyone is friendly enough but being stuck in a room with people whinging non-stop is not my kind of thing. The point in attending these classes is that we can look at alternative remedies, to try to help our coping mechanisms.

I have to be at the hospital for 13.00, so leave work 30 mins early, so when I get to the class, I have already been on the go since 6.30am, well it all started last week when one of the people started that it wasn't convenient time wise, as he normally has an afternoon nap, and would it be possible to change the time (so to suit him 9 other people rearrange their day), then the woman that has chosen me as her new best friend, went into great detail of how she is unable to control her bodily functions, now don't get me wrong I feel for each and every person living with pain, but why do they have to whine for the whole 3 and a half hours, it makes the whole thing a bloody miserable and depressing ritual.

Anyway, I was in the room listening to all of them talking over each other, each one going on about how much worse they are than the person next to them, what do I do, bloody burst into tears!!!! Yep, I cried in front of the whole bloody group, then to make things worse the guy that runs the group, kept trying to ask me questions saying that I need to talk!!! I told him I didn't want to talk, he kept pushing and pushing, so I told him that I was sick of hearing everyone moan and how depressing it was going there, I then just totally ignored everyone and pretending to read a leaflet, they must have thought I had sight problems as I had it literally in front of my nose, to hide behind.

I have got to go back next week and face all these people, that I'd just basically insulted, when I think things couldn't be worse, I seem to have the knack of proving myself wrong :-5

Suzy, Please don't feel like this - you are not an idiot, you are a wonderful person who will fight on. The easier option is to give up and moan. I have on occasion been there, complaining and moaning. However, thankfully I have come to my senses and realized that not only are there people that have been in worse situations than I, but also that it is my life and I choose 'sink or swim'. I have been through alot of hardship in my life, if I had just sat there moaning I would not have the beautiful and wonderful family I have now.

Good for you Suzy - maybe its just what these people needed to snap them out of it and look upward and onwards.

Pheasy :-4 :-4

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Wed May 23, 2007 2:46 pm

You did the perfect thing, I would have done the same. My mouth goes off before my brain as you know but in this case it was the right thing to do. I wouldn't go again if it made no difference myself. I'd go next Wednesday and if it makes you feel the same, don't go.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed May 23, 2007 2:53 pm

crazygal;620066 wrote: You did the perfect thing, I would have done the same. My mouth goes off before my brain as you know but in this case it was the right thing to do. I wouldn't go again if it made no difference myself. I'd go next Wednesday and if it makes you feel the same, don't go.

If only it was that simple, for me to be referred to Charing Cross to a Neurosurgeon, I have to complete these classes, to prove I want to help myself!!! WTF is all that about :-5 :-5

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Wed May 23, 2007 2:59 pm

SuzyB;620072 wrote: If only it was that simple, for me to be referred to Charing Cross to a Neurosurgeon, I have to complete these classes, to prove I want to help myself!!! WTF is all that about :-5 :-5

Oh sounds like Social Services. Have to do all of this crap, meet all these people, go to so many different meetings just to prove I love my own son and do my best for him. These people are so full of it, sorry hun.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed May 23, 2007 3:11 pm

This doesn't seem to be much of a support group/session.

Suzy - do you have any referrals/positive feed back from anyone?

Crying from pure frustration is normal - its OK - releasing emotion is healthy and something you probably haven't had a chance to release, which will contribute to exacerbate the existing pain.

I would start the next session with a question - to redirect the group for support.

Maybe you should seek counseling one on one insted of a group, where you can be free, and nothing embarrassing.

Good Luck

Patsy