divoced, integrated, extended families and birthdays

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 9:20 am

Oh Dear, November 1 is my grandsons first birthday....This is monumental.

Jr Minks and I are talking about what to buy him, we can't wait.

Here is the sadness....

My children were raised with the tradition of huge family gatherings for their birthdays. Both sides of the families and many friends attended their birthdays, year after year, until the divorce then of course this all changed.

Well my daughter wishes to have a large birthday party for her son and in the typical tradition as she was raised with. Sadly if her father shows up, myself, Jr Minks, my folk's and my brother and sis inlaw will not attend. Likely neither will the ex's sister in law, or cousins.

I suggested to my daughter that she have 2 parties one with those who get along with the ex on the friday eve, then the rest of us saturday eve.

She was very open to this idea.

I see no other way of dealing with this.

How do others handle this, or as children of divorce how was it handled??? Is this blatant separation of family healthy for the grandson? I suspect over time he will see it as a blessing cause he gets 2 parties hehehehe

I feel this is right.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 9:24 am

minks;705066 wrote: Oh Dear, November 1 is my grandsons first birthday....This is monumental.

Jr Minks and I are talking about what to buy him, we can't wait.

Here is the sadness....

My children were raised with the tradition of huge family gatherings for their birthdays. Both sides of the families and many friends attended their birthdays, year after year, until the divorce then of course this all changed.

Well my daughter wishes to have a large birthday party for her son and in the typical tradition as she was raised with. Sadly if her father shows up, myself, Jr Minks, my folk's and my brother and sis inlaw will not attend. Likely neither will the ex's sister in law, or cousins.

I suggested to my daughter that she have 2 parties one with those who get along with the ex on the friday eve, then the rest of us saturday eve.

She was very open to this idea.

I see no other way of dealing with this.

How do others handle this, or as children of divorce how was it handled??? Is this blatant separation of family healthy for the grandson? I suspect over time he will see it as a blessing cause he gets 2 parties hehehehe

I feel this is right.

If my Dad turned up at my party - I wouldn't attend!! :wah:

Its a difficult one when families split, I reckon the 2 party idea seems the best :-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 9:28 am

ThePheasant;705069 wrote: If my Dad turned up at my party - I wouldn't attend!! :wah:

Its a difficult one when families split, I reckon the 2 party idea seems the best :-6

ooo you sound like Jr Minks ahahaha yes I can't think of any other way... this little boy deserves to see his entire family, I am sure it's not going to matter if it's at 2 or 1 party eh.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 9:47 am

After my parents divorced (granted I was 10), when I got over the intiial shock, I enjoyed the "double" whammies on birthdays, christmas, etc. Fortunately, my parents remained friends, although we did not have integrated gatherings as there were also step-parents and their families involved, but it generally worked out well.

Now, we come to my own son's situation. His dad and I are not involved (thank Christ!), and dad has a live-in girlfriend. Me and the girlfriend actually get along much better than me and cam's dad - which comes in very handy. Now, for his b-day (which is the 14th) we have one big family gathering where my family as well as his comes together, an dthis does work well, but while his dad and I don't exactly get along, we don't let that interfere with cam. But, for holidays, cam's time is split between us.

After all that round about discussion LOL, the point I'm thinking is that your solution is best for your situation IMO.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 9:51 am

thanks mystery, you are right each circumstance is different.

I say for the sake of the children it's best handled with 0 stress and for us it means half of us stay apart... my side of the family would just as soon strangle the ex and his wife as opposed to look at them sooooo we shall have 2 parties.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 9:58 am

minks;705092 wrote: thanks mystery, you are right each circumstance is different.

I say for the sake of the children it's best handled with 0 stress and for us it means half of us stay apart... my side of the family would just as soon strangle the ex and his wife as opposed to look at them sooooo we shall have 2 parties.

Precisely. The impact on the kids is the most important consideration, and hey - he gets to be center of attention for 2 parties!

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:06 am

Mystery;705100 wrote: Precisely. The impact on the kids is the most important consideration, and hey - he gets to be center of attention for 2 parties!

yep you got it, I know my daughter is a bit disappointed she has always wanted the 2 sides to be able to at least face each other and I hope she will cope ok.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:12 am

minks;705103 wrote: yep you got it, I know my daughter is a bit disappointed she has always wanted the 2 sides to be able to at least face each other and I hope she will cope ok.

I'm sure she will be fine. It's unfortunate, at the least, but it sounds necessary. The well-being of the birthday boy is priority.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:15 am

Mystery;705108 wrote: I'm sure she will be fine. It's unfortunate, at the least, but it sounds necessary. The well-being of the birthday boy is priority.

good opportunity to spoil a special little boy :-4

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:19 am

I can't believe it's been a year already! :-4

I think the 2 parties will work, that way everybody is happy and comfortable.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:20 am

sunny104;705123 wrote: I can't believe it's been a year already! :-4

I think the 2 parties will work, that way everybody is happy and comfortable.

yep crazy how fast kids age huh, good thing us adults don't age that quick.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:17 pm

My children only really get one birthday celebration, from my side of the family....their dad throws a card at them usually...well sometimes. This year and last year my youngest got nothing. They have a big cook-out with his new wifey's family and celebrate everyones birthday and HER family gives them small gifts but nothing from the SOB, he feels because he feeds them on 1 weekend a month, that should do.

Thankfully my kids have my family...they make sure they make their birthdays very happy, and now that they are older, they don't need a big hoopla--but they still should be recognized!

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:53 pm

WonderWendy3;705218 wrote: My children only really get one birthday celebration, from my side of the family....their dad throws a card at them usually...well sometimes. This year and last year my youngest got nothing. They have a big cook-out with his new wifey's family and celebrate everyones birthday and HER family gives them small gifts but nothing from the SOB, he feels because he feeds them on 1 weekend a month, that should do.

Thankfully my kids have my family...they make sure they make their birthdays very happy, and now that they are older, they don't need a big hoopla--but they still should be recognized!

Oh WW3 that is what I am going through with my ex and Jr Minks as well, she has been made to feel like she does not have a father.

Yay for my family.