Wrap them all up in cotton wool¦.

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:17 am

What are they doing to our kids these days?

My daughter recently had her birthday while we were away on vacation, and because we were away she did not have a party but we promised she could have one when we got back. So we are now planning it and one thing my daughter enjoys doing is making her own party invitations.

Now we are told that the school has made a new rule that kids are not allowed to give out invitations at school anymore because it may hurt the feeling of other children who are not invited. How ridiculous is that!

They just want to wrap the kids in cotton wool to protect them from any disappointments, when in reality life is full of disappointments. They are doing them no favours in life.

We keep moving to more and more of a politically correct society where we are being governed as a whole by the fear of offending the few.

It is insane.

:-5

el guapo · Post by **el guapo** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:21 am

next it will be no x mas cards................crazy

SlipStream · Post by **SlipStream** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:21 am

yeah that's bout right.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:28 am

Mike, how old is your daughter? If we're talking high school, then I agree with you that it's ridiculous and too PC but if she's a little girl that may be slightly different. I remember having Valentines Day parties at school and how we all had paper sacks lined up by the blackboard and we'd have to take turns walking up there and depositing valentine cards into every student's sack. The less popular kids got fewer. I remember how much it stung when a kid would walk past my bag without putting a valentine in it. If your girl is older though, I agree with you about handling disappointments. You have to learn sometime.

grh · Post by **grh** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:08 am

Ours has a rule that you can give out invites to all your classmates or just the boys or just the girls. If you want to do something else, you are simply asked to mail them or deliver them away from the school.

When my daughter didn't want to invite another girl in her class, I asked her how she'd feel if 'she' were the only one not to get invited to someone elses party. She's only 8, but she 'got' it.

I can't control how the other parents behave and teach their children to treat each other. I can attempt to teach my daughter how I think she should be treating others.

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:40 am

I am not unsympathetic to the other kids, but we can’t keep on imposing rules on everyone because some kid is not invited to a party and feels hurt. Where does it stop?

I don’t think that the age matters, my daughter is friends with some kids in the class, and not so much with others, now she need to covertly go around and whisper in the ears of her friends that she is having a party.

It is my experience that when things become that way it becomes more offensive when communication is less direct, at least an invitation is open and straight, once the quite conversations start and things become less up front, people become more up set. The school has not solved anything at all, they are making it worse.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:03 am

I agree that this is out of order. Kids need to learn what real life is like otherwise they grow up with completely unreal expectations that there is no competition in the workplace, that everyone must get on all the time. etc

I was always one of the last to be picked for teams when playing any sport, I was never the popular kid that everyone wanted to be friends with. It made me more compassionate towards others in that position - not a bad thing imo.

The lesson that the kids will learn from this is that they will have to be deceiptful when it comes to inviting their friends around to avoid hurt feelings - how can that be good?

grh · Post by **grh** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:21 am

Imladris;732660 wrote: I agree that this is out of order. Kids need to learn what real life is like otherwise they grow up with completely unreal expectations that there is no competition in the workplace, that everyone must get on all the time. etc

I was always one of the last to be picked for teams when playing any sport, I was never the popular kid that everyone wanted to be friends with. It made me more compassionate towards others in that position - not a bad thing imo.

The lesson that the kids will learn from this is that they will have to be deceiptful when it comes to inviting their friends around to avoid hurt feelings - how can that be good?

I don't think you have to ask the kids to be deceitful at all. You can drop invites into the mail, drop them at the homes or even call them up. I would no more allow my daughter to walk into a room full of kids and invite all but one or two to something then I would walk into a department at work and ask 4 out of the 5 people in the room to go grab lunch with me. To me that would just be rude.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:26 am

grh;732663 wrote: I don't think you have to ask the kids to be deceitful at all. You can drop invites into the mail, drop them at the homes or even call them up. I would no more allow my daughter to walk into a room full of kids and invite all but one or two to something then I would walk into a department at work and ask 4 out of the 5 people in the room to go grab lunch with me. To me that would just be rude.

I agree wholeheartedly I would not do that either but then you and I (and others) were brought up to have good manners and consider the feelings of others - not everyone is that lucky

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:40 am

She didn't invite me............

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 10:34 am

grh;732663 wrote: I don't think you have to ask the kids to be deceitful at all. You can drop invites into the mail, drop them at the homes or even call them up. I would no more allow my daughter to walk into a room full of kids and invite all but one or two to something then I would walk into a department at work and ask 4 out of the 5 people in the room to go grab lunch with me. To me that would just be rude.

True, but what if you were to ask 8 out of 30, would that still be rude? or would you feel you needed to invite the full 30 so you won't hurt their feelings? Or maybe the company should come out with a policy that if people at work are to becomes friends, that they are required to be friends with everyone or no one at all so that no one feels left out.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 10:47 am

At my kids school their allowed to take invites into school. When they were very young, we had big parties for them and allowed them to ask all their class friends. One year My eldest had 38 at a soft ball party. Some didnt invite her to theirs due to number restrictions and she was fine about it. My girls generally got invited to the parties but if they didnt, I just explained that they cant get invited to everyone and the reasons why. Now they are 9 and 8 its just a handful of mates for bowling or pictures and a meal afterwards so alot easier to set up without involving school.

I understand the points made about kids feelings getting hurt but I agree with the op and that were setting them up for a big fall by wrapping them up to well. They are going to face lots of rejections in later years, this is a relatively soft way to introduce them to that.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 10:50 am

I dunno, when I was a kid everyone would invite just their friends to their house for parties, there were always going to be kids in your class that you didn't care for or just didn't know very well or whatever. I understand not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings but come on, real life doesn't work that way. :rolleyes:

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:23 pm

I have to agree with the OP, you cannot raise your kids in such an environment and expect them to succeed in life. If kids do not learn to deal with let downs and rejections at a young age, it's not gonna be any easier when they reach adulthood.

grh · Post by **grh** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:51 pm

mikeinie;732857 wrote: True, but what if you were to ask 8 out of 30, would that still be rude? or would you feel you needed to invite the full 30 so you won't hurt their feelings? Or maybe the company should come out with a policy that if people at work are to becomes friends, that they are required to be friends with everyone or no one at all so that no one feels left out.

To me, rude is rude. If I want to invite 8 out of 30, there is nothing to stop me from using alternate delivery methods. To me, it would be rude if I sent my daughter into the classroom to hand out invitations to a chosen few while walking past the unchosen. I don't raise her to do things that I consider rude. You obviously don't consider it rude. That's fine. We have a difference of opinion that I can live with.

If I want to go to lunch with specific members of a department, I call them or email them privately. Once again, I would consider it rude to walk into a department - invite several people and exclude anyone. So I would not do it. You may not consider it rude. That's fine. We have a difference of opinion that I can live with.

I think the difference in our views on this subject is that while you are looking at it as not teaching kids to take disappointment, I view it as teaching kids to be considerate of their classmates. And while I can agree with your view when it comes to things like not having scores in little league baseball and other competitive situations, I'm sorry, but I just don't in this instance.