ForumGarden

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy

One is to take her shopping.

The rest is 69.

good jokes Chezzie:D

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close his casket.

Hi Kaz !! How's things ? :-6

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman's home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet, and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there. Aaron decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know.

When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done.

''Aaron, The carpet lookes wonderful!'' she exclaimed. ''Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, and by the way, have you seen my gerbil?''

Knock knock,

Who's there?

Little old lady.

Little old lady who ?

Ooooh, I didn't know you could yodle !! :wah::wah:

G#Gill;937141 wrote: Hi Kaz !! How's things ? :-6 :)not too bad Gil thanks:)

The poor gerbil:p

Kathy Ellen;936535 wrote: ((((((((((Kay))))))))))))))



I am soooo sorry about your bil....that is so tragic.....all my loving throughts are with you now:-4:-4


Thanks Kathy:-4

Good morning everyone:-6

Kaz is it today your dad comes home.....i get the days confused with this time difference:-3

Hi Kay, I think Kaz will be watching BB now. :rolleyes:

G#Gill;937222 wrote: Hi Kay, I think Kaz will be watching BB now. :rolleyes:


ok thanks Gill and Hi:-6

off to have a bath and get dressed:-6

Write Away

What can I do?, I've locked up my computer,

the toilet's plugged, call motor-rooter.

Tell them hurry, my manuscript is due today,

why did they say to tell me "write away?"

I'm already doing that, I'm trying to type,

now it smells like the bathroom's ripe.

I hope they fix the toilet quick,

and why did this computer have to get sick?

I've got four more hours to get this all done,

and I thought that writing was supposed to be fun.

I see the work crew, they're here at last,

oh no, they just drove right on past.

Here's my keys, catch them with my car,

and let them know just where we are.

They wouldn't have passed if they had followed their nose,

nothing in here smells like any rose.

I finally got through to the computer technician,

his machine's message said he had went fishin'.

I called another one up and he said "write away",

how does everyone know what I'm doing today.

If I hear those two words one more time ,

when they're done they won't get one dime.

Everything is fine now, and they've got their pay,

I'll beat my deadline if I mail this - "right away."

Hi ya Cheezie:-6

Morning All:-4:-6

It is actually raining here this morning,a rare event.:wah:

It is Friday how the weeks are flying by,soon be xmas:-5

Sports day today,so bring on the rain I say.

Love Is

by Wendy Flora

Every "I love you" is a promise.

A promise to stand by you,

Whatever the odds,

Whatever the outcome,

Whatever the cost.

Every "I love you" is a pact.

A sworn oath to stick by each other,

To be there for each other, no matter what

Personal sacrifice is necessary, and no matter what

Consequences may befall.

Every "I love you" has nothing to do

With touches,

Or kisses,

Or sweet nothings whispered in an attentive ear.

"I love you" is more than all these things.

It means loyalty

And honor

And trust

Without the expectation of the same in return.

So, my friend, knowing this,

Know also that I love you.

Lovely poem MrsK1:-4



Very cold here but no rain yet

ok I am off now nobody about:-6

Hi Kay sorry I am here, was on inch eye private eye work:sneaky:

Hope your ok babes xxxxxxxx:-4

hi EVERYBODY :-4

well i got on here at 11pm so only 30mins to read back this time

theres been some good stuff posted on here today.

not going to be here long, had a long old day myself.

well, i got the all clear at the hospital this afternoon !! ( thought i was going to have to swim there at one stage, the rain has been so bad :-2 )

the voice is nerve damage and should settle down eventually. the problem with my eye and the double vision was a bit of a mystery to him but he's going to get me to see an eye specialist to see if it can be sorted.

i stiil have to take it easy for another couple of weeks,

i've had this since 1983 with a bit of a break when i had my first op, now perhaps i can get on with the rest of my life.

just one more appoinment in october with the urologist to check on my kidneys then thats it thank god !!

Helen;937374 wrote: hi EVERYBODY :-4

well i got on here at 11pm so only 30mins to read back this time

theres been some good stuff posted on here today.

not going to be here long, had a long old day myself.

well, i got the all clear at the hospital this afternoon !! ( thought i was going to have to swim there at one stage, the rain has been so bad :-2 )

the voice is nerve damage and should settle down eventually. the problem with my eye and the double vision was a bit of a mystery to him but he's going to get me to see an eye specialist to see if it can be sorted.

i stiil have to take it easy for another couple of weeks,

i've had this since 1983 with a bit of a break when i had my first op, now perhaps i can get on with the rest of my life.

just one more appoinment in october with the urologist to check on my kidneys then thats it thank god !!


Great news Helen , lets hope your feeling much better real soon x

Chezzie;937378 wrote: Great news Helen , lets hope your feeling much better real soon x
hi chezz,

you've no idea how much better im feeling, it sort of happened over this last couple of days and todays news has made it even better :-6

mrsK;937292 wrote: Morning All:-4:-6

It is actually raining here this morning,a rare event.:wah:

It is Friday how the weeks are flying by,soon be xmas:-5

Sports day today,so bring on the rain I say.

Love Is

by Wendy Flora

Every "I love you" is a promise.

A promise to stand by you,

Whatever the odds,

Whatever the outcome,

Whatever the cost.

Every "I love you" is a pact.

A sworn oath to stick by each other,

To be there for each other, no matter what

Personal sacrifice is necessary, and no matter what

Consequences may befall.

Every "I love you" has nothing to do

With touches,

Or kisses,

Or sweet nothings whispered in an attentive ear.

"I love you" is more than all these things.

It means loyalty

And honor

And trust

Without the expectation of the same in return.

So, my friend, knowing this,

Know also that I love you.


Aww H. that's lovely :-4:-4

Helen;937374 wrote: hi EVERYBODY :-4

well i got on here at 11pm so only 30mins to read back this time

theres been some good stuff posted on here today.

not going to be here long, had a long old day myself.

well, i got the all clear at the hospital this afternoon !! ( thought i was going to have to swim there at one stage, the rain has been so bad :-2 )

the voice is nerve damage and should settle down eventually. the problem with my eye and the double vision was a bit of a mystery to him but he's going to get me to see an eye specialist to see if it can be sorted.

i stiil have to take it easy for another couple of weeks,

i've had this since 1983 with a bit of a break when i had my first op, now perhaps i can get on with the rest of my life.

just one more appoinment in october with the urologist to check on my kidneys then thats it thank god !!


Hi Helen, good news Mrs. but is that why you are doing double shifts then ? The doc would have a hissy fit Mrs. :-5

Helen;937384 wrote: hi chezz,

you've no idea how much better im feeling, it sort of happened over this last couple of days and todays news has made it even better :-6


I can see your happier in the way your posting babe, your a funny lady and im glad to see you smiling again (yanno what i mean lol):-4

G#Gill;937395 wrote: Hi Helen, good news Mrs. but is that why you are doing double shifts then ? The doc would have a hissy fit Mrs. :-5


hi gill,

you'd be bloody proud of me tonight i came home at 5pm, fed the dog ( who'd spent the afternoon with his favorite auntie tracy :rolleyes: so he didnt need walking ) and went down to get something to eat. while i was waiting for it to be cooked, i folded some wrapping paper for some " eat now " chips.

oh arnt you working tonight asks the boss, i think lack of uniform must have given her some sort of hint:rolleyes:, so i said no, i came in at 8am and did the spuds, ive just this minit walked in the door, im tired and hungry.

all she could say was...... oh ok then.............

Chezzie;937278 wrote: Write Away

What can I do?, I've locked up my computer,

the toilet's plugged, call motor-rooter.

Tell them hurry, my manuscript is due today,

why did they say to tell me "write away?"

I'm already doing that, I'm trying to type,

now it smells like the bathroom's ripe.

I hope they fix the toilet quick,

and why did this computer have to get sick?

I've got four more hours to get this all done,

and I thought that writing was supposed to be fun.

I see the work crew, they're here at last,

oh no, they just drove right on past.

Here's my keys, catch them with my car,

and let them know just where we are.

They wouldn't have passed if they had followed their nose,

nothing in here smells like any rose.

I finally got through to the computer technician,

his machine's message said he had went fishin'.

I called another one up and he said "write away",

how does everyone know what I'm doing today.

If I hear those two words one more time ,

when they're done they won't get one dime.

Everything is fine now, and they've got their pay,

I'll beat my deadline if I mail this - "right away."


Ha ha Chezzie, nice one chuck !

Evening all:-4



Helen...so glad you're feeling a bit better. Would ya pass over some of those chips with vinegal and salt:-4 yummy...

Kathy Ellen;937430 wrote: Evening all:-4



Helen...so glad you're feeling a bit better. Would ya pass over some of those chips with vinegal and salt:-4 yummy...


comin right up :wah:

right im orf................. nearly 1am and i said i wouldnt be here long:rolleyes:

take care all, cyas tomorrow :-4

just noticed only five more posts and ive reached 2000...............

NO.............. im going, will do it in the morning !!

Helen;937442 wrote: just noticed only five more posts and ive reached 2000...............

NO.............. im going, will do it in the morning !!


Hi Kathy !!! :-6 :-4

Night night Helen, sleep well Mrs. So pleased for you that you feel so much brighter, and more chirpy !! :-6 :-4

Night night and day day to all my lovely friends XXX

Hi Guys...just got back.First fings first.

Im proud of you guys today as theres some good reading here today and some great gags Chez;)One fing bothers me though...........our Kaz is not herself and I know her......shes down guys.........and I hate seeing her like this.We gotta give our lovely friend a big smile and get her to post as quite honestly I know it got to her yesterday and she dont deserve all what is being thrown at her right now from all directions.You girls have seen her posts today........thats not Kaz.Well heres a hug just for me lovely mate(((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

HEY KAZ, WHERE ARE YA MY FRIEND? SENDING YOU LOADS OF SUNSHINE AND HUGS FROM DA BEACH:-4

Carolly;937459 wrote: Hi Guys...just got back.First fings first.

Im proud of you guys today as theres some good reading here today and some great gags Chez;)One fing bothers me though...........our Kaz is not herself and I know her......shes down guys.........and I hate seeing her like this.We gotta give our lovely friend a big smile and get her to post as quite honestly I know it got to her yesterday and she dont deserve all what is being thrown at her right now from all directions.You girls have seen her posts today........thats not Kaz.Well heres a hug just for me lovely mate(((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Hi Carol, I'm supposed to be in bed !! But I was just having a quick flit round and I saw you post.

You know what Kaz is like, she told me a while ago that when she's upset, she goes quiet but she comes out of it soon enough (she said ). I have told Kaz that if I'm not around and nobody else is either, she can text me and if I can I will come on either the thread or MSN, no problems. As you see she came on briefly earlier before BB, and I noticed that she was doing something in her control panel so I called her on MSN but she didn't come back to me. You can't make somebody post if they just want to be left quiet, neither can you make them send a text, You just have to wait and hope they're OK, or send them a text, if you've got their number.

Whilst we are on the subject, where is young Chris ? He hasn't posted anywhere on here for about 6 weeks now, I hope he's OK.

Well back from my shopping:)

hugs to Kaz :yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs

So happy to hear your on the mend Helen:D

Carolly;936428 wrote: Ok thought we all needed a laugh other than looking in the mirror:sneaky::-5


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

G#Gill;936592 wrote: Hi there Hope, good to see you takin a break from the fields Mrs !! :-6


Hi Gill! :-4

yeah it rained a bit today so i got a break!

how are you sweetheart? :-4

WE LOVE YOU KAZ!! :-4

:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs

Kathy Ellen;937464 wrote: HEY KAZ, WHERE ARE YA MY FRIEND? SENDING YOU LOADS OF SUNSHINE AND HUGS FROM DA BEACH:-4






Nice one Kathy.....Kaz will like that;)

Hi everyone! :-4

Kay, so sorry about you're BIL! :-4

Chezzie, some great stuff on here babe! :-4

Helen, glad you're doing better darlin! :-4

Hope6;937484 wrote: WE LOVE YOU KAZ!!

:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs
Thanks Sis.....gawd its bringing tears to my eyes....gawd knows how Kaz will feel;)

I've got a thread up over in the chit chat where i'm giving away casino money!

do any of you play? :-6

G#Gill;937466 wrote: Hi Carol, I'm supposed to be in bed !! But I was just having a quick flit round and I saw you post.

You know what Kaz is like, she told me a while ago that when she's upset, she goes quiet but she comes out of it soon enough (she said ). I have told Kaz that if I'm not around and nobody else is either, she can text me and if I can I will come on either the thread or MSN, no problems. As you see she came on briefly earlier before BB, and I noticed that she was doing something in her control panel so I called her on MSN but she didn't come back to me. You can't make somebody post if they just want to be left quiet, neither can you make them send a text, You just have to wait and hope they're OK, or send them a text, if you've got their number.

Whilst we are on the subject, where is young Chris ? He hasn't posted anywhere on here for about 6 weeks now, I hope he's OK.Gill what????What has making them sending you a text got to do with anyfing for a startGill shes not posting in her normal manner because she is hurt and upset its that simple and because Kaz has got so many RL probs she is feeling let down by this thread.........and I dont blame her.Ive gone through why yesterday more than once and not going to again.The point is this...........whats gone is gone and the important thing is to get our Kaz back here with her lovely posts and being her normal self again.Ive known Kaz longer than anybody on this thread and I have never seen her this low and peed off.....shes feeling let down.....lets all try to put that right;)

Hope6;937489 wrote: I've got a thread up over in the chit chat where i'm giving away casino money!

do any of you play? :-6


yea I do but I dont need any money:sneaky:

I miss young Chris too

kayleneaussie;937516 wrote: yea I do but I dont need any money:sneaky:


thats great Sis! :guitarist

Hope6;937489 wrote: I've got a thread up over in the chit chat where i'm giving away casino money!

do any of you play? :-6What do you mean you give away casino money..........what you upto Sis............oh fgs the mind boggles:sneaky: