Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Okay, then could you tell me what I have to do to become an optimist? And how long will it take, will it be painful and what words will I have to use? Thank you.
Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers...Rainer Maria Rilke
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
ArnoldLayne wrote: How much deeper ,do you think, would our oceans be without all those sponges :rolleyes:
PMSL!!!
that struck my funny bone.
PMSL!!!
that struck my funny bone.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
ArnoldLayne wrote: How much deeper ,do you think, would our oceans be without all those sponges :rolleyes:
This is an interesting question that has puzzled no one of any consequence for any length of time. However, I shall endevour to research your brain teaser and come back to you on it. I would prefer questions that are more humiliating for the person posing them, but I will work with what I am given.
This is an interesting question that has puzzled no one of any consequence for any length of time. However, I shall endevour to research your brain teaser and come back to you on it. I would prefer questions that are more humiliating for the person posing them, but I will work with what I am given.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Galbally wrote: This is an interesting question that has puzzled no one of any consequence for any length of time. However, I shall endevour to research your brain teaser and come back to you on it. I would prefer questions that are more humiliating for the person posing them, but I will work with what I am given.
Ann Landers was never so fussy.
Ann Landers was never so fussy.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
theia wrote: Okay, then could you tell me what I have to do to become an optimist? And how long will it take, will it be painful and what words will I have to use? Thank you..
If you were an American Theia, it might be possible to help you on this, however, you are British and therefore will always be miserable no matter what you manage to achieve before you inevitably die. It might be possible to change your nationality and move to somewhere sunny like California or Australia, this has worked in the past, though it usually takes several generations before the misery gene is worked out. I think it would be better for you if you learned the art of accepting your fate. It would be my advice to listen to Pink Floyd, watch Ken Loach films, and read "The Wasteland" by T.S. Elliot. You will remain pessimistic, but you will come to understand that optimism is really only pessimism minus any life experience and you will become happier with your lot in life.
If you were an American Theia, it might be possible to help you on this, however, you are British and therefore will always be miserable no matter what you manage to achieve before you inevitably die. It might be possible to change your nationality and move to somewhere sunny like California or Australia, this has worked in the past, though it usually takes several generations before the misery gene is worked out. I think it would be better for you if you learned the art of accepting your fate. It would be my advice to listen to Pink Floyd, watch Ken Loach films, and read "The Wasteland" by T.S. Elliot. You will remain pessimistic, but you will come to understand that optimism is really only pessimism minus any life experience and you will become happier with your lot in life.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
-
orangesox1
- Posts: 995
- Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 1:38 am
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
I like my bedroom nice and tidy but I hate having to make my bed. What can I do to make bed making more enjoyable
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
minks wrote: Ann Landers was never so fussy.
Thank you Minks, of course I welcome all comments on the standard of this advice column, though I reserve the right to not listen to any advice whatsoever myself. I have never heard of this woman, though she probably had an advantage over me in that she actually felt some compassion toward the people she was giving advice to. Nevertheless, I will endevour to appear to be more nice and sincere in future if my indifference to peoples' pain in any way upsets you.
Thank you Minks, of course I welcome all comments on the standard of this advice column, though I reserve the right to not listen to any advice whatsoever myself. I have never heard of this woman, though she probably had an advantage over me in that she actually felt some compassion toward the people she was giving advice to. Nevertheless, I will endevour to appear to be more nice and sincere in future if my indifference to peoples' pain in any way upsets you.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
orangesox1 wrote: I like my bedroom nice and tidy but I hate having to make my bed. What can I do to make bed making more enjoyable
There are several ways of doing this. The most effective is to pay someone else who is hard up a very small amount of money to do it for you and make fun of their pathetic career choice while they do it. Another would be to simply fashion a suit from your bedclothes and wear it at all times awake or asleep, therefore all you would need to do at bedtime is to fluff the pillows a bit. Though I would prefer the first option myself.
There are several ways of doing this. The most effective is to pay someone else who is hard up a very small amount of money to do it for you and make fun of their pathetic career choice while they do it. Another would be to simply fashion a suit from your bedclothes and wear it at all times awake or asleep, therefore all you would need to do at bedtime is to fluff the pillows a bit. Though I would prefer the first option myself.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Galbally wrote: .
If you were an American Theia, it might be possible to help you on this, however, you are British and therefore will always be miserable no matter what you manage to achieve before you inevitably die. It might be possible to change your nationality and move to somewhere sunny like California or Australia, this has worked in the past, though it usually takes several generations before the misery gene is worked out. I think it would be better for you if you learned the art of accepting your fate. It would be my advice to listen to Pink Floyd, watch Ken Loach films, and read "The Wasteland" by T.S. Elliot. You will remain pessimistic, but you will come to understand that optimism is really only pessimism minus any life experience and you will become happier with your lot in life.
Thank you, muse...I shall now go and celebrate my pessimism...all being well, of course, and unless anything untoward happens to stop me...and, well, it won't exactly be a celebration (I should be so lucky)...
If you were an American Theia, it might be possible to help you on this, however, you are British and therefore will always be miserable no matter what you manage to achieve before you inevitably die. It might be possible to change your nationality and move to somewhere sunny like California or Australia, this has worked in the past, though it usually takes several generations before the misery gene is worked out. I think it would be better for you if you learned the art of accepting your fate. It would be my advice to listen to Pink Floyd, watch Ken Loach films, and read "The Wasteland" by T.S. Elliot. You will remain pessimistic, but you will come to understand that optimism is really only pessimism minus any life experience and you will become happier with your lot in life.
Thank you, muse...I shall now go and celebrate my pessimism...all being well, of course, and unless anything untoward happens to stop me...and, well, it won't exactly be a celebration (I should be so lucky)...
Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers...Rainer Maria Rilke
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Galbally wrote: Thank you Minks, of course I welcome all comments on the standard of this advice column, though I reserve the right to not listen to any advice whatsoever myself. I have never heard of this woman, though she probably had an advantage over me in that she actually felt some compassion toward the people she was giving advice to. Nevertheless, I will endevour to appear to be more nice and sincere in future if my indifference to peoples' pain in any way upsets you.
No no you stated clearly at the start you lacked compassion 100% of the time you don't offend me hehehehehe
Ann Landers is a famous (I believe she lives on) angst columnist for many a decade in North America her and her sister Dear Abby did double duty in newspapers all across the continent. Very nice ladies.
No no you stated clearly at the start you lacked compassion 100% of the time you don't offend me hehehehehe
Ann Landers is a famous (I believe she lives on) angst columnist for many a decade in North America her and her sister Dear Abby did double duty in newspapers all across the continent. Very nice ladies.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
-
orangesox1
- Posts: 995
- Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 1:38 am
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Galbally wrote: There are several ways of doing this. The most effective is to pay someone else who is hard up a very small amount of money to do it for you and make fun of their pathetic career choice while they do it. Another would be to simply fashion a suit from your bedclothes and wear it at all times awake or asleep, therefore all you would need to do at bedtime is to fluff the pillows a bit. Though I would prefer the first option myself.
Will I still have to wash them if I'm wearing them
Will I still have to wash them if I'm wearing them
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
[QUOTE=minks]No no you stated clearly at the start you lacked compassion 100% of the time you don't offend me hehehehehe
Yes this is true, however, I said I would attempt to appear more genial if you prefer that sort of thing. However, you do not seem to mind, therefore I shall revert back to type. You wouldn't really want it any other way I think.
Yes this is true, however, I said I would attempt to appear more genial if you prefer that sort of thing. However, you do not seem to mind, therefore I shall revert back to type. You wouldn't really want it any other way I think.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Galbally wrote: [QUOTE=minks]No no you stated clearly at the start you lacked compassion 100% of the time you don't offend me hehehehehe
Yes this is true, however, I said I would attempt to appear more genial if you prefer that sort of thing. However, you do not seem to mind, therefore I shall revert back to type. You wouldn't really want it any other way I think.
Only if you allow me the odd laugh and gafaw I am happy with it all
Yes this is true, however, I said I would attempt to appear more genial if you prefer that sort of thing. However, you do not seem to mind, therefore I shall revert back to type. You wouldn't really want it any other way I think.
Only if you allow me the odd laugh and gafaw I am happy with it all
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
orangesox1 wrote: Will I still have to wash them if I'm wearing them
If you wish to participate in an active social life then occasional washing would be required. To this end you should create several bedclothes garments for yourself so that you do not have to go to the shops in your underwear.
If you wish to participate in an active social life then occasional washing would be required. To this end you should create several bedclothes garments for yourself so that you do not have to go to the shops in your underwear.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
minks wrote: [QUOTE=Galbally]
Only if you allow me the odd laugh and gafaw I am happy with it all
That is fine Minks, so all is well!
Only if you allow me the odd laugh and gafaw I am happy with it all
That is fine Minks, so all is well!
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Dear Dr, i have always tried to be ladylike and curtious in all i do, but i find that
since watching Gordon Ramsey in his nightmares series i have been swearing like a trooper!
I would value any advice you have to offer.
Yours sincerely Abbey.
since watching Gordon Ramsey in his nightmares series i have been swearing like a trooper!
I would value any advice you have to offer.
Yours sincerely Abbey.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
abbey wrote: Dear Dr, i have always tried to be ladylike and curtious in all i do, but i find that
since watching Gordon Ramsey in his nightmares series i have been swearing like a trooper!
I would value any advice you have to offer.
Yours sincerely Abbey.
I do not doubt that you are a lady, however, it is obvious that you are under the illusion that you are currently a mildly famous celebrity (perhaps one of the lesser known members of S Club 7)and beleive that you can act as you wish and everyone will still love you. I advise that you immeadiatly arrange an audition with the Judges of the "X Factor" to ascertain whether you have any talent. If you do then you must take on Open Univerity course in musicology. If you do not, then you have the prospect of a lucrative career in the British pop charts.
since watching Gordon Ramsey in his nightmares series i have been swearing like a trooper!
I would value any advice you have to offer.
Yours sincerely Abbey.
I do not doubt that you are a lady, however, it is obvious that you are under the illusion that you are currently a mildly famous celebrity (perhaps one of the lesser known members of S Club 7)and beleive that you can act as you wish and everyone will still love you. I advise that you immeadiatly arrange an audition with the Judges of the "X Factor" to ascertain whether you have any talent. If you do then you must take on Open Univerity course in musicology. If you do not, then you have the prospect of a lucrative career in the British pop charts.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
SnoozeControl wrote: Dear Dr Galbally,
I'm deeply distressed by Abbey's sexy avatar.
Thank you,
A recovering Danephobe
Yes I have also felt a little uncomfortable at that. However, we must be tolerant of anothers overt displays of rampant and uncontrollable sexuality. Though it may help to place a large "post-it" (sticky paper basically) over the area where the offending figure is normally to be seen. Or you could retaliate with an avatar that displays even more aggressive mating behaviour. I shall leave the choice up to you.
I'm deeply distressed by Abbey's sexy avatar.
Thank you,
A recovering Danephobe
Yes I have also felt a little uncomfortable at that. However, we must be tolerant of anothers overt displays of rampant and uncontrollable sexuality. Though it may help to place a large "post-it" (sticky paper basically) over the area where the offending figure is normally to be seen. Or you could retaliate with an avatar that displays even more aggressive mating behaviour. I shall leave the choice up to you.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
ArnoldLayne wrote: Gilbally, My life is full of mistakes and when I occasionally force myself to look in the mirror, all I see is a scowling individual . Can I start again ?
Yes Arnold, it is always possible to start again. You should first begin by spelling people's names more accuractly. Also, it is often helpful to develop outside interests to boost your confidence in your own abilities, therefore I suggest that you join a local school of Falconry as your mastery of these magnificent birds of prey will delude you into believing that the figure you see in the mirror is more akin to a dashing and devilish sea captain, rather than a disillusioned citizen of a post-industrial society.
Yes Arnold, it is always possible to start again. You should first begin by spelling people's names more accuractly. Also, it is often helpful to develop outside interests to boost your confidence in your own abilities, therefore I suggest that you join a local school of Falconry as your mastery of these magnificent birds of prey will delude you into believing that the figure you see in the mirror is more akin to a dashing and devilish sea captain, rather than a disillusioned citizen of a post-industrial society.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
I brought my wife to the airport this morning, shes taking a vacation in Florida with her sis. The house seems dead and cold and I miss her already. Any advise ?
I AM AWESOME MAN
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Nomad wrote: I brought my wife to the airport this morning, shes taking a vacation in Florida with her sis. The house seems dead and cold and I miss her already. Any advise ?
Yes, these feelings are completely normal and do not mean that you are going soft or anything. First switch on the heating, second locate some coloured light bulbs and replace your normal ones with them. This will create a pleasant atmosphere in the house, if you have pets get them all worked up and let them run around. Switch on the radio, the T.V. the car engine, and any novely dancing figurines that you possess. This will make the place feel less dead. Also, go onto the internet and see if you can locate any audio files of general background conversation. You can also use some old clothes to make an impression of your wife's body under the bedclothes, use a football and a wig to simulate her
head, thereby you can pretend that she is just taking a long nap for the next few days to relieve your angst. You will be fine.
Yes, these feelings are completely normal and do not mean that you are going soft or anything. First switch on the heating, second locate some coloured light bulbs and replace your normal ones with them. This will create a pleasant atmosphere in the house, if you have pets get them all worked up and let them run around. Switch on the radio, the T.V. the car engine, and any novely dancing figurines that you possess. This will make the place feel less dead. Also, go onto the internet and see if you can locate any audio files of general background conversation. You can also use some old clothes to make an impression of your wife's body under the bedclothes, use a football and a wig to simulate her
head, thereby you can pretend that she is just taking a long nap for the next few days to relieve your angst. You will be fine.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Galbally wrote: Yes, these feelings are completely normal and do not mean that you are going soft or anything. First switch on the heating, second locate some coloured light bulbs and replace your normal ones with them. This will create a pleasant atmosphere in the house, if you have pets get them all worked up and let them run around. Switch on the radio, the T.V. the car engine, and any novely dancing figurines that you possess. This will make the place feel less dead. Also, go onto the internet and see if you can locate any audio files of general background conversation. You can also use some old clothes to make an impression of your wife's body under the bedclothes, use a football and a wig to simulate her
head, thereby you can pretend that she is just taking a long nap for the next few days to relieve your angst. You will be fine.
Im on it ! Your a genius my friend ! A genius !!!
head, thereby you can pretend that she is just taking a long nap for the next few days to relieve your angst. You will be fine.
Im on it ! Your a genius my friend ! A genius !!!
I AM AWESOME MAN
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Galbally wrote: Yes, these feelings are completely normal and do not mean that you are going soft or anything. First switch on the heating, second locate some coloured light bulbs and replace your normal ones with them. This will create a pleasant atmosphere in the house, if you have pets get them all worked up and let them run around. Switch on the radio, the T.V. the car engine, and any novely dancing figurines that you possess. This will make the place feel less dead. Also, go onto the internet and see if you can locate any audio files of general background conversation. You can also use some old clothes to make an impression of your wife's body under the bedclothes, use a football and a wig to simulate her
head, thereby you can pretend that she is just taking a long nap for the next few days to relieve your angst. You will be fine.(choking) PMSL :wah: :wah:
Perlease Dear DR dont put idea's into his head, he'll be as daft as a brush when his other half gets home!
head, thereby you can pretend that she is just taking a long nap for the next few days to relieve your angst. You will be fine.(choking) PMSL :wah: :wah:
Perlease Dear DR dont put idea's into his head, he'll be as daft as a brush when his other half gets home!
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
ArnoldLayne wrote: Of course you are right but I type through hazy, tear stained eyes. Falcons are a little hard to come by here in my village. My local shop keeper stared blankly through me and suggested I shift my disillusioned post-industrial arse from his premises. This devilish sea captain look, I might add, just makes me look like Keith Richards. Even more reason not to look in the mirror.
I have however been practising the technique of holding my arm aloft, in anticipation.
You are a very funny man, in cases such as these, that is half the battle. Some of your more immeadiate unhappyness can be asuaged by throwing small stones at the local children's parties from a hidden spot. This has the added bonus that you do not need to join a local sporting club to engage in such activities. Also starting wild rumours about the parish vicar's connections to the Finish mafia can be a source of solace in dark times.
I have however been practising the technique of holding my arm aloft, in anticipation.
You are a very funny man, in cases such as these, that is half the battle. Some of your more immeadiate unhappyness can be asuaged by throwing small stones at the local children's parties from a hidden spot. This has the added bonus that you do not need to join a local sporting club to engage in such activities. Also starting wild rumours about the parish vicar's connections to the Finish mafia can be a source of solace in dark times.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
abbey wrote: (choking) PMSL :wah: :wah:
Perlease Dear DR dont put idea's into his head, he'll be as daft as a brush when his other half gets home!
If this turns out to be the case, I shall be on hand to offer her advice on how to deal with spouses who end up mad as a lorry, through taking dubious Internet advice columns too seriously. i would also submit that this is an a fairly modest and temperate example of the advice that I have been giving out.
Perlease Dear DR dont put idea's into his head, he'll be as daft as a brush when his other half gets home!
If this turns out to be the case, I shall be on hand to offer her advice on how to deal with spouses who end up mad as a lorry, through taking dubious Internet advice columns too seriously. i would also submit that this is an a fairly modest and temperate example of the advice that I have been giving out.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
ArnoldLayne wrote: Now I'm in trouble. The police have informed me that they take a dim view of people making children cry and I must pay for some broken windows. Sven Hakkinan, our local minister has strangely dissapeared after a police raid on his house. They apparantly recovered evidence of Christmas present rackateering and last night I discovered a reindeers head under my sheets.
Myself and my fellow villagers, are begining to question whether taking any further advice from your good self, may no longer be prudent given the turmoil and bad feeling raging amongst my neighbours
What is your advice as to the continuation of advice from youYou think YOU'VE got it bad? i took the docs advice and now i have that shortarse simon cowell making me shorten all his trousers (said he'd make me a star!)
Myself and my fellow villagers, are begining to question whether taking any further advice from your good self, may no longer be prudent given the turmoil and bad feeling raging amongst my neighbours
What is your advice as to the continuation of advice from youYou think YOU'VE got it bad? i took the docs advice and now i have that shortarse simon cowell making me shorten all his trousers (said he'd make me a star!)
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
ArnoldLayne wrote: Now I'm in trouble. The police have informed me that they take a dim view of people making children cry and I must pay for some broken windows. Sven Hakkinan, our local minister has strangely dissapeared after a police raid on his house. They apparantly recovered evidence of Christmas present rackateering and last night I discovered a reindeers head under my sheets.
Myself and my fellow villagers, are begining to question whether taking any further advice from your good self, may no longer be prudent given the turmoil and bad feeling raging amongst my neighbours
What is your advice as to the continuation of advice from you
I would advise that you seek no further advice from me in these difficult and unfortunate matters, however that advice is in itself more advice and should be disregarded.
As for the children, I told you to hide first so you only have yourself to blame, and do not worry about the Fins you can make a small payment to the Norwegians for adeqaute protection. You can then continue to surrepticiously blacken the ill-fated holyman's name in his absence, I suggest using small notices at the local bus stop to achieve this aim.
Myself and my fellow villagers, are begining to question whether taking any further advice from your good self, may no longer be prudent given the turmoil and bad feeling raging amongst my neighbours
What is your advice as to the continuation of advice from you
I would advise that you seek no further advice from me in these difficult and unfortunate matters, however that advice is in itself more advice and should be disregarded.
As for the children, I told you to hide first so you only have yourself to blame, and do not worry about the Fins you can make a small payment to the Norwegians for adeqaute protection. You can then continue to surrepticiously blacken the ill-fated holyman's name in his absence, I suggest using small notices at the local bus stop to achieve this aim.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
abbey wrote: You think YOU'VE got it bad? i took the docs advice and now i have that shortarse simon cowell making me shorten all his trousers (said he'd make me a star!)
Do not complain, how do you think the Beatles got their big break? In fact I see this as an excellent opportunuity for you, as being Mr Cowell's personal tailoress you will have access to his dressing room. Use any time you have alone in that room to rewrite his scoring cards to ensure that "The Conway Sisters" are sentenced to immeadiate public execution after saturday's show. Your country will subsequently honour you for ridding it of these warbling banshees from Sligo, in fact you will probably be made the Honoury President of the Republic of Ireland for good measure.
Do not complain, how do you think the Beatles got their big break? In fact I see this as an excellent opportunuity for you, as being Mr Cowell's personal tailoress you will have access to his dressing room. Use any time you have alone in that room to rewrite his scoring cards to ensure that "The Conway Sisters" are sentenced to immeadiate public execution after saturday's show. Your country will subsequently honour you for ridding it of these warbling banshees from Sligo, in fact you will probably be made the Honoury President of the Republic of Ireland for good measure.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
ArnoldLayne wrote: Hes saving money to pay for his new teeth. Everybody thinks his waist line is very high but it is an optical illusion since he had plastic surgery to lower his nipples by 6 inches
I am not in a position to answer any questions regarding Mr. Cowell's person.
I am not in a position to answer any questions regarding Mr. Cowell's person.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
ArnoldLayne wrote: I have taken your advice and decided to not seek any more advice and have completly disregarded it. So...
Confusion. How should I deal with it, will it stay with me, and will I recieve more of it. Will I know, given my confused state ?
Do not be alarmed, you are currently undergoing what is known as a state of quantum flux. This is a similar situation faced by Schrodinger's cat in the famous thought experiment. I shall arrange that the probability wave associated with your current imposition is collapsed and you will be right as rain. If you experience any feelings of discomfort after the probabilty wave has collapsed, do not worry unduly as this is just some random quantum tunneling and will stop once all the other parallel universes (created by your decision to follow my advice) are destroyed. This should occur well within the Plank time (which is 0.000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 seconds) so you won't have to wait too long.
Confusion. How should I deal with it, will it stay with me, and will I recieve more of it. Will I know, given my confused state ?
Do not be alarmed, you are currently undergoing what is known as a state of quantum flux. This is a similar situation faced by Schrodinger's cat in the famous thought experiment. I shall arrange that the probability wave associated with your current imposition is collapsed and you will be right as rain. If you experience any feelings of discomfort after the probabilty wave has collapsed, do not worry unduly as this is just some random quantum tunneling and will stop once all the other parallel universes (created by your decision to follow my advice) are destroyed. This should occur well within the Plank time (which is 0.000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 seconds) so you won't have to wait too long.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Arnold, your quantum issues should have been solved by now. Therefore it is imperative that you deflect any feelings of rage toward you that other villagers are expressing. To this end I advise that you immeadiatly organize a charity comedy show and invite top London comics to attend. Tell the comics that their audience are all hardened members of Al Queda in deep cover. They will alter their material accordingly, and their calls for the destruction of the West and death to all infidels will cause a national debate on the ethics of London comics and enrage the villagers so much that they will forget their current antipathy toward you.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
ArnoldLayne wrote: Yes, alarm. My wife was quite alarmed when I suggested I was undergoing a state of quantum flux. She stormed off to bed, muttering something about bad language. It seemed like an AGE before the parallel universe collapsed but it left me feeling somewhat split down the middle and now I hear voices. Arnold said he can hear them too. Do you think either of us has anything to worry about ?
If we dont come to some sort of consensus, me and Arnold will just argue and that will all end in tears and that will just make me type badly. Arnold says hes sarting to tarp bradley two
Oh dear, it seems that something has gone amiss. It would appear that one of the alternate Arnolds has somehow escaped from the destruction of his universe, he may have slipped through the singulairty at the end of time. There is no need to immeadiatly panic. Just take a lemsip before bed and keep your socks on, as this generally does the trick. Once you awaken he should have been reassimilated into an anti-universe located somewhere west of Basingstoke. Once this has been achieved you may continue with the plan.
If we dont come to some sort of consensus, me and Arnold will just argue and that will all end in tears and that will just make me type badly. Arnold says hes sarting to tarp bradley two
Oh dear, it seems that something has gone amiss. It would appear that one of the alternate Arnolds has somehow escaped from the destruction of his universe, he may have slipped through the singulairty at the end of time. There is no need to immeadiatly panic. Just take a lemsip before bed and keep your socks on, as this generally does the trick. Once you awaken he should have been reassimilated into an anti-universe located somewhere west of Basingstoke. Once this has been achieved you may continue with the plan.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
SnoozeControl wrote: Er... is there anything interesting going on in here? I'm afraid I can't see the screen for all the post-its stuck on.:(It's ok snoozy i put my old Av back on, you can take the post-its off now :p
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
SnoozeControl wrote: Er... is there anything interesting going on in here? I'm afraid I can't see the screen for all the post-its stuck on.
Everything is fine, Abbey is arranging the public execution of a local Irish singing troupe and Arnolds quantum doppelganger will soon be banished to an anti-universe, following which he will continue his hate campaign against a missing Finnish clergyman. I am in complete control of the situation.
Abbey has also reassed the suggestive nature of her avatar.
I hope that your Danephobia is easing somewhat.
Everything is fine, Abbey is arranging the public execution of a local Irish singing troupe and Arnolds quantum doppelganger will soon be banished to an anti-universe, following which he will continue his hate campaign against a missing Finnish clergyman. I am in complete control of the situation.
Abbey has also reassed the suggestive nature of her avatar.
I hope that your Danephobia is easing somewhat.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Gall', what color dress should I wear this Sunday for church? I'm sure you must do fashion advice also.......................
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Betty Boop
- Posts: 16987
- Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 1:17 pm
- Location: The end of the World
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Dear Dr, being a recently divorced mother of two, I'm planning a trip to a night club this weekend, could you please advise me on how to behave in such an establishment and of course on what to wear!
It's been so long since I was allowed out to play, I've forgotton how!! Please help..........
It's been so long since I was allowed out to play, I've forgotton how!! Please help..........
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
SnoozeControl wrote: I've recently started seeing a charming motorcycle gang member that has a flowing blond beard and wears a helmet reminiscent of WWII german infantry with the charming addition of steer horns. I plan to overcome my Danephobia by facing it head on.
This is an interesting development. I am glad that you have found a new partner, however, do be careful around those helmet horns.
This is an interesting development. I am glad that you have found a new partner, however, do be careful around those helmet horns.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
chonsigirl wrote: Gall', what color dress should I wear this Sunday for church? I'm sure you must do fashion advice also.......................
Ok, before I begin I must warn you that I was out late last night and I had a fight with me girlfriend or maybe thats ex-girlfriend, so I am in an even more foul mood than usual. Anyway, that should not affect my personal judgement on the important area of fashion conciousnesses.
So as for what to wear, well......no I can't give any advice at the moment I need to go and throw darts at a picture of the young lady in question, that should calm me down after a few weeks.:-5
Ok, before I begin I must warn you that I was out late last night and I had a fight with me girlfriend or maybe thats ex-girlfriend, so I am in an even more foul mood than usual. Anyway, that should not affect my personal judgement on the important area of fashion conciousnesses.
So as for what to wear, well......no I can't give any advice at the moment I need to go and throw darts at a picture of the young lady in question, that should calm me down after a few weeks.:-5
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
I have resumed service at my advice column, as I have got over my recent lovelife problems mainly by throwings things around.
As to some earlier questions.
1. The levels of the oceans would fall 4 feet 11 inches if you took all the sponges out. I have been in touch with climate change experts to see if the extermination of the sponge race, might help fight climate change.
2. Sober dark clothes should be worn in church, unless it is one of those "Star Trek" churches where you should in that case dress like a Romulan.
3. Single moms should behave as little as possible when they go out, and they should dress like princesses, as being a single mom is hard work, and they deserve to have a laugh once in a while.
As to some earlier questions.
1. The levels of the oceans would fall 4 feet 11 inches if you took all the sponges out. I have been in touch with climate change experts to see if the extermination of the sponge race, might help fight climate change.
2. Sober dark clothes should be worn in church, unless it is one of those "Star Trek" churches where you should in that case dress like a Romulan.
3. Single moms should behave as little as possible when they go out, and they should dress like princesses, as being a single mom is hard work, and they deserve to have a laugh once in a while.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Galbally's Advice Column for FG.
Dr. Galbally, its 1st snow here so when I get to work snowballs will be flying. My boss whom I like very much can be Jeckyl or Hyde on any given day. Your guess is as good as mine. I would very much like to thwap her on the back of the head with a snowball but......should I ?
I AM AWESOME MAN