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:wah:

The Judgement



I have reveiwed the evidence provided and hearrd witness testimony. Of the two persons who have appeared in connection with this unfortunate series of events, the evidence indicates that Ms. R. Glitter had neither motive or opportunity to commit this crime. Thus, although I found some of her evidence highly questionable – especially in reference to nudity and/or bodystockings, I am required to discharge Ms. Glitter at this time without stain on her character.

Before I proceed, I have examined the testimony and exhibits produced in relation to “Gills' Knickers (Exhibit 13) and I find this to be a blatant attempt by Ms. Chezzie to pervert the course of justice. Accordingly, I have issued a warrant for her arrest.

Ms. T. Pheasant had both motive and opportunity to commit this despicable crime. By her own account she reached the scene of the crime well before Ms. Glitter, thus availing herself of ample time to carry out the substitution, thus she had opportunity. When I consider that Ms. Pheasant is a self-confessed member of The Church of the Holy Fruitcake and is, in fact, a missionary in that organisation, I find motive. This being the case, I cannot accept that this was only a prank. This is both a religious crime and an offence against Yuletide.

I cannot conceive of the distress caused to those who thought they were indulging in the age-old practice of kissing under the mistletoe, I extend my heartfelt sympathies to the unfortunate couple who were injured when the string holding this particular fruitcake broke. I hope they will not be in hospital too long.

Thus Ms. T. Pheasant had both motive and opportunity, the fact that an attempt to subvert myself in my duty to hear this case in an impartial fashion.

Testimony, evidence, motive and opportunity all point to the fact that Ms. T. Pheasant is guilty on all charges and I hereby find her guilty.

It now becomes my sad duty to sentence her for her part in this crime.

*The accused will stand*

Ms. T. Pheasant, you have been found guilty of stealing the FG mistletoe, replacing it with fruitcake, securing the said fruitcake unsafely, thereby contributing to the serious injury of two members in good standing (at least, they were) of FG. You have also been found guilty of the lesser charge of Baking a Fruitcake.

You are hereby sentenced to spend the full period of the Midwinter Festival as the fairy on top of your Christmas tree, you will be wired into that trees lights. For the period your magic wand will be de-activated.