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cherandbuster wrote: Oh thanks Minxy

I'm glad you find me funny :p


matched with the great av you bet I find you funny ... most refreshing.

Great to see you back where you belong Doc. I've missed the wit & charm.

If you see someone look at their watch and then you ask them the time, why do they always look at their watch again?

SnoozeControl wrote: Dr Galbally, I've developed another phobia... this time of a Welshman named Spot. He frightens me Doc, I nearly pee myself whenever I see a new post of his in here. Your cure for Daneophobia was so amazingly efficient that I hope you can provide another cure for this debiliatating mental illness of mine.

Thanks.


I'm not sure if that is a phobia or just common sense as any an called spot is bound to cause some concern, apart from his unfortunate name (like I can talk), his being welsh isn't a problem as welsh people are generally a nice bunch, and good singers, though their language (which is a celtic language like Irish but completely different just to confuse you) is a bit of a jaw-cracker and the use of constanants in welsh is a bit promiscuous. However, in particular in spots case just try some gentle excercise and eat as many leeks as possible for about two weeks, join a local choir, study the engineering involved in coal mining, and watch some replays of the glory days of 1970's welsh rugby and any innate irrational fears of any welshness may subside.

Dear Dr Galbally, What would the USA be like today if the south had won the civil war ?

minks wrote: Thank you G, said engineer suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder, seems he can not stay on task, assigning him anything involves constant monitoring and reminding. He is mostly interested in spending money and tweaking already perfect products and thus spending more. My hands just twitch madly when he is near, and I eye that tape gun with something equivalent to lust. Please G forgive me but I may have to break free and tape him up someplace out of harms way.

Regards... minks on the brink


Strange that, I actually knew a fella (really now) who was an engineer who had that problem, he was a nice bloke, but it did get out of hand for the poor bugger, I remember meeting him one day and he asked me if he could get lead poisoning from sucking on his pencil, which he was doing at the rate of about one pencil every two days. I told him that the lead in pencils is actually graphite and he was in no danger, it was a moment of pathos I suppose. If you do feel the need to selotape your man to something be sure to use duck tape as that always worked in the A-team when I was a kid, in fact it seemed to work for everything, from keeping Mr T in a plane to building a tank in a shed that only contained some tins, a blackboard, and old copies of penthouse, oh I miss the 80s sometimes.

cherandbuster wrote: Hey Dr. G

When you have a problematic situation, do you just talk to yourself about it?


No I generally just bring my dog for a walk and hope that it goes away, or if its really bad I ring an ex of mine, who works for a newspaper, and is much wiser and mature than myself. For example, she never advises me to use duck tape to solve my problems (well except when I actually need duck tape).

Uncle Kram wrote: Great to see you back where you belong Doc. I've missed the wit & charm.

If you see someone look at their watch and then you ask them the time, why do they always look at their watch again?


Lack of imagination perhaps?

Nomad wrote: Dear Dr Galbally, What would the USA be like today if the south had won the civil war ?


Interesting question that one, I think more properly scholarly historians have actually had a crack at that, saying things like you know, there would be several countries now instead of just one united states, that the southern slave states would have repealed slavery anyway as it was unviable in the modern world, that there would have been conflicts between all the seperate entities anyway etc etc, but lets just be a bit more imanigative.

I think that firstly, the bloke who played Uncle Jesse in the Dukes of Hazzard would now be president, that "Crazy" by Patsy Cline would be the National Anthem, that Mytle Beach would now be the national Capital, that Tennesee Willians would have written plays about French Canadians in Quebec in the middle of Winter, Gone with the Wind would have been about a guy in an air balloon gone wrong, and that woody allen would have immigrated. But everything else would be much the same. (Except for all the stuff that was different).

In a break from the norm I will ask you a question (as a sort of psychotherapy technique) what do you think America would be like now if Britain had beaten the Colonial army in the War of Independence?

Galbally wrote: Interesting question that one, I think more properly scholarly historians have actually had a crack at that, saying things like you know, there would be several countries now instead of just one united states, that the southern slave states would have repealed slavery anyway as it was unviable in the modern world, that there would have been conflicts between all the seperate entities anyway etc etc, but lets just be a bit more imanigative.



I think that firstly, the bloke who played Uncle Jesse in the Dukes of Hazzard would now be president, that "Crazy" by Patsy Cline would be the National Anthem, that Mytle Beach would now be the national Capital, that Tennesee Willians would have written plays about French Canadians in Quebec in the middle of Winter, Gone with the Wind would have been about a guy in an air balloon gone wrong, and that woody allen would have immigrated. But everything else would be much the same. (Except for all the stuff that was different).



In a break from the norm I will ask you a question (as a sort of psychotherapy technique) what do you think America would be like now if Britain had beaten the Colonial army in the War of Independence?




All frumpy and full of biscuits.

Nomad wrote: All frumpy and full of biscuits.


But whats the downside?

Galbally wrote: But whats the downside?




:wah: George Bush could have been your primey

Nomad wrote: :wah: George Bush could have been your primey


Whats a primey? Is that Prime Minister? Surely he would be your Prime Minister, and his name would be the Right Honourable Lord George Bush of Texania or something? What else, well you would have roundabouts all over the place, and you would be eating fish and chips out of a Wimpey instead of fries and a burger from Mucky D's, you would have 3 hour long live TV shows about badgers (if you think I'm joking, all I can say is I wish i was) instead of ones about crazed lunatics in malls with assault weapons (malls would be also be called shopping centres and assault weapons would be called naughty sticks, though you wouldn't be allowed to have them of course because they are naughty). When you got done by the cops they would say, "you've been a silly boy nomad, your nicked me old son,", instead of "Freeze, you have the right to remain something or other". You would all be playing soccer and supporting New York United or Boston Academicals instead of the Houston Bucceroos (who whoever it is that plays that mad game that you play are called), (I understand that this is upsetting, but the upside is that being British citizens it would be your inalienable right to beat the crap out of opposing soccer fans every saturday and this would tire you out and sort out the violence problems in society).

You would also have the right to get pissed down the pub on a regular basis without being called an alcoholic, though the beer would not be very good. Your soap operas would be about generally ordinary people doing the washing up and worrying about their gardens instead of oil tycoons and their tempestuous wives. You would have less problems with UFO's as they don't seem as bothered with abducting brits as opposed to Americans for some reason. At some stage it would also be inevitable that an American would marry into the Royal family and you could have Queen Britney the Third or something like that, Or maybe King Brad Dressler, thats snappy. You would also call your scientists Boffins, and they would smoke pipes, eat more peas, and have sideburns.

Generally you would also certainly eat more biscuits and be a bit more frumpy as well, you are completely correct there.

Dear Dr. G.



Are you in favor of head-butts?



Sincerely, Mrs. A



:-6

valerie wrote: Dear Dr. G.



Are you in favor of head-butts?



Sincerely, Mrs. A



:-6


Dear Mrs A., the head butt is a tried and tested means of attack, I wouldn't say I'm in favour of them, but they can be useful in a given situation. Now you may have seen recently Zinidine Zindane (french footballer) and his variation on the head butt, which was the chest butt, this is a useful option if you wish to do the buisness on someone without necessarily breaking their face, so there you are.



Regards

g

valerie wrote: Dear Dr. G.



Are you in favor of head-butts?



Sincerely, Mrs. A



:-6




This is about me isnt it ?

Is it Dr. ? Is she referring to me ?

Nomad wrote: This is about me isnt it ?

Is it Dr. ? Is she referring to me ?


Dr. G --

Is paranoia something you can catch from another person?

Every time I post after Nomad, I feel people are out to get me.

Dear Dr. G:

(so nice to see you!)

What should I cook for dinner tongiht? Any suggestions?

Nomad wrote: This is about me isnt it ?

Is it Dr. ? Is she referring to me ?


I'm not sure, you do seem to have a way with the ladies though.

cherandbuster wrote: Dr. G --

Is paranoia something you can catch from another person?

Every time I post after Nomad, I feel people are out to get me.


Paranoia is very contagious and is carried by a small creature known as bacillius imafraidofsomthingious. However, it can easily be cured by reading history books. Or if that fails then some roasted mushrooms are good, but not ones from the enchanted woods.

chonsigirl wrote: Dear Dr. G:

(so nice to see you!)

What should I cook for dinner tongiht? Any suggestions?


Hello CG, nice to hear from you again, may I suggest some pan fried medallions of pork with aspargus and wild rice, if you dont like meat then pesto pasta, with artichoke hearts and black olives?

Dr. G -

You are indeed a wise and learned man! If I was to extrapolate a bit, I'd say you were definitely tall, dark and quite handsome.

Am I right?

cherandbuster wrote: Dr. G -

You are indeed a wise and learned man! If I was to extrapolate a bit, I'd say you were definitely tall, dark and quite handsome.

Am I right?


You flatter me my dear woman, I am uncomfortable discussing my physical attributes (though I am not exactly shy), there is a picture of myself somewhere in the members photos so you can have your illusions either cofirmed or shattered depending on what you see, if your avatar is yourself then you seem like a very pretty woman, though that may not be you and may be some celebrity that I don't know about over here. In any case I have to go and walk my dog down by the river now before she starts eating through the fence again. Oh well.

It is me, my friend Galbally.

And I am going to walk my Buster as well. Catch you later, doc . . .

SnoozeControl wrote: I dunno if he's tall, but he's very attractive. Check out his profile, his photo is attached.


I'm liking this new avatar snooze, its your best yet. Thanks for the good word I shall be sending money as soon as I stop spending it all. I' m only 5'11 so thats not really tall, though not short either, so average for where I come from really, I have noticed that American guys tend to be bigger than us Irish lads, it must be the diet and the germanic blood lines, and btw you were very cute in that military outfit I must say, now lets get back to some meaty issues like spot and nomads obession with my alleged hot air ballon escapades.

Galbally wrote: Hello CG, nice to hear from you again, may I suggest some pan fried medallions of pork with aspargus and wild rice, if you dont like meat then pesto pasta, with artichoke hearts and black olives?




Dude that sounds good !

Er I mean dude,,,does that sound good ?

:wah: :wah: :wah: !

Arnold.. I'm afraid I too fall for this syndrome when faced by your posts. Perhaps Galbally can help us both. Frinstance, your signature line

If you dont stand for something, you will fall for anything

Why do I read this as

If you stand for something, please life the seat

Cracking post Arnie :wah:

(((((((((((((( Pinky ))))))))))))))

Me too, Honey !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And how !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clancy wrote: Dear Dr Galbally.



Or should that be Bonjour





Yesterday my "Firefox browser went all French on me, banners and all. Rather than panic, I went and made a sandwich (oueffs to be precise) Had I had a croissant in the bread bin, I would have felt even more cosmopolitan than I did at that given time.



My question is this. Should this occur again, do I go with, "zut alors! Ou-est le problem" or should I lapse into my native Glaswegian, kick the computer tower, and swear and growl at it as only we can.



.


I seem to remember that Billy Connolly had the answer to situations such as this. You need to glare at the computer and say in a loud gruff voice. "Gettifer ya bassa." This well known celtic phrase will have it quivering in its hard drive, otherwise known as, " ya nae such a hard drive na, are ye?"

SnoozeControl wrote: Is that a euphemism for your dangly bits?:-2


Not as such no.

Nomad wrote: Dude that sounds good !

Er I mean dude,,,does that sound good ?


Do I not like that?

Hello, arnold great to hear you in cracking form as always. Relying on the old standards I suggest that should snooze request any more double entredres that you give her one.

]

AussiePam wrote: Arnold.. I'm afraid I too fall for this syndrome when faced by your posts. Perhaps Galbally can help us both. Frinstance, your signature line

If you dont stand for something, you will fall for anything

Why do I read this as

If you stand for something, please life the seat


I think you meant "lift" ap, but your contributions are always valued. It helps me greatly when my patients decide to help each other, though of course the recriminations can take some time to end. But thats all part of the fun of being a misanthropic councellor (is that the right spelling for councellor?, it seems wrong, not that being unable to spell my one-word job description in anyway affects my professionalism).

Pinky wrote: WAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!! Pam you're you're so funny!

I needed a laugh - thanks hun.:-4


A need to laugh is often a sign that you have been watching too many post-modern comedy shows or are an Aston Villa supporter, neither of which are a great source of mirth and simply increase existential angst. I suggest that you might watch some Morcombe and Wise christmas specials for a couple of weeks on DVD, if this fails you could organize a death metal sing-a-long in an OAP's residence and record the ensuing pandemonium.

AussiePam wrote: (((((((((((((( Pinky ))))))))))))))

Me too, Honey !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And how !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I see you are also aflicted with a slight lack of fun at present, as you are in Australia I suggest that you get involved in a cane toad throwing competition with some non-nationals and make fun of their attempts to fling this little beasts in an their unprofessional manner. Or you could watch an episode of Emmerdale Farm if its available there and this will help you realize that things could be worse.

SnoozeControl wrote: Dear Dr Galbally,

Why am I always the butt of Arnold's jokes? I don't think I should have to bend over and take this abuse anymore.

Yours, Snooze


Hmmmmnnn, I wouldn't worry mild banter and light sexual tension are what actually make the world go round, and hard currency in exchangeable form as well of course.

Clancy wrote: Dear Dr Galbally.

Or should that be Bonjour



Yesterday my "Firefox browser went all French on me, banners and all. Rather than panic, I went and made a sandwich (oueffs to be precise) Had I had a croissant in the bread bin, I would have felt even more cosmopolitan than I did at that given time.

My question is this. Should this occur again, do I go with, "zut alors! Ou-est le problem" or should I lapse into my native Glaswegian, kick the computer tower, and swear and growl at it as only we can.



.


Knowing Glasgow as I do, I would ask that you don't intimidate the computer as it will probably commit cyber-suicide, but as an alternative sign up for a Berlioz course in intermediate french, or use internet explorer until firefox works out its issues with European nationalism, whichever you prefer.

Hugh Janus wrote: I seem to remember that Billy Connolly had the answer to situations such as this. You need to glare at the computer and say in a loud gruff voice. "Gettifer ya bassa." This well known celtic phrase will have it quivering in its hard drive, otherwise known as, " ya nae such a hard drive na, are ye?"


Quite.

What's the most interesting way to kill a vampire?

koan wrote: What's the most interesting way to kill a vampire?


very interesting question, I shall have to think about this.