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I received a call yesterday from my husband's uncle who happened to be at work when he called. He told me to call his wife and ask her what kind of feed, oops, food they needed so I could drop everything and run to the store and stock their fridge for them. I got busy and didn't do it, so he called me again and this time he told me I HAD to call her. After the second call I got rather teed off and called her, I asked what they NEEDED, no well I want ding dongs, twinkies, or junk food period. It would have to be real food. After I wrote the list of groceries she wanted me to get I asked why her husband called me twice from work when she could have taken her fat fingers and dialed my number herself, she isn't working and he didn't need to be disturbed at work from her wanting something that he couldn't get from her right away. I know it's not polite to talk to someone rude or nasty or in a negative way, but when you have been told to do something and not asked twice you have a tendency to get steamed. She started to get all defensive on me and said never ******* mind, I'll tell him not to ******* bother you anymore. You only think of your ******* self and no one else. You're just a *******. Click. I hung up on her. First off, you don't talk to people like that! Second, if the person on the other end of the phone is trying to help you out you don't swear out them and cuss them out! Third, you don't call the person trying to help you out a ******* b**** and that they only think of themselves when it's not true. I have a generous and loving heart. I have helped more people than she'll ever know and she knows that! I've bought them hundreds of dollars worth of groceries, mowed their yard for them the past two summers and added it to their tab. And this is the way I get repaid? I could care less about the money, it's the respect I expect! I called her back last night and told her since she was going to be an immature 30 yo child she could kiss my a$$. I don't have time to deal with another child. Do not call me and ask me for another thing. If she needed help ask someone else. I have been a friend to her ever since she married into this family and over looked her BS but not this time. I also told her that she didn't need to bother calling and asking advice about their 6 mo son, she could call her family on that one. I will however continue to make sure the baby has food and diapers, he's an innocent with a dumba$$ cow for a mother.

Sorry about the ranting, I had to get it off my chest. No one needs to respond.

I'll say you did..............

*munching on hotcakes*

I've never been pampered! LOL I'm really trying to cheer up ya'll. It's impacting my boys and I don't want or like that! In my own private little world I have two friends, one lives 175 miles from me and the other down the road. I'd love to talk to the one furthest away she'd cheer me up in a heartbeat! I'll see her this week after Christmas though.

It's sounds like they've been taking advantage of you and your kindness. When you called them on it, they got mad. People always get mad when they're told that they're doing something wrong and get called on it. No one likes to hear the bad stuff about themselves.

You did the right thing. Don't let them walk all over you.

Ding dongs and junk food are hardly food. I could see if they were starving and needed your help with getting food, but why the heck couldn't they go to the store themselves? Are they that lazy that they can't even feed themselves?

Valerie100 wrote: It's sounds like they've been taking advantage of you and your kindness. When you called them on it, they got mad. People always get mad when they're told that they're doing something wrong and get called on it. No one likes to hear the bad stuff about themselves.

You did the right thing. Don't let them walk all over you.

Ding dongs and junk food are hardly food. I could see if they were starving and needed your help with getting food, but why the heck couldn't they go to the store themselves? Are they that lazy that they can't even feed themselves?


SHE has been taking advantage, he hasn't. Before they got married he was never in dire need of money, once they married she went through all the money his mother left him and put their checking accounts on the fritz. They ended up closing the accounts and almost filing bankruptcy. This was within a year of the marriage! She went to Walmart and spent over $300 and all she bought that was needed was a gallon of milk. She bought junk food, a CD player for her car that didn't and still doesn't work, junk food, and other things not needed.

She is EXTREMELY lazy. She doesn't work, she stays home 95% of the time. Their house is such a mess we won't go in it. When I was mowing their yard, our children weren't allowed to go in unless they had to do more than pee. As for me I held it until I got home. The house smells. I'm not the worlds best housekeeper myself but atleast the dishes and clothes are always clean, you can sit on my couch or loveseat, you can walk around without stepping on dog biscuits, and you can walk around period! She is a very sore subject anyway, and yesterday just topped the icing of the cake. He knows what she does and only he can take care of the problem. The problem with that is he doesn't think he can make it on his own. I've never wished for people to get a divorce, but I wish he would divorce her! She's brought him down, he has to take Zoloft twice a day for his depression, which started after they married. There are all sorts of signs and he just doesn't see them, or he doesn't know how to go about to fix the problem. :-5

(((HEY RED))):yh_hugs :yh_hugs :yh_hugs

Hey Red...how can they raise a 6 mo old baby in an environment like that? Can the baby even crawl? How sad. I would cut them off for sure...even if it is family, because sometimes that is what it takes for people to change themselves. Your husband's uncle wants food when he gets home and that is why he called you. They don't have the money to pay for it and he probably doesn't want his wife to even go to the store because of her spending habits. He figures if you go...it will be paid for and unnecessary things won't be bought. I feel for you. Family situations are always the toughest. But why not start fresh in the new year and tell youself you will not be taken advantage of anymore?

F*** her,she should have at least offered too come with.And who pays for this food??

If want too maintain a positive life then you must surround yourself with positive things,and flush the bad.This woman is a d-bag.

.....And who pays for this food??



I believe Red does...and has been... as in one of her posts she says she has spent hundred of dollars on groceries for them....?

AND mowed their lawn for 2 summers!!!

I would love to cut ties with them, there's only one problem, I made a promise to his mother before she died I'd help take care of him. He's able to take care of himself yes, but she knew something about the future wife and wanted to make sure he'd still have someone who cared for him. That's why I do it.

How can the baby crawl around? He doesn't, he's just now starting to try to sit up. I can't let the baby go without stuff he needs, I'm half tempted to call child services, that house really is awful. But then again I may cause HIM to lose his one son that he helped produce, someone who will love him for always and not think of just himself unlike the douche bag.

She called today while I was gone and the message went as follows: "Hey Kelly, it's Mandy. I want to appologize for yesterday." Message erased. I love answering machines! Saves me from the crap of sucking up from an idiot who realized her mistake to late.

That Bitch !

The Red One wrote: I also told her that she didn't need to bother calling and asking advice about their 6 mo son, she could call her family on that one. I will however continue to make sure the baby has food and diapers, he's an innocent with a dumba$$ cow for a mother.




Hiya Red,

the problem with helping people so much is that they often start to take your help for granted...even to expect it as a matter of course. These people are obviously heavily reliant on you and your good nature...but you are just propping them up!

If you give in half-heartedly, i.e., still buy the hubby's food & still buy food and nappies for the baby, then you're still basically kowtowing to them...and will gradually get sucked back in. Meanwhile, you will feel bad about giving in to them, bad about allowing them to continue walking all over you and also bad about leaving the baby to starve in squalor! You will be totally torn...and you are obviously so caring that I would put money on your own health suffering as you become depressed about the whole situation, which would then have a negative knock-on effect on your family!

You promised to look out for the dad, well IMHO, this is now the time for "tough love"! You have promised yourself that you won't be used by them anymore and thats exactly what you need to do. Stand back and watch from a distance. They will not start to fight back and start to take care of themselves until they hit rock bottom. They can't hit rock bottom at the moment because you are propping them up!

Leave them alone. The dad will have to wake up to himself and either take the situation in hand or bottle it. If he is able to get to grips with the situation he can sort out his finances, work out what he needs for food and bills and get a little shopping each day after work. He can phone you for advice BUT you mustn't do these things for him! He's a father now, he's GOT to learn to act the part! Or he can take the baby and leave his wife, but he needs to see her for who she really is first. His third choice is just to up and leave alone.

His wife needs to find she has a screaming, hungry, smelly baby. She can either sell or pawn all the junk she bought in order to buy food and nappies, or she can leave him starving, wet and smelly. If her motherly instincts kick in, she'll phone you for help and you can advise her, but not help her. She needs to realise she's a mummy and that she loves her baby and needs to take care of him. She won't do it if you're doing it! Tell her you have no spare cash....you had to buy your kids new boots or something. She has to find the cash (tell her to sell something)! and then she has to sit down with hubby and work out their finances.

If they just carry on in this self-destructive way, then phone the health visitor and say you're worried about the baby's health. She can pop round unexpectedly, for a visit.

If the worst comes to the worst and the baby gets taken into care, then better now whilst he's still a baby rather than when he's 3 or 4 and 'knows' his mummy. He will adore her however she treats him, and he'll be devastated to be taken from her at that age. Although you're helping take care of him now, you're also helping him to continue living in a potentially dangerous environment where, without your care he would not eat or be clean...and what about once he's crawling? He could kneel on/ choke on or eat...anything!

She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet...and you need to step back for the sake of your sanity. Hopefully they'll get to grips with the situation and you can become a loving auntie...and NOT the family prop! Don't give too much too soon - or they'll relapse! You need to be appreciated for what you do and loved for who you are! You are NOT their maid and you are NOT their bank!

This is tough love for you as well, purely because you care so deeply...and you also feel responsible for them. Its going to be hard but take some time out to do something nice with your kids, do something romantic with your other half, & let them get on with it....they might surprise you. But. should the worst come to the worst, even if the baby does get taken into care for a while....it's NOT forever; it'll give them a chance to clean up their act & it'll make them realise what they could lose! ALSO...the baby will be safe and cared for!

Sorry to poke my nose in, but it's always easier to see solutions when you're not involved in the problem. My thoughts, prayers and very best wishes are with you as this will be a difficult time for you all. But hopefully it will help you all to grow. Big hugs to you!

Rapunzel wrote: Hiya Red,

the problem with helping people so much is that they often start to take your help for granted...even to expect it as a matter of course. These people are obviously heavily reliant on you and your good nature...but you are just propping them up!

Repunzel: Wow! You gave me better advice than my mother, and that's a major complement.

It has been two days since I've spoken to either of them. They keep calling and I let the machine answer and I keep hearing her own tears. It is so heart wrenching hearing this, I want to pick the phone up and say I'm on my way but I know I can't. You're right, I'm their crutch to lean on and I can't let that happen anymore. It's just aggrevating knowing I'm sitting in the shadows listening instead of doing something.



If you give in half-heartedly, i.e., still buy the hubby's food & still buy food and nappies for the baby, then you're still basically kowtowing to them...and will gradually get sucked back in. Meanwhile, you will feel bad about giving in to them, bad about allowing them to continue walking all over you and also bad about leaving the baby to starve in squalor! You will be totally torn...and you are obviously so caring that I would put money on your own health suffering as you become depressed about the whole situation, which would then have a negative knock-on effect on your family!

You promised to look out for the dad, well IMHO, this is now the time for "tough love"! You have promised yourself that you won't be used by them anymore and thats exactly what you need to do. Stand back and watch from a distance. They will not start to fight back and start to take care of themselves until they hit rock bottom. They can't hit rock bottom at the moment because you are propping them up!

Leave them alone. The dad will have to wake up to himself and either take the situation in hand or bottle it. If he is able to get to grips with the situation he can sort out his finances, work out what he needs for food and bills and get a little shopping each day after work. He can phone you for advice BUT you mustn't do these things for him! He's a father now, he's GOT to learn to act the part! Or he can take the baby and leave his wife, but he needs to see her for who she really is first. His third choice is just to up and leave alone.

His wife needs to find she has a screaming, hungry, smelly baby. She can either sell or pawn all the junk she bought in order to buy food and nappies, or she can leave him starving, wet and smelly. If her motherly instincts kick in, she'll phone you for help and you can advise her, but not help her. She needs to realise she's a mummy and that she loves her baby and needs to take care of him. She won't do it if you're doing it! Tell her you have no spare cash....you had to buy your kids new boots or something. She has to find the cash (tell her to sell something)! and then she has to sit down with hubby and work out their finances.

That's another problem she is a good mother, she just doesn't clean, cook or take care of the hubby. She does however take care of herself and the baby. She will call around and tell someone in her own whinny way that they have no money to get the baby diapers or food. She just forgets to tell them why they don't have money 3 days after payday. She's very immature for 30 years old. She wasn't ready for a family or marriage, IMO, and once they were married and the wife started to show her true colors the hubby felt it was to late to do anything like divorcing her. They know what is going on financially, they almost filed bankruptcy earlier this year. So they do know. They just won't do anything about it. She won't quit spending money, and he won't grow some balls and tell her to stop. You wouldn't believe the stories I could tell about her. This is just a small one.

If they just carry on in this self-destructive way, then phone the health visitor and say you're worried about the baby's health. She can pop round unexpectedly, for a visit.

If the worst comes to the worst and the baby gets taken into care, then better now whilst he's still a baby rather than when he's 3 or 4 and 'knows' his mummy. He will adore her however she treats him, and he'll be devastated to be taken from her at that age. Although you're helping take care of him now, you're also helping him to continue living in a potentially dangerous environment where, without your care he would not eat or be clean...and what about once he's crawling? He could kneel on/ choke on or eat...anything!

That's another problem, they would know it would be me that called the health inspector/child services. My hubby and I are the only ones that have anything to do with them. She also has another son that is 6 yo, his dad has custody of him (a looooooooooooooong story). I've told her many times that his dad has the right to go to their home and see what the living conditions are for the oldest boy and if he happens to get smart enough and do it, he has the right to keep her from seeing him. She still won't listen. I've even given it a thought to call child services where her oldest son and his dad live and put it in their heads he lives in an unsafe environment, but i'm not sure if I should.

She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet...and you need to step back for the sake of your sanity. Hopefully they'll get to grips with the situation and you can become a loving auntie...and NOT the family prop! Don't give too much too soon - or they'll relapse! You need to be appreciated for what you do and loved for who you are! You are NOT their maid and you are NOT their bank!

This is tough love for you as well, purely because you care so deeply...and you also feel responsible for them. Its going to be hard but take some time out to do something nice with your kids, do something romantic with your other half, & let them get on with it....they might surprise you. But. should the worst come to the worst, even if the baby does get taken into care for a while....it's NOT forever; it'll give them a chance to clean up their act & it'll make them realise what they could lose! ALSO...the baby will be safe and cared for!

Another reason I'm thankful it's Christmas! I'm going out of town for a few days and won't have to deal with them. I would put myself last to help anyone out. I've always put others before myself, that's just me.

Sorry to poke my nose in, but it's always easier to see solutions when you're not involved in the problem. My thoughts, prayers and very best wishes are with you as this will be a difficult time for you all. But hopefully it will help you all to grow. Big hugs to you!


Your advice is always welcome. I can always use yours and everyone else's adivce. Thank you!:D