2005
Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 12:10 am
This year started off well enough for me and looked very promising. In January, I joined up with the NHS Stop Smoking group. There was a preliminary 6 weekly attendance and then we were on our own other than the monthly support group. In the second week we all quit. Surprisingly, I found it a breeze.
I was already quite cocky with myself at the beginning of the year. Full of confidence and so on. In February, for Valentines, I invited my betrothed to a restaurant we both knew that laid on a superlative eastern style buffet. But it also allows smoking.
No problem, I was unaffected. I didn't smoke anyway! I encouraged Ann, my betrothed, to smoke if she wished without thought for me. She didn't. That is to say, she didn't smoke without thought for me. We had a great evening finished off with a romantic night falling aslumber in each other's arms.
Financially, things were mediocre. There wasn't a lot of work about but I'd managed to secure a contract with a new company the same week I stopped smoking. The basic rate wasn't fantastic, but, unusually, they paid an overtime rate and that made all the difference.
So, everything was going well. My daily routine included T'ai Chi and various irregular dance exercises which I indulged every day to a conundrum of various styles of music. And, boy, did I feel good. Nothing could have disturbed me.
The second weekend in March came and I fancied a beer or two. But neither Ann or my long time friend, John, were able to accompany me. So, I took myself off to my local, The Swan where they serve a desireable Eagle IPA.
At the Swan, the landlord was away and a mate of his, Simon, was looking after the place. As I am not a regular pub goer, Simon had not seen me about before and he obviously decided to get to know me. In the process, we both got very drunk and I finally rolled home in the wee tiny hours of the morning.
Several hours later, but the morning nonetheless, I awoke with a resounding hangover but pleased with myself anyway because I had not given way to smoking and still did not desire a fag. However, by the end of the day, my fortunes were to turn.
In the afternoon while in the middle of cleaning my flat (so to speak), my friend called to see if I still wanted to go for a beer. I assured him that I had sated my desire in that regard and we chatted for an hour.
However, by some unknown uncanniness, Ann texted me directly after the phone call. The texts started off well but rapidly declined into what I thought was a slagging session where I was being slated for going out for a beer.
Bear in mind here that I had a steaming hangover. Perhaps it would have been better if she'd phoned me, I don't know. I don't want to go into specific details, but by the end of the text session, we were both numb and raw.
However, the next morning, Monday, I awoke and my thoughts immediately went to the text arguments we'd had the day before and I had to reach for the GTN. For the uninitiated, GTN (glyceryl trinitrate) is a chemical designed to lower the blood pressure and thereby minimise the effect of a heart attack. On this ocasion, I am glad to say that it worked (pretty obviously really). Nonetheless, during the panic, I subconsciously made the decision that I could no longer continue the relationship with my Ann.
That day, unkown to Ann, I went to Sheffield to conduct an installation for my employers. On the following Wednesday, still in Sheffield, Ann sent me a text telling me that it was over and she didn't want me to contact her again. I responded simply by telling her that she could contact me anytime that she wanted. She said that she wouldn't and that was that.
That evening, while we (my fellow workers) waited for our evening meal, I bought a pack of fags and had a few extra beers.
The following Monday, I was booked in for an ECG. This was because I'd had two heart attacks in the October and November of 2004. The ECG revealed that my upper left ventricle was dead and that I had a huge blood clot in my heart.
So, I was sent to the Haemotology department to sort out the blood clot. At first, when I told them that I would be in Sheffield the next day, there was no problem and they started organising a way for me to check in at the Sheffield hospital. Then they discovered how I was going to get there - which was by car. All hell let loose. I had not been given a sick certificate by the doctor and so I told them that I could not just not go to work. I explained to them that I was not a regular employee and that the employer would not accept my word alone. They said that I could not drive because of the danger of a stroke. Eventually, I did manage to pursuade the haemotologist to provide me with a letter for my employer. The doctor had long since been and gone. But I got a certificate from my own GP.
I then spent five weeks out of work. Five weeks with no money coming in.
I had to apply to two separate departments for financial help. Both departments required the originals of specific documents which I did not have. I had copies, but they wanted originals. So, I had to wait for the originals. I complied with everything. I explained the reason for the delay and asked for time extensions. However, I ended up with nothing more than £46 for the entire five weeks on top of my measly Statutory Sick Pay which itself took a lot of wrangling from my umbrella company that is not geared up to this type of scenario. I withdrew £2000 from my credit card to finance myself.
The credit card withdrawal took me over what I could afford, and this is still on my plate now, nine months hence. I do not know if I have any means to have the whole thing repealed. At the time, I was so angry that I could not act intelligently (some say I can never act intelligently so why defer now). Fortunately, I was able to go back to work.
Since then, however, my spirit has slowly subsided. And with all honesty, The Forum Garden has been the only source of 'light' and the only thing that has kept me going in these last few months.
Thanks FG friends. To all of you. Thanks for your honesty, endearments, passion, and above all, for being there just when I needed someone.
I could be more specific and give names. And, if pushed to it, I will. But I think that my close Forum friends know who they are. The point here is that the Forum as a whole was here just when I needed it. Although my search for the Forum was for different reasons, this one, the Forum Garden, has really given me something I needed. Friendship, Love, Sincerity, and a sense of belonging to something special.
Now I'm going to go before I short out my monitor.
:-6 :-4 :guitarist
I was already quite cocky with myself at the beginning of the year. Full of confidence and so on. In February, for Valentines, I invited my betrothed to a restaurant we both knew that laid on a superlative eastern style buffet. But it also allows smoking.
No problem, I was unaffected. I didn't smoke anyway! I encouraged Ann, my betrothed, to smoke if she wished without thought for me. She didn't. That is to say, she didn't smoke without thought for me. We had a great evening finished off with a romantic night falling aslumber in each other's arms.
Financially, things were mediocre. There wasn't a lot of work about but I'd managed to secure a contract with a new company the same week I stopped smoking. The basic rate wasn't fantastic, but, unusually, they paid an overtime rate and that made all the difference.
So, everything was going well. My daily routine included T'ai Chi and various irregular dance exercises which I indulged every day to a conundrum of various styles of music. And, boy, did I feel good. Nothing could have disturbed me.
The second weekend in March came and I fancied a beer or two. But neither Ann or my long time friend, John, were able to accompany me. So, I took myself off to my local, The Swan where they serve a desireable Eagle IPA.
At the Swan, the landlord was away and a mate of his, Simon, was looking after the place. As I am not a regular pub goer, Simon had not seen me about before and he obviously decided to get to know me. In the process, we both got very drunk and I finally rolled home in the wee tiny hours of the morning.
Several hours later, but the morning nonetheless, I awoke with a resounding hangover but pleased with myself anyway because I had not given way to smoking and still did not desire a fag. However, by the end of the day, my fortunes were to turn.
In the afternoon while in the middle of cleaning my flat (so to speak), my friend called to see if I still wanted to go for a beer. I assured him that I had sated my desire in that regard and we chatted for an hour.
However, by some unknown uncanniness, Ann texted me directly after the phone call. The texts started off well but rapidly declined into what I thought was a slagging session where I was being slated for going out for a beer.
Bear in mind here that I had a steaming hangover. Perhaps it would have been better if she'd phoned me, I don't know. I don't want to go into specific details, but by the end of the text session, we were both numb and raw.
However, the next morning, Monday, I awoke and my thoughts immediately went to the text arguments we'd had the day before and I had to reach for the GTN. For the uninitiated, GTN (glyceryl trinitrate) is a chemical designed to lower the blood pressure and thereby minimise the effect of a heart attack. On this ocasion, I am glad to say that it worked (pretty obviously really). Nonetheless, during the panic, I subconsciously made the decision that I could no longer continue the relationship with my Ann.
That day, unkown to Ann, I went to Sheffield to conduct an installation for my employers. On the following Wednesday, still in Sheffield, Ann sent me a text telling me that it was over and she didn't want me to contact her again. I responded simply by telling her that she could contact me anytime that she wanted. She said that she wouldn't and that was that.
That evening, while we (my fellow workers) waited for our evening meal, I bought a pack of fags and had a few extra beers.
The following Monday, I was booked in for an ECG. This was because I'd had two heart attacks in the October and November of 2004. The ECG revealed that my upper left ventricle was dead and that I had a huge blood clot in my heart.
So, I was sent to the Haemotology department to sort out the blood clot. At first, when I told them that I would be in Sheffield the next day, there was no problem and they started organising a way for me to check in at the Sheffield hospital. Then they discovered how I was going to get there - which was by car. All hell let loose. I had not been given a sick certificate by the doctor and so I told them that I could not just not go to work. I explained to them that I was not a regular employee and that the employer would not accept my word alone. They said that I could not drive because of the danger of a stroke. Eventually, I did manage to pursuade the haemotologist to provide me with a letter for my employer. The doctor had long since been and gone. But I got a certificate from my own GP.
I then spent five weeks out of work. Five weeks with no money coming in.
I had to apply to two separate departments for financial help. Both departments required the originals of specific documents which I did not have. I had copies, but they wanted originals. So, I had to wait for the originals. I complied with everything. I explained the reason for the delay and asked for time extensions. However, I ended up with nothing more than £46 for the entire five weeks on top of my measly Statutory Sick Pay which itself took a lot of wrangling from my umbrella company that is not geared up to this type of scenario. I withdrew £2000 from my credit card to finance myself.
The credit card withdrawal took me over what I could afford, and this is still on my plate now, nine months hence. I do not know if I have any means to have the whole thing repealed. At the time, I was so angry that I could not act intelligently (some say I can never act intelligently so why defer now). Fortunately, I was able to go back to work.
Since then, however, my spirit has slowly subsided. And with all honesty, The Forum Garden has been the only source of 'light' and the only thing that has kept me going in these last few months.
Thanks FG friends. To all of you. Thanks for your honesty, endearments, passion, and above all, for being there just when I needed someone.
I could be more specific and give names. And, if pushed to it, I will. But I think that my close Forum friends know who they are. The point here is that the Forum as a whole was here just when I needed it. Although my search for the Forum was for different reasons, this one, the Forum Garden, has really given me something I needed. Friendship, Love, Sincerity, and a sense of belonging to something special.
Now I'm going to go before I short out my monitor.
:-6 :-4 :guitarist
