ForumGarden

Hi guys and gals,

I'm feeling very sorry for myself tonight as I have the kidney infection from hell so please tell me some nice smiley stories.

Thanks :-4

Don't have any stories but these might help: (Hope so!)



1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk

ahead of me,for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me

either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken

fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. Do not be irreplaceable. If you cannot be replaced, you

cannot be promoted.

4. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone

else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a

couple of car payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile

in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you are

a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you do not succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him

how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,

it was probably worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you do not have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the

windshield.

13. Do not worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot

of that comes from bad judgment.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in

half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

17. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark

side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither

one works.

19. Generally speaking, you are not learning much when your

lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you do not get until just after

you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped

on our butt. Then things get worse.

23. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill

and a laxative on the same night.

24. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

25. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way

to take it too seriously.

26. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other

people to make a big deal about your birthday

...around age 11.

27. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

--------------------

;) :p :-6

Thanks Valerie, it's a long enough list to keep me chewing!!

jennyswan wrote: Thanks Valerie, it's a long enough list to keep me chewing!!


Awww Geeze girl I can be miserable with you I have a UTI, urinary tract infection, going tonite after work for round 2 of pills bleck!!!

You have my love hunni l suffered form them all through childhood, was even in and out of hospital because of it...

Get some barley water of tonic water, they both clean out your system and it helps....

Hi Minks

They are awful aren't they? This one just really caught me off guard. I was fine this morning and at work I suddenly start to get cramps and it really hurt when I pee. There is also a lot of blood (Sorry if I being tooo graphic). I got antibiotics from my doctor. 4 larges doses daily so hopefully that will help along with good old cranberry juice. I hope you feel better soon too!!

jennyswan wrote: Hi Minks

They are awful aren't they? This one just really caught me off guard. I was fine this morning and at work I suddenly start to get cramps and it really hurt when I pee. There is also a lot of blood (Sorry if I being tooo graphic). I got antibiotics from my doctor. 4 larges doses daily so hopefully that will help along with good old cranberry juice. I hope you feel better soon too!!


I have had the kidney infection before as well, pure hell I tell ya. Yeah I tried the natural remedies but it looks like antibiotics is what it has to be, it won't stay away. Grrrr

I have had the kidney infection before as well, pure hell I tell ya. Yeah I tried the natural remedies but it looks like antibiotics is what it has to be, it won't stay away. Grrrr


Same for me as well. The worst thing is that I need not even go to bed because as soon as you get comfy you have to get up again. Sometimes I think men have it way easier!! :-1

Oh l didnt mean don't get meds....

Of course get meds, strong ones and some lovely pain killers too, but l found over the years that the addition of Lemon and barley water or tonic water sipped often helped speed it up xx:driving:

jennyswan wrote: Same for me as well. The worst thing is that I need not even go to bed because as soon as you get comfy you have to get up again. Sometimes I think men have it way easier!! :-1


ahhhh they do have it better don't they hehehehe Gosh I hear ya about comfort, I feel like I gotta pee endlessly oucheeee

ahhhh they do have it better don't they hehehehe Gosh I hear ya about comfort, I feel like I gotta pee endlessly oucheeee


I feel headachey and feverish and the pain that shoots up through me when I pee, well I'm a real complainer tonight. The blood kind of freaked me out though

Lots of cranberry juice, good luck jennyswan!

Get antibiotics if it doesn't stop.

No funny stories today, just think of the sad little faces of 12 years trudging into my classroom, while I'm smiling and passing out the work-and homewotrk too!

Lots of cranberry juice, good luck jennyswan!

Get antibiotics if it doesn't stop.




The doc gave me Velosef antibiotics 500 mg x 4 a day and I'm drinking the cranberry right now

awww poor Jenny. :yh_hugs

hope you get better soon............I can't think of owt to cheer you up other than telling a crap joke and showing you a strange picture of a man with underpants on his head and pencils up his nose.

the joke.

A snail goes into a pub and says to the landlord "could i have a pint of lager please",

All of a sudden with out answering the snail, the landlord walks around the bar picks the snail up takes it to the door and throws the snail out of the door as hard as he can,

Three weeks later the snail comes into the pub again goes up to the bar and asks the landlord...................."why did you do that for?"

The pictue

Thanks a million Orpheus. I liked that joke.

The guy in the picture is the famous Mr Bean. He's really funny

Blackadder, he says "wibble" in that scene, it's hilarious:wah: ...i hope you feel better soon!

jennyswan wrote: Thanks a million Orpheus. I liked that joke.

The guy in the picture is the famous Mr Bean. He's really funny


I know...............its Blackadder :-6

lady cop wrote: Blackadder, he says "wibble" in that scene, it's hilarious:wah: ...i hope you feel better soon!


THATS THE ONE :yh_dance :yh_bigsmi

Blackadder, he says "wibble" in that scene, it's hilarious ...i hope you feel better soon!


Thanks LC.

I'm so grateful for all you great guys and gals here in FG. Life would be lonely without yee all :-4

jennyswan wrote: Thanks LC.

I'm so grateful for all you great guys and gals here in FG. Life would be lonely without yee all :-4


I am glad you got to smile

Thanks Moverguy.

Clean jokes are good too.

They won't harm Gran at Family dinners

Hypochondriac: Doctor, if I give up drinking and smoking, cut out fat from my diet, avoid gambling, driving fast cars and chasing women, will I live to be 100?

Doctor: No, but it'll seem like it.



"May I take your order?" the waiter asked.

"Yes, I'm just wondering, how do you prepare your chickens?"

"Nothing Special sir," the waiter replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."



A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the garden and asked his mother, "Who am I?"

Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"

"WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"



A man walked into a bar and sat down beside a woman. Suddenly her glass eye popped out and he caught it. She thanked him and asked him if he would join her for breakfast the next day. He agreed and got her address. The next day he went to her house and had a lovely breakfast. He asked, "Do you treat all men like this?"

She smiled and said, "Just the ones who catch my eye."



Two friends were out on a wild drinking spree. They'd just downed the fifteenth round when one of them fell backwards off his chair and lay still on the floor.

"That's what I like about Ronnie," slurred the remaining drunk. "He always knows when to stop."



If you don't want more crap jokes like this, then you'd better get better fast, Jenny.:sneaky:

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

They are good.

I love the elephant Openmind. He looks like he is smiling

jennyswan wrote: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

They are good.

I love the elephant Openmind. He looks like he is smiling


thats because you can't see what the elephant is sat on..........it is smiling :yh_bigsmi

thats because you can't see what the elephant is sat on..........it is smiling


Naughty boy

jennyswan wrote: Naughty boy


:yh_angel :yh_whistl

Orpheus

You could have said 'Great minds think alike' but you are a gentleman and didn't

:guitarist

jennyswan wrote: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl



They are good.



I love the elephant Openmind. He looks like he is smiling


It's an actual photo taken from one of the conservation areas in Africa. (I think it was Africa.)

jennyswan wrote: Orpheus

You could have said 'Great minds think alike' but you are a gentleman and didn't

:guitarist


It had nothing to do with the fact I didn't even think of saying it..............honest :yh_whistl :yh_silent

It's an actual photo taken from one of the conservation areas in Africa. (I think it was Africa.)


It's beautiful.

It had nothing to do with the fact I didn't even think of saying it..............honest


Honesty is always the best policy otherwise you might turn into pinochio. Don't even

go there..... U know the joke about his nose :sneaky:

jennyswan wrote: Hi guys and gals,

I'm feeling very sorry for myself tonight as I have the kidney infection from hell so please tell me some nice smiley stories.

Thanks :-4


This tickled my kidney when I saw it!

The doctor and his magic potion............................