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I met a man this week, he had a severe deformity on his face and arms and I imagine the rest of his body by the looks of it. When he opened the door I was shocked and I hope to hell that didnt show on my face. Its a reaction he must be accustomed to. I made myself look him in the eyes, I made myself not look away but while he was talking I was thinking about not staring at his condition and I was terrified that he would see me glancing or that he knew what I was thinking.



I was very uncomfortable for a few minutes and somehow I managed to pull myself together. Once I got over the initial gasp effect I found him to be very pleasant and soft spoken. While we spoke some thoughts drifted through my mind. The first being who in the hell do I think I am ? What makes me think as a man Im any different than him ? What was making me think I had the right to feel sorry for him ? I realized I was doing him a great disservice by pitying him. He didnt deserve that, what he did deserve was a fair shake, just like anyone else I might meet.



Whatever his condition was had nothing to do with what makes a man a man, like heart, compassion, an ability to love, taking care of your family, being responsible, a decent human being. I dont know maybe hes not those things but with anyone else I would have assumed they were. It was his appearance that caused me to think him unfortunate. The only thing that would make him unfortunate would be his attitude about his own person. Thats what really counts amongst all men, what do you really see when you look in the mirror.



It was a good lesson for me that day. I think it helped me to be a little stronger in my vision of humanity. Hopefully he gained from the exchange as well because we ended up making one of those little moment connections, I think I was successful in the end at treating him as any other human being walking amongst us. Its ok that I faltered because I saw my error and corrected it. Its kinda nice when life offers us lessons that teach us to grow.

SnoozeControl wrote: Nice post, Nomad.




Thank you sneezer

Wise words NOMAD, we learn so much from the people we meet daily. You will remember this chance meeting for the rest of your life.

Gonad, you confirm what i already knew about you,

that you are a caring, compassionate man X :-4

Great story, Nomad. You always make me think. :-4

You showed your inner man to his inner man, where people truly connect.

We all learn something everyday, and I thank you for helping us all think about your story. :-4

I'm with Arnold. The man probably saw your thoughts in your face. I get the feeling it's easy with you, as it is with me. I believe he saw the typical reaction, the less typical struggle, and appreciated the final result.



Ya done good, kid. [smilie=1,29,2]

Nomad: While we spoke some thoughts drifted through my mind. The first being who in the hell do I think I am ? What makes me think as a man Im any different than him ? What was making me think I had the right to feel sorry for him ? I realized I was doing him a great disservice by pitying him. He didnt deserve that, what he did deserve was a fair shake, just like anyone else I might meet.



How very true.

I had a similar epiphany when I stepped on some glass and cut my foot and had to have stiches. It was back in the days when I took baths instead of a shower. Taking a bath was not easy since I had to keep this foot dry. I became very inventive, agile and most creative in my daily washing (among other things).

When one is 'afflicted' in any way, we learn to compensate. It is a matter of great pride when we can accomplish what we need to to do. We don't need anyone's stinking pity!

I've tried to remember that whenever my path crosses someone who is handicapped. Tho I remember it, it is sometimes hard to project my true feelings as I can't help but wonder if they do not think me uncaring............ There just are no written guidelines as to proper conduct and most of us are caught unawares.

Nomad wrote: I met a man this week, he had a severe deformity on his face and arms and I imagine the rest of his body by the looks of it. When he opened the door I was shocked and I hope to hell that didnt show on my face. Its a reaction he must be accustomed to. I made myself look him in the eyes, I made myself not look away but while he was talking I was thinking about not staring at his condition and I was terrified that he would see me glancing or that he knew what I was thinking.



I was very uncomfortable for a few minutes and somehow I managed to pull myself together. Once I got over the initial gasp effect I found him to be very pleasant and soft spoken. While we spoke some thoughts drifted through my mind. The first being who in the hell do I think I am ? What makes me think as a man Im any different than him ? What was making me think I had the right to feel sorry for him ? I realized I was doing him a great disservice by pitying him. He didnt deserve that, what he did deserve was a fair shake, just like anyone else I might meet.



Whatever his condition was had nothing to do with what makes a man a man, like heart, compassion, an ability to love, taking care of your family, being responsible, a decent human being. I dont know maybe hes not those things but with anyone else I would have assumed they were. It was his appearance that caused me to think him unfortunate. The only thing that would make him unfortunate would be his attitude about his own person. Thats what really counts amongst all men, what do you really see when you look in the mirror.



It was a good lesson for me that day. I think it helped me to be a little stronger in my vision of humanity. Hopefully he gained from the exchange as well because we ended up making one of those little moment connections, I think I was successful in the end at treating him as any other human being walking amongst us. Its ok that I faltered because I saw my error and corrected it. Its kinda nice when life offers us lessons that teach us to grow.


Thanks Nomad, I know what you mean, In my line of work I have encountered challenging situations such as yours, there are some pretty amazing people out there.

Isn't it funny how things happen sometimes? I know it has opened my eyes and humbled me many times, "but for the grace of God go I." It was wonderful that you made a connection with this man and learned a little bit more about yourself (not many would) perhaps he had satisfaction in knowing that he was accepted as he was, " a fellow human-being"

so a long as you didn't slap him on the arse and tell him, "Good game"

when he left i think you did fine.

and if you did happen to slap him, i pray that you didn't "cup" your hand when you did.

Wolverine wrote: so a long as you didn't slap him on the arse and tell him, "Good game"

when he left i think you did fine.

and if you did happen to slap him, i pray that you didn't "cup" your hand when you did.


Why is that? Would it have runneth over?

Oh Gosh Nomad why did you have to post something so sweet, now I will HAVE to be nice to you!! Well for awhile anyway :sneaky:

Did you ever notice that:

'It's the small things in life that make our days special, it's always about who smiled at you on the day, who said hello, who made you laugh and who even made you cry, who cheered you up and who maybe changed your life'

I think life is not about being the best but trying your best. :-6