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Hi guys

I kinda feel bad about something I just did.

I know I don't post a lot of personal stuff here but I could use some comments.

To cut a long story short 5 years ago I fell madly in love with an unavailable guy. He was separated at the time and eventually went back to his wife. I never thought that I would ever be in a situation like this.

He decided to go back because he had an 8 year old child and didnt want to put him through divorce etc. Anyway I thought my world would end at the time. I was devasted. To this day we were still friends but he would always still tell me he loves me etc.

Now Im married since last May to a great man. He's really nice to me and literally dotes on me. He didnt really mind that me and this other guy were still friends because he trusts me and knows I'm not the type to play around.

The other guy reacted really weird when I got married and couldn't cope with it but at the end of the day he had left in the first place and no man is worth waiting around forever for. He has been acting really weird lately. Texting me day and night etc. So tonight I basically told him, I don't want his friendship anymore and don't want to hear from him anymore. I must admit I feel a bit sick but I have a good husband who loves me.

Jees life is sometimes weird.

Thanks for letting me vent. Love Jenny

he's pissed because you were his "back-up"

he thought you would wait for him if and when his marriage went to pot.

you are no longer available, so now he's trying to rekindle those old feelings you two shared.

Well done, Jenny. The guy made his decision. If he really loved you, I should think that he would have made a different decision to you.

God speed to you. If you have a good husband, you need to make the most of it. Marriage is hard work without a loser trying it on.

Be prepared, he may get worse before you get shot of him. Is your hubby aware of this development?

Thanks Guys

No the hubby isn't aware of this yet. He is playing Battletech with a friend tonight. I just got so sick of this other guy. He cried like a baby though. It was hard to do.

Daniel is really good to me and we get on great and he stuck around when I was quite sick a few years ago and never complained or anything.

I think he really had plans to leave his wife when the son was 18. This was his plan. I really know he loved me alright. Did you ever have just one of these unexplainable connections with someone.

I usually stay friends with my ex-s but they have girlfriends etc and we are all buddies. Was I mean?

In the garden of your marriage there should only be two. The third

party is the serpent and he tells you lies.................

In the garden of your marriage there should only be two. The third

party is the serpent and he tells you lies.................


I think you're right there Sojo :-3

If my calculations are right, you would have had to wait another 6 years for him to leave his wife. And there's no guarantee that it would work. The scenario presents too many ifs on his part for my liking. Daniel, is it. I don't want to get confused between this guy and your husband.

Love is not a duty, rather, duty is borne from love. Love does not care about the future. It only deals in the present. It seems clear to me that you love your husband and that's important. It also seems clear to me that this other guy wants the best of both worlds. The boy is just an excuse. Anyone in a bad marriage would find divorce a better option, even for the children, rather than living a lie for the sake of the kids. Love is truth.

Stand by your guns, Jenny, your husband is here with you now. Look to him and forget about the other guy who only appears to love himself. He may have spent time whelping you, but I bet it was nothing more than an investment of time.

Make sure your marriage works. It's not an easy thing, it takes guts and determination to take the rough with the smooth. You're a good woman, Jenny. Don't let anyone take advantage of that.

If my calculations are right, you would have had to wait another 6 years for him to leave his wife. And there's no guarantee that it would work. The scenario presents too many ifs on his part for my liking. Daniel, is it. I don't want to get confused between this guy and your husband.

Love is not a duty, rather, duty is borne from love. Love does not care about the future. It only deals in the present. It seems clear to me that you love your husband and that's important. It also seems clear to me that this other guy wants the best of both worlds. The boy is just an excuse. Anyone in a bad marriage would find divorce a better option, even for the children, rather than living a lie for the sake of the kids. Love is truth.

Stand by your guns, Jenny, your husband is here with you now. Look to him and forget about the other guy who only appears to love himself. He may have spent time whelping you, but I bet it was nothing more than an investment of time.

Make sure your marriage works. It's not an easy thing, it takes guts and determination to take the rough with the smooth. You're a good woman, Jenny. Don't let anyone take advantage of that.


Daniel is my hubby actually :-4

Thank you so much for the comments. It really helps to hear it from a different perspective. It really means a lot to me when people take the time to care a little about others.

I'm a little bit too gullable, even for my 33 years

Thanks for the clarification, Jenny. I wasn't sure. You are still young, as am I (I'm only 50) and learning the lessons of the heart can be hard. God bless you. Take care and have many, many sprogs.

Thanks for the clarification, Jenny. I wasn't sure. You are still young, as am I (I'm only 50) and learning the lessons of the heart can be hard. God bless you. Take care and have many, many sprogs.




Absolutely the right thing to do. End of chapter , turn the page. Waste not any effort in even thinking about the greed and selfishness of this man. Your husband is clearly a good man to not fret over your friendship with him, you are very lucky


Thanks very much guys. I feel much better now :-4

Jennyswan, You did the right thing he whines, I hate men who whine.... As we say here in the US "you snooze you lose.." He lost time for you to move on, you don't need his friendship period. Not the kinda man I would want around anyway.

I agree with OM you may not be done with this wimp so it might be wise to let the hubby know what you did.. Better safe than sorry..

Jennyswan, You did the right thing he whines, I hate men who whine.... As we say here in the US "you snooze you loose.." He lost time for you to move on, you don't need his friendship period. Not the kinda man I would want around anyway.

I agree with OM you may not be done with this wimp so it might be wise to let the hubby know what you did.. Better safe than sorry..


Thanks Carla

He's lives in a different country so I don't think I'm in too much danger. I 've probably hurt his pride though.

jennyswan wrote: Hi guys



I kinda feel bad about something I just did.

I know I don't post a lot of personal stuff here but I could use some comments.



To cut a long story short 5 years ago I fell madly in love with an unavailable guy. He was separated at the time and eventually went back to his wife. I never thought that I would ever be in a situation like this.

He decided to go back because he had an 8 year old child and didnt want to put him through divorce etc. Anyway I thought my world would end at the time. I was devasted. To this day we were still friends but he would always still tell me he loves me etc.

Now Im married since last May to a great man. He's really nice to me and literally dotes on me. He didnt really mind that me and this other guy were still friends because he trusts me and knows I'm not the type to play around.

The other guy reacted really weird when I got married and couldn't cope with it but at the end of the day he had left in the first place and no man is worth waiting around forever for. He has been acting really weird lately. Texting me day and night etc. So tonight I basically told him, I don't want his friendship anymore and don't want to hear from him anymore. I must admit I feel a bit sick but I have a good husband who loves me.

Jees life is sometimes weird.

Thanks for letting me vent. Love Jenny


Don't feel bad Jenny, it was "the right time" to do what you felt was true in your own heart. You're free.:-4

May you You find happiness with your husband from here on out.

Don't feel bad Jenny, it was "the right time" to do what you felt was true in your own heart. You're free.

May you You find happiness with your husband from here on out.


Thanks so much.

Thanks to you all for the good advice. I'm feeling much better now

Remember your wedding vows.

I believe they say "forsaking ALL others"....

The only guilt you should feel is in not

being totally focused on your husband.

I know

SOJOURNER, makes a great point here, time to let it go. You have a new life, an adoring husband.. what more could you ask for..!! :-4

[QUOTE]Remember your wedding vows.

I believe they say "forsaking ALL others"....

The only guilt you should feel is in not

being totally focused on your husband.[/QUOTE]

SOJOURNER, makes a great point here, time to let it go. You have a new life, an adoring husband.. what more could you ask for..!!


I know, I'm very blessed and very lucky.

My problems are small thank god! :-4

And don't forget, lots of sprogs, ok. :-4

And don't forget, lots of sprogs, ok.


Haven't decided yet. I'm a bit scared about this one. :-3

A little bit of a different take on this subject. While I'm not passing judgement on you and I commend you for thinking of your husband, did you ever consider his wife's feelings? I would think if you were going to feel guilty, that would be the reason to.

A little bit of a different take on this subject. While I'm not passing judgement on you and I commend you for thinking of your husband, did you ever consider his wife's feelings? I would think if you were going to feel guilty, that would be the reason to.


He was separated from her when I met him first and I never thought he was going to go back. That was the reason. Otherwise I would never have got involved Peg. After he went back to her I was never physical with him after this ever.

jennyswan wrote: Haven't decided yet. I'm a bit scared about this one. :-3


I bet you'll be a natural.:-6

I bet you'll be a natural.


I'm so afraid I'd do everything wrong

I have a nephew though and he is the cutest in the world. He is now 1 year and 4 months. He has the longest lashes I've ever seen. Cute as a button :-4

jennyswan wrote: I'm so afraid I'd do everything wrong


Between the two of you, I'm sure you'll work it out.:-6

Between the two of you, I'm sure you'll work it out.


Certainly hope so, thanks Openmind

jennyswan wrote: Did you ever have just one of these unexplainable connections with someone.

I usually stay friends with my ex-s but they have girlfriends etc and we are all buddies.
yeah i think everyone has had some sort of connectiion with another in which either you or the other was involved. occasionally, you stray away from your current relationship to "see" where the unknown one will go.

it has been my experience, unfortunately, that you are better off staying with whom you are with, and staying friends with the other person.

but it is hard to ignore. humanity's curiosity, i would say 8 out of 10 times, gets the better of you. you have to find out that age old question... "what if"

yeah i think everyone has had some sort of connectiion with another in which either you or the other was involved. occasionally, you stray away from your current relationship to "see" where the unknown one will go.

it has been my experience, unfortunately, that you are better off staying with whom you are with, and staying friends with the other person.

but it is hard to ignore. humanity's curiosity, i would say 8 out of 10 times, gets the better of you. you have to find out that age old question... "what if"


I know, it's weird isn't it?

I will try and ignore my 'What if's from now on

Better to hurt his pride than wreck the marriage you have now.

You have done the right thing jenny,when this all settles down & you can think clearly you will realise that.Good for you.Let your husband know what happened also,he will thank you for it


Thanks Mrs K. Told the hubby and he is :-6

Seems you have it all worked out. Im just sorry my profoundness wont have a chance to sprout its wings and soar.

I think you did the right thing, Jenny. And by telling your husband about it was a wise decision-don't live for the What If's, but for What You Have! A darling husband!:)

Good going Jenny, all the others have already said it, and I'll say it again. You positively, absolutely did the right thing getting rid of that blaggard. And also especially telling your husband was the right thing to do, as he now knows just how much you really do love him! May you have many many happy healthy years of wedded bliss together!

You instinctively protected your marriage. Great step towards having a long and happy union. Bravo!!

It's all already been said, but hang, I'll add my 2 cents worth too!



You've done the right thing. It's great if you can maintain a friendship with an ex. But if they're going to be weird about it, and still want to hang on to what was, then you're best off saying goodbye.



Don't jeopardise the future because of the past.

I agree with everyone else too, you did the right thing! If he was really your friend then he would act that way!

Thank you everyone, it means a lot to have some imput from you guys. :-4