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“Grudges”

These feelings arise when someone says or does something which hurts me. Whether intentional or otherwise it hurts and makes me hobble emotionally and spiritually. I find I am unable to walk in peace with that person – or with myself! The real or imagined slight keeps rising up in my heart and gives me no peace. I also, at times, "nurse my grudge"!!!...taking it out every now and then to touch it, feel it – and the resentment flows strongly again.

My problem is that I cannot get rid of it. The more I try to forget it, the stronger it appears again and again. I can try to bury it, but then when I think it has gone... up it pops again and with the pain that comes with it. Is there a way for me to deal with it? Of-course there is… however the underlying principal which guides me being the same: I have to work to develop my own personal solution.

First, I have to look at it and realise that I need to help myself to get rid of it! I must then also ask myself if I really do "want" to get rid of it, because, let’s be honest, sometimes, I do not! …"why should I forgive him or her?" “If I let this go, they will sit on me in future…” Perhaps! But, who is suffering; them or me?! Who is the one not sleeping; them or me?! Importantly, in reality, who is carrying the consequence of their sin; them or me?!

So perhaps I decide that I do want to get rid of it. I could start by telling myself how much I appreciate myself and that regardless of how nasty someone is to me; I am still a good person. I also need to tell myself how much I accept myself for what I am. I have to talk to myself repeatedly to reassure myself on this unshakeable point. I must further re-emphasise the fact that if I have behaved correctly, then I have nothing to feel ashamed or sorry for. If I have done anything wrong then, obviously, I will make the necessary amends to show myself how much I respect myself and do what’s right not only for me but for others too. I never want to be afraid to say sorry either to myself or to others!

So then I make a conscious decision to forgive the other person/s. Forgiving does not mean that I have to say anything nice to them, hug them or anything…in fact I might decide never to speak with them again. But in my own mind and heart I make a conscious, physical and emotional decision to let go of the hurt. I say things to myself like “what they did is indeed wrong, they can live with themselves for what they have done… I will let them go their way…”. Whenever the hurt rears it’s painful memory, I will close my eyes and comfort myself while very gently pushing it away and letting it go… What in fact I am doing is working to set myself free and allow the load of nastiness to go back to the wrongdoer/s – I must convince myself of this! The secret, I think, is to build warmth within me to feel good and then push these “hurts” away until they slowly go away and finally not trouble me again. It takes time! Sometimes a very long time! But I know it works!

Those of us who are religiously inclined might even decide to go one step further and pray: “Lord I have been deeply hurt. Please give me the strength to overcome my pain and while I really do not feel like praying for “him/her” who has hurt me, I will let them go and leave them in your hands such that they may be guided as you see fit”.

nev

Thanks Nev for sharing this!

It IS very hard to let go of a grudge and it does poison who you are.

I think it would be easier if you somehow knew the other person was suffering too, instead of thinking that they've deliberately hurt you and are laughing about it! Family grudges seem to be the longest lasting and the heaviest to bear. Your words have helped a lot.

Thankyou. :-6

That's a nice post. A bit tough to swallow, but that doesn't make it any less wise.

My ex mother in law used to say

"it takes a big man to stand up and fight and an even bigger man to say he is sorry"

the above posted by me is not intended for anyone singularly or everyone in general, it is merely a good quote.

Grudges are probably the hardest thing to deal with. If we didn't feel them at all we would not be human. Letting go is not as easy as it sounds, but in order to not hold a grudge we need to learn to let go.

I am finding this easier by, focusing more positive thoughts on myself, instead of "poor little me", i think "oh well, that isn't going to ruin my life, I deserve better". I have been reading a lot of books on positive thinking, and these have helped me work through a lot of issues i was facing.

I now find the grudges don't surface as often, and if they do i am not angered by them, but put it down to another lesson learnt.

Well put Jcas,As I am not a "soft" person and i do not relate too feelings and emotions well.So I tend too take negatives and use them too my advantage.

So A grudge becomes hate that Translate into positive action.Unless it's my little girl,I got no time too feel or care how someone else feels about me,Life is too short too pamper too some one else but yourself as far as emotions go.So I will take all that grunge hate and go too the gym and I find that I run more that day and I lift more that day and I ride my mt. bike like that person is trying kill me and I ride harder and further that day and i get stronger that day and every day.A grudge is a grudge,get over it,people depend on YOU too be there stone.Thinking about such things puts bad chemicals in your body,Turn your hate into self motivation.

Your body is a temple,do some cleaning once in a while and keep the windows clear.

But, who is suffering; them or me?! Who is the one not sleeping; them or me?! Importantly, in reality, who is carrying the consequence of their sin; them or me?!
So true.

I usually find it easier to forgive others than to forgive myself.

I don't go out of my way too avenge one,but I do like the taste of pay back.

I like too be around when it is served.Clip,you can vouch for me,here in New england we have the rudest people walking the planet.I have been around and i know that we here are born grudge makers and holders.

JAB wrote: You mean I'm not the only one?! :-2


same for me

Attached files

minks wrote: same for mei'm not sure, but is that an easter egg clue? where does it get reported?

On the Easter game thread, LC.................................

Nothing grudgier then a 7th grader on test day.............................

nev wrote: “Grudges”





Those of us who are religiously inclined might even decide to go one step further and pray: “Lord I have been deeply hurt. Please give me the strength to overcome my pain and while I really do not feel like praying for “him/her” who has hurt me, I will let them go and leave them in your hands such that they may be guided as you see fit”.

nev
This would probably be the right thing to do, but more difficult.

I have at times decided not to speak to someone again. And then later, find that i really really need them for something or just to talk to. And it's hard to call them up and speak to them. Hard feelings are so difficult to put aside.

There have been times when I didn't want to speak to my father any more or even my mother. But this is so stupid. I need them in my life, and they need me. Even tho it feels as if they don't.

JAB wrote: Well Clipper, all you've got to do is open up a Cawfee Shop in your neck of the woods and warm 'em all up like you have us FG folks!


It would have too be a drive thru or they aint come"in.