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Ok this is different, most people are asked who influenced you in your life yada yada and we all gravitate to the positive influence....

What about negative influences and how have they affected you. Please don't think I am asking for revealing secrets of deep pain and sorrow. I don't want to open old wounds....

Mine is.....

The woman beating neighbor....

Here is something I have never had any experience with in the past and suddenly it lives next to me.... how has it made my life change....how has it influenced me

1) I want to move away, it is something I can't "just live with" (I rarely run from my problems)

2) I think I genuinely "hate" someone for the first time ever.

These are 2 traits that are very opposite to my very existence. The "hate" shocks me.

My most memorable lessons have come from pain and agony. Somehow or another Ive managed to not become bitter and instead I use them as tools for history not repeating itself. Pain can be an enormous blessing if as they say you but have the eyes to see. It can be used to generate a "seeing" a source of wisdom and knowledge that can provide an evolution of ones heart and soul. It can also destroy you if you choose to allow that to happen. We're much better served by learning, growing and evolving. Its only natural that the hardest exercises in life would be the ones that teach us the most valuable lessons.

This one is hard. I'm still working through my issues, I'll have to get back when I can think of something.

Sheryl wrote: This one is hard. I'm still working through my issues, I'll have to get back when I can think of something.




Its me isnt it ? Im your issue right ?

Yep. :p :wah:

sorry it's just something with tin foil.

Sheryl wrote: Yep. :p :wah:



sorry it's just something with tin foil.




I understand

Dominance Minks.....

Several couples around me are dealing with a very dominate spouse. They are not free to be in any aspect of their lives. They are told when to do it, how to do it, when it's time to leave a gathering, when it's time for bed, when they can play on their PC and who they can e-mail with or not. They can't have a girl's day or night out because he doesn't approve, what to cook, what time they will eat, no control of any of the household income. These are marraiges with 10 plus years under their belts. No physical abuse in these relationships, just all mental.

I sit in awe listening to them tell me their stories, which I just can't fathom how they can choose to let someone else be in so much control of their life and somehow find contentment with them to stay in the relationship. I recently had a woman tell me her husband just told her where she can find his will if anything should happen to him during his upcoming surgery. She learned that she is not mentioned in his will, that everything goes to his children from a prior marraige. She cried from frustration and anger and now must decide what path in life she'll need to take and how, if her husband should die.

I'm grateful that the 30+ years with my husband, have always given me the benefit of being free to be...be who I wanted to be, to make my own decisions and choices and deal with the consequences of my own actions.

Life's lesson from listening to these people....Learn to take charge of your own life and hold on! You are the person with whom you spend the most time, you are the person in whom you have the most invested and you are the common denominator to every situation, circumstance, challenge and relationship in your life. You either contribute to or contaminate every situation and circumstance in which you are involved in. We only have one life to live....live it well and be happy!

I have always been drawn to people who are hard to please. It seemed like the only compliments worth getting were the ones that were hard earned. This tiresome, painful habit has caused tremendous stress in my life. Because all of these people were quite impossible to please, or make happy. I made these choices in husbands, friends and employers. I only recently discovered that I aligned or involved myself with these people because they were just like my father. They are narcissists. Now, I can spot the character traits almost immediately, and I avoid contact with these people at all costs. It only took 54 years to become an expert.

LIL.... I recently had a woman tell me her husband just told her where she can find his will if anything should happen to him during his upcoming surgery. She learned that she is not mentioned in his will, that everything goes to his children from a prior marraige. tell her the husband is lying. a husband cannot disinherit a wife. if he does not mention her in the will, she just needs to go to probate court. most states say she is entitled to one-third. she should however, have a consult with a lawyer in her area.

[quote=Lil~Basco]Dominance Minks.....



Several couples around me are dealing with a very dominate spouse. They are not free to be in any aspect of their lives. They are told when to do it, how to do it, when it's time to leave a gathering, when it's time for bed, when they can play on their PC and who they can e-mail with or not. They can't have a girl's day or night out because he doesn't approve, what to cook, what time they will eat, no control of any of the household income. These are marraiges with 10 plus years under their belts. No physical abuse in these relationships, just all mental.



I sit in awe listening to them tell me their stories, which I just can't fathom how they can choose to let someone else be in so much control of their life and somehow find contentment with them to stay in the relationship. I recently had a woman tell me her husband just told her where she can find his will if anything should happen to him during his upcoming surgery. She learned that she is not mentioned in his will, that everything goes to his children from a prior marraige. She cried from frustration and anger and now must decide what path in life she'll need to take and how, if her husband should die.



I'm grateful that the 30+ years with my husband, have always given me the benefit of being free to be...be who I wanted to be, to make my own decisions and choices and deal with the consequences of my own actions.



Life's lesson from listening to these people....Learn to take charge of your own life and hold on! You are the person with whom you spend the most time, you are the person in whom you have the most invested and you are the common denominator to every situation, circumstance, challenge and relationship in your life. You either contribute to or contaminate every situation and circumstance in which you are involved in. We only have one life to live....live it well and be happy!



I do believe you have a clench hold on the meaning of life...or at least a very important part of it. I bow.

lady cop wrote: LIL.... I recently had a woman tell me her husband just told her where she can find his will if anything should happen to him during his upcoming surgery. She learned that she is not mentioned in his will, that everything goes to his children from a prior marraige. tell her the husband is lying. a husband cannot disinherit a wife. if he does not mention her in the will, she just needs to go to probate court. most states say she is entitled to one-third. she should however, have a consult with a lawyer in her area.
LC....the ONLY thing she is entitled to is the crappy little house which she does not want. His sons didn't want it, so she was named to recieve it in the will. I advised her to take a copy of the will to an attorney and see what her rights are. This woman is pushing 60 and has nothing. She is her husband's third wife.

lady cop wrote: LIL.... I recently had a woman tell me her husband just told her where she can find his will if anything should happen to him during his upcoming surgery. She learned that she is not mentioned in his will, that everything goes to his children from a prior marraige. tell her the husband is lying. a husband cannot disinherit a wife. if he does not mention her in the will, she just needs to go to probate court. most states say she is entitled to one-third. she should however, have a consult with a lawyer in her area.


Or perhaps, once he's in hospital, she should tell him he's not coming home! Let the kids from the prior marriage have his sorry a$$.

Possession is 9/10ths of the law, he left of his own free will so he's not welcome back! (And change the locks!)

Lil~Basco wrote: LC....the ONLY thing she is entitled to is the crappy little house which she does not want. His sons didn't want it, so she was named to recieve it in the will. I advised her to take a copy of the will to an attorney and see what her rights are. This woman is pushing 60 and has nothing. She is her husband's third wife.


Oops! Missed this bit! Can't she clear out his bank account and do a runner?

Also, why should she have to care for him when he leaves hospital? Let him look after himself or pay her for nursing him!

Or she could leave him now. Why stick around? Get the lawyers onto it, sell the house, take the money and scarper.

if he has money assets other than the house, she is entitled. she needs a forensic accountant or attorney to see what he may be hiding. and then it can be frozen. preferably while he's under the ether. if she locked him out, constructively that's HER deserting him. she really does need to see a lawyer and find out what her state statutes say. but she has rights nomatter what number wife she is.

Rapunzel wrote: Oops! Missed this bit! Can't she clear out his bank account and do a runner?

Also, why should she have to care for him when he leaves hospital? Let him look after himself or pay her for nursing him!

Or she could leave him now. Why stick around? Get the lawyers onto it, sell the house, take the money and scarper.


oiy lawyers could bleed them both dry :-3

lady cop wrote: if he has money assets other than the house, she is entitled. she needs a forensic accountant or attorney to see what he may be hiding. and then it can be frozen. preferably while he's under the ether. if she locked him out, constructively that's HER deserting him. she really does need to see a lawyer and find out what her state statutes say. but she has rights nomatter what number wife she is.
I agree with you and I do hope she sees an attorney soon! I will see her this week again, and plan to ask her if she's made any effort to check into this. Thanks LC!

i'd really be interested in hearing what action she decides to take. i hope she listens to you and doesn't waffle around. an attorney visit now could save her a lot of grief and probate later. you're welcome of course!

lady cop wrote: if he has money assets other than the house, she is entitled. she needs a forensic accountant or attorney to see what he may be hiding. and then it can be frozen. preferably while he's under the ether. if she locked him out, constructively that's HER deserting him. she really does need to see a lawyer and find out what her state statutes say. but she has rights nomatter what number wife she is.


See how good it is to have LC?

MUCH better to listen to her good sense than to my waffle!

Give your friend LC's advice Basco and tell her we're gunning for her!

And let us know what happens! Thanks.

Foolish women..... To give up their freedom, and totally put their lives in someone elses hands. And WHAT? are the husbands who do these things, make these arrangements thinking? I hope she gets to a lawyer... FAST

Rapunzel wrote: See how good it is to have LC?

MUCH better to listen to her good sense than to my waffle!

Give your friend LC's advice Basco and tell her we're gunning for her!

And let us know what happens! Thanks.
Rap....ahahaha....she sounded just like you ranted, that's how upset she is. She's the one running him to all the doctor appts, sitting at the hospitals, cleaning, cooking, and nursing him when home, etc....Oh, she was on a roll with the anger and wanting vengence. I'm trying to get her to see the light by going the legal way, sooner than later.