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Today I got up at 5am. Blindly headed for the coffee machine.. pressed the button and joyfully waited for the brown liquid that would enable me to swallow, and to walk straight. Got the "Java" Drank it.. smoked cigarettes(revolting I know) and played on the computer. Worked outdoors in the rain... landscaping. Bought groceries, came home.. Made a cup of tea and headed here to check in with you guys again. It took me over 5 years to be happy with my own company. To appreciate doing what I want.. when I want, and not have to have discord in my home.. or to be worried about someone elses bad mood. I am so NOT in emmotional pain... that I think Ive gone too far to the left. I dont know if I could pay the price of compromise and accountability, in order to have someone with me. And now, like some kind of a big shot, I feel compelled to encourage people in bad situations to find the courage to give them up.Its just that after a very long journey... I have found this place that is so comfortable. Maybe its like a nest. Like youve gotten healthy minded.. Like your being prepared for a new passage... enlightened, wiser, dressed properly, and ready to explore new puddles. Just thought Id share that. New people will think Im quite crazy. Its OK. I dont care.

What a heartwarming post, Weeder. If that's crazy, then "bring it on"...I'll happily subscribe...you are an incredible lady :yh_hugs

weeder wrote: Today I got up at 5am. Blindly headed for the coffee machine.. pressed the button and joyfully waited for the brown liquid that would enable me to swallow, and to walk straight. Got the "Java" Drank it.. smoked cigarettes(revolting I know) and played on the computer. Worked outdoors in the rain... landscaping. Bought groceries, came home.. Made a cup of tea and headed here to check in with you guys again. It took me over 5 years to be happy with my own company. To appreciate doing what I want.. when I want, and not have to have discord in my home.. or to be worried about someone elses bad mood. I am so NOT in emmotional pain... that I think Ive gone too far to the left. I dont know if I could pay the price of compromise and accountability, in order to have someone with me. And now, like some kind of a big shot, I feel compelled to encourage people in bad situations to find the courage to give them up.Its just that after a very long journey... I have found this place that is so comfortable. Maybe its like a nest. Like youve gotten healthy minded.. Like your being prepared for a new passage... enlightened, wiser, dressed properly, and ready to explore new puddles. Just thought Id share that. New people will think Im quite crazy. Its OK. I dont care.


Weeder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You rock, Girl !!!! It's lovely to hear. You've finally been able to put all that heavy, past baggage down, stretch, sniff the air, stand straight and tall - and in fact, reinvent yourself. More power to your sexy arm!!! Go and sing and dance and kick up those stylish, enlightened, wiser, dressed properly type heels..

Incipit vita nova.

Here begins the new life !!

I'm so happy you're happy :-6

theia wrote: What a heartwarming post, Weeder. If that's crazy, then "bring it on"...I'll happily subscribe...you are an incredible lady :yh_hugs
Ditto that, Weeder. If that's crazy, then I don't wanna be sane. You're a great lady. :-4 :-6

theia wrote: What a heartwarming post, Weeder. If that's crazy, then "bring it on"...I'll happily subscribe...you are an incredible lady :yh_hugs
Bring it on???? Your gonna get it .. My dear new Cornish friend.

14 nights from tonite.. we will be laughing, crying, squeezing. and sharing..... I cant wait!!!!!!! You do squeeze feet dont you???? My friend in Georgia did.. Its an American past time:-4

BabyRider wrote: Ditto that, Weeder. If that's crazy, then I don't wanna be sane. You're an great lady. :-4 :-6
BR... Thank You as always ( your Virginia mom) I walked through a lot of fire to get here..... YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!!

I overslept this morning. So I dashed about and got ready and went out to go to work. The car wouldn't start. So, I had to get on the phone but couldn't get it booked in until Monday. Access to the starter motor is from underneath. I have nowhere to lift a car on my home grounds and I live on a bus route. This is a small residential road and it scared the life outta me the first time a bus sped along while I was under the car. Boy did the car shake. I thought, that's my warning shot.

Tired from a late night, I went out to try and bump start the car, but couldn't get enough speed up. Everyone around me had gone to work. The car was stuck out on the pavement so I had to push it onto the road and park it up. Just then, one of my neighbours turned up and he gave me a tow start and I got to work.

Had a tow start to get home from work. Decided not to go shopping as I usually do on a Friday night, so no treats for me tonight. Never mind, I'll use the bus tomorrow.

Am I bothered. No. It's all part of life.

Tired though. Checked the mail, had tea, and programmed my recorder. While doing my regular Friday night file back up, I had trouble keeping my eyes open. Got done then closed my eyes for a bit. About 15 minutes. Then I got a glass of water and came back on here.

The only thing I miss in a relationship is having someone to surprise with little presents, sneaking up behind and giving them a hug, and stuff like that. Companionship is nice when everyone's hunky dory.

Otherwise, I'm my own man. I can put stuff down and find it again (most of the time:rolleyes: ).

abbey wrote: I'm so happy you're happy :-6
I want to meet you Abbeykins... Im already thinking... Theia will come here in October... Ill go back to England in January.. and we will travel to Manchester. Thank You God.. That I am FREE!!!!!

OpenMind wrote: I overslept this morning. So I dashed about and got ready and went out to go to work. The car wouldn't start. So, I had to get on the phone but couldn't get it booked in until Monday. Access to the starter motor is from underneath. I have nowhere to lift a car on my home grounds and I live on a bus route. This is a small residential road and it scared the life outta me the first time a bus sped along while I was under the car. Boy did the car shake. I thought, that's my warning shot.

Tired from a late night, I went out to try and bump start the car, but couldn't get enough speed up. Everyone around me had gone to work. The car was stuck out on the pavement so I had to push it onto the road and park it up. Just then, one of my neighbours turned up and he gave me a tow start and I got to work.

Had a tow start to get home from work. Decided not to go shopping as I usually do on a Friday night, so no treats for me tonight. Never mind, I'll use the bus tomorrow.

Am I bothered. No. It's all part of life.

Tired though. Checked the mail, had tea, and programmed my recorder. While doing my regular Friday night file back up, I had trouble keeping my eyes open. Got done then closed my eyes for a bit. About 15 minutes. Then I got a glass of water and came back on here.

The only thing I miss in a relationship is having someone to surprise with little presents, sneaking up behind and giving them a hug, and stuff like that. Companionship is nice when everyone's hunky dory.

Otherwise, I'm my own man. I can put stuff down and find it again (most of the time:rolleyes: ).
Ive been there Open Mind.. Trudging up to a bus in the snow.. in a rural area... only to discover.. There was no bus!!!!! Trying to get to work... Panicky. Then hurrying home from work ( after cajoling a ride out of someone... nervous.. because the man in my life ... would be hungry. Awful, Awful, Awful. Female genitals are not inferior to male genitals. I am pleased that you have experienced fending for yourself, and living on your own.

I don't worry about getting to work. If they get stroppy with me, I'll find another job. Most of my client employers are happy with me and I get to go back from time to time. Rarely fall into a bad situation like that though. They can get someone else and I can get another contract.

If I had to criticise my work, It's just that I am ready for a change now. Something completely different.

AussiePam wrote: Weeder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You rock, Girl !!!! It's lovely to hear. You've finally been able to put all that heavy, past baggage down, stretch, sniff the air, stand straight and tall - and in fact, reinvent yourself. More power to your sexy arm!!! Go and sing and dance and kick up those stylish, enlightened, wiser, dressed properly type heels..

Incipit vita nova.

Here begins the new life !!
Took a long time to get here Pam. Wrong Choices... Putting myself last. Learned behavior. I am grateful for every hot bath.. every laugh with friends.... Maybe I wont feel so great when I start to look my age. I dont know. But we really dont know anything. I do know that when you try really hard to hold on to something.... It, he, struggles to get away from you.

weeder wrote: I want to meet you Abbeykins... Im already thinking... Theia will come here in October... Ill go back to England in January.. and we will travel to Manchester. Thank You God.. That I am FREE!!!!!Just dont forget to pack your thermals and umbrella :wah:

weeder wrote: Took a long time to get here Pam. Wrong Choices... Putting myself last. Learned behavior. I am grateful for every hot bath.. every laugh with friends.... Maybe I wont feel so great when I start to look my age. I dont know. But we really dont know anything. I do know that when you try really hard to hold on to something.... It, he, struggles to get away from you.


About wrong choices - it's very easy to beat yourself up about past decisions - with hindsight. At the time, they were probably all reasonable choices. Grin. But I hear what you're saying about learned behaviour. Grin. As for aging. We all age (well I don't - I'm staying a lusty 29 forever) - and I reckon we should do it disgracefully, viewing every single day we're given on this earth as a bright new dawn of wonderful possibilities. Hang on to the capacity to be amazed!!! And I hope I get to meet you one day too. !!

weeder wrote: Ive been there Open Mind.. Trudging up to a bus in the snow.. in a rural area... only to discover.. There was no bus!!!!! Trying to get to work... Panicky. Then hurrying home from work ( after cajoling a ride out of someone... nervous.. because the man in my life ... would be hungry. Awful, Awful, Awful. Female genitals are not inferior to male genitals. I am pleased that you have experienced fending for yourself, and living on your own.


I've been alone for about 50% of my adult life. I'm pretty used to it now. This is the first time I've lived in one place for so long, though. 8 years, that's a really long time for me, that's like the equivalent to over 5 places.

weeder wrote: Female genitals are not inferior to male genitals.


And we girls are definitely kinda tidier in that respect

AussiePam wrote: And we girls are definitely kinda tidier in that respect


Do you tuck yours away then. I always tuck mine away.

AussiePam wrote: And we girls are definitely kinda tidier in that respect


:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

When in public ifn I don't want to get arrested.. yup. Of course in private - dancing a Highland Fling - I let them all hang out.. hee heee..

OpenMind wrote: Do you tuck yours away then. I always tuck mine away.


:yh_rotfl Reminds me of the day my three year old daughter asked me if our willies were tucked away up our bottoms!

AussiePam wrote: When in public ifn I don't want to get arrested.. yup. Of course in private - dancing a Highland Fling - I let them all hang out.. hee heee..


:yh_rotfl Flapping in the breeze in between the trees.

abbey wrote: Just dont forget to pack your thermals and umbrella :wah:
My packing decisions have been made. I was fortunate enough to have met Americans recently who have lived in England (They loved it, by the way) My suitcase will have... Turtlenecks, sweaters, sox. underwear and maybe a flannel shirt. I put comfort over glamour.... ALWAYS

Pam.. I have known the feeling of your heart coming up into your throat when you kiss someone. And Ive longed for it again. I have also known the feeling of that same person putting their foot up your a*s. And so, we travel to this place called "celibacy" which actually is like a magical door... that people are afraid to walk through. On the other side is tremendous learning. Not bitterness.... learning. And Enlightenment. I hope to meet you someday also. Actually, Ill tell you a little secret. I know I will.

I was recently driving in the country outside Sydney and came upon a farm where my Dad used to take us for rustic vacations. Pretty much my first memory was of being hauled out of a waterhole by him, where I was having a great time with a six year old boy. We were um exchanging physiological information...

I was five and he was six

When we got caught comparing dicks

His was really rather small

I didn't have a dick at all

Bang bang

My Dad did shout

Bang bang

He hauled me out

Bang bang

I got a clout

Bang bang

I'm ruined - there's no doubt

weeder wrote: Today I got up at 5am. Blindly headed for the coffee machine.. pressed the button and joyfully waited for the brown liquid that would enable me to swallow, and to walk straight. Got the "Java" Drank it.. smoked cigarettes(revolting I know) and played on the computer. Worked outdoors in the rain... landscaping. Bought groceries, came home.. Made a cup of tea and headed here to check in with you guys again. It took me over 5 years to be happy with my own company. To appreciate doing what I want.. when I want, and not have to have discord in my home.. or to be worried about someone elses bad mood. I am so NOT in emmotional pain... that I think Ive gone too far to the left. I dont know if I could pay the price of compromise and accountability, in order to have someone with me. And now, like some kind of a big shot, I feel compelled to encourage people in bad situations to find the courage to give them up.Its just that after a very long journey... I have found this place that is so comfortable. Maybe its like a nest. Like youve gotten healthy minded.. Like your being prepared for a new passage... enlightened, wiser, dressed properly, and ready to explore new puddles. Just thought Id share that. New people will think Im quite crazy. Its OK. I dont care.




Pretty great feeling aint it ? You just got comfortable in your own skin.

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl Betty Boop wrote: :yh_rotfl Reminds me of the day my three year old daughter asked me if our willies were tucked away up our bottoms!

AussiePam wrote: I was recently driving in the country outside Sydney and came upon a farm where my Dad used to take us for rustic vacations. Pretty much my first memory was of being hauled out of a waterhole by him, where I was having a great time with a six year old boy. We were um exchanging physiological information...

I was five and he was six

When we got caught comparing dicks

His was really rather small

I didn't have a dick at all

Bang bang

My Dad did shout

Bang bang

He hauled me out

Bang bang

I got a clout

Bang bang

I'm ruined - there's no doubtYOU ARE AN AUSTRALLIAN PISSA!!!!!! When I was about 10 these two boys would bring me to their garage. Their parents were working. They were about 12 and 14. Pick me big bouquets of weeds... and say to me.. " Ok now, which bouquet do you like the best... you have to give that person a kiss........... Weird, weird, weird, that I remember that.

Weeder - I hope a "pissa" is something nice??? If not, I might just hafta leap though this screen and clobber you!!

You got all the way to puberty before losing your dignity.. hee hee.. Maybe I was precocious..

Nomad wrote: Pretty great feeling aint it ? You just got comfortable in your own skin.
You can say that again Nommie.... 5 years ago tonite.. I was on anti depressent medication.. writhing in pain, over the loss of a lifelong friend/lover who hurt me so badly my hair was bleeding. Long Long Journey... I thought Id never feel the sun on my soul again.

weeder wrote: You can say that again Nommie.... 5 years ago tonite.. I was on anti depressent medication.. writhing in pain, over the loss of a lifelong friend/lover who hurt me so badly my hair was bleeding. Long Long Journey... I thought Id never feel the sun on my soul again.




Thats the real beauty in life......it moves

Yes, Nomad.. and the time stream goes only in one direction... inexorably onwards, that moving bloody finger writes and having writ (makes a rude sign and) moves on. Nor all our piety nor wit can lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all our tears wash out a word of it.... I'm probably misquoting.. Look behind you is under your av. Maybe an occasional glance back is okay. But mainly, it's onward and upward.. dancing a bit as we go, if we can. And on that note, Children, I'm going outside to brave the ice and kick a football round.

AussiePam wrote: Yes, Weeder. I know I can't cope with long term celibacy. But it does have quite a bit going for it. I guess a bit of me will always be hungering for that One True Soul Mate - but most of me is pretty cynical and sniggers. I notice aloneness when I wake up on a Saturday morning and feel like a cuddle (and I'm not talking sex here). I notice aloneness in the evenings when I'm on the road so often and sitting down to a solitary meal. I notice aloneness when I'm out walking and see couples hand in hand. I have male companions and friends. And good ones. And freedom. Mostly, it's enough.


Don't be lonely and don't be cynical. We were mostly brought up to believe in the one true soulmate ideal fairy story. Be happy with yourself and feel yourself whole. Smile at yourself in the mirror and laugh a lot.

AussiePam wrote: Yes, Weeder. I know I can't cope with long term celibacy. But it does have quite a bit going for it. I guess a bit of me will always be hungering for that One True Soul Mate - but most of me is pretty cynical and sniggers. I notice aloneness when I wake up on a Saturday morning and feel like a cuddle (and I'm not talking sex here). I notice aloneness in the evenings when I'm on the road so often and sitting down to a solitary meal. I notice aloneness when I'm out walking and see couples hand in hand. I have male companions and friends. And good ones. And freedom. Mostly, it's enough.
Pissa is a good thing Pam... It means you make me wet my pants laughing. Its a new york phrase. I thought you were married.

Thanks OpenMind. I appreciate what you say. I am a loner and alone-ness comes with that territory. It's partly temperamental. Loneliness is something different and I do occasionally experience that too, but all in all, I am a happy person. I accept myself with my good points and my bad points. And do smile in the mirror.

AussiePam wrote: Thanks OpenMind. I appreciate what you say. I am a loner and alone-ness comes with that territory. It's partly temperamental. Loneliness is something different and I do occasionally experience that too, but all in all, I am a happy person. I accept myself with my good points and my bad points. And do smile in the mirror.


Good to hear it Pam. I used to experience loneliness when I was younger, but not anymore. It's an empty hollow feeling.

Weeder good for you lady so glad your happy, that makes me happy..!! It feels damn good doesn't it. I call it being comfortable in your own skin. I love myself and actually laugh at my own jokes!!:wah: :wah: Life is to darn short to wear the weight of the world on your shoulders...~!! Relax and enjoy the ride..~~

:driving: Life is a great ride, and I'm glad you are enjoying yours!:)

weeder wrote: Pissa is a good thing Pam... It means you make me wet my pants laughing. Its a new york phrase. I thought you were married.First time i heard this term i thought weeder was insulting me :wah:

I really should stop using that word.. its juvenille, but it always makes ME laugh.

Ahhhhh so a pissa is an okay type thing to be.. Mmmmm.. grin.. and not the mispronunciation of a scrumptious Italian dish.. I'll tuck it away for future reference Guys.. it might work in a future limerick, if I can find a rhyme!!

AussiePam wrote: Ahhhhh so a pissa is an okay type thing to be.. Mmmmm.. grin.. and not the mispronunciation of a scrumptious Italian dish.. I'll tuck it away for future reference Guys.. it might work in a future limerick, if I can find a rhyme!!


Gimme a kissa.

I thought I already gave you one today, OpenMind... but heck, who's counting?

MMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!

AussiePam wrote: I thought I already gave you one today, OpenMind... but heck, who's counting?



MMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!


:o :yh_blush

Pissa is a person who makes you wet your pants...

Theyre very often lauging.. like to sing and dance

Id rather know a PISSA...

Than someone who is a drag...

Ill ALWAYS be a PISSA...

Never a gloomy "Olde Hag"

My friends are all big Pissas..

Thats why we have such fun,

Memories of laughing together.

Join us... like were one.

You blush very nicely OpenMind, and you rhyme very nicely Weeder. And on that note... pam strives to hit High C... and all the windows in the FG implode... I'm outta here!!!

And Okay, I know I didn't get past high G... hee hee.. google let me down.. but I did manage a nice chord which took some singing skill !!

weeder wrote: Today I got up at 5am. Blindly headed for the coffee machine.. pressed the button and joyfully waited for the brown liquid that would enable me to swallow, and to walk straight. Got the "Java" Drank it.. smoked cigarettes(revolting I know) and played on the computer. Worked outdoors in the rain... landscaping. Bought groceries, came home.. Made a cup of tea and headed here to check in with you guys again. It took me over 5 years to be happy with my own company. To appreciate doing what I want.. when I want, and not have to have discord in my home.. or to be worried about someone elses bad mood. I am so NOT in emmotional pain... that I think Ive gone too far to the left. I dont know if I could pay the price of compromise and accountability, in order to have someone with me. And now, like some kind of a big shot, I feel compelled to encourage people in bad situations to find the courage to give them up.Its just that after a very long journey... I have found this place that is so comfortable. Maybe its like a nest. Like youve gotten healthy minded.. Like your being prepared for a new passage... enlightened, wiser, dressed properly, and ready to explore new puddles. Just thought Id share that. New people will think Im quite crazy. Its OK. I dont care.


I'm happy you're happy :-4 and you are crazy ...but crazy' s good..:yh_bigsmi

YAY Weeder! I'm happy that you're happy!! :-4

Now we just have to convince you to visit Texas!!!:D

Sunny.. I would love to go to Texas!!! If I had unlimited funds... all I would do is travel. Do you think it would be possible for me to get people from each state to fund my trips.. for the pleasure of meeting a crazy loon??????

Bez wrote: I'm happy you're happy :-4 and you are crazy ...but crazy' s good..:yh_bigsmi
Ill have about 48 hours to rub off on you!!:)

weeder wrote: Sunny.. I would love to go to Texas!!! If I had unlimited funds... all I would do is travel. Do you think it would be possible for me to get people from each state to fund my trips.. for the pleasure of meeting a crazy loon??????


LOL! We'll start a Weeder fund!

It would be SO great for a bunch of us to meet eventually!

weeder wrote: Ill have about 48 hours to rub off on you!!:)


Heavens...I'll leave home a crazy coot and come back a maniac....yeahhh



You sure you know what you're letting yourself in for