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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as

sharp as it used to be.

I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.



It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow

old because you stop laughing.

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

You try to lift something bog, then remember "you aren't twenty" anymore.

You fondly remember skateboarding, but you wouldn't do it now for fear of falling.

You remember when Michael Jackson was still black and cool.

8 - Tracks are still lying around your house.

You still call CD's "albums."

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my

doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I

decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,

gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the

time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

25 Signs You've Grown Up

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry & divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids

next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around

you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds

leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the

beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely

upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not

condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm

never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for

real work.

24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to

a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one

sign that doesn't apply to you.

:wah:

OLD GEEZERS

"Geezers" (slang for an old man) are easy to spot:

At sporting events, during the playing of the National Anthem, Old Geezers remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

Old Geezers remember the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War 1950-53-55, The Cold War, the jet age, and the moon landing, the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam.



If you bump into an Old Geezer on the sidewalk, he will apologize.

If you pass an Old Geezer on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady.

Old Geezers trust strangers and are courtly to women.

Old Geezers hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

Old Geezers get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth on TV or in movies.

Old Geezers have moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their grandchildren.

It's the Old Geezers who know our great country is protected, not by politicians or police, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

This country needs Old Geezers with their decent values.

We need them now more than ever!



Thank God for Old Geezers!