ForumGarden

I'm not starting this thread looking for some sort of argument. There's actually a reason to it. I'll post it in minute. I just wanted to say, let's respect everyones opinions. And like grandma said....If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Ok now for why I posted this poll/thread.

I have a friend who will be 27 in September. She's single and never really had what you would call a steady boyfriend. She whines and moans all the time about how she wants a boyfriend who would take her out and treat her well, etc.

However every guy she's ever met, she sleeps with the first night. So these guys then either ignore her after that, or put her number on speed dial for when they feel like getting lucky. I find it all really sad, but not sure how to tell her she's getting the rep of a slut.

So what are your opinions on one night stands, and how do you tell someone their actions are what's causing their miser? Or should I just butt out and let her live and learn by her own mistakes?

Sheryl:

I do not think you should butt out. If she is a good friend, she needs a good heads up. Not only about what it is doing to her reputation, but the fact she is taking her health and life in her hands by doing this. She probably won't listen, saying it is her life and all. So be prepared for that.

I can say been there...done that to the whole thing. Part of it, for me, I think was a bit of a low self esteem problem for me back then. Figured I needed the attention and why not give them what they wanted in return. Not hurting anyone..but I did not realize I was hurting myself. I stopped that behavior on my own.

Sad thing is, you cannot get back this time in your life, and your friend needs better memories than this.

The "right man" is out there. Shejust needs patience and to realize that if he is not there **now** is it really the end of the world??

My Mr Right did not enter my life till I was in my 40's!! But the wait was worth it.

I'd mention it once, that maybe sleeping with a lot of guys on the first date is not a good idea and leave it at that!

But I don't think there's a magic number either. You never know how a relationship with someone is going to end up. I don't see a one night stand as wrong as long as that's what both people want and don't expect anything more from it!

I've never had a one night stand because I've been with the same guy since I was 21.

You both are right in ways to me. It's just that when you live in a very small town like we do, gossip is the number one past time. And she's defintly on the hotlist of topics often.

The random element of one-night stands adds to their charm and attraction. I've been snookered behind the red in my time. When's that going to come up in a long-term relationship? Not having to live with the consequences encourages experimentation.

I had a one night stand a few years ago. The guy was pretty awesome. He called three days later, a couple years later we were engaged and three years after that we were married. Now we have been married almost three years!

A one night stand sounds so final, you never know what may happen life is funny that way. I wouldn't reccommed it just for the safety of your health, and mentioning it to your friend is what friends do..

As it goes.. my old man got lucky on our first date and seven year's later i still tell him EVERYDAY how lucky he is .:D

Having sex with someone is a beautiful and important act of love. To attach no meaning to it is degrading and demeaning to both partners.

I have never gone to bed with any girl I didn't respect and have a relationship with...and never on the first date. By the time I went to bed with her, I knew that I loved her and that she loved me, and that made the first time together something special.

You sure know how to lay bait, Sheryl - they're all crawling out of the woodwork tonight.

Appended: do please check the timestamps - Jives wasn't here when I typed that.

spot wrote: You sure know how to lay bait, Sheryl - they're all crawling out of the woodwork tonight.

Appended: do please check the timestamps - Jives wasn't here when I typed that.


Not laying bait for anything spot. This person is real and I really wanted some advice.

Jives wrote: Having sex with someone is a beautiful and important act of love. To attach no meaning to it is degrading and demeaning to both partners.

I have never gone to bed with any girl I didn't respect and have a relationship with...and never on the first date. By the time I went to bed with her, I knew that I loved her and that she loved me, and that made the first time together something special.


You can give your opinion and save the judgements, Jives.

Sheryl wrote: Not laying bait for anything spot. This person is real and I really wanted some advice.What Marie said, #2. All the rest is superfluous, she got it and we all know she got it.

:-5 please everyone go reread my first post, heck I'll even go make bold the pointed I wanted across before this whole mess.

i wanted folks opinions on one night stand, not everyone to start criticizing others opinions.

Sheryl wrote: I'm not starting this thread looking for some sort of argument. There's actually a reason to it. I'll post it in minute. I just wanted to say, let's respect everyones opinions. And like grandma said....If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.




OK.

I just wanted to point out I thought Jives comments were rude and insensitive. I do not feel degraded or demeaned in any way. He suggested that; along with the suggestion that I wasnt respected by my husband because we had a one night stand. He is being judgemental and I take it personal. Especially after not just me, but someone else stated their marriage was the end result of what started out as a one night stand.

It's my opinion. If you don't like it, lump it. One night stands are low class.

Clancy wrote: I agree 100% in what you've just said. But fail to see the need for Judgement in a previous post. If it's a personal preference , or stated as such, fine, but to judge others who have posted as being degrading is it their right to sit in judgement?


Ignore it, I know it's hard to. But if you keep taking bait, it makes as bad as the fisherman. Got it?:D

Jives wrote: It's my opinion. If you don't like it, lump it. One night stands are low class.


You're an a$$hole.

Lump it my dear Clancy means "Screw it" meaning I don't give a damn what you think..

Jives I hear what your saying and thats your choice, but don't belittle others because they don't see it as you do. Life if full of different opinions on just about any work in the english language... PEACE MY BROTHER..!!

P.S. Jives a 1/2 day stand for me these day would be a wonderful thing. It's been a very long time for this ol gal.... "Judge not least thee be judged" and it will come back to haunt you...

CARLA wrote: don't belittle others because they don't see it as you do.


I stated my opinion, then others belittled me because they didn't like it. They called me names like "disrespectful" because I didn't agree with their point of view.

The whole idea of a one night stand precludes love. Who here will dispute that love is the most essential ingredient in sex?

Looks like a lot of people agree with me, too, considering her friend is getting a reputation as a "slut." I would never condemn her as such, but the fact that others do should show that most people think you should be in love before you go to bed with someone.

Jives wrote: I stated my opinion, then others belittled me because they didn't like it. They called me names like "disrespectful" because I didn't agree with their point of view.

The whole idea of a one night stand precludes love. Who here will dispute that love is the most essential ingredient in sex?

Looks like a lot of people agree with me, too, considering her friend is getting a reputation as a "slut." I would never condemn her as such, but the fact that others do should show that most people think you should be in love before you go to bed with someone.


Havent you heard of love at first sight? And you didnt call her a slut but you inferred she was degraded, demeaned and low class. Did you not?

I'd rather be called low class than be a judgemental, moronic, cliched-out, self righteous, grandstanding liar.

It's all opinions and we are all allowed to post opinions aren't we, or has that been taken away???

And naturally we are not all going to agree.

One night stands, gosh, I would say there is a time and a place. If you don't make them a habit, they can be a thrill. In these current days and ages mind you, I would hope folks are taking precautions.

As for your friend ever developing a decent stable relationship Sheryl she is being foolish. If her news is "town" news she may never gain respect and may always go on being seen as the local "tramp" (that is being polite)

OMG!!! I sure am not seeing Jives point fingers at anyone, he stated his opinion for crying out loud!!!!! Until he points fingers and includes names why don't you all chill.

DesignerGal wrote: Havent you heard of love at first sight?


Sure have, I fell in love with my wofe on first sight. I didn't go to bed with her that night though! ROFL!



And you didnt call her a slut but you inferred she was degraded, demeaned and low class. Did you not?


I sure did. What's your point?

I'd rather be called low class than be a judgemental, moronic, cliched-out, self righteous, grandstanding liar.


Well, good luck with that then. I really never thought you were a liar though.

:D

I haven't posted my opinion, so here's my take.



Since I'm married one night stands aren't in my future. Unless Matthew McConaughey calls, then I'll just might.

But seriously, sh*t happens and sometimes you get a little to drunk, or you've had a dry spell and need some action. We are humans after all. However when it's every guy you meet in a bar or at a party that you take home and sleep with, problems arise.

You've all given excellent advice, and that's why I'm asking for opinions. I don't want another war here, just some ADULT conversation. Wait I don't mean like XXX conversation, but conversation that lacks belittling and such.

Am I clear as mud?

minks wrote: It's all opinions and we are all allowed to post opinions aren't we, or has that been taken away???


Apparently not, Minks. I think some people are threatened when I say it is demeaning. "Methinks they doth protest too much."

As for your friend ever developing a decent stable relationship Sheryl she is being foolish. If her news is "town" news she may never gain respect and may always go on being seen as the local "tramp" (that is being polite)


I couldn't agree more. Let's see...girl sleeps around, goes to bed with every guy she dates on the first night...and then for some reason is seen as the local "slut."

What exactly is hard to understand about that?

It sure isn't any way I'd want a daughter of mine to behave.

Are we actually arguing about whether this is considered good behavior?

:wah:

I still think you missed an option on the poll - something along the lines of occasionally whilst not married.

Bryn Mawr wrote: I still think you missed an option on the poll - something along the lines of occasionally whilst not married.


I meant that to be number 3, guess I should of put a emphasis on single. :-2

Sheryl wrote: I meant that to be number 3, guess I should of put a emphasis on single. :-2


Count me in then - Oh DAMN, I'm married

Jives wrote: Apparently not, Minks. I think some people are threatened when I say it is demeaning. "Methinks they doth protest too much."




Threatened? No. I just like pointing out how insipid and contradictory you are sometimes.

And YOU are the liar.

Jives wrote: Who here will dispute that love is the most essential ingredient in sex?







I will. The first two most essential ingredients in sex are a man, and a woman. The second most important ingredient is an interest that is shared. The third ingredient is a place to have to do it. Preferably a bed. Fourth: an erection and a welcoming female body. Fifth: some kind of protection. Those, in fact, are the ONLY ingredients required for sex. In fact, some of the best sex I've had was a one night stand, and I have zero regrets about it. I wanted to get laid, I found a willing guy, and I got laid. Mission accomplished and not an iota of "feeling" (emotional anyways) went into it. Two consenting adults scratching an itch. I didn't hear from him again, and I didn't want to, and I made it perfectly clear that it was to be that way.

Yup, we managed to have great sex, all night long without any love being brought into the picture.



Edited to add: This of course, was before I met Bullet.

Well done BR - that's far better put than I was managing to write in response to the same sentence. I'm glad you did that.

Good job BR isn't lust grand..!!

Thank goodness for BR's articulate description of s-e-x.

spot wrote: Well done BR - that's far better put than I was managing to write in response to the same sentence. I'm glad you did that.
Well thank you, Spot. All this "there has to be love, there has to be respect...." it sounds like something out of 1953. This is 2006, and there still seems to be the obvious, glaringly wrong idea that women who get laid a lot are sluts, and men who get laid a lot are studs. When I was single, if I wanted to get laid, I got laid. It's a physical need for a lot of people especially those who are secure in their sexuality. I happen to be one of those people. I don't need to be in love to have great sex. The fact that now I am in love and still have great sex is just a bonus!!



And yes, Carla...lust IS grand. I still lust after Bullet every day. Even when he's being a big, crabby, dufus. :yh_rotfl

Clancy wrote: BR, I tip my hat to you. Your honesty is only one of many things that I enjoy about being associated with you. xNothing if not outspoken, BabyRider. But not one of you wimps has dared ask what "I've been snookered behind the red in my time" means.

spot wrote: Nothing if not outspoken, BabyRider. But not one of you wimps has dared ask what "I've been snookered behind the red in my time" means.


What does it mean?

Ok Spot what the heck does it mean..????

[QUOTE]"I've been snookered behind the red in my time" means.[/QUOTE]

Never done it and probably never will... Mainly cos I like a bit of relationship even if it is not for something serious, also I guess under the influence on passion it could happend... It would depends on a lot of things, also I am not a pro-night-time-stand...

spot wrote: Nothing if not outspoken, BabyRider. But not one of you wimps has dared ask what "I've been snookered behind the red in my time" means.


OK, I've just Googled it - not a meaning that springs to mind but appropriate in the context.

If it wasn't just an excuse then it must have been messy finding out.

DesignerGal wrote: Threatened? No. I just like pointing out how insipid and contradictory you are sometimes.

And YOU are the liar.


Ok I hope you got that cleared off your plate, the name calling is getting a little tiresome.

Let it go DG and go back to the fact it's an opinion, he never singled anyone else out. And you had a nice post that was meaningful. Don't ruin it.