Your Horoscope for today
Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 7:41 am
Remember.. consulting the stars is a form of idolatry, and if you read any further you may go to hell.. unless you appologize to the lord all mighty.. that will make it all better.
Aquarius.. There is travel in your future.. You are going nowhere you jerk!! Fill that void in your life.. you pathetic worm...
Pisces.. you are the true lord of the damned.. no matter what your friends say!!
Aries.. you will be sad when you find that watermelon sized lump in your colon.. but it will make you feel better if you can give Meryl Streep a hickey!! Hey man.. cancer isn't all that bad...
Taurus.. you will never find happiness.. get over it!!
Gemini.. your birthday party will be ruined by somebody stabbing you in the chest with a spear.. tough luck.. you freakin' psycho!!
Cancer.. Try not to stick a roll of toilet paper up your nose you control freak!!
Leo.. don't copy a picture of your butt and give it to your boss.. that would be stupid.. better eat a tuna sandwich and drink a gallon of strawberry quick to keep your energy up!
Virgo.. you are friendly and intelligent.. but your friends are more intelligent.. you will realize this when your cannibal friends eat your head off a stick!
Libra.. a big promotion is around the corner.. for somebody more talented than you.. Laughter is the best medicine.. remember that when your appendix explodes!!
Scorpio.. be ready for an unexpected trip.. surely somebody close to you is about to push you out of an open window!! you need to work harder on your low self esteem you loser!!
Sagittarius.. all your friends are laughing at you behind your back.. KILL THEM!! Take down all those pictures of Ernest Borgninghn you wierdo!!
Capricorn.. All the stars point toward you being an exciting and interesting person.. but you know they are lying!! If I were you I would lock my doors and windows!!
Have a great day!
Raymond
Aquarius.. There is travel in your future.. You are going nowhere you jerk!! Fill that void in your life.. you pathetic worm...
Pisces.. you are the true lord of the damned.. no matter what your friends say!!
Aries.. you will be sad when you find that watermelon sized lump in your colon.. but it will make you feel better if you can give Meryl Streep a hickey!! Hey man.. cancer isn't all that bad...
Taurus.. you will never find happiness.. get over it!!
Gemini.. your birthday party will be ruined by somebody stabbing you in the chest with a spear.. tough luck.. you freakin' psycho!!
Cancer.. Try not to stick a roll of toilet paper up your nose you control freak!!
Leo.. don't copy a picture of your butt and give it to your boss.. that would be stupid.. better eat a tuna sandwich and drink a gallon of strawberry quick to keep your energy up!
Virgo.. you are friendly and intelligent.. but your friends are more intelligent.. you will realize this when your cannibal friends eat your head off a stick!
Libra.. a big promotion is around the corner.. for somebody more talented than you.. Laughter is the best medicine.. remember that when your appendix explodes!!
Scorpio.. be ready for an unexpected trip.. surely somebody close to you is about to push you out of an open window!! you need to work harder on your low self esteem you loser!!
Sagittarius.. all your friends are laughing at you behind your back.. KILL THEM!! Take down all those pictures of Ernest Borgninghn you wierdo!!
Capricorn.. All the stars point toward you being an exciting and interesting person.. but you know they are lying!! If I were you I would lock my doors and windows!!
Have a great day!
Raymond
