ForumGarden

My best friend is a girl I work with. There is a guy that comes into our club, seems like a real nice guy, but WOW do we know differently. When she became interested in him, we let him know. He would come down to the club to see her, or show up when we went out together, but they never had a real date. Just through some odd conversations, she decided it was best they never date for real. Well guess what. The guy is madly in love with her. In his mind, they had this big love affair and she has hurt him badly. He has a Jekyll/Hyde personality. He will yahoo her, call her at the club, at home, etc. One time he is asking if they can be at least friends, the next time he is calling her a fat c**t, then apologizes. His main excuse is he was drunk, or the pressure of paying child support is getting him, etc. She has told him to leave her alone and there is no excuse to talk to her this way. One particular message in yahoo has me quite worried. It was something like, "You will talk to me if I have to pin you down hehe kidding". I have begged her to go to the cops with all the messages. I have talked to his best friend and told him, "You're friend is psycho and I have begged her to try to press charges for stalking and to try to get a restraining order". I am presently trying to get the officers at work to bar him from coming in when she is working and to tell him if he continues the phone harassment, he will get 30 days out of there. When he comes in as a customer, I try to be civil because you have to separate personal issues from business, and up to this point I have tried to stay out of it. It is getting harder and harder to be civil to him when I have seen the things he has said to her. I guess my question is, how have you gotten rid of a stalker? This has gone on for months and is only getting worse.

:-4 Snooze :-4

She's understanding

and she kicks ASS:guitarist

Don't some phone companies have a thing where you can block some incoming numbers?

Till then, I would save all Yahoo msgs, emails, voice messages, to bring to the police.

Is it serious enough for her to get a restraining order or protection?

Peg

How lucky your friend is to have you in her life

to watch out for her and love her:)

Marie5656 wrote: Don't some phone companies have a thing where you can block some incoming numbers?

Till then, I would save all Yahoo msgs, emails, voice messages, to bring to the police.

Is it serious enough for her to get a restraining order or protection?
They won't let us get call block on our phone at work even if we offer to pay for it.

I don't know if it'll be considered serious enough for a restraining order. The only way to find out is to try. She had tried being nice, she has tried being nasty, nothing works.

Awww thanks Cher.

SnoozeControl wrote: I'd also spit on him and leave cat sh*t in his car on a really hot day.


Heck yeah, girl! I love your comments. I would do the same thing Peg. If it makes your job miserable, cant YOU press charges? Or is she the only one that can?

Contact the police both her, and management where you work. Her place of business has an obligation to provide a safe working environment for all employees, having an ass stalking someone is dangerous for all employees. She needs to go to management and let them know what is going on and both file a complaint keeping him off the premises and away from her. Once you do that he will not be allowing in the bar or within a certain number of feet outside the bar.

Then she need to be careful when not at work, he sounds like he has a screw loose to me, be safe and file a report ASAP with the Police. That may be all you need to do and he will stop, and he may trie to get to her in another manner. Peg you seem to have a grasp as to how serious this is, now convince your fried that this creep is dangerous.

Well, "Don't try this at home" but once when a guy stalked me my then

fiance (;) ) called him up and said if he ever bothered me again my fiance

would get his Glock and not kill him, just turn him into a drooling quadriplegic.

:-4 Worked great.



I think it's imperative that something be done about this guy NOW. We've

all seen way too many stories with tragic outcomes.

This could prove to be a very dangerous situation. I read a book recently, I Know You Really Love Me, written by a psychiatrist, I believe, who was the victim of a stalker. It was holrrifying. I'll try to post a link to suggestions on what a victim should do. If it doesn't work, you might Google it-the title of the book and "stalkers" will bring up some useful information. Your friend needs to do something. These things rarely 'just go away', harmlessly, if he's at the point that he seems to be. http://www.antistalking.com/victim.htm

Peg, I only wish we lived closer...I have the resource of about 75 brothers who would gladly go have a "chat" with this dude. Maybe make him cry a little.

Get that PPO. It's not hard, it cost me 20 bucks when I had to do it, (this was, of course, years ago) and the judge took nothing more than my word about what was happening to issue it. With the proof you have, you will not have a problem getting a personal protection order. Just remember, a piece of paper will not protect her, it's only a tool to prevent him coming around her or contacting her that SHE has to be willing to enforce.

I talked to one of his friends yesterday and today. His friend is an older guy, with his feet planted firmly on the ground. He said he is afraid to talk to him because once he mentioned her name in passing, and the guy flipped out. He says he is really really in love with her. I told him, "I don't care if you talk to him about it or not. If she takes my advice, he will have a restraining order and stalking charges against him. I also advised her to show her dad. He isn't going to be a happy camper." He ended trying to talk to him today, but I think the guy knows what's up. He told him he didn't have time and rushed out. She works tonight. I'm going down at closing time with Al to make sure he isn't waiting for her. If he calls her tonight at work, I am going to our board and having them prevent him from calling her or coming in when she works. He's starting to get her scared. I just hope she does something before it's too late. He kind of seems to snap in and out of it. I've never seen anything like it and hope to never see it again.

Peg she doesn't have to do anything her place of employment can file charges against him for harassing her at her place of business. This is their job as well to protect her, and all their employees. They can have him bared from entering the building period and staying off the property. It is perfectly legal and is their responsibility as well. All worker are protected under labor laws that require a safe work environment. If something should happen to her at the work place their butts would be big trouble, let alone if he hurts anyone else. It is done every day.

We had to do this about six months ago some delivery guy started harassing our receptionist so our management and the buildings ower filed a complaint with the police and his employer with a restraining order. We haven't seen the jerk since.

If she want to file a police report and get a restraining order for her own personel protection when she isn't at work she can do that as well.

BabyRider wrote: Peg, I only wish we lived closer...I have the resource of about 75 brothers who would gladly go have a "chat" with this dude. Maybe make him cry a little.
You don't know how much I wished you did live closer. I'd love to see him live in fear for a change. She's afraid to even go outside when she's home, afraid to turn the lights and t.v. on fearing he'll know she's home and come knocking, etc. He drives by her house when all the bars close to see if she's gone home or not. He asks her if she's dating anyone yet. It's none of his business, yet he doesn't get it. :-5

Diuretic wrote: That possessive type of nutcase is dangerous and needs to be taken seriously. I hope things are happening in terms of getting something done about this person.
Lord knows I'm trying. She's too afraid to do anything about it is basically what it boils down to. She realizes a restraining order is only as good as the paper it's written on and that he may, or may not choose to obey it. It's the may not part that scares her.

I have one word: Yvette.

Remember her?

Her boyfriend came into the mobile phone store she worked in and lit her on fire! Take these nutjobs seriousley. You never know what they are capable of.

This is insane Peg she can't go on like this. She has to start somewhere and filing a report with the police is the start, then the restraining order at work and at home. You may not think it's worth the paper its written on, but something has to be done. If law enforcement doesn't know he is doing this how can they stop him and help her.

Might I suggest someone stay with her for a while. He has esculated this to dangerous in my opinion and talking about it does nothing. Get every agency you can think of involved. Let a US Marshall show up where he works with a restraining order people will start paying attention. Your best friends saftey and well being is at stake here she is so afraid she won't turn lights on. Please help her go to the police before something awful happens.

[QUOTE]You don't know how much I wished you did live closer. I'd love to see him live in fear for a change. She's afraid to even go outside when she's home, afraid to turn the lights and t.v. on fearing he'll know she's home and come knocking, etc. He drives by her house when all the bars close to see if she's gone home or not. He asks her if she's dating anyone yet. It's none of his business, yet he doesn't get it.[/QUOTE]

Diuretic wrote: Perhaps you should seek out someone at the local law enforcement agency who can help and not just pretend to help. Are there are women's advisory centres which may be able to give the name of a police officer to contact? If there is such a person then he or she may be able to contact your friend and perhaps give her some options and useful advice.

Restraining orders are a conundrum - I know that people have lost faith in them but the details still need to be explored. The wording of the order and the willingness of the local police to (a) know about it and (b) enforce it are important. Again see my comments above.
Perhaps you should seek out someone at the local law enforcement agency who can help and not just pretend to help.
I'm only going to say this once. I do not appreciate that remark at all. You're not usually such an ass. That said, you do have a good point about talking to the cops. I know them all and get along with all of them so I will alert them to the situation. I've had done more to help her than she has done to help herself. I don't want to overstep my boundries but rest assured, I have not sat back and done nothing either.

Diuretic wrote: You're right Snooze - thank you. Peg, my fault for not realising my wording was ambiguous. I was thinking of instances I know about where a police officer has been outwardly sympathetic but inwardly not really caring about the matter in front of him and failing to take it seriously. My caution was to find a police officer who had a track record of commitment (which was why I suggested perhaps asking a women's group, they know these things) to getting the job done properly. Sorry if I forced your blood pressure up several points
I am so sorry Diuretic. I took it totally the wrong way. Ah the wonderful world of the internet. I do sincerely apologize.

That said, here in Ohio we do have that law for domestic violence where all the cops have to do is see proof and they can file charges. Unfortunately, too often times they won't because as one cop told me, "why should we go through the trouble when she'll just take him back". Now that about raised my blood pressure through the roof and I said, "duh, maybe because it's your JOB". When it comes to areas of domestic violence, stalking, etc. around here, IF you can find a cop willing to do their job, then the prosecutor or judge lets the person off with a slap on the wrist and a "don't do it again. See you next time". At least if I make them aware though, they can watch when she is working since we are just a few doors down from the station. I'm going back down tonight to make sure she gets out okay and he isn't waiting for her.

Peg wrote: At least if I make them aware though, they can watch when she is working since we are just a few doors down from the station. I'm going back down tonight to make sure she gets out okay and he isn't waiting for her.
That's the reason for the PPO. Make it a legal matter, something out of her hands. This is ridiculous, and the more I hear about this guy's MO, the less I'm liking this situation. This is sounding very serious, Peg. I know you know that. This dude isn't playing around.

I'm begging her to get a restraining order. Her parents are camping and she is going to go out the lake for the next 2 days with them so she doesn't have to be home alone. I'm hoping they will talk her into it. I plan to call her mom as soon as she comes back from camping to make sure she doesn't down play it. The guy at the club where we work I discussed it with who is his friend is also an officer there. He brought it up at a meeting tonight. All the officers are now aware of the situation and hopefully will be able to get through to the guy to just leave her the heck alone.

Peg wrote: I'm begging her to get a restraining order. Her parents are camping and she is going to go out the lake for the next 2 days with them so she doesn't have to be home alone. I'm hoping they will talk her into it. I plan to call her mom as soon as she comes back from camping to make sure she doesn't down play it. The guy at the club where we work I discussed it with who is his friend is also an officer there. He brought it up at a meeting tonight. All the officers are now aware of the situation and hopefully will be able to get through to the guy to just leave her the heck alone.
This guy is a friend of the looney's?? If that's the case, he IS going to make it plain that looney's company is not wanted, right?

Yes. He is half afraid to do it because he once mentioned her name and the guy went ballistic. I told him, don't talk to him, we'll let the restraining order and stalking charges do the talking. I've no doubt the guy has talked to him. He called her tonight, at work again and told her that he has the right to come in there. She told him yes he does but not to think she is going to chitchat with him. I'm within walking distance of work so she knows to call me if he comes in there and starts getting out of hand or if she is afraid customers will leave and she will be there alone with him. With Al's new job, he is home most evenings when she is working too so we can get there in a flash.

Peg wrote: Yes. He is half afraid to do it because he once mentioned her name and the guy went ballistic. I told him, don't talk to him, we'll let the restraining order and stalking charges do the talking. I've no doubt the guy has talked to him. He called her tonight, at work again and told her that he has the right to come in there. She told him yes he does but not to think she is going to chitchat with him. I'm within walking distance of work so she knows to call me if he comes in there and starts getting out of hand or if she is afraid customers will leave and she will be there alone with him. With Al's new job, he is home most evenings when she is working too so we can get there in a flash.
Fer Christ's sake, does this guy have the whole town afraid of him??



Peg, I think you're awesome being so available to this poor woman. There's lots that wouldn't want to "get involved" or be bothered by such "drama." Good for you. :yh_clap :yh_clap

BabyRider wrote: Fer Christ's sake, does this guy have the whole town afraid of him??



Peg, I think you're awesome being so available to this poor woman. There's lots that wouldn't want to "get involved" or be bothered by such "drama." Good for you. :yh_clap :yh_clap
does this guy have the whole town afraid of him??
Not at all. I think his friend never expected such a reaction from him. Of course, noone expected him to be a stalker either.

I have no option but to get involved. We're the best of friends. She'd do the same for me.

Amen Snooze your correct he has no right to be there. Management can refuse enterance specifically due to his harassment of Pegs best friend. If they file a report then it's a done deal period not within 1000 yards or what ever, end of her fear in the work place. Yes your right again it is about time to get in this guys face and make his life miserable leagally.

[QUOTE]Why does he have a 'right' to be there? Can't management or whoever runs the place refuse him service? He takes way too much for granted, and I can't believe she actually talked to him on the phone again after all this. The guy calls and she picks it up? Hang up on him. I don't care if he pretends its business related or not.

It's about time for his life to made miserable, he's had things his way for much too long.[/QUOTE]

I have little faith in management keeping him out. Working at a VFW, life and regular members can push their luck way more than social members. It shouldn't be like that, but it is. She has to answer the phone at work. She should hang up when she hears his voice but he will just keep calling back or, her worst fear, he will come in. That's why I'm pushing so hard for her to get a restraining order. Management will have no choice. The matter will be out of their hands completely. They would rather it be that way. So would I.

Peg you are a great friend she is very lucky to have you. Keep pushing her she will do it just a matter of time. Go with her if you have to do what ever it takes to get that restraining order. He is getting bolder with each day, not good. he thinks he is in charge of the situation that dangerous, he needs to be stopped now..

[QUOTE]I have little faith in management keeping him out. Working at a VFW, life and regular members can push their luck way more than social members. It shouldn't be like that, but it is. She has to answer the phone at work. She should hang up when she hears his voice but he will just keep calling back or, her worst fear, he will come in. That's why I'm pushing so hard for her to get a restraining order. Management will have no choice. The matter will be out of their hands completely. They would rather it be that way. So would I.[/QUOTE]