ForumGarden

Hello. After deciding to turn to the internet to hopefully help me, I became a new member here and hope somebody has words of wisdom for me. I'm just lost. My husband and I moved to Richmond VA from a small town in NW PA (6,500 pop.) just outside of Erie PA when we were quite young and stayed there for 10 yrs. We loved our life there and I always felt this overwhelming sense of "the sky's the limit" -- we contemplated moving to Moorehead City or New Bern NC, just because we could but my husband was dedicated to his company so we stayed, okay. We spent a lot of time at the Outer Banks and just traveled and did things. So then, while enjoying some time on the Outer Banks with visiting family and friends, we found out we were pregnant, a huge surprise but a good one. Throughout the pregnancy my husband kept making his proclamation that I'm going to want to move home when the baby comes....I was like "no way, notta chance!" Our baby girl arrives. Long story short, I was having trouble finding daycare I trusted, call it new mom jitters, and wasn't back to work at my full-time job and during her naptime while doing finances, I realized we weren't doing well. I made a decision, I swear, in one minute flat that it would be easier financially if we moved home. I never told my husband how my decision came about. And hey, our daughter can be raised in a small town with all her many many cousins and her grandparents, aunts and uncles etc. etc. Life would be grand!! We moved when she was 5 months old and guess what? We found out I was prego again when our daugher was 3 months! So it's good we're moving home! Let me just jump ahead to now. It's 1 year and 1 month later. My husband absolutely loves the company he's working for (in Erie) and I'm manager at Chamber of Commerce, part-time. The babies are 19 months and 7 months and they are the sunshine of my life, but I'm absolutely miserable. My heart is in Virginia and I cry everytime I think about it or talk about it. I finally told my husband recently. We're not tied down here because we've put of building on our land (too far out and on a huge hill -- good for camp) and will try to buy when we get straight again. I'm so very confused and just lost! I don't know if what I'm feeling is real or just because I'm homesick. Is it because we're still "displaced' and perhaps I will feel differently the second we have our own home (we're living at in-laws -- they go to Georgia for winters so not bad situation -- I actually feel like it's buying us time)? I'm certain I made the wrong decision for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Too many huge life changes at the same time, I should have given it more time in Virginia. How could I have made this decision so early?? I need to talk to my family more about it but have been desperate to find others that have gone through the same thing or similiar. I miss the opportunities there, the nearby places we loved to go, the culture, the art. Am I depriving my kids or should they stay here with their grandmother, and their many many cousins that they hardly ever see. I'm just torn and am breaking down at this very second. Just for the record: I was on anti-depressants for a little while earlier on --- these feeling never went away. There's a root to these feelings and I don't know, I just don't know. ANYTHING you could say to me that will help me or give me some insight would be appreciated. Maybe I'm looking for the 'answers' in all the wrong places?? Thank you for listening.

Nicole

Hi Nicole and welcome. I got married almost 3 yrs ago. When I met my wife we lived in Florida. I was going through a personal crisis I moved home to Minnesota hoping she would follow (we werent married in Fl) she did and we were married here. Her family is in Pa but its just a sis and theyre not close. My whole family was here and they were detrimental in helping me get back on track. It was a must for me to move. The move was easy for me because I grew up here. My wife had a very hard time moving and she still misses Fl but she has adjusted. She got very lucky with her job here and I think us buying a home here has made her feel much safer and more at home.

Anyway your heart is with your family. You have two beautiful children and a husband that loves you. No matter where you are as long as they are by your side you will survive anything. Am I right ?

If your having anxiety go to the doctor and ask about Paxil at least temporarily to get you through the rough spots. Give it time and instead of looking back live for what you do have. A wonderful family. Im not very good at this but thats my two cents.

Good luck Nicole.

Bri

I miss the opportunities there, the nearby places we loved to go, the culture, the art. Am I depriving my kids or should they stay here with their grandmother, and their many many cousins that they hardly ever see.



Hi Nicole.

Can this be changed? Are the grandmother and cousins unsociable? If they're not, I would try to get them all together and explain that you want your kids to grow up around them, that you'd like to be a family. Is that possible? Art and culture are fab things, I know since I live in a little resort town that has none and I miss these things very much. But that said, family is family and that's where it's at, I think. If you have a chance to bring the family together, that's an opportunity that shouldn't be compromised. You can always introduce your children to cultural things by trips, books, videos, etc.

You desperately need a support system wherever you live. Everyone should have one. Do you have friends? If so, talk to them. If not, do your best to make some, even an online friend can help.

Re: antidepressants, did they help while you were on them? Can you afford to be on them again? If they didn't work before, try a different one. They don't all work the same for every individual. That said, a pill won't solve everything as you know, but it might help you get an edge on things.

It might also help to consider that often the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. You may return home to find that home is different from what you thought it would be. When we are in a bad situation, the familiar always looks better to us.