ForumGarden

What a thought-provoking question, Hammie

I feel successful with my life now. My hubby, though, does not.

He would need more money, less weight on his bones, more hair on his head, etc.

There is *always* more out there. It's a dangerous and slippery slope.

I would have to say I feel like a successful person because: I don't *need* to have more than I already have.

I guess for me it comes down more to contentment than success.

I'm sorry if I didn't really answer your question :p :p

Throughout my life, my goals have continuously moved and changed. I have had some great successes in some areas and so they become less important.

At the moment I have a small circle of core, but superb friends, that I can depend upon. I'm happy (mostly) in my work and have had some good successes there too.

I've managed to develop a close relationship with my mum after treating her appallingly, which I consider a success.

So..... where do my next successes lie?

I'm not as healthy as I'd like to be, and I'd like to work less hard for more money of course!

Hamster wrote: If you are part of a couple/marriage etc is it possible for one to feel succesful whilst the other doesn't? Are your goals/needs/aspirations joint or seperate?


Now THAT is an interesting sub-question

My husband defines success very different than I do. He defines it mostly by money. He will not feel successful until he knows that he will be able to retire comfortably.

I define it by being able to put my two feet on the ground every morning, by giving Buster a nice big hug, by being lucky enough to talk to my Dad each and every day . . .

So yes . . . people within a relationship can have separate goals and definitions of success.

I agree with Cher, it is possible to have different definations of being sucessful within a marriage but it is vital to have common goals.

For hubby to be sucessful requires (for him) to have some status within the community. When we were thinking of selling our business he needed to have something else to give him some standing , I don't think he realised this consciously but I picked up on it.

For me it's not what other people think of me that matters it's what I think of myself. Providing my personal relationships with family and friends are on track I consider myself to be sucessful.

I have financial security, a new car (only little), a reasonable (but not big) house and holidays abroad but I would give most of that to have good health, I think we just have to make the best of the cards we're dealt and I'm grateful (most of the time) that it's not worse.

I've just re-read the above - doesn't it make me sound like a saint - I'm not honest!!!!:sneaky:

Imladris wrote: For me it's not what other people think of me that matters it's what I think of myself.


This is a key statement.

Other people in my position may not feel as I do. I think that *not* always wanting more, *not* always trying to fill some hole that will never be filled -- that's an important part of it.

And don't worry about sounding like a saint -- I feel like that all the time. (The first Jewish saint, right? )

But Ichick, you have your own strong opinions about things. You don't 'roll over' just to keep the peace. That's a good thing (if it's worth fighting for).

That is what keeps you sane. And human. :-6

i am happy for me that is success , i'm part of a loving relation and indeed a loving family something that seemed impossible a few short months ago



this forum believe it or not has helped me sort out a lot of things that deeply troubled me , for apart from one other person that i respect her views more than any one Else's i have never had access to people like yourselves normal every day people

my mates are builders ,cage fighters ,businessmen all in all not very nice people (actually i take that back about the martial artist no one that spends thousands of hours trying to better themselves can be all bad )

for me to spend time talking with geeks ,nerds , office people , p a s ,lawyers and alike where else could i do that



so for me the last few months have been successful its if i can build on it now that worries me

Hamster wrote: Isn't that the great thing about this forum though? That we come into contact with people who can expan our horizons and make us re-think what we had accepted all our lives? I know this has happened to me since joining here....


Definitely Hammie

As long as you stay 'open' to receiving new information, you will always be moving forward.

Yes indeed

Forum Garden ROCKS :guitarist

Success: I'm successful and proud that I survived all the obstacles life threw into my path.

I now enjoy laughing, laughing, laughing, cherish my husband and the circle of true good friends, that's success.

Material objects come & go, not important to me, I've never tried to keep up with the Jones..

Patsy

Success for me is being happy with me. To have the love and respect of my mate and friends is far more important than how much wealth I have or what material things I possess. If children and animals like me or I can make a difference is someone's life then I am heading down the right path in life. I have survived the challenges that life has brought me and I look forward to the future without losing sight of today.

Exactly ONC or OCN (sorry)

That's success for me - very well stated.

Thank You - I tried saying that - I'm not a morning person..!!

Patsy

As I've stated before

One *nice* thing about getting older is also getting wiser

The stuff I used to sweat years ago make me laugh when I think about them now.

Here is an exchange that would have made me question myself then, but not at all now:

My twin sister, who is thin, muscular and always dresses in style, said to me on the phone: "Cher, it was great seeing you the other day, but I just wanted to tell you that the shoes you were wearing were kinda out of fashion. Let me give you a pair of mine to wear -- they'd look great on you!"

I replied, "Susie! You know I just don't care about those things. Maybe I should, but I'm pretty happy *not* worrying about that stuff. I am who I am."

She won't go out of the house without makeup on. Always looks great.

I will often leave the house with barely any lipstick. I'm much more into *who* I am than *what* I look like.

Older. But very definitely wiser :-6

Cher,

I have a friend just the same as your sister.. Her purse probably $300.00 plus.

I'm not into that - nor would I pay the price for the suitcase I have to carry around. I can't stand to be inspected and graded by the TA TA attitudes.

Material items are very important to her - Jones TA TA image. It's Not me

I'm not a mut, I have nice, beautiful purses, clothes etc.. My friends attitude is changing, I saw her last year, she actually gave me several compliments, I knew then she was coming back to earth.

Patsy

YES,

Several life lessons are needed to come back to earth. I've known this friend since 7th grade - hung out, sleep overs, football games etc.. She always had more money, but there came a time where this money divided us. I can't shop at Nordstrom's every day, only when they had shoe sales.(clearence).

She had her custom made, all furnishings new - get the picture.

She never had a life lesson, no crisis, until last year I saw her and it was a down to earth person - I told her " my old friend is back"..

She's going thru a divorce - she had the rug pulled out from underneath her.

Her image has crumbled - she had to get a part-time job, her kids aren't in private school etc. Oh, she may have diamonds on every finger & she did - she'll probably have to sell them to make ends meet. She moved into her parents.

It's a humbling experience - it's like getting slapped, trust me I wanted to do that a time or two.

Life is our school - it may take longer for some to get the grade to pass..

Patsy



P.S. She's one who started copying me - I gave her my boyfriend person..

We're still good friends & will remain that way.

Patsy Warnick wrote: Several life lessons are needed to come back to earth.


I think you nailed it right on the head!

I've gone through a lot more heartache emotionally and physically than my sister. I'm VERY glad that she hasn't had the problems I have had, but I do think you have more compassion for others after climbing some mountains.

You understand more. You empathize more. And you judge a lot less. :-6

hamster- this is an interesting thought provoking thread. i feel successful in my life.

i have friends who love me and i love them.

i am there for my friends and family when they need me

it isn't about money, pocessions, or stuff like that.

i dont hold grudges. i dont harber resentment towards anybody.

i love my life

i am successful as is.......:-6

guppy wrote: hamster- this is an interesting thought provoking thread. i feel successful in my life.

i have friends who love me and i love them.

i am there for my friends and family when they need me

it isn't about money, pocessions, or stuff like that.

i dont hold grudges. i dont harber resentment towards anybody.

i love my life

i am successful as is.......:-6


It's a pleasure knowing you, my friend :-6

cherandbuster wrote: It's a pleasure knowing you, my friend :-6


the pleasure is all mine cher. i am glad to have met you my friend.:-6

oh dont get me wrong hammy , my life is not perfect

i have had arhtritis since i was seven. everyday i get up and thank go i am not crippled

i have eye problems. i am thankful i can still see

i was married to an alchoholic for twenty three years. i am glad he did not take me down with him

i went to college with three small babies. i made it.

i dont drink or do drugs. never have. i dont feel the need to escape life. i embrace it.

the guys you saw in the mercedes may have just had a fleeting moment of superiority. happiness may not of entered into the equation at all. most people who have it all are the least happy of the bunch. people who dont have anything think gaining poccessions will make you happy. it wont. happiness comes from within.

I think my brother is a prime example of many peoples perception of 'success', he brought his own house at 18, brought his 1st porche when he was 21, moved into a big house on private estate, has nice holidays and makes sure that he provides and his family never go without, but i think he is the most unhappy person i know. He has always worked 7 days a week since he was 15 years old, he is in a marriage which is totally loveless, and his children and wife talk to him like he's something they've trodden in! He often breaks down in tears telling me that he's so unhappy and just feels so empty, i've told him that at 41 he is young enough to start again, but his wife has said she'll take him for every penny and he'll be left with nothing!

Compared to the whole of my family we are like the paupers, but i think we are by far the happiest. I'm not saying that i'm weighing success in monetary terms but i feel that many people do. I've been told that my money comes through after Christmas and i know that i'll never change, what you see is definitely what you'll get!!!

SuzyB wrote: I think my brother is a prime example of many peoples perception of 'success', he brought his own house at 18, brought his 1st porche when he was 21, moved into a big house on private estate, has nice holidays and makes sure that he provides and his family never go without, but i think he is the most unhappy person i know. He has always worked 7 days a week since he was 15 years old, he is in a marriage which is totally loveless, and his children and wife talk to him like he's something they've trodden in! He often breaks down in tears telling me that he's so unhappy and just feels so empty, i've told him that at 41 he is young enough to start again, but his wife has said she'll take him for every penny and he'll be left with nothing!

Compared to the whole of my family we are like the paupers, but i think we are by far the happiest. I'm not saying that i'm weighing success in monetary terms but i feel that many people do. I've been told that my money comes through after Christmas and i know that i'll never change, what you see is definitely what you'll get!!!


if he is smart suzy, he will give it to her and split. life is too short to fight for possessions at the price of your happiness. i , myself would probably hand it over with a big ole smile on my face and wish her well.........

Suzy

Your brother - wealthy and miserable but will stay miserable

My friend was wealthy had everything - she never expected her husband to up and leave, walk away from that wealth, comfort, but miserable empty life..

I walked away from money, comfort, empty, unfulfilling existence.

So many people stay due to the money $$$, I couldn't do it.

Life is so short and so many people regret their choices - staying miserable due to the consequences of the ole mighty buck is number 1 regret...

Suzy - courts wouldn't award her everything anyway - your brother should be planning now - stashing - down sizing, whatever. Of course that's after he makes arrangements for you & others on the owed $$..

Patsy

P.S. Is she a trophy wife?I guess so if your brother is miserable - stupid question..

When I get a home like this...

When I get a car like this...

and a girl like this to go with it :yh_bigsmi

I will be successful.

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