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This past weekend I went on a women's retreat with my church. On the last morning before we left we had another bible study dealing particuraly with issues women face everyday. Coming home I thought about these issues alot. And I realized these aren't anything that just "Christian" women expierence. I think all women tend to at one point or another in thier life.

here's the list..

Slave to the need to please.

Slave to comparison.

Slave to past expierences

Slave to sin. (Ok I think here sin can be used in a non religious term, just meaning things we do to ourselves or others that we know is not right)

So does anyone agree or disagree with what my pea sized brain thought about this?

Oh and I purposely posted this in a non-religious part of the forum, because I want religioun out the equation!

I think thats all valid, but i would put shoe-shopping at number one.

Galbally wrote: I think thats all valid, but i would put shoe-shopping at number one.


Shoe shopping is my idea of hell:D

Mine, too! I'm missing the "shopping" gene...am I not a "real" woman?

You've got a good point about "the need to please." Many of us have that one.

Lulu2 wrote: Mine, too! I'm missing the "shopping" gene...am I not a "real" woman?


Nope Lulu I hate shopping too. I only like shopping when I'm purchasing gifts for others. I feel guilty if I buy things for me.

Sheryl wrote: This past weekend I went on a women's retreat with my church. On the last morning before we left we had another bible study dealing particuraly with issues women face everyday. Coming home I thought about these issues alot. And I realized these aren't anything that just "Christian" women expierence. I think all women tend to at one point or another in thier life.

here's the list..

Slave to the need to please.

Slave to comparison.

Slave to past expierences

Slave to sin. (Ok I think here sin can be used in a non religious term, just meaning things we do to ourselves or others that we know is not right)

So does anyone agree or disagree with what my pea sized brain thought about this?

Oh and I purposely posted this in a non-religious part of the forum, because I want religioun out the equation!


Hi Sheryl,

I think that women tend to have the need to please more than men, they do tend to compare themselves more to others but this is a trend (at least physically) that men are catching up with. With regards to past experience I would say that that was a cross gender issue. The same with sin or similar.

Katy:)

Lulu2 wrote: Mine, too! I'm missing the "shopping" gene...am I not a "real" woman?

You've got a good point about "the need to please." Many of us have that one.


Nope, the thought of all those people, jostling for position, slavering over the merchandise...nah, not for me.

Since I have had children though I do always automatically think of them if I have cash and I'm out shopping, without fail. Steve wouldn't though, it just wouldn't occur to him, not really a selfish thing.

Hmmm interesting....

There is a book I am reading right now darn I can't recall the author, but of course Oprah interviewed this person... the book is

Disease to Please

oh yay for google

http://www.thediseasetoplease.com/

there is the link

anyway my point is this woman is calling this a disease, I barely started this book so have hardly any insite into it but.............

My spidey senses tell me...

many of us women were raised to nurture and suddenly we find we have become pleasers and slaves of sorts... and have made it our goal to see others happy at all costs to ourselves.....

Sad really and I know it's terribly common.

"I don't consciously feel a need to please but I know that when I make people laugh or smile I want to do it more. It makes ME feel better about myself. Is that the same thing?"

+++++++++ I think so!



MINKS...let us know what you think of the book.

I think everyone is right in saying that this applies to men also. Guess I didn't think of it since I learned it at a women's getaway. :wah:

Minks that book sounds interesting, let me know what you thought of it when your done.

Is this where I can purchase a female slave or two?:sneaky:

saying you're a slave to something sort of implies that you have no choice in the matter...doesn't it? :-3

I don't think I'm a slave to anything because I tend to live in the moment and take each day as it comes. :-6

zinkyusa wrote: Is this where I can purchase a female slave or two?:sneaky:
I'll send you the contract...

sunny104 wrote: I'll send you the contract...


uh oh

Wendybird wrote: Do yah want the leather version or the cheap PVC one? :sneaky:


leather with the velcro flaps please bendy:sneaky:

Wendybird wrote:

We know you do sweetie and that's what makes you the way you are :-6

*isn't she an angel?*:-4


she's not called sunny by accident;)

Wendybird wrote:

We know you do sweetie and that's what makes you the way you are :-6

*isn't she an angel?*:-4


:yh_kiss :yh_love

zinkyusa wrote: she's not called sunny by accident;)
ok, you get a kiss too! :yh_kiss

sunny104 wrote: ok, you get a kiss too! :yh_kiss


:yh_blush :yh_blush

Wendybird wrote: I hate shopping too lol - except as you said Sheryl if it for others. Is that a need to please? I get joy from seeing other people happy and I love nothing better than buying an unexpected gift for somebody just to see their face light up.

I don't feel guilty if I buy things for myself - I just get bored because I know that it is for me lol. I enjoy the thinking and searching for that one little thing for someone else that will make them smile or laugh.

A lot of my friends have asked me to buy presents for their parents/friends/partners etc because I LOVE the challenge of finding something for them. I don;t need their parent/friend etc to know that I bought it for them - I just enjoy doing it. I'm kinda sad really lol

*I bought a pressie for Hammy today for abstaining from flirting for a week but she will have to wait until January to get it lol - That is going to annoy her soooooo much now!*


I think my guilt froms the fact my biologoical mother was a very selfish person. And I really don't want to be anything like her, so if I buy myself anything a voice in back of my head calls me selfish.

zinkyusa wrote: Is this where I can purchase a female slave or two?:sneaky:


sorry you can only buy a vowel here :wah:

Sheryl wrote: I think everyone is right in saying that this applies to men also. Guess I didn't think of it since I learned it at a women's getaway. :wah:

Minks that book sounds interesting, let me know what you thought of it when your done.


shall do, I picked it up from the library maybe I ought to buy it then after I am done I can sent it to ya...

I was prompted to find it after my dad's heart attack, we have some family issues and I found myself in the middle of it all and felt bad for both sides and wanted to make it better and struggled with this and realized it can't be better for both, one party was wrong and that party should not be made to feel better, they should be made to understand. So now I am angry with that party ahaha..... Next book please.

Wendybird wrote: Ahhhhh! The old Mum in the back of the head thing! I can sympathise there hun. My mum has had nothing to do with me now for almost 13 years so I have forgotten what that voice is like lol

Mind you - the fact that I like buying for others may be explained as a compensation for the fact that she would rather spend all her money on booze for herself than food and clothes for me?

Hey! I just realised my Degree in Psychology was worth it! :rolleyes:

If you ever want to chat Sheryl just PM me or you can MSN me if you want to.....happy to chat with you sweetie :-4


is it possible we had the same mom. :wah:

glad you could get a psychology degree, I started out with that but I couldn't get my brain to accept it all.

Galbally wrote: I think thats all valid, but i would put shoe-shopping at number one.

Sheryl wrote: This past weekend I went on a women's retreat with my church. On the last morning before we left we had another bible study dealing particuraly with issues women face everyday. Coming home I thought about these issues alot. And I realized these aren't anything that just "Christian" women expierence. I think all women tend to at one point or another in thier life.

here's the list..

Slave to the need to please.

Slave to comparison.

Slave to past expierences

Slave to sin. (Ok I think here sin can be used in a non religious term, just meaning things we do to ourselves or others that we know is not right)

So does anyone agree or disagree with what my pea sized brain thought about this?

Oh and I purposely posted this in a non-religious part of the forum, because I want religioun out the equation!


Here is my think on this, considering that I am a Christian.

Sheryl wrote: Slave to the need to please.
I don't fit into this category. I'm not a "people pleaser".

Sheryl wrote: Slave to past experiencesYes, I am definitely a person who has had bad experiences almost totally rule my present outlook on everything including relationships with males.

Sheryl wrote: Slaves to sinHmmmm,, men are also slaves to sin. This isn't just a women's issue.