ForumGarden

It has come to my attention that people may have gotten into difficulties due to the excellent and completely professional advice that I have been providing via my councelling service. I am distured by this and I urge such people to come forward so that I can have another laugh at them.

Also if anyone is in general disillusioned with life, their friends, spouses, the British National Health Service, or Madonnas recent adoption of a young Malawian boy named David, this is also an excellent opportunity to get it off your chest and rant incoherently away. If there is anything amusing amoungst the general hatred, xenophbia, sexism, racism, and all round whining, that will also be used as an oppotunity for making jokes.

Thank you, that will be all.

Wendybird wrote: Do you know where I can buy comfortable tennis balls?


Sorry, this is a recriminagency, not a councelling service. You will have to address that question to me in the other office. Good day.

Hamster wrote: Doctor..I ended up with panda eye make up because of you..and I am considering sueing...

Comments?


Firstly, who applied the said make up, and what were the medical consequences? Have you been contacted by London zoo to make stand-in appearance when the Panda's are sick? If that is the case, you may actually have made money through my advice and I may be counter-sueing for royalties.

Galbally wrote: Firstly, who applied the said make up, and what were the medical consequences? Have you been contacted by London zoo to make stand-in appearance when the Panda's are sick? If that is the case, you may actually have made money through my advice and I may be counter-sueing for royalties.


suzy says i make love like a panda's diet ........eats shoots and leaves



what can she mean ?

Hamster wrote: yes, yes, yes and er..no....


I take it that this means you are withdrawing the legal case and I can call off the hitmen then?

jimbo wrote: suzy says i make love like a panda's diet ........eats shoots and leaves



what can she mean ?


I am not quite sure, but I'm pretty sure you could make a defamation of character claim, as well as a case for the European Court of Human Rights about antipanda comments.

Pinky wrote: Hey Doc,

I've been called a troublemaker and a crap-kicker in one of the other threads...do you recomend that I sue their butts off or set about restoring my good name?


I in general advocate a policy of mutual tolerance, if you are in the wrong, aplolgize, if you are not, don't. But its important to remain good natured about it, as well as have the number of good lawyer.

Hamster wrote: erm..hitmen?? :-3

in that case then i do withdraw!!

*Hammy hitches up her skirt and runs*


Good, Carlos and Sanchez will be flown back to Columbia post haste. I apologize if the running tired you out. :rolleyes:

Hamster wrote: Thanks G....I am not all that fit....

Now they've gone..can we do a deal here? 50/50 for compensation


Yes of course dear, thats what the recriminagency is for. As well as the comedy factor of course. :wah:

I'm considering putting myself up for adoption.



Do you think there are any very rich popstars who would like a 39year old daughter?



I don't mind if they want to do a photoshoot for Hello, I'm quite happy to blag about the terrible life I've left behind to live in the lap of luxury.



I'm going to draw up a shortlist of people to approach but I don't want any Rolling Stones on 'cos they're all plug ugly and I wouldn't want anyone to make the mistake of thinking there is a genetic link between us.



Good plan eh!!:)

Imladris wrote: I'm considering putting myself up for adoption.



Do you think there are any very rich popstars who would like a 39year old daughter?



I don't mind if they want to do a photoshoot for Hello, I'm quite happy to blag about the terrible life I've left behind to live in the lap of luxury.



I'm going to draw up a shortlist of people to approach but I don't want any Rolling Stones on 'cos they're all plug ugly and I wouldn't want anyone to make the mistake of thinking there is a genetic link between us.



Good plan eh!!:)


Dear Imladris, are you looking for advice, or accusing me of ruining your life, or just filling us in on your brilliant schemes? if its the first then I will see you in the advice column, if its the second I deny all claims that I have ruined your life with my loutish Irish ways, and if its the last then good on ye! :wah:

Oh just on the adoption one, I hear that Christina Aguilera wants to adopt someone, but I think she's only looking for 37 year olds, shame.

Pinky wrote: DR G, My TV has a really rubbish reception - it's like trying to see through the window in a snowstorm. I don't watch telly that much, but occasionally I might want to watch a remake of one of the classics or that programme about Rome that's been on recently. Fiddling with the aerial doesn't seem to have any effect and it seems to be making me spend more time here!

What can I do about my crappy telly?

Entertainment deprived from Lowestoft


Dear Lowestoft

I must remind you that this is a recriminagency, not a councelling service, so I cannot offer you advice, which you will have to come back into the surgery for that. What I can say is that I hate it when the bloody telly does that, bloody pay the licence fee and what do you get? about 13 channels of snow. Get sky digital for lots of money a year and what do you get? 189 channels about Islamic Chefs, Hitler, Sharks, Shopping, and football costs extra. Rubbish.

Dear Dr Gallbally,

I am currently watching Man U v Copenhagen and wondering who was smiling on us when we got Rooney?

abbey wrote: Dear Dr Gallbally,

I am currently watching Man U v Copenhagen and wondering who was smiling on us when we got Rooney?


Why did he score? Flippin Man U, probably gonna win the Champions League with a load of last minute jammy goals like in 1999. Sorry Abbey, this is a recriminagency so I feel perfectly entitled to whine about things. :-1

Dear Dr Galbally

Unfortunately the advice you supplied on how to kill a vampire did not prove sufficient. Having now been turned into a bloodthirsty rogue I am reverting to the old ways and demanding a pound of flesh in compensation. If you can supply me with virgin sacrifices I might consider dropping my suit against you.

Galbally, you toerag, I have been justifiably livid with you ever since I wrote for advice and failed to receive any response from you whatever. My inability on that occasion to successfully employ the submit button in no way mitigates your offence. I demand an accurate though sympathetic response to my original query, however tardy your reply may now be.

koan wrote: Dear Dr Galbally

Unfortunately the advice you supplied on how to kill a vampire did not prove sufficient. Having now been turned into a bloodthirsty rogue I am reverting to the old ways and demanding a pound of flesh in compensation. If you can supply me with virgin sacrifices I might consider dropping my suit against you.


Aha, I see, did you follow the advice precisely? And have you video documented your undead activities, you will need some if its gonna stand up in court? If I cannot get out of this I suppose I will have to supply the virgins, but I don't know where the hell I am gonna find them around this place. I am placing my top team of lawyers for dealing with the underworld PriceLugosiKarloff & Sons on this one.

spot wrote: Galbally, you toerag, I have been justifiably livid with you ever since I wrote for advice and failed to receive any response from you whatever. My inability on that occasion to successfully employ the submit button in no way mitigates your offence. I demand an accurate though sympathetic response to my original query, however tardy your reply may now be.


Dear spot, you despicable welsh-rare-bit you, how dare you insult my absolutley top class, first rate, professional (etc etc) Councelling service with your slanderous remarks. Your not going to sue are you? I am already facing a 6-month tailback in court appearance, as well as having to now travel to the underworld to defend myself in Koan's Vampirism case. Considering the circumstances, I will consider your request. Can I have a hint as to what its about? Is it about replacing John Toshak as Wales manager is it?

This is a reclamation thread ? I could start saving empty milk jugs for you but youll have to pay the shipping charges.

Galbally wrote: Aha, I see, did you follow the advice precisely? And have you video documented your undead activities, you will need some if its gonna stand up in court? If I cannot get out of this I suppose I will have to supply the virgins, but I don't know where the hell I am gonna find them around this place. I am placing my top team of lawyers for dealing with the underworld PriceLugosiKarloff & Sons on this one.


I'm open to negotiations. There is no point trying to get blood from a stone. One virgin per month will suffice.

Nomad wrote: This is a reclamation thread ? I could start saving empty milk jugs for you but youll have to pay the shipping charges.


Nomad, this is recriminagency, not a bottle bank.

Nomad, where's your old piggy bank?:)

I smell a mystery here..........................

koan wrote: I'm open to negotiations. There is no point trying to get blood from a stone. One virgin per month will suffice.


Alright, alright, you villan.

Look is anyone willing to become a Virgin again so I can sacrafice you to Koan? Come on, once the first person volunteers, that will buy me some time.

Hamster wrote: ok well 60/40 then? :sneaky:


Don't push it cheeky.

Galbally wrote: Alright, alright, you villan.

Look is anyone willing to become a Virgin again so I can sacrafice you to Koan? Come on, once the first person volunteers, that will buy me some time.


I require two reconditioned virgins for the value of one legit. Don't make more work for yourself.

koan wrote: I require two reconditioned virgins for the value of one legit. Don't make more work for yourself.


Jaysus you don't miss a trick do you? I'm hoping that they will be queing up to lose their non-virginity, but I'm a bit of an optimist. What about one reconditioned virgin, and perhaps a pint of type O out of me arm? Thats my final offer, after that its PriceLugosiKarloff & Sons that you'll be dealing with. Their office is at the gates of hell, which nowadays is located west of Bagdad on the highway to the airport.

Galbally wrote: Jaysus you don't miss a trick do you? I'm hoping that they will be queing up to lose their non-virginity, but I'm a bit of an optimist. What about one reconditioned virgin, and perhaps a pint of type O out of me arm? Thats my final offer, after that its PriceLugosiKarloff & Sons that you'll be dealing with. Their office is at the gates of hell, which nowadays is located west of Bagdad on the highway to the airport.


I'll send them the details of my Swiss blood bank account. If you're O neg I accept gladly.

ArnoldLayne wrote: Dr Galbally



Where the bloody hell is Arnold ? Hes lost. Sun dial indeed :rolleyes:




So this would be an example of recriminaging then ? I would very much like to recriminage. How does one get started ?

Hamster wrote: 70/30 is my FINAL offer G.....


Fine, I'm taking the 70 percent. Deal done. Good day.

Hamster wrote: Um...supposing I was interested G...how would one go about becoming a reconditioned virgin??? I'm only aking for my friend of course..not me..


Oh its great fun, trust me.

Pinky wrote: I might be interested in that too, seeing as it might be my only recourse into proving my previous good character, after being labelled a violent lunatic by the medieval association...just trying to help myself out here:o


Good good, thats 2, that keeps me alive till christmas.

pssst. All you wannabe virgins should keep in mind that I am your final destination, not the comely Dr G. Not that I'm trying to deter anyone...just don't want any misunderstandings.