Jokes
Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 1:17 pm
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! !
"You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
"No, " she replies. . . . "
"You just happened to catch my eye."
_______________________________
A couple of tourists are after being out for a stroll through the beautiful French countryside when they are after seeing an ancient Frenchman looking over a hedgerow into a field, being nosy buggers, we took wirsels ower furra looksee. It seems like a perra (substantially younger) shooman beins gaun at it big time. L'ancienne is talking to himself. “Ah, young love....ze springtime, ze flowaires, ze ai.......c'est magnifique!
After some time spent with his memories, he takes another look and goes “Zut Alors! Sacre bleu............la fille, ils est mort! With this, he toddles off (at a medium-fast crawl) shouting for the local heid polisman.
On reaching the local polis base (the bar where the restae wir company wis huvvin a wee refresh) himself says “Jean, Jean........zere is zis man, zis woman, zey are making ze love in farmer Gaston's field. La chef de la polis says “Ah, Henri, you are not so old...do you not remembaire ze young love, ze spring time, ze flowers? L'amour, zis is okay.
Sayeth ra auld ane:- “Mais non! You do not understand, ze woman, she is dead!
Upon hearing this, the entire complement of the bistro decamped en masse to the location of this event. On arrival, they observe the couple and all are agreed that only 50% of the participants are living. The doctor is thereupon called out to the locale. When he arrives, he is told by the polisman:-
“Pierre, Pierre........zere is zis man, zis woman, zey are making ze naked love in farmer Gaston's field
The doctor says “Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember, ze young love, ze spring time, ze flowers? L'amour, zis is okay.
“Mais non, monsuier le docteur, ze woman, she is dead!
Hearing this, the doctor goes pale, grabs his medical bag and dives into the field which, at this point, is surrounded by a very interested audience (myself is, at this time, selling tickets). Doctor Pierre examines the couple, shakes his head, stands up and exits the field. He then gathers the audience around him and announces “Ah, mes amis, do not worry, the woman, she is not dead, she is from England.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! !
"You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
"No, " she replies. . . . "
"You just happened to catch my eye."
_______________________________
A couple of tourists are after being out for a stroll through the beautiful French countryside when they are after seeing an ancient Frenchman looking over a hedgerow into a field, being nosy buggers, we took wirsels ower furra looksee. It seems like a perra (substantially younger) shooman beins gaun at it big time. L'ancienne is talking to himself. “Ah, young love....ze springtime, ze flowaires, ze ai.......c'est magnifique!
After some time spent with his memories, he takes another look and goes “Zut Alors! Sacre bleu............la fille, ils est mort! With this, he toddles off (at a medium-fast crawl) shouting for the local heid polisman.
On reaching the local polis base (the bar where the restae wir company wis huvvin a wee refresh) himself says “Jean, Jean........zere is zis man, zis woman, zey are making ze love in farmer Gaston's field. La chef de la polis says “Ah, Henri, you are not so old...do you not remembaire ze young love, ze spring time, ze flowers? L'amour, zis is okay.
Sayeth ra auld ane:- “Mais non! You do not understand, ze woman, she is dead!
Upon hearing this, the entire complement of the bistro decamped en masse to the location of this event. On arrival, they observe the couple and all are agreed that only 50% of the participants are living. The doctor is thereupon called out to the locale. When he arrives, he is told by the polisman:-
“Pierre, Pierre........zere is zis man, zis woman, zey are making ze naked love in farmer Gaston's field
The doctor says “Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember, ze young love, ze spring time, ze flowers? L'amour, zis is okay.
“Mais non, monsuier le docteur, ze woman, she is dead!
Hearing this, the doctor goes pale, grabs his medical bag and dives into the field which, at this point, is surrounded by a very interested audience (myself is, at this time, selling tickets). Doctor Pierre examines the couple, shakes his head, stands up and exits the field. He then gathers the audience around him and announces “Ah, mes amis, do not worry, the woman, she is not dead, she is from England.