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My son was talking to me the other day about his friends and he said that he was quite embarrassed to talk to his mates about his dad...because he is the only boy - amongst all of his friends - whose dad still lives at home. Every single one of his friends lives in a one-parent family home with their mother.

How sad is that?

How sad that there's not even one other 2 parent family that he knows?

And how sad that he feels embarrassed because his dad lives at home.

And the saddest thing of all is how excited these boys get when their dads come to visit! My sons friend Tom LOVES coming to our house to 'play' (well, they play computer games and muck around too) but when I suggested Tom came on a Saturday so they could have a whole day of fun together, he said No, cause he had to go to his dads house that day. And the way it was said was in a tone of voice that said 'oh yeah, dads, dull' but his eyes lit up when he talked about his dad. I think he adopts the 'don't care' attitude for his mum, so she can't see how pleased he is to see his dad!



I don't want to make judgements on people who divorce as I don't know the circumstances and i think divorce is a good thing if you're in a bad relationship. But it seems to me that too many people get divorced the minute something goes wrong without putting any real effort into trying to save the marriage. My brother and my best friend both did this. They were fed up with the little things and so pulled the plug on their relationships. We went through a very tough patch a couple of years ago and nearly came close to splitting up. But we carried on, as much for the kids as anything, and now things are much better than they've ever been. I'm not saying people shouldn't split up, I'm just saying they should maybe try harder first, especially for the sake of the kids.

Another good friend of my sons has a dad who went off with a younger woman. Ben sees his dad about once a month and his dad will occasionally buy him an expensive computer game, although he generally forgets his birthday and christmas. Ben's mum works hard all day and is out partying all night. Ben's sister is old enough to take care of herself. But Ben, like Tom, often sits home alone. And when Ben's mum gets roaring drunk (which seems to be most nights) she kicks Ben out on the streets and he has to go and sleep at a neighbours house. His mum can't stand looking at him because he looks too much like his dad!

It's a sad world out there for kids today. :-1

Pinky;458692 wrote: I know far too many kids that this is happening to. It's so awful. Maybe people should think about whether they're capable of giving a child the emotional support needed before having them.

As for families where the parents have split, I think it comes down to how you handle it between you. I know loads of families that have been able to be thoughtful and responsible enough to think of the child first, instead of involving them in the middle. Even if you do split, I think it's important to be friends for that reason. Most people love their kids and put every effort into making sure they know it.


I agree, of course its down to how the parents handle it and most love their kids enough to be great about it. But it's the ones I know that I worry about. Ben's a lovely kid, polite, kind and thoughtful. And his mum works hard as a social worker, working long hours and sometimes night shifts. But her way of relaxing is to drink and she has to drink til she's drunk. Then Ben suffers.

Likewise, my brother split with his wife and now she has the daughter and my brother has the son. Sometimes my brother has his daughter too but his ex won't have her son in the house anymore!

I just wish people would realise how a split affects their kids lives more. The ones I see don't seem to see their kids as people with thoughts and feelings, just as property to be 'dealt' with!

I only hope these kids grow up and treat their own kids in the way they wish they had been treated and don't just follow in their parents footsteps!

Pinky;458701 wrote: Ben's mum is a social worker?! Oh my god, I'm so disgusted. I know we're all only human, but doing that kind of job, surely she must know what effect she's having on him?:-5




Yes exactly! You'd think so wouldn't you! But she lives for her job and apparently is very good at it, she just seems to have cut herself off emotionally from her kids. Her elder daughter is working and out with friends at night and ben's dad often 'forgets' to show up. They all seem very selfish, all out to please themselves, they just all seem to forget about poor Ben!

Oh, and the other thing is, if ben comes here for the day I give the kids pizza and icecream and drinks. If my son goes to Bens for the day to play puter games I send him with lunch and sweets and drinks for the both of them because ben's fridge is always bare! The first time my son went he came home starving because there was no food in the fridge and he'd been there from about 11am-7pm. Its an unwritten rule that you feed your kids friends when they visit, but she never does. I think poor Ben must go hungry quite a lot.

It breaks your heart to see what happens to some kids.



My step-daughter had a friend who had to stay out of the house until mum and dad came home from work, I'd often see her shivering in the centre of town in the snow or rain so she often came to us until it was time to go home.



Another of her friends mum didn't want her so she lived with dad and step-mum until step-mum got pregnant then they 'couldn't cope' so she was dumped into the hands of Social Services who put her in a foster home in the same town so she could watch her dad play happy families with his new child.



A friends husband has had repeated affairs and not cared about the effect on his two boys, he's now living with a 16 year old girl, he's 36 and he's expecting her to play step-mum to his children who are 10 and 8, because they're so close in age they don't respect her and she doesn't want to know 'cos she's just a kid too. Then he wonders why his eldest boy is becomming so disturbed he's threatened to jump out his bedroom window.

Pinky;458701 wrote: Ben's mum is a social worker?! Oh my god, I'm so disgusted. I know we're all only human, but doing that kind of job, surely she must know what effect she's having on him?-5


I was going to say that, but I put some personal stuff in, and, erm, didn't. I'm

not even sure she ought to be a "social worker", with a temperament like that.



Pinky;458701 wrote: Once you have kids, they have to come first. They don't

ask to be born, you make the descision to have them. There are no excuses for making a crappy job of it...if only people would take some responsibility! :-5


I agree with that, in broad principle. Hear, hear.

My beloved and I were discussing this just last night. A new TV show is depicting a married couple who have "fallen out of love", meaning they're no longer having sex twice a day. They're discussing divorce and how it would be better for each of them if they just ended it. The three kids they brought into the world are never discussed during this time, except to emphasize how the mother is going to have a tough time finding work. The poor dear.

This thread is making me want to cry....I have a deep love for children. I have 3 beautiful boys and I'm a single mother. Dad walked out on us for a woman 20 years younger than him 3 years ago. I work 2 jobs and make sure my kids are first on the list when it comes to attention (which is hard, with 2 jobs, but just started that 1 month ago.) Their father gets them every other weekend and doesn't call in between, him and the new wife play Mommy and Daddy for a weekend. I agree with everything that was said when it comes to the welfare of the children, and my heart breaks for the children that have been rejected by their parents. I try to make sure that the boys know that we both love them very much all the time...My oldest is 17 and very responsible, works part-time and I know where he goes and who he's with, very close. My heart does break that he's had to take over the "Man of the house" roll, but in a way it is a good thing, taught him responsibility and respect for Women at a young age. He is a Gentleman and I'm very proud of him. The younger boys (my middle one's birthday is today!!) are following in his footsteps of being respectful and caring...It's hard wearing all the hats, but when I lay my head down at night and know that my children have been fed and all their needs are met, I can rest knowing that God's gifts to me are safe and very loved.

WW3 you're a lovely person and a good mum.

It really does make you want to cry when you see that neither parent is interested in their child. These poor kids so often have no one to turn to. :-1

A 6 year old boy I know lives with his dad and grandma. Gran brings him up, dad shouts at him or ignores him. I heard him teasing the boy about wearing 'nappies' to bed! He was cruel and taunting, even though he obviously felt he was being witty! :-5 The kid was shouting that he wasn't in nappies, they were pull-ups that he wears cos he wets the bed every night! His mum doesn't want him - she last saw him 6 weeks ago for one evening, but she still collects the benefit for him, which is all she wants! No wonder the poor kid is so screwed up! :-5

Rapunzel;458777 wrote: A 6 year old boy I know lives with his dad and grandma. Gran brings him up, dad shouts at him or ignores him. I heard him teasing the boy about wearing 'nappies' to bed! He was cruel and taunting, even though he obviously felt he was being witty! -5


Perhaps the boy's gran - his dad's mum - will have some input to moderate the

dad's outlook.

Rapunzel;458777 wrote: The kid was shouting that he wasn't in nappies, they were pull-ups that he wears cos he wets the bed every night! His mum doesn't want him - she last saw him 6 weeks ago for one evening, but she still collects the benefit for him, which is all she wants! No wonder the poor kid is so screwed up! -5


Sounds as if she should not be entitled to "benefit", if he doesn't live there,

although I'm sure there are other issues we don't know about. It doesn't

sound very good - my boy (nearly 5) has only wet the bed twice (3x?) *ever*,

for some reason on his return from a holiday with his mum & her bf. Not a

good sign!

Unfortunaltely My son and I are from a divorced family, it was either that or probably be killed, literally.

-However it has been 7 years and my sons relationship with his father has changed. Some of his friends come from single parents I think it really matters if the father is still in the picture and spends quality time with their son.



If not then yes I imagine when your sons friends come over they loooooove it and they are very fortunate to have you and your husband and son.

The sad reality, which someone touched on earlier...is that they learn these behaviors and carry them with them into adult-hood. I have been in relationships with men (mainly my ex-husband) whose Mother wasn't nuturing or loving and it really effects them deeply. Of course you have your exceptions to the rule, but usually the way a person is raised has a major impact on the type of Adult they become. As for the little 6-year old...want to cry for him, and there are so many out there.

There is a Country song out here in the US, I've only heard it once and that was all I could take...I was bawling like a baby in the parking lot of a fast-food resturant on my lunch hour. It's called "Amber lies", tells the story of a little girlfriend of the Singers daughter that lies to her teachers, friends etc. about the bruises on her body, and then the end of the song, she doesn't lie anymore because she is in Heaven...yeah, tears are forming while I'm writing this. Just heartbreaking!!

[QUOTE=Rapunzel;458777]WW3 you're a lovely person and a good mum.

Thank YOU Rapunzel...very sweet...