ForumGarden

ok so this is my first ever post on a website like this and i kind of don;t really know what to say. Erm.. I am 22 and I am alone. Ok that sounds very dramatic and i'm sure its not as bad as it sounds. Let me try to explain....

I don't really have close friends and i have never had a boyfriend. No one seems attracted to me, i am not precocious, in fact, i am very shy. But i don't run away from people. i talk to them and i am polite. I just don't know where i am going wrong. it's not like i am desperate, i am used to being by myself, so i don;t force myself onto people. I don't know if this is making sense and i am sorry if it doesn;t. maybe i am just putting out negative vibes or something. I don't know whether i expect a reply or what i expect people to say but i just want to know if i am the only one. I don;t really need a relationship but i would like a guy to ask me out just once, as it has never happened to me. Its just that other people my age have had countless boyfriends and many dates etc etc and i haven't. It's kind of a lonely life. I don't consider myself ugly, i dress reasonably well if i go out, but casually if i am at home. I don;t know what else i can do. it would be nice, one day, to have someone take a second look at me as i walk down the street or something.

OK so your thoughts?? If any of that makes sense.

Thanks

Silence

I wish I had a great answer for you. Loneliness is very hard. Do you do things that interest you where there might be a variety of other people around ? What floats your boat ?

have you any hobbies?

Kathy Ellen;488043 wrote: Sorry, but blah, blah, blah. You sound like a drone.


:wah: Whats that ? Why ?

Theres nothing wrong with you 1st thing to understand..! You a introvert - and thats ok - I'm out going, loud and probably obnoxious, and thats probably not ok with most. oh well..

Your quiet usually and wait for others to make you laugh - you probably like to read to escape. When you go out - like where? Where is out? Restaurants/cocktails, and how do you style your hair on these outings?

I ask, because I was the ugly duckling for sometime, until I grew into the body god gave me. I was 5'2" at graduation, quiet and shy, good girl. - I am now 5'8".

I knew I would grow into those feet..

I can suggest wearing softer items - softer in color. Smile, even if your not happy - smile, men like women with a nice friendly smile, men like the softer look, not hard, not all men like black and tatoos, wear your hair in different styles, and curl,or straight, or up. Smile, I use to get hired for jobs just for my smiling, its inviting, friendly - try it.. Let me know the answers to my questions and try what I suggested and let me know if it works - it will, trust me.. the ugly duckling..

Patsy

I know this response doesn't really answer your query but sometimes what we want the most finds us when we expect it the least. Hobbies and activities that put you out and about and in contact with others increases the chances to find someone ... or for them to find you.



As Nomad said, loneliness is hard. Don't give up, it will happen. :-6

Welcome to the garden silence......:-6

OK first wow thanks for all your replies.

Nomad and Shweet Potato Salad, i really don;t have many hobbies. My main thing is horses. I love them, i work with them, so its my job, i take my own horse to competitions and so on. I suppose in that kind of work i don't come across many people, that want to make friends with a person as much as a horse. I used to play badminton, and i used to swim but i don't really have time as i work a 12 hour day 5 days a week most of the time. I'm not complaining.

Patsy Warnick thanks. When i go out i go with the girls from work. I hate it (it sounds terrible) but we go to nightclubs and everyone gets drunk. i don't drink so that makes it kind of hard. I straighten my hair, put on a little bit of make up - i don't go crazy with it. I wear my skinny jeans and tight t shirts, Nothing too flashy, nothing that shows much flesh (!) maybe a bit of jewellry.

Kathy Ellen, i am sorry if i bored you but if you thought i was a drone why bother to reply. I suppose i didn't know what to expect but this is why i don't talk to people about stuff as this is the reaction i don't want to get. I am sorry.

Silence

when you go to the horse shows do you not talk to others? i used too. now a days you can also ask the guy out. if you see someone you are interested in start talking to him. then , just kind of ask would you like to go to the movies sometime. if you get shot down, do not give up. you can also try bowling or pool leagues. hope some of this works tazz.

Don't worry your not the only one..... I feel for u.... I really do.....! I figure we have one life might as well experience it the best way that we can.......Maybe go travelling .....? Learn the importence of independence and meeting different people and cultures.......

Hi and Welcome to the Garden. I understand lonely and it isn't much fun. You are young and have alot to experience yet. I am dating a guy that went on his first date when he was 22...He is EXTREMELY shy and quiet and we probably would've never met if a mutual friend didn't introduce us. There is nothing wrong with being shy and conservative, I find it very attractive myself. Of course I'm the opposite, have no problem talking to people...it depends on the mood I'm in of course.

Silence;488030 wrote: ok so this is my first ever post on a website like this and i kind of don;t really know what to say. Erm.. I am 22 and I am alone. Ok that sounds very dramatic and i'm sure its not as bad as it sounds. Let me try to explain....

I don't really have close friends and i have never had a boyfriend. No one seems attracted to me, i am not precocious, in fact, i am very shy. But i don't run away from people. i talk to them and i am polite. I just don't know where i am going wrong. it's not like i am desperate, i am used to being by myself, so i don;t force myself onto people. I don't know if this is making sense and i am sorry if it doesn;t. maybe i am just putting out negative vibes or something. I don't know whether i expect a reply or what i expect people to say but i just want to know if i am the only one. I don;t really need a relationship but i would like a guy to ask me out just once, as it has never happened to me. Its just that other people my age have had countless boyfriends and many dates etc etc and i haven't. It's kind of a lonely life. I don't consider myself ugly, i dress reasonably well if i go out, but casually if i am at home. I don;t know what else i can do. it would be nice, one day, to have someone take a second look at me as i walk down the street or something.

OK so your thoughts?? If any of that makes sense.

Thanks

Silence


Wow you sound nearly exactly like the female version of me (spooky!). I too am 22, and never had a date or even had a girlfriend, so I can see where you are coming from. However as you say we are both young, so there is no rush, and you should just take everyday as it comes and continue to enjoy yourself and who knows what will happen the next day, that is the joy of life, full of surprises! Also remember that beauty comes from the inside, so just keep on being yourself, stay positive and happy, and good things will come to you! :-6

Silence;488225 wrote: OK first wow thanks for all your replies.

Nomad and Shweet Potato Salad, i really don;t have many hobbies. My main thing is horses. I love them, i work with them, so its my job, i take my own horse to competitions and so on. I suppose in that kind of work i don't come across many people, that want to make friends with a person as much as a horse. I used to play badminton, and i used to swim but i don't really have time as i work a 12 hour day 5 days a week most of the time. I'm not complaining.

Patsy Warnick thanks. When i go out i go with the girls from work. I hate it (it sounds terrible) but we go to nightclubs and everyone gets drunk. i don't drink so that makes it kind of hard. I straighten my hair, put on a little bit of make up - i don't go crazy with it. I wear my skinny jeans and tight t shirts, Nothing too flashy, nothing that shows much flesh (!) maybe a bit of jewellry.

Kathy Ellen, i am sorry if i bored you but if you thought i was a drone why bother to reply. I suppose i didn't know what to expect but this is why i don't talk to people about stuff as this is the reaction i don't want to get. I am sorry.

Silence


I don't understand why you are apologising, Kathy should be apologising to you. How Rude!



Someone will come along one day when you're least expecting it, I promise! :-6

I'm hoping that Kathy's post hasn't caused her to leave, not a nice way to go at all!

Silence you dont say where you live, any chance its England? You & Chris could go on a date & practise chatting up skills, probably have a great time too, he's lovely

Shhhhhh, don't say things like that, you will get me all embarassed! :p

I'm wondering if you don't need to concentrate on your energy and positive vibes. Your username speaks volumes.

When I was your age, I had similar problems, but for a different reason. I came across as very volatile and agressive. I thought I was showing people I was confident, and didn't realise that there was a difference until I hooked up with old friends about 5 yrs later.

I have to work on keeping my vibes at a level that people are comfortable with, if I want people to be around me. You may have to do the same.......

Happy to talk and advise at any time....

Silence

Welcome to the garden. There is someone for everyone out there so you really don't need to worry. In the meantime you can practice by chatting up the guys here

I recommend starting with Chris

Unc

Hiya Silence

Seems like you've got some good suggestions from my fellow members here. And Uncle Kram is right -- keep chatting with us and practice with new people!

We all welcome you to the Garden, Silence. Even Buster! :-6

Again thanks for all the replies everyone. I will answer as many questions as i can remember. Firstly no i don;t work at a racing yard, i work at a riding centre so the clients and my colleagues are practically all female. It is long hours and yes horses are all consuming but i could make time if i needed too.

Travelling, well i have been over to america a couple of times working and i have made some friends out there. I have not really had much in the way of guy friends but the ones i have made there are ok.

Hehehe chris does sound interesting but its nice to know its not only girls that can be this way too.

Elvira - i am interested in this whole vibes thing. I don't know how to change whatever vibes i am sending out so any advice in that respect would be great.

Yes i am in the Uk.

Can;t really think of anythinkg else for the moment just wow thank you all so much for replying, i didn't think people would be bothered with my silly worries when there are far worse things in the world and i know that so thanks

Silence

Diuretic;490664 wrote: Memo to self: send note to Brit govt to start advertising campaign to get more blokes to learn to ride. Need to think of a catchy Saatchi and Saatchi type phrase to get the govt to kick it off. I know, "It only hurts when you fall off!" No, that isn't going to work....lemme think....."Real men mount up", nope, that won't do either......Blimey this is difficut..........Wait, got it! "Meet chicks! Learn to ride!" ::driving: (I know it's a car but I couldn't find one of someone leaning over hanging on for grim death while the horse was cantering)

Chris, you're first :-6



Note - this is in a humous vein




:yh_rotfl

Hehehe chris does sound interesting



Chris gets my vote !





Have you considered becoming a really famous movie star ?

That'll get you "out there"

I just want to say that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Are you comfy with yourself Silence? Because, if not, that maybe some of the problem.

Anyway, you took a big step here, and that says a lot. I think you'll find wha tyou're looking for. And...why are you waiting for a guy to ask you out? Just step up and take a stand

Welcome, and I hope you'll continue here and that you find your dreams

Silence;490638 wrote: Again thanks for all the replies everyone. I will answer as many questions as i can remember. Firstly no i don;t work at a racing yard, i work at a riding centre so the clients and my colleagues are practically all female. It is long hours and yes horses are all consuming but i could make time if i needed too.

Travelling, well i have been over to america a couple of times working and i have made some friends out there. I have not really had much in the way of guy friends but the ones i have made there are ok.

Hehehe chris does sound interesting but its nice to know its not only girls that can be this way too.

Elvira - i am interested in this whole vibes thing. I don't know how to change whatever vibes i am sending out so any advice in that respect would be great.

Yes i am in the Uk.

Can;t really think of anythinkg else for the moment just wow thank you all so much for replying, i didn't think people would be bothered with my silly worries when there are far worse things in the world and i know that so thanks

Silence


Hiya sweetie - don't worry about anything! You're so young and you will meet someone - Imean think of the statistics - most people get married at some time in their lives if that's what they want.

I would also like to say life gets better as you get older - in my early twenties I was so unsure about what life would bring and what was going to happen. Now i'm in my thirties even though I don't have a partner, i am so much more life confident and happy - my friends say I have blossomed. I haven't really had many boyfriends either - just 2 - so i'm not really qualified to give advice about that but all I know is life is too short to hanker after what you haven't got - enjoy what you have and be happy - after all, what's more attractive, someone who's smiling, joking and happy or someone who is quiet and "stand offish"? I'm not saying you have to be out spoken because one can't change ones character completely but if I were to give you advice just enjoy life! i don't really drink either and when i go out I just love dancing - do you like to do that? i get high on life and the music, I find I don't ned alchol (or drugs) to enjoy myself

Chin up and be positive! I know it's hard but so many people have said the right one will come when you're not ecpecting it - but by the same token you also have to get out there and do stuff.

have you thought about changing jobs if you have nothing in common with the people you work with?

Sorry to go on!

H

xx