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I know a few people still in the denial phase.

It goes like this:

"I can stop any time I want."

One particular friend has a problem with both alcohol and cocaine. He doesn't talk much to me anymore because he knows I don't tolerate cocaine use. The first trick was to try and get me to do it with him. I've found cocaine users prefer to be around others who are using. That or they like to assume the ones not on it would be if they could. My refusing to take any was annoying. It was decided that I was one of the few who actually get sick when they take it. That was the only excuse they would accept and be okay with.

The first I heard of the use was that he did it once a year. Then it was once in while. Then it was on the weekends. Then it turned out he carries it in his wallet most of the time.

He is a very "successful" person. I'm not sure how to convince someone who makes really good money that they are screwing up their life.

koan;535473 wrote: I know a few people still in the denial phase.

It goes like this:

"I can stop any time I want."

One particular friend has a problem with both alcohol and cocaine. He doesn't talk much to me anymore because he knows I don't tolerate cocaine use. The first trick was to try and get me to do it with him. I've found cocaine users prefer to be around others who are using. That or they like to assume the ones not on it would be if they could. My refusing to take any was annoying. It was decided that I was one of the few who actually get sick when they take it. That was the only excuse they would accept and be okay with.

The first I heard of the use was that he did it once a year. Then it was once in while. Then it was on the weekends. Then it turned out he carries it in his wallet most of the time.

He is a very "successful" person. I'm not sure how to convince someone who makes really good money that they are screwing up their life.


I have many friends like this and i have realised i can not convince them of anything, it took one friend to lose everything, she had a breakdown and was sectioned under the mental health act, even then it took a long time before she realised her life was a mess BECAUSE of this addiction.

One of the hardest things for many addicts is to connect the problems in their lives with the drug use, and then there are those that we consider as "functioning addicts". It's even harder for them, because they cannot see the unmanageability and powerlessness that addiction causes. Or, they choose not to see it, because denial can be a two-way street. One of my favorite excuses was "I'm not hurting anyone but myself". Unfortunately, it's not alway easy to help someone break through denial, because in a lot of cases, they simply aren't ready to see it, and you really do have to let them make their own mistakes and go through their own misery many times. Some will even die, and that's something that is most difficult to bear. Reality therapy is a good thing when dealing with denial.

One thing that I always keep in mind, Koan, is that addiction is not a white/black/jewish/female/poor man's/etc. disease. It affects anyone at anytime, regardless of age, race, creed, religion, etc.

For that little justification of "I can quit anytime", which is usually accompanied by "I just don't want to", I have a few things I do with clients that sometimes works, but it all depends on where they are in terms of what they want to do with their lives.

I feel bad because I confirmed for him. I told him I believed him.

He knew I didn't believe him. I think. But I don't think I should have agreed. I still feel like I should say something. I just don't think it will make a difference.

koan;535487 wrote: I feel bad because I confirmed for him. I told him I believed him.

He knew I didn't believe him. I think. But I don't think I should have agreed. I still feel like I should say something. I just don't think it will make a difference.


K, first of all. You could say something, sure, but you are more than likely right...it may not make a difference, although consistency is important. In other words, while you don't want to push (because that will just push them away or further into addiction), you also want to be honest and state your own feelings as well.

I'll try to provide some info on enabling and how not to do that in a "nice" way

I'd appreciate that.

I'm not sure if I'll even hear from him anymore now that I've moved but I have been worried about him. Film industry They think they are sooooo cool.

Koan I'm sorry, I have a friend that went to prison for dealing drugs and he told me how his best clients were the very wealthy and successful pilars of society.

The sad thing is that he went to prison for 13 years and he was clean for about 3-4 years, and then slowly got back into it. I keep my distance, he knows how I feel about it.

It is very hard, I also have a child-hood friend that struggled with drugs all her life and she's clean, (re-connected over 25 years this summer) but she shared with me how it's a DAILY struggle.

All I can say is I understand...and I feel for you.

I can't believe how long it took me to find out how many film crew members do coke. I guess that's because I had a child to get home to every night.

koan;535523 wrote: I can't believe how long it took me to find out how many film crew members do coke. I guess that's because I had a child to get home to every night.


that's show business huh?

And the show will go on. With or without me. I prefer it without.

Dont feel bad Koan. You cant convince an addict of anything. If you say you believe them, or say you dont... it doesnt make any difference. Ive been surrounded with alcohol and drug addicts my entire life. If I had a nickel for every heart felt talk Ive had with them ( because I loved them all) Id be a rich woman. You can love them and pray for their recovery, but it is best to keep your distance, to save your heart.

koan;535523 wrote: I can't believe how long it took me to find out how many film crew members do coke. I guess that's because I had a child to get home to every night.


I will bet they had family to go home to at night too. The party meant more. I never said I could quit anytime.....it just wasn't true. If I had a nickel for everytime I called an addiction hospital over 10 years....I'd have $100.00. Addiction is the great deceiver of the mind..........it robs you of free will. Your soul knows you are in deep and serious do-do......yet you do not stop because those little chemicals in your brain keep saying.......MORE...MORE...MORE. I admire anyone who overcomes addiction.

weeder;535535 wrote: Dont feel bad Koan. You cant convince an addict of anything. If you say you believe them, or say you dont... it doesnt make any difference. Ive been surrounded with alcohol and drug addicts my entire life. If I had a nickel for every heart felt talk Ive had with them ( because I loved them all) Id be a rich woman. You can love them and pray for their recovery, but it is best to keep your distance, to save your heart.


A lot of truth to this weeder, but as a recovering addict who had numerous family members and friends having those heartfelt talks with me...it does, at times, make a dent. And that you care does make a difference, although it may not seem that way. Addicts are notorious for isolating themselves from those they love, for a variety of reasons. Mine was shame mostly, and when those that loved me would look at me with tears in their eyes, I felt that, regardless of how much dope I did to cover up the misery.

nvalleyvee;535537 wrote: I will bet they had family to go home to at night too. The party meant more. I never said I could quit anytime.....it just wasn't true. If I had a nickel for everytime I called an addiction hospital over 10 years....I'd have $100.00. Addiction is the great deceiver of the mind..........it robs you of free will. Your soul knows you are in deep and serious do-do......yet you do not stop because those little chemicals in your brain keep saying.......MORE...MORE...MORE. I admire anyone who overcomes addiction.


I love the way you said that

Koan, check out this website, for a small bit of info on enabling and what it is. This one is more general than some, and isn't really as applicable to the situation you talked of, although the context of it explains more than just the info provided.



http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa052197.htm

Mystery;535868 wrote: Koan, check out this website, for a small bit of info on enabling and what it is. This one is more general than some, and isn't really as applicable to the situation you talked of, although the context of it explains more than just the info provided.



http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa052197.htm


Do you think President Bush still uses?:-3

RhondaLu;535874 wrote: Do you think President Bush still uses?:-3


I wouldn't even begin to guess.

Mystery;535876 wrote: I wouldn't even begin to guess.


Why not? Does he seem coherent to you? did he ever?

Koan he won't believe it is a problem till the good money he makes doing what ever he does for a living is gone. Only when he doesn't have the job anymore, and a nice home and the support of his family will he maybe get it and if he is lucky he will stop.

Addiction is a master like no other and some make it some don't. It is all up to him and him alone you can only be his friend and pray he makes it.

I know you want to do more but it won't help unless he wants to stop. My friend of 35 year is a recovering drinker the only thing that stopped her was me walking away from our friendship. I had done all I could it was up to her to choose how she wanted to live.

She had lost 2 husbands to her drinking, almost lost her daughter and granddaughters support and mine before she stopped. Mind you she wasn't young it took decades for her to see the destruction it caused in her life. But she did it and hasn't touch a drop in 15 years.

This is what happened when he choked on a pretzel watching a football game (he passed out)

He best be very careful this Super bowel Sunday.:p

CARLA;535885 wrote: Koan he won't believe it is a problem till the good money he makes doing what ever he does for a living is gone. Only when he doesn't have the job anymore, and a nice home and the support of his family will he maybe get it and if he is lucky he will stop.

Addiction is a master like no other and some make it some don't. It is all up to him and him alone you can only be his friend and pray he makes it.

I know you want to do more but it won't help unless he wants to stop. My friend of 35 year is a recovering drinker the only thing that stopped her was me walking away from our friendship. I had done all I could it was up to her to choose how she wanted to live.

She had lost 2 husbands to her drinking, almost lost her daughter and granddaughters support and mine before she stopped. Mind you she wasn't young it took decades for her to see the destruction it caused in her life. But she did it and hasn't touch a drop in 15 years.


Congratulations to her! That's terrific!

koan;535523 wrote: I can't believe how long it took me to find out how many film crew members do coke. I guess that's because I had a child to get home to every night.


It's rampant in the industry, isn't it Koan? What other drugs are so readily abused in the movie business? I've heard that speed/amphetamines are huge because it helps everyone stay skinny.

I'm glad I live in small-town America instead

Mystery, your advice and information is excellent. Thanks so much for sharing it with us :-6

cherandbuster;536229 wrote: It's rampant in the industry, isn't it Koan? What other drugs are so readily abused in the movie business? I've heard that speed/amphetamines are huge because it helps everyone stay skinny.

I'm glad I live in small-town America instead

Mystery, your advice and information is excellent. Thanks so much for sharing it with us :-6


I'm not really able to comment on drug use by actors. The paparazzi does an exaggerated reporting job on that end. Many of them stay thin by hiring personal trainers. The ones who have major addictions don't go that long without exposure by the press.

On the crew side of things, cocaine is still seen as an elite drug. A large number of people on crews get in thinking it is a glamourous life. It isn't. The cocaine feeds this glamour illusion. Alcohol is greatly abused as well. Not only do crews work a norm of 14 hour days and drive home overtired (I've fallen asleep at the wheel before after a night shoot) the grips and electrics often invite crew to sit in their trucks drinking beer before they drive home. I still wonder that there aren't more deaths. I've also seen a fair bit of drinking and driving on a regular basis as though it's normal. Guess after 12 hours the film co is cutting into their drinking time.

I worked in BC. Home of some of the best weed. I'd say the percentage of pot users in film there is an even reflection of the general pot usage in all of the BC area.

koan;536271 wrote: I'm not really able to comment on drug use by actors. The paparazzi does an exaggerated reporting job on that end. Many of them stay thin by hiring personal trainers. The ones who have major addictions don't go that long without exposure by the press.

On the crew side of things, cocaine is still seen as an elite drug. A large number of people on crews get in thinking it is a glamourous life. It isn't. The cocaine feeds this glamour illusion. Alcohol is greatly abused as well. Not only do crews work a norm of 14 hour days and drive home overtired (I've fallen asleep at the wheel before after a night shoot) the grips and electrics often invite crew to sit in their trucks drinking beer before they drive home. I still wonder that there aren't more deaths. I've also seen a fair bit of drinking and driving on a regular basis as though it's normal. Guess after 12 hours the film co is cutting into their drinking time.

I worked in BC. Home of some of the best weed. I'd say the percentage of pot users in film there is an even reflection of the general pot usage in all of the BC area.


Thanks for the info. I find it really interesting -- but what do I know, I love to read PerezHilton!!

Koan, are writers involved with the same 'perks' that are available on movie sets? I would think that unless writers hang out on a set, their existence is more of a solitary one . . .