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It depends on the child and parents emotional states. It sounds like the mother has been completely open and fair to the father... now that he has got himself in a better position and she has been the main care provider the whole year is it fair to suddenly take the child from her? The one who gets the kid on the weekends gets the better deal, imo, so she'd likely do well to go for it. The main consideration, if both parents continue spending time with the child, is schooling.

If the child is old enough then they could consider asking his/her feelings about it... making clear that the adults will make the decision but that they want the child to know that his/her feelings are important to them. That's how I always made decisions with my ex. My daughter always had a voice but never the burden of deciding.

Speaking as someone who is not a parent, I do not see a problem, if both parents are agreeable. They may want to go through the courts..or at least seek the advice of a lawyer. It is just that so often the courts will automatically award physical custody to the mother automatically..which is sad. And if they can keep the visitation as it has been..it seems the mother would still have access to visiting the child at any time.

The split between the parents seems to have been amicable. I suggest something legal just in case the relationship changes for the worse. Don't want the child dragged through hell.

I would see it as fair as long as the child is happy with it.

They sound like they've been doing great with their situation so far......

I agree as long as the CHILD is OK with it I see no problem at all. If the child has the freedom of going back and forth anytime then it sould work out very well. As lond as said Child doesn't play parents to get whats by making the parents feel guilty.

I think a lot depends on the age of the child. How old are they?

flopstock;557123 wrote: for the sake of the argument let's say a very mature, intelligent almost 8 year old..


Thats old enough, IMO, to decide which parent you want to reside with.

flopstock;557134 wrote: I think the trick would be to work things in such a manner that the child didn't feel they needed to make a decision. That it's worked so that this is just another normal event in the familys life... no biggie, no hurt feelings, everyone loves the child..


In the long run it is all about the child & what is best for the child.

I don't think the child is old enough to make a decision without being torn in all directions and feeling guilt.

flopstock;557123 wrote: for the sake of the argument let's say a very mature, intelligent almost 8 year old..


Old enough to decide maybe but at that age still need their mum more I think. Depends also on whether or not she has siblings, who they're with etc. Easy to play the parents off against each other too. My son does that sometimes with my parents and we don't live with them.

Well my son is 7 and a half and I'd never do that to him. I'd ask what he wanted and make it clear that whatever he decided that he'd still see plenty of the other one and we both just wanted him to be happy.

Last year of high school, the child is old enough to make the decision who to stay with. If the child wants to stay with Mom, the child should. If the child wants to go with Dad, and Mom thinks it is all right and can deal with it, then that should be an option.

Aged 8 isn't high school. :-3

flopstock;557268 wrote: That why I would think it should be presented more as a 'here's what we're going to do next... how exciting!' [snip]wah:


This is a very difficult question indeed. I have thought about it for some time,

since yesterday, but it is impossible to come to an absolute conclusion. The

approach you mention must be the the best, I think - there is absolutely no

way that the child can be, or should be, able to "choose". It should be a

benevolent but imposed decision, that is if both parties are "big enough" to

handle it with regard to the child. The school year timings are very lucky, but

- this child will, I assume, soon "go up" to another school, and if moved to a

different area, will lose contact with his peers. This needs some consideration

as well. Hm. More thought, maybe, soon.

crazygal;557347 wrote: Aged 8 isn't high school. :-3


What's "high school"? Primary school?

Bill Sikes;557433 wrote: What's "high school"? Primary school?


High school starts at 11 Bill, like our Comprehensives or Grammer Schools:-6

or you could just end the hypothetical situation and not have to worry about it. :wah:

You'd be suprised how well a man can do raising a child on his own. A daughter no less...

Floopy, you've always had a good head on your shoulders, at least since I've known you :-4

If you are comfortable with the situation and the change in primary custody, and you feel comfortable presenting it to the child in the way you stated, I say GO FOR IT! I trust your judgment.

And I'm sure the child involved does, too :-4

It depends on if the father will truly be just as fair as the mom was. (This would go vice versa as well.)



What if the child doesn't want to, or changes his mind? What if either parent remarries? There's a lot more variable, IMO.