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Do you have any that make you laugh when you hear or say them?

The word 'pants' makes me laugh, I use it quite a lot.

my dad always says...



He's as worthless as tits on a boar hog!!

and......

he was as worthless as a one armed paper hanger in a wind storm

and.....

he was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!



He always makes me laugh!!

That would be about as easy as shoving hot butter up a wildcats ass.

As useless as a chocolate teapot. Oldie but a goodie.

Wallop. I LOVE that word, find it so funny. It's in an advert at the moment, hadn't heard that for ages.

WALLOP :wah:

when I was in the states there was a huge black snake called a water mokason ?? a country guy with a full white beard and a hat sorta like a hunters hat , came over to the lake and got talking I said about the snake and joked about the snake saying I tried catching it but it got away oh my big mistake his face went purple he threw his hat on the ground like that yessemty sam outa bugs bunny ,he said thats a deadly black water mokasin call me all the darn fools and names I had never heard before , when he calmed down I told him I was just joking ,he said boy ,you keep that english sense of humour going over here you'll be bout as popular as a rattle snake in a lucky dip , it still cracks me up now :wah: :wah:

YZGI;565124 wrote: That would be about as easy as shoving hot butter up a wildcats ass.


:wah: :wah: I like that one, can I use it?

Tater Tazz;579974 wrote: :wah: :wah: I like that one, can I use it?
Of course you can.

YZGI;580058 wrote: Of course you can.




the saying or the hot butter wisey ,:D

jimbo;580065 wrote: the saying or the hot butter wisey ,:D
Hot butter can have desirable effects if used properly.

jimbo;579967 wrote: when I was in the states there was a huge black snake called a water mokason ?? a country guy with a full white beard and a hat sorta like a hunters hat , came over to the lake and got talking I said about the snake and joked about the snake saying I tried catching it but it got away oh my big mistake his face went purple he threw his hat on the ground like that yessemty sam outa bugs bunny ,he said thats a deadly black water mokasin call me all the darn fools and names I had never heard before , when he calmed down I told him I was just joking ,he said boy ,you keep that english sense of humour going over here you'll be bout as popular as a rattle snake in a lucky dip , it still cracks me up now :wah: :wah:
Or as popular as a fart in a spacesuit

As subtle as a turd on a tablecloth



Fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down



Everyone's got the right to be ugly but some people just abuse it

i had broken up with a girl not my choice ,i was talking to an old irish lady she said whats wrong so i told her her advice was ..... if you want a song bird dont expect it to fetch sticks ... if you want a loyal campanion and friend get a dog ... if you try to get the beautifull bird to be loyal or the faithfull dog to sing you will end up with neither and only upest them both .. there is logic there somewhere i cant quite get it but it always makes me laugh :wah: :wah:

I want a nun in church, a maid in the house and a whore in bed. And a couple of tits would be nice.

YZGI;580236 wrote: I want a nun in church, a maid in the house and a whore in bed. And a couple of tits would be nice.
How's this?

Attached files

Uncle Kram;580070 wrote: Or as popular as a fart in a spacesuit


:wah: that made my day

Musiclover89;580305 wrote: :wah: that made my day




its a not a foul wind that er does no one a bad turn or something like that :wah:

A face like a trodden-on chip

A face like a bag of spanners

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

A face like a robbers dog

:D

Sweating like a glass-blowers arse

Sweating like Pavarotti in a cake-eating contest

Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market

Uncle Kram;580321 wrote: A face like a trodden-on chip

A face like a bag of spanners

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

A face like a robbers dog

:D




A face like a bulldog sucking **** off a thistle is one of my favourites



lol **** = wee wee

Uncle Kram;580331 wrote: Sweating like a glass-blowers arse

Sweating like Pavarotti in a cake-eating contest

Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market



:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl kramtastic

"tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good."...grew up on that one from dear old Dad....

"nervous as a whore in church"

"that will go over like a terd in a punch bowl"

and we like the word "nuggets" in my house, please don't ask...