Funny pictures.
Posted: Sat May 19, 2007 3:52 am
This thread is going to be for funny stuff. Hopefully, everyone will post something funny, so, everyone can laugh.
senior moments
>A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
> >groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a
> >good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an
> >up scale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady,
> >in her mid-eighties.
> >
> >The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes
> >a sip, turns to her and says,
> >
> >"So tell me, do I come here often?"
> >
> >
> >
> >An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
> >
> >He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
> >set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
> >
> >The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
> >said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that
> >you can hear again."
> >
> >The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
> >I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
> >I've changed my will three times!"
> >
> >
> >
> >Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
> >under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years
> >old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my
> >age. How do you feel?"
> >
> >Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
> >
> >"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
> >
> >"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
> >
> >
> >
> >An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
> >eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
> >gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new
> >restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
> >
> >The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
> >
> >The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name
> >of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's
> >red and has thorns."
> >
> >"Do you mean a rose?"
> >
> >"Yes, that's the one", replied the man. He then turned towards the
> >kitchen and yelled, "Rose", what's the name of that restaurant we went
> >to last night?"
> >
> >
> >
> >Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
> >However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
> >gentleman --already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at
> >his feet-- who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
> >
> >After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him
> >to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
> >
> >"I don't know", he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing
> >out of her hospital gown".
> >
> >
> >
> >A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
> >During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay,
> >but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
> >Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
> >"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen"? he asks.
> >
> >"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream"?
> >"Sure".
> >"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it", she
> >asks.
> >"No, I can remember it".
> >"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write
> >it down, so you don't forget".
> >He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
> >strawberries".
> >"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
> >down", she pleads.
> >Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
> >Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness
>sake"!
> >Then he toddles into the kitchen.
>
> >After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands
> >his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
> >She stares at the plate for a m oment.
> >"Where's my toast?"
> >
> >
> >
> >A senior cit izen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> >"So I hear you're getting married?"
> >"Yep!"
> >"Do I know her?"
> >"Nope!"
> >"This woman, is she good looking?"
> >"Not really."
> >"Is she a good cook?"
> >"Naw, she can't cook too well."
> >"Does she have lots of money?"
> >"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
> >"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
> >"I don't know."
> >"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
> >"Because she can still drive!"
> >
> >
> >
> >Three old guys are out walking.
> >First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
> >Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
> >Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
> >
> >
> >
> >A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
> >cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
> >"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
> >"Twelve thirty."
> >
> >
> >
> >Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
> >days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
> >gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> >A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
> >really doing great, aren't you?"
> >Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
> >cheerful.'"
> >The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
> >murmur; be careful.'"
> >
> >
> >
> >A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
> >himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath,
> >he ordered a banana split.
> >The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
> >"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
> >
>
