Caveat: I approach this subject with fear and trepidation. I am fully aware of the power of the great female ‘cats. Sleek, beautiful, sensuous; purring, stretching to be petted one moment, snarling, spitting, all teeth and claws the next. I put myself in this jeopardy only for the sake of science. No cost has been spared for research and fact checking. If however anyone is offended, it should be brought to the attention of my executive editor Paula.
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
We’ve already discussed the female need to prove self worth. It should be noted that the depth of psychosis is calculated by the amount of detail, and effort expended.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.,
When the cave man developed his “wiener walkâ€, the females decided to join the fun. Since they were blessed with two er “hanging appendagesâ€, it seemed like a “one up†on the males. Problem was the dynamics were tricky, and the walk became a juggling (1) exercise with the “center of balance†shifting according to the mass distribution.
All went well until a “mature†lady of very generous proportion, and having exceeded the tensile strength of perky-ness, became over exuberant and lost her synchronicity.
A tragedy of epic proportion ensued. One breast went right, the other left. It is said that when they met in the back, the sound was loud enough to drown out the cave woman version of “I am woman, hear me roarâ€, that she had been singing.
On the return swing, the left one took out a small child, and the right struck a weiner being shaken. Broke it ! The lady herself was bruised, battered and traumatized.
At the subsequent cave meeting, the opinions were divided by gender. The cave guys were impressed by the green, blue, and pink “body art†(2) on the victim, and wanted repeat performances, suggesting that poles and other devices be used to enhance the show. (3)
The cave chicks opined that the guys were insensitive, and exploitive. They also realized that they had something special, assets. Being female, it didn’t take them long to realize that their assets(4) were valuable.
Upset with the male attitude, and realizing their assets would increase in value with less exposure, the female’s decided to form a union. They called it the “Persecute Men Societyâ€
The first rule was that their assets must be kept hidden except for commercial ventures, and special occasions. The second rule was that for approx. 1 week of each month, they would persecute, terrorize, and make life a living hell for males. That society is still thriving today and membership is compulsory.
It is worth noting that O.P.E.C. in modern times has adopted this same strategy to preserve the value of their oil assets.
(1) The origin of the word “ jugs†to describe mammary glands. The term Mammary’s was developed in the American west. There are two versions to the story: a) The young son of a cowboy asked his father why he tipped his hat and said “maam†to only some of the people. The father waited until a lady passed by, pointed to her breasts and said “them’s maam er’s boyâ€. b) Older cowboy with a speech impediment and his very young grandson see a well endowed young lady pass by. The boy points to her breasts and sez “what’s them gramps, the old cowboy gets a dreamy look on his face and sez “ them’s mammary’s [memories] boy.
(2) The origin of the tattoo and body decorating
(3) The origin of strip tease
(4) Feminine assets have been designated as “soft assets†to differentiate them from the more common, (and much less attractive) financial assets, accounting terminology.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Asset evaluation
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone
Asset management tools
Wash with cucumber and sage, with crushed apricot, with ginger nut and jaffa cake.
Condition with grapefruit mint
M’lady’s relationship with fruit and vegetables is long and somewhat mysterious. For example, the fruit favored by Eve in the original garden is disputed. Some claim it was an apple, others insist it was a banana.
A careful search of historical documents and archeological artifacts provide many examples of the relationship, but no documentation could be found to specifically describe how the fruits and veggies [fv] were actually used. One possible clue may be that the fv’s seem to be more prevalent among unmarried and separated lady’s.
It was originally thought that because the fv’s were often found on night stands that they were used for midnight snacks. Their consistent shape and the fact that some were dried and highly decorated however, seems to put the snack theory in dispute. Another interesting feature of the dried fv’s, is that many of them were hollowed out, some of these contained small trap doors, “breathing vents, and the larger ones often contained miniature “ferris wheels†or “ tread mills.
An Egyptian queen was found buried with two dried gourds, the larger one contained two small skeletons of what appeared to be gerbils, the smaller one contained a large winged beetle similar to a modern June bug.
More contemporaneous examples found by curious males in the 15th -17th centuries contained a variety of insects. Documents from this era contain reports of “loud buzzing†accompanied by feminine expressions ranging from soft sigh’s, to screams of delight emanating from m’lady’s bed chambers. This gave rise to the thought that these devices may have been used for musical or rhythmic entertainment by the ladys.
Most interesting is that modern facsimiles of these devices are still made, although the design’s, in metal, or plastic, seem more phallic then representative. The symbolism is however still carried by substituting vibrators for the insects, and batteries for the small rodents.
It is assumed that the various liquids, gells, and salves containing fv extracts are evocative of that primal relationship between females, other fruits, and vegetables.
Shave armpits and legs.
Collect dividends from assets. Save these dividends to cash in by using them to plug drains just prior to male using bathroom. NOTE: If this collection is performed during the “persecute male phaseâ€, you must use the males shaver, then spray it with a thin soap film, and allow to congeal with all the shaved hairs intact.
Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold
spots with Tilex
This is simple reciprocity for the terrific job the male did while hosing off the shower floor area. It should be noted that there are no areas of mold on the hosed area.
Caveat: I approach this subject with fear and trepidation. I am fully aware of the power of the great female ‘cats. Sleek, beautiful, sensuous; purring, stretching to be petted one moment, snarling, spitting, all teeth and claws the next. I put myself in this jeopardy only for the sake of science. No cost has been spared for research and fact checking. If however anyone is offended, it should be brought to the attention of my executive editor Paula.
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
We’ve already discussed the female need to prove self worth. It should be noted that the depth of psychosis is calculated by the amount of detail, and effort expended.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.,
When the cave man developed his “wiener walkâ€, the females decided to join the fun. Since they were blessed with two er “hanging appendagesâ€, it seemed like a “one up†on the males. Problem was the dynamics were tricky, and the walk became a juggling (1) exercise with the “center of balance†shifting according to the mass distribution.
All went well until a “mature†lady of very generous proportion, and having exceeded the tensile strength of perky-ness, became over exuberant and lost her synchronicity.
A tragedy of epic proportion ensued. One breast went right, the other left. It is said that when they met in the back, the sound was loud enough to drown out the cave woman version of “I am woman, hear me roarâ€, that she had been singing.
On the return swing, the left one took out a small child, and the right struck a weiner being shaken. Broke it ! The lady herself was bruised, battered and traumatized.
At the subsequent cave meeting, the opinions were divided by gender. The cave guys were impressed by the green, blue, and pink “body art†(2) on the victim, and wanted repeat performances, suggesting that poles and other devices be used to enhance the show. (3)
The cave chicks opined that the guys were insensitive, and exploitive. They also realized that they had something special, assets. Being female, it didn’t take them long to realize that their assets(4) were valuable.
Upset with the male attitude, and realizing their assets would increase in value with less exposure, the female’s decided to form a union. They called it the “Persecute Men Societyâ€
The first rule was that their assets must be kept hidden except for commercial ventures, and special occasions. The second rule was that for approx. 1 week of each month, they would persecute, terrorize, and make life a living hell for males. That society is still thriving today and membership is compulsory.
It is worth noting that O.P.E.C. in modern times has adopted this same strategy to preserve the value of their oil assets.
(1) The origin of the word “ jugs†to describe mammary glands. The term Mammary’s was developed in the American west. There are two versions to the story: a) The young son of a cowboy asked his father why he tipped his hat and said “maam†to only some of the people. The father waited until a lady passed by, pointed to her breasts and said “them’s maam er’s boyâ€. b) Older cowboy with a speech impediment and his very young grandson see a well endowed young lady pass by. The boy points to her breasts and sez “what’s them gramps, the old cowboy gets a dreamy look on his face and sez “ them’s mammary’s [memories] boy.
(2) The origin of the tattoo and body decorating
(3) The origin of strip tease
(4) Feminine assets have been designated as “soft assets†to differentiate them from the more common, (and much less attractive) financial assets, accounting terminology.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Asset evaluation
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone
Asset management tools
Wash with cucumber and sage, with crushed apricot, with ginger nut and jaffa cake.
Condition with grapefruit mint
M’lady’s relationship with fruit and vegetables is long and somewhat mysterious. For example, the fruit favored by Eve in the original garden is disputed. Some claim it was an apple, others insist it was a banana.
A careful search of historical documents and archeological artifacts provide many examples of the relationship, but no documentation could be found to specifically describe how the fruits and veggies [fv] were actually used. One possible clue may be that the fv’s seem to be more prevalent among unmarried and separated lady’s.
It was originally thought that because the fv’s were often found on night stands that they were used for midnight snacks. Their consistent shape and the fact that some were dried and highly decorated however, seems to put the snack theory in dispute. Another interesting feature of the dried fv’s, is that many of them were hollowed out, some of these contained small trap doors, “breathing vents, and the larger ones often contained miniature “ferris wheels†or “ tread mills.
An Egyptian queen was found buried with two dried gourds, the larger one contained two small skeletons of what appeared to be gerbils, the smaller one contained a large winged beetle similar to a modern June bug.
More contemporaneous examples found by curious males in the 15th -17th centuries contained a variety of insects. Documents from this era contain reports of “loud buzzing†accompanied by feminine expressions ranging from soft sigh’s, to screams of delight emanating from m’lady’s bed chambers. This gave rise to the thought that these devices may have been used for musical or rhythmic entertainment by the ladys.
Most interesting is that modern facsimiles of these devices are still made, although the design’s, in metal, or plastic, seem more phallic then representative. The symbolism is however still carried by substituting vibrators for the insects, and batteries for the small rodents.
It is assumed that the various liquids, gells, and salves containing fv extracts are evocative of that primal relationship between females, other fruits, and vegetables.
Shave armpits and legs.
Collect dividends from assets. Save these dividends to cash in by using them to plug drains just prior to male using bathroom. NOTE: If this collection is performed during the “persecute male phaseâ€, you must use the males shaver, then spray it with a thin soap film, and allow to congeal with all the shaved hairs intact.
Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold
spots with Tilex
This is simple reciprocity for the terrific job the male did while hosing off the shower floor area. It should be noted that there are no areas of mold on the hosed area.
:sneaky: :-4
I will tell my daughter that