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I have been gone six long years. Eternity could not last this long. To be far away from family, when the hard times are always here is very difficult.

Two of the children are here, 20 and 21, they help me. But it is not fair to always ask young ones to do things, they have their lives ahead of them. I do not.

Will I ever meld into the way of life here? Not very much, I figured that out right away. I think different, talk different, eat different, etc.

Is it nice here? In many ways, it is more affordable. But what is money, when the heart is somewhere else?

The deal always was, we would retire there. But now my husband is retired, an invalid, and I must work, work, work. I do not think I will ever make it to retirement some days, it is a long way away.

Like home.

This is how I feel:

Ask Me No More

ask me no more, if I’m happy here

eons away from the gentle warm winds

of the desert that bore me beneath the sun

that shines with radiance unreachable now,

my bed meadows of poppies that sang golden notes

for those long nights underneath the vaulted heavens

when the stars were my companions

and the moon the brilliant pillow for my head

I gaze up into a foreign sky

no longer oriented in any direction I can perceive

amid the urbanized upheaval of forgetfulness

that shadows steps I cautiously take

the voices vacant of recognition or tone

that would meld me into one of their own

for I am not

I am a wildflower

that can only be nourished

from the eternal terra

where I was created

Yes, I wrote that.

I learned after a few years, it would probably always feel this way. The sky is different, the sunsets different, that is just the way it is.

I am the only one who can walk around here and never be really hot, they have not felt the desert heat-and you know what I mean.

I will get to go home in August for a few days finally, but the stress of going and having to leave my husband in other's care, it is a no-win scenario. But go I will, to my daughter's wedding. Some things must never be missed.

That's a really nice picture of you and your mom, Susie.

Why would being around your friends cause problems? Family I might understand (cuz I know how that can go) but friends ought to not be an issue.

But what do I know. I've always been close to my family and leaving them was never an option. I hope you will be able to work something out because as you know, you can't replace family.

I'm sorry Susie. That doesn't seem too fair to me. People need their friends. Is it that Tim could be jealous of your friends? I don't mean to pry.

That's a very good quality to have.

I hope you guys can work it out.

The VFW party sounds like a cool idea.

I only have one friend from school. We've been friends since we were about 12. The rest, nada. I have other friends I've made as an adult though. How about Tim? Is he more of a loner type?

That there explains a lot. I can appreciate that.

I don't know that there is anything you can do, honestly. If he's not willing, you can't force it. It just won't work. I guess just don't give up on him; there's still hope. I have learned that as people get older (this is only how it seems to me) it's harder to make and keep friends because people don't want to invest the time it takes to obtain a new friend much less keep one. WHich just makes the ones you have more precious. There's still hope for Tim, I'm sure.

Yea.....

Now that summer is in full swing with picnics and boating and what not.

Not to mention in just a couple of months pre-season will be starting, the leaves will be changing colors and eventually that miracle in the sky, soft white fluffy snow falling from the heavens.