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This one made me think of Uncle Fester because he's always getting those funny scam letters.



The Nigeria scams riled up one person enough to write a parody spam.

X-Spam-Status: No, hits=4.3 required=5.0

tests=BILLION_DOLLARS,DEAR_SOMETHING,IN_REP_TO,ITS_LEGAL,

LINES_OF_YELLING,LINES_OF_YELLING_2,LINES_OF_YELLING_3,

NIGERIAN_TRANSACTION_1,NIGERIAN_TRANSACTION_2,REFERENCES,

SIGNATURE_SHORT_DENSE,SPAM_PHRASE_05_08,SUPERLONG_LINE,

UPPERCASE_75_100,USER_AGENT,USER_AGENT_MUTT,US_DOLLARS_3

version=2.43

X-Spam-Level: ****

HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH

DEAR SIR / MADAM,

I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF

AMERICA GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT

MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY SEARCH

FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS

TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT

REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.

I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN

ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY

PARTNERS AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY

FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION OF PETROLEUM IN

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND BRAVELY SERVED HIS COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE

UNITED STATES CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.

IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES, MY FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO WORK WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT

OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ TO REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING

ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL VENTURE WAS SOON FOLLOWED BY A

FALLING OUT WITH HIS IRAQI PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL

REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED

U.S.-BRITISH SUBSIDIARY.

MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF KUWAIT IN 1991 AT A COST OF

SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S. DOLLARS ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT COST,

THIRTY-SIX BILLION DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY HIS PARTNERS IN

THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF MONARCHIES, AND SIXTEEN

BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY GERMAN AND JAPANESE PARTNERS.

BUT MY FATHER'S FORMER IRAQI BUSINESS PARTNER REMAINED IN CONTROL OF THE

REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES.

MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN FUNDING THE REMOVAL OF THE

PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ACQUIRING THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF HIS

COUNTRY, AS COMPENSATION FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM FROM POWER.

UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT WILLING TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF

THIS NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS UPCOMING PHASE MAY COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION

TO 200 BILLION DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), BOTH IN THE

INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN LONG-TERM MANAGEMENT.

WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991 PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ACQUIRE THE

OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ. THAT IS WHY MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES ARE

URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR GRACIOUS ASSISTANCE. OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS

BUSINESS TRANSACTION INCLUDE THE SITTING VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF

AMERICA, RICHARD CHENEY, WHO IS AN ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE AND

FORMER HEAD OF THE ALLIBURTON OIL COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE

PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN THE NAMING OF A

CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER.

I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT

(10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT

VENTURE. THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL

FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER

BEFORE THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH OF APRIL.



I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND

WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A

BOLD STEP TAKEN SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED, I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED

THAT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE

IN THIS TRANSACTION, PLEASE CONTACT OUR INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER

DISCUSS THE MATTER.

I PRAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT. MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES WILL BE

FOREVER GRATEFUL. PLEASE REPLY IN STRICT CONFIDENCE TO THE CONTACT NUMBERS

BELOW.

SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS,

GEORGE WALKER BUSH

Here's the one i got today.

Hello,

I want to apologise for contacting you through this manner. My name is

Mu Xinsheng (Ex-Minister of General Administration of Customs of the

Peoples Republic of China).

Forgive me if you see my business proposal as shameful and not

honourable because of my governmental status.But please excuse me and

understand that this is the situation I am and must find a credible partner

outside China preferably in the western world where i intend to invest and

help charity.

In my years of government service as Narcotics Control Commission and

General Adminstration of Customs, I have received kick backs from

smugglers and business people seeking favours from me and as a public officer

my bank accounts are monitored hence I kept the funds Thirty Five

millionunited states dollars for safe keeping abroad.

I want you to receive the money which has been in deposit since the

last Two years.When the money is in your bank account, I want to use

Thirty Percent of the money for charity to help orphanage Children suffering

(You will spare head this project and my name will not be

mentioned).You will receive Twenty Percent as your commission and I will take the

remaining fifty Percent as my share which I intend to settle invest in

your country.

Please consider this proposal and reply to me soon. I will send you

more details when you reply to my message.

Awaiting hearing from you soonest.

Sincerely,

Mr. Mu Xinsheng.

Heres one I got yesterday.





Dear YZGI





You are a Dumbass, Please send me $10,000.00.





Yours truly:

Jimbo



















I don't know what to do. What do you guys think? Should I send it?

hehe!!

Taking kickbacks from criminals. Good character there.

And I bet you all did as you were asked :wah:

Here's one of mine:

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:wah: