Oh My God...............
Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 2:04 pm
This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble
> >
> > from Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX, regarding their > feminine
> > products. She really gets rolling after
> >
> > the first paragraph . . .
> >
> >
> > Dear Mr. Thatcher,
> >
> >
> >
> > I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for
> >
> > over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features.
> >
> > Why, without the LeakGuardCore(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm)
> >
> > absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
> >
> > or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
> >
> > running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
> >
> >
> > But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
> >
> > Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
> >
> > enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be
> >
> > a erodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I
> >
> > feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my
> >
> > pants.
> >
> >
> > Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever
> >
> > suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't.
> >
> > Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As
> >
> > I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
> >
> > violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes
> >
> > from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed
> >
> > into what my husband likes to call "an inbred
> >
> > hillbilly with knife skills".
> >
> >
> > Isn't the human body amazing?
> >
> >
> > As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division,
> >
> > you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what
> >
> > exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits
> >
> > from "Aunt Flo". Th erefore, you must know about
> >
> > the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
> >
> > about our in tense mood swings, crying, and
> >
> > out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a
> >
> > tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my
> >
> > friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
> >
> > boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
> >
> > because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy
> >
> > was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
> >
> >
> > The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
> >
> > America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs
> >
> > in Capri pants...which brings me to the reason for my
> >
> > letter.
> >
> >
> > Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful
> >
> > I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
> >
> > uterus, I open ed an Always maxi-pad, and there,
> >
> > printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
> >
> > "Have a Ha ppy Period."
> >
> >
> > Are you f**king kidding me? Does any part of your tiny
> >
> > middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual
> >
> > smiling,laughing happiness is possible during a
> >
> > period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least
> >
> > bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
> >
> > you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never
> >
> > be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to
> >
> > jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock
> >
> > yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
> >
> > the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a
> >
> > sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
> >
> >
> > For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you
> >
> > just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad,
> >
> > wouldn't it make more sense to say som ething that's
> >
> > actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or
> >
> > "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just
> >
> > picking on us?
> >
> >
> > Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,
> >
> > effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in
> >
> > monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad
> >
> > business elsewhere. And though I will certainly
> >
> > miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
> >
> > your brand of condescending bull sh**. And that's a
> >
> > promise I will keep.
> >
> >
> >
> > Best Always,
> >
> > Wendi Aarons
> >
> > Austin, TX
> >
> > from Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX, regarding their > feminine
> > products. She really gets rolling after
> >
> > the first paragraph . . .
> >
> >
> > Dear Mr. Thatcher,
> >
> >
> >
> > I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for
> >
> > over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features.
> >
> > Why, without the LeakGuardCore(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm)
> >
> > absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
> >
> > or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
> >
> > running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
> >
> >
> > But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
> >
> > Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
> >
> > enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be
> >
> > a erodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I
> >
> > feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my
> >
> > pants.
> >
> >
> > Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever
> >
> > suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't.
> >
> > Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As
> >
> > I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
> >
> > violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes
> >
> > from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed
> >
> > into what my husband likes to call "an inbred
> >
> > hillbilly with knife skills".
> >
> >
> > Isn't the human body amazing?
> >
> >
> > As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division,
> >
> > you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what
> >
> > exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits
> >
> > from "Aunt Flo". Th erefore, you must know about
> >
> > the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
> >
> > about our in tense mood swings, crying, and
> >
> > out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a
> >
> > tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my
> >
> > friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
> >
> > boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
> >
> > because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy
> >
> > was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
> >
> >
> > The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
> >
> > America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs
> >
> > in Capri pants...which brings me to the reason for my
> >
> > letter.
> >
> >
> > Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful
> >
> > I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
> >
> > uterus, I open ed an Always maxi-pad, and there,
> >
> > printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
> >
> > "Have a Ha ppy Period."
> >
> >
> > Are you f**king kidding me? Does any part of your tiny
> >
> > middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual
> >
> > smiling,laughing happiness is possible during a
> >
> > period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least
> >
> > bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
> >
> > you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never
> >
> > be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to
> >
> > jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock
> >
> > yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
> >
> > the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a
> >
> > sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
> >
> >
> > For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you
> >
> > just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad,
> >
> > wouldn't it make more sense to say som ething that's
> >
> > actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or
> >
> > "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just
> >
> > picking on us?
> >
> >
> > Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,
> >
> > effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in
> >
> > monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad
> >
> > business elsewhere. And though I will certainly
> >
> > miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
> >
> > your brand of condescending bull sh**. And that's a
> >
> > promise I will keep.
> >
> >
> >
> > Best Always,
> >
> > Wendi Aarons
> >
> > Austin, TX
