My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year
Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 11:30 am
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat ****
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with
every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail programme .....
I am also expecting from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me
to split £7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of
a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and LOADS of pretty nature pix all due to the glory of God. Who,
by the way, via St. Theresa's novena, has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a cow on
a hot day.
And thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola (because it can remove
toilet stains).
I will only buy petrol when taking a man along to watch the car to prevent
a serial killer crawling into the back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a so-called
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for
which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and
Uzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider may be lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found
dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my -errr- leg
.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes,
a large incontinent seagull will land on your head at 5:00pm tomorrow and the
fleas from 12 mangy camels will infest your backside, causing you to grow a hairy
lump. I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered ,
that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity, always read their
e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat ****
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with
every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail programme .....
I am also expecting from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me
to split £7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of
a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and LOADS of pretty nature pix all due to the glory of God. Who,
by the way, via St. Theresa's novena, has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a cow on
a hot day.
And thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola (because it can remove
toilet stains).
I will only buy petrol when taking a man along to watch the car to prevent
a serial killer crawling into the back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a so-called
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for
which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and
Uzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider may be lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found
dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my -errr- leg
.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes,
a large incontinent seagull will land on your head at 5:00pm tomorrow and the
fleas from 12 mangy camels will infest your backside, causing you to grow a hairy
lump. I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered ,
that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity, always read their
e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!