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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect

So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh sh*t, it's Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties.

He can't keep his heart rate down

And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little lamb

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man

'What have u got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon

Pies you ********.

Mary had a little lamb

it ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its arse

and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play

he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

And grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease

And now it's black and crispy.

Little Jack Horner

Sat in the Corner

Eating his Christmas Pie

He stuck in his Thumb

And pulled out a plum

And said

Holy Sh1t am I High

Mary had a little gram...



Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white as snow

And everywhere that Mary went

The lamb was sure to go

But Mary found the price of meat had soared

Which did not please her

Tonight she’s having leg of lamb

The rest is in the freezer.

There was a little Monkey

Who lived in the country

Who wouldn’t eat Darcy;s bread

‘Darcy, Darcy, stick it up your arsy’

Is all the monkey said

-What time is it?

Half past a monkeys arse acording to its tots