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My 56th birthday is approaching rapidly. Only a few days to go. In light of this event, I must admit how I feel I do not like this birthday coming at all.

Dont like the number that will be my label for the next year, but I like the number after that one even less. When I hear ( as I often do, ) about the sudden or unexpected death of someone in their 50's.... I feel exempt from the possibility of this happening to me. I mentally plan for the future, like Im 18. Thinking about all the places I want to visit, running away and living in another country, dancing in a ballroom somewhere, or under the stars on a terrace. Sometimes I imagine myself dancing with a ballet corp, in toe shoes, and the audience is mesmerized. I feel like I am looking at at the world with eyes that are 26 years old. But much of the world really looks right past me, because my package is soon to be 56. I listen to, and love music that is 30 years old, my makeup routine is the same now, as it was in 1970. My life is speeding forward like a runaway train, and I want to get off, but I cant.

The worst thing about really being 18, is that I do not acknowledge " Old men" as my peer group. They are like foreign aliens to me, and it gets worse each year. I look at them and think " How did you get to a place that I have refused to go to? I dont act like a fool or anything. Im actually very low key. Simply harboring the secret knowledge that Im really the person I was 30 years ago, just locked in this vehicle that wont stop. Its going to be a real shock for me, if I ever get any kind of news telling me that the ride is almost over, because I truly do believe that I am not aging. I know that this is ridiculous, but it is the way that it is. I think that if I got up one day, and admitted how old I really am, I would become a physical and mental cripple overnight. Hope for the future would be gone, my dreams would go up in smoke, and I wouldnt be able to go on.

weeder;759632 wrote: My 56th birthday is approaching rapidly. Only a few days to go. In light of this event, I must admit how I feel I do not like this birthday coming at all.

Dont like the number that will be my label for the next year, but I like the number after that one even less. When I hear ( as I often do, ) about the sudden or unexpected death of someone in their 50's.... I feel exempt from the possibility of this happening to me. I mentally plan for the future, like Im 18. Thinking about all the places I want to visit, running away and living in another country, dancing in a ballroom somewhere, or under the stars on a terrace. Sometimes I imagine myself dancing with a ballet corp, in toe shoes, and the audience is mesmerized. I feel like I am looking at at the world with eyes that are 26 years old. But much of the world really looks right past me, because my package is soon to be 56. I listen to, and love music that is 30 years old, my makeup routine is the same now, as it was in 1970. My life is speeding forward like a runaway train, and I want to get off, but I cant.

The worst thing about really being 18, is that I do not acknowledge " Old men" as my peer group. They are like foreign aliens to me, and it gets worse each year. I look at them and think " How did you get to a place that I have refused to go to? I dont act like a fool or anything. Im actually very low key. Simply harboring the secret knowledge that Im really the person I was 30 years ago, just locked in this vehicle that wont stop. Its going to be a real shock for me, if I ever get any kind of news telling me that the ride is almost over, because I truly do believe that I am not aging. I know that this is ridiculous, but it is the way that it is. I think that if I got up one day, and admitted how old I really am, I would become a physical and mental cripple overnight. Hope for the future would be gone, my dreams would go up in smoke, and I wouldnt be able to go on.


very deep

Actually Idgie, The thread titles I choose, are always meant to be subtly humorous. I think the older people who never feel old, are in the best place. I think that to get up everyday thinking your old, is what speeds up the aging process. I do feel that at this time in life, every sunset becomes more meaningful, and every moment spent laughing becomes a jewel to be tucked away in the mind for review at tough times. You are right though. Ive spent a life time talking to myself, and thinking things to death. Very tireing, but entertaining. I am never lonely, as over the years I have become my own best friend. Thank you for the birthday wishes. But I AM going to skip over this one this year. I do not want to be 56, and so I wont. I think this year will be the year that I chop off 10 years, like so many women do.:wah:

Will it make you feel any better to know that you will always be 1 1/2 years younger than I am?

I don't look 18...but I look pretty damn good for a mature woman. I do wear make-up, but I stopped coloring my hair. My body still has curves.

I still have crazy moments...usually at home alone or with my hubby. :wah:



When I was 18, I enjoyed being the "sweet young thing." Now that I am a mature woman, I am still enjoying myself...but in differant ways.

Keep your dreams Weeder:-4

Dreams never grow old, only the body ages. What you are, the inside part of you, will always be young.

The imagination, and what we can do, sometimes have to be adjusted some. But reading your opening thread, you talked about dancing alot. Do you do that, weeder? Do you want to learn? You still can, you know. You may never be a prima ballerina, but you can still learn ballet, if you want to. (I did not learn to play the violin until I was 26, my mother would not let me learn it, but the piano. I play both now.)

I am 53, and look in the mirror and see my great grandmother, whom I look like. I sometimes sigh, and know I am restricted what I can and cannot do now. (I do have a little problem with something now, and have to not overdue some things. Eghads, I did about a hundred deep knee bends getting out laptop computers all week for kids in class, until I finally dropped one from lack of muscular control in my hand. I blushed, the kids took a deep intake of breath, and I asked them to do the carting of the gadgets for me. I figured it would be a good lesson for them to help, and remember I am that old...) But I stretch my imagination as much as I can and try to find an option I know I can achieve.

Find a goal, something you want to do, something you know you can do. And work towards that goal. I have my goal set for this summer; when I read something you are going for, I will tell you mine. My kids already smile in indulgence, but it is a pip.

weeder;759632 wrote: The worst thing about really being 18, is that I do not acknowledge " Old men" as my peer group. They are like foreign aliens to me, and it gets worse each year. I look at them and think " How did you get to a place that I have refused to go to? I dont act like a fool or anything. Im actually very low key. Simply harboring the secret knowledge that Im really the person I was 30 years ago, just locked in this vehicle that wont stop.
I know what you mean, sis. I'll be sitting around talking to one of my elders, trying to glean some of their wisdom before they pass on, only to find out that we're the same age ........ sometimes I'm older!



The saddest thing is a fellow teacher that continuously (it seems) talks about how oooold she is and how she's missed out on so much of her life, etc etc etc. SHE'S THIRTY-FRICKIN-SEVEN YEARS OLD! I'm thinking about buying her a copy of The Bucket List when it comes out on DVD.

Weeder I am two years older than you . I guess I don't look too bad for my age as no grey hair yet and am stilll quite slim,but none of that matters as we have a life time of knowledge and wisdom behind us.Treasure each year for what it is.Sit back and watch the world change, dont worry if the guys dont chat you up,as you are your own person, we have been there and done it.The one thing in life that matters is family and friends,they accept you for who you are,if others dont then they can do one.

I am 56 soon............... very soon:wah:

I don't really care to tell you the truth.

I am enjoying my life & those who are in it.:-4:-6

I have the better or worse of you by 6 years.....yes THAT old.

I still feel .....not 18 but 27ish........old enough to know enough.... young enough to look foreward.

All the old adages like "Age is just a number" dont mean a thing when you bend and cant make it......but.....the mind is where age is decided.

Refreshing take on the aging process.......but you do know the alternative ?

I hope I can be childlike and not childish, aged but not old , mature but not stale, till they come and take me away......but that aint going to be soon.

P.S. I thought this was a paedophile confession when I saw the thread title.......god forbid

I love the line from Fried Green Tomatoes. " Im too young to be old, but too old to be young" Thats just the way it is. Its like looking out of these eyes,

at the young and the old around you.... but being in this sort of confused limbo. Leaving one place, but not ready to go to the other. I used the word scared because my thinking feels out of the ordinary. Not having an inkling or a desire to become old. But then, really I feel fortunate to hold this outlook. I work for people in their 50s who pay me to maintain their properties. They are incapable of bending over, and picking up a leaf. I look at them with wonder, and I am sorry for them. Its not that they are not well. Its let they gave up a long time ago, and started to behave the way they though they ought to. Its like old age came and claimed them, and now they cant go back. When you think and behave the way I do... The old love to have you around, because you pick them up, and entertain them. The young gradually are drawn to you. They are fascinated because you dispel their myths. Once, a while back I referred to a signature here that I loved from day one. Something about life being a wild ride with a martini in one hand............ Thats the way Im going to go. When I lose joy, wonder and enthusiasm for living, Im checking out. Meanwhile, Im still enjoying the ride.

there's an old saying we brits use, ya are as old as ya feel!

Its my birthday on Monday Weeder and I also have so many more years behind me than in front of me.How did I get to this age............I was always going to stay young................always look at older people and think.......ahhhh bless...but really thinking.....cor aint they old.I have a real problem as my brain wont accept that Im no spring chicken anymore and also my eyes wont when I look into that mirror or see a picture that was taken yesterday.Some of those photos just get deleated as no way is that me.Im lucky I guess to the point that although I had a bad childhood my later years was to say the least.........different and if I wrote a book ..which I would dearly love to do......people just wouldn't believe it lol.We all take so many different paths in this crazy life and sometimes we get lost and lose our way but because this is all part of the learning process most of us find our way.The thing is would I want to be young again........well yes and no I guess.The only thing that worries me and at my age I think we all think this at times.is how Im going to die.I know that when people "go quick"it is so hard for those thats left behind but my goodness what a way to go.Nothing can change your fate in life .....I truely believe that......and is there an after life......yes I believe there is and have had evidence but thats another subject that isnt really suitable here.All I know is that I dont want to leave the people in my life but know that one day i have to as thats the only positive thing that you know will happen to you in life.I look around me and realise that everything I own is only borrowed as when I go it will go somewhere else.Infact the only thing I guess you can call yours is your own life and I for one hope to live whatever days I have left loving every moment...........Happy Birthday Weeder for next week;)

Happy Birthday to you Carolly. Why do I always have the feeling that women from our generation have experienced so much more, than the young women today ever will? Do all women getting older think that? I think we lived during a time when freedom, choices, and the right to be whwtever we wanted to be was placed right at our door step. Those of us with courage and a zest for living took full advantage of those new freedoms, and our lives were something else. I havent had it easy either. And yet, I wouldnt trade one moment of any of it for things to have been different. Its just that now, I am really comfortable with who I am and Id like to do some things over with the confidence and knowledge I have now. The thing is knowing what I know now, the men I choose to give valuable years to would never be in the picture, and so my sons wouldnt be here. And so... everything is for a reason. LIke everyone else, I hope not to die a slow and painful death. And Id never want to lose my dignity. But the prospect of going fast with no warning, isnt to pleasant either eh??? Heh, we will be eccentric, unpredictable, adorable, wise and funny old ladies. Enjoy every moment that is left, and hopefully leave some people who love us behind. What else is there to do my dear? Love to you my fellow Acquarian. have a Happy Happy Birthday.

weeder;760371 wrote: Happy Birthday to you Carolly. Why do I always have the feeling that women from our generation have experienced so much more, than the young women today ever will? Do all women getting older think that? I think we lived during a time when freedom, choices, and the right to be whwtever we wanted to be was placed right at our door step. Those of us with courage and a zest for living took full advantage of those new freedoms, and our lives were something else. I havent had it easy either. And yet, I wouldnt trade one moment of any of it for things to have been different. Its just that now, I am really comfortable with who I am and Id like to do some things over with the confidence and knowledge I have now. The thing is knowing what I know now, the men I choose to give valuable years to would never be in the picture, and so my sons wouldnt be here. And so... everything is for a reason. LIke everyone else, I hope not to die a slow and painful death. And Id never want to lose my dignity. But the prospect of going fast with no warning, isnt to pleasant either eh??? Heh, we will be eccentric, unpredictable, adorable, wise and funny old ladies. Enjoy every moment that is left, and hopefully leave some people who love us behind. What else is there to do my dear? Love to you my fellow Acquarian. have a Happy Happy Birthday.Loved reading your reply darlin.........and how true.I have just remembered something that has made me smile.In 2000 I was on BBC Essex Radio with some others from Essex basically talking about our lives and also coming from The East End to Essex also what it was like all those years ago being illegitimate,They put it together so well with music and I must admit I was very proud.The thing is the tapes were buried and will be "dug" up in 100 years so that generation can see what we went through etc........so I may be well out of sight then but my memories will be heard...........poor souls lol.;)I have actually seen my interview and the producers remarks about me on this pc buried deeply in the BBC.....seemed really starnge.Weeder we have pmd and I know from what you have said you are one hell of a nice lady..........but there again having the same birth sign of course you are fgs:wah:God Blessx