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Well those of you who have known me for a long time, are familiar with some of the trials and tribulations Ive gone through with my younger son. ( 23 )

I have had him with me ( alone) since hes 5.... He left once for a couple of years, after marrying a girl he had known for about 5 weeks. That of course did not last... Hes never been off my payroll. At one point I had he and his wife, as dependants. After returning to Virginia 26 months ago, I took him in once again... footed all of the living expenses, and gave him all of that time to " Grow up, and get on his feet" It is interesting to note, that NOONE has ever done that for me. I have begged him repeatedly to get his own place... finally... I have made the decision to leave. I have gotten a new place. There are many reasons for the move. Closer to work etc...... But also, in a way.. I am running from him. This is actually going to be like a divorce. It is also sort of like getting out of an abusive situation, as he is very difficult to live with, has absolutely no regard for my property, or my privacy, and he bleeds me dry financially. Im like a kid... looking forward to having a tiny place, all my own... with nobodys mess to clean up but my own. Im scared too. I keep feeling like crying. Despite things being quite awful, quite often.. I am going to miss him. I am a co dependant personality. So, in many ways this move is like Im fighting for my life, or to have a life. I thought I was cured of this character flaw, many many years ago. Evidently, there is no cure. You can relapse over and over again. Give me strength. I am running out of time.

You can do this Weeder, I know you can and you both will be better off in the long run. You will see things will change for the better. You have to take care of you first. :-4

I agree.....You can do it weeder, its now time for you to have me time and enjoy life. I had to do a similar thing with my eldest son many years ago but he was 26 at the time. It ended up, after time being the best thing I have ever done for both him and myself. He is 33 now and has finally grown up.

Good luck Weeder :-4

Weeder

Your in a unfortunate situation - and it's like a divorce - moving is a great idea...!!

You'll love your own space - great idea - I'm glad to hear your decision.

So, do you plan on renting the other place to your son ? or is your son moving elsewhere?

Be strong - this is the only solution

Patsy

Good Luck Weed, hope it all works out for you, you deserve it already!:)

Well hope you kept your new addy a secret from your son. Or else when he gets dispossed from your old place, or wherever, he'll be wanting to move into your new place.:wah:

It's never easy with relatives, but it's called "tough love"!;)

Best of luck Weeder...Your too strong to not see this through and make the best of it..I know once your settled you will feel much better, healthier and wealthier lol...He can always come an visit, or you can meet up somewhere and get your relationship back on track....

LEAVING YOU

© Randy Dix

Leaving you will be so hard

I know that we will be scarred.

Through the years we have grown up

Now we are about to split up.

It hurts me inside

To know that you will confide

In someone else who isn't me

But they will never be what I try to be.

I'll always be there for you

And I'll always stay true.

You are a part of me

That everyone will see.

You are my son and friend

And we'll be that way until the end.

Don't ever let anyone take my place

Because they will never face

All the times that we've shared

Even when we never really cared.

All our memories will be locked up tight

Even all our stupid fights.

The laughs, the tears, the cries, the fears

Have built up through the years.

I'll never let us be apart

And you will always remain in my heart.

He is going to take over my apartment, with a friend as a room mate. Ive got my fingers crossed that this will finally be what he needs to make it on his own. I have an older son who over the years has been quite hurt by all the attention I have shown his brother. There never has been time for him.

I am looking forward to being able to perhaps spend some time with him. And its funny cars.... my family keeps telling me.. Dont give him your new address!!Im only moving 33 miles away. Another sleepy little country town, but I am going to be able to walk to work. Thats eliminating 400.00 a month that I have been spending on gas. I am ( for the umpteenth time ) going to leave him everything I can, to give him a start. Towels, dishes, etc..... and I really do hope he does make it. I know he needs me to do this. Its really amazing, I left home when I was 19, and never looked back. I wanted to go. I loved being responsible, and grown up. I dont think he inherited the independance gene..... we will see.

:-6:-4

You are not running away from your son Weeder :-4 You are doing what, eventually, every parent needs to do. You have dedicated the last 23 years of your life to your son, and now it is time for him to become an adult. And for you to live your life. :-4

At some point during my teenage years I had the confidence and desire to step out on my own, making my own decisions and being accountable for my actions. My Mum did not run away. She was still there to love me, and a shoulder to cry on - she just was no longer my decision maker and no longer responsible for my actions. Go careful that he still does not expect this of you (a different roof over your head does not make the difference, although it helps, its breaking certain ties).

Good Luck, you seem like a wonderful person. Now you are free to show the rest of the world what Weeder can do - go get um, and have fun :-4

I can relate to you on a smaller scale Weeder and I understand completely!

I believe that it is the best thing for both of you, as hard as it is now and will be until the adjustment period is over, which I hope for your sake won't be long, it is for the best.

Walking to work sounds great to me, how wonderful for you! :-6

Good for you¦ don’t focus on the negative stuff about the reasons for the change, look at the positive.

Change is a great thing, it could give you a whole new out look on life, meet new people do new things in a new area.

It also breaks the cycle of with your son because the your new place will no longer be ‘home’ to him, he will not see it as a place where he feels that he has some belonging to and a ‘right’ to come back to when things are not going well. It will be your place.

It is the right thing to do for both of you and I am sure it will work out great¦. Just draw the line, he cannot move into your new place or the cycle will continue there.

Good luck

Well I couldn't agree more with what everyone has said, I'm sure that as tough a decision as it was to make, that in the end it will definately benefit you both and I'm sure that you will look back in time and understand that it was the right thing to do.



I wish you all the best, keep staying strong and look forward to the future! :-6 :-4

Sounds like you are making a postive and healthy change in your life. This is a good thing. What Pheasant says in her post is so true. It's you turn, now. And it's your son's turn to have his own life, too.

I know it hurts to let them go....but we gotta do it. That is part of parenting.

You are all wonderful. I am only scratching the surface of what I have been through with this kid. If you knew everything, you would be quite amazed that I havent blown my brains out. It has only been in the past 6 months that I began to truly realize that I was majorly responsible for his delayed development, and his inability to be responsible. And I began to realize what kind of a martyr was I to continue to live like this. If your rent, phone cell phone food, internet, utilities and emergencys $$$ were covered by someone else... would you leave?? I have been riding an emmotional roller coaster with the new apartment. One minute Im excited.. the next Im crying. I am going to live in a big old southern mansion type house, that was divided into apartments many years ago. Most of the tenants are law students at Washington and Lee University. I feel kind of foolish because its like Im living in a big frat house. But it truly is an opportunity to save money... and as someone mentioned... you never knoe who may come to visit:wah:

Be strong dear girl. It gets easier. Just stand your ground and remind yourself it's time for you to live for you, not for him. He will figure life out now that mom isn't there to fall back on.

Having been there with my daughter I completely understand the divorce of a child, but sweets be prepared he may find his self back on the down swing and blame you but like I said stand your ground.

I am currently going round 2 with my oldest too and she takes great pride in reminding me I won't let her move back in with me and Jr minks.

Huge Hugs to you Laura.