ForumGarden

There ain't no bugs on me

There ain't no bugs on me

There may be bugs

On some of you mugs

But there ain't no bugs on me.

From a flea repellant commercial. It kinda sticks with ya.

Men are like.....Floor Tiles. If you lay them right the first time, you

can walk all over them for years.

Men are like.....Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't

generate much interest.

Men are like.....Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why

Men are like.....Coffee. The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up

all night.

Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like.....Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough

memory.

Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's

about it.

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take a long time to mature.

Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are

usually wrong.

Men are like.....Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like.....Place mats. They only show up when there's food on the

table.

Men are like.....Snow storms. You never know when they're coming, how

many inches you'll get or how long they'll last.

Men are like.....Used Cars. Easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.

Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion;):D

A man went to his appointment with the urologist. In the examining room he told the doctor, "Don't laugh!"

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In more than twenty years I've never Laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'Willie the doctor had ever seen.

It wasn't any bigger than a triple A battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

" I'm so sorry," he said. "I really am. I don't know what came over me.

On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.

Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," the man replied :-3:(:-2

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of hismoney, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money

and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.Well, he died.He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished theceremony,just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in thecasket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled itaway.Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that moneyin there with your husband."The loyal wife replied "Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back On myword. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that Casket with him.""You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?" "I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.";):D

Are you gellin? - from a Dr. Schoel's commercial

qsducks;904289 wrote: Are you gellin? - from a Dr. Schoel's commercial


I ain't tellin.

Hey Helen, are you gellen?

fuzzy butt;904302 wrote: coom Mr. tally man, tally me banana . six foot, seven foot, eight foot, bunch. daylight coom and me wanna go home .

You guys are funny!!! and I feel you are taken the mick? :wah:

Carol eggsellent!!!!!Glad at least you found em funny;)

What's in your wallet? - commercial for Capital One credit cards

Carolly;904272 wrote: A man went to his appointment with the urologist. In the examining room he told the doctor, "Don't laugh!"

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In more than twenty years I've never Laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'Willie the doctor had ever seen.

It wasn't any bigger than a triple A battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

" I'm so sorry," he said. "I really am. I don't know what came over me.

On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.

Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," the man replied :-3:(:-2
:yh_ooooo :yh_giggle :yh_rotfl

scholle-kid;904314 wrote: :yh_ooooo :yh_giggle :yh_rotflYe I liked that one also:wah::wah:

I'm never bored...............just restless at times. Sometimes, impatient........but never bored. Sometimes I have a yearning or hankering.............but I'm never bored. There are just too many things to amuse and entertain myself with.



:D

Attached files

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

~Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for the Fish

Some mornings it's just not worth gnawing through the straps.

I think, therefore I am dangerous.

"I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it."

I came, I saw, I had no idea what was going on, I left.

Life is a Highway .....and I feel like Roadkill!

The irony of life is that no one gets out alive...

5 out of 4 people are schizophrenic

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph."

-Shirley Temple

"Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money."

-Joey Bishop

Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that's REALLY BAD for you.

You spend your whole life believing that you're on the right track, only to discover that you're on the wrong train.

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."

-Lily Tomlin

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane. Either you have diarrhea, or you're eager to meet people who do."

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself."

"I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words."

"Nothing really dies as long as it's not forgotten."

-Julian (FGT)

Mystify people with your intelligence, and if u cant do that, mystify them with your B.S.

Did it hurt when I fell from heaven? No, but it hurt when they clipped my wings for being the devil.

Ociffer, I swear to drunk Im not God!!!!!!

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.

fuzzy butt;905153 wrote: "I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph."

-Shirley Temple



Oh i have that problem all the time!!!!


what? you DON'T believe in santa claus? :-1

fuzzy butt;905164 wrote: :wah::wah::wah: okay that was funny!!!!

keep bouncin


chardonnay laced with a cigarette butt is inclined to make one see the funny side of life! :wah::D

fuzzy butt;905188 wrote: Awwh mate have a fresh one now . ..gee that was bad ..

so what's on the agenda tonight my good lad?




bet you would never guess so i am gonna tell you ...

a friend is gonna do a tarot reading for me on line!

gonna have my fortune told tonight!

now ... how kewel is that?

fuzzy butt;905199 wrote: Meh!!! I'm not into it . think it's a load of crap actually ...

nOt putting it down if you believe in it . but it's not for me .

Hey ask if you have any future with me and if I'm an axe murderer..i think it will be handy to know







Sex pistols anarchy




i will ... i promise!









Right! Now ha ha ha...

I am an antichrist

I am an anarchist

Don't know what I want

But I know how to get it

I wanna destroy the passerby

'Cause I wanna be Anarchy

No dogsbody

Anarchy for the UK

It's coming sometime and maybe

I give a wrong time stop a traffic line

Your future dream is a shopping scheme

'Cause I wanna be Anarchy

In the city

How many ways to get what you want

I use the best

I use the rest

I use the N.M.E

I use Anarchy

'Cause I wanna be Anarchy

It's the only way to be

Is this the M.P.L.A or

Is this the U.D.A or

Is this the I.R.A

I thought it was the UK

Or just another country

Another council tenancy

I wanna be Anarchy

And I wanna be Anarchy

(Oh what a name)

And I wanna be an anarchist

(I get pissed, destroy!)

Okay FG what do you have to say for yourself!

I was so bored on here last night that i fell asleep right here in front of the computer! i'm lucky i didn't have the imprint of the keyboard on my forehead!

:rolleyes: :p :wah::wah::wah::wah:

fuzzy butt;905222 wrote: so what shall we do for you ? hope?



I could streak along a cricket field for you ......but then it would cost me 5 grand to do it . I'd hold up a plakard for you though that would read ..."Hope owes me 5grand ! :wah:


i was just kidding Fuzz! :wah::wah: i fell asleep because it was 1 o'clock in the morning! :wah::wah:

but the streaking thing sounds interesting! maybe i'll join you and we can both get in trouble, that wouldn't be boring!

fuzzy butt;905233 wrote: Yeah but you'd go back to America and not have to pay the fine !!!Bitch


:wah::wah: Hey! Bitch?:(

i would think if we both got caught, we'd both have to pay the fine!

fuzzy butt;905256 wrote: no no no if a woman says 'bitch' in jest here to another woman, there's an afinity cause we've all been called bitch ...another words " it's Ms Bitch to you" kinda thing . not a condescending black bitch thing ...far from it .

nope i can garrentee you're passport .......and it's too hard, would get you out of it .:wah:

You're not actually thinking of doing it are you? they dont' pay us enough at forum garden for the publicity !:wah:


oh okay i didn't understand about the bitch thing sorry! :wah:

no i'm just joking, i wouldn't think of doing it for real! :wah:

fuzzy butt;905282 wrote: :wah:piker!!!:wah:


:wah::wah: okay what's a piker? :wah::wah: