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At some point in life you will come in contact with someone that is a perfectionist. Someone that will stress about every little detail until they have stopped productivity on whatever project they are involved with wether it's at a place of employment or a social setting, family gatherings etc...

How do you handle the situation to defuse what could become a problem for everyone concerned ?

Heres a parable that explains the kind of person I'm talking about



The South Indian Monkey Trap:A Parable



One of the characteristics of perfectionists is their "value rigidity." They refuse to let go of particular ideas, even in the face of obvious evidence to the contrary. Here is a fable illustrating the pitfalls of value rigidity, adapted from Robert Pirsig's well-known work, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

The "South Indian Monkey Trap" was developed by villagers to catch the ever-present and numerous small monkeys in that part of the world. It involves a hollowed-out coconut chained to a stake. The coconut has some rice inside which can be seen through a small hole. The hole is just big enough so that the monkey can put his hand in, but too small for his fist to come out after he has grabbed the rice.

Tempted by the rice, the monkey reaches in and is suddenly trapped. He is not able to see that it is his own fist that traps him, his own desire for the rice. He rigidly holds on to the rice, because he values it. He cannot let go and by doing so retain his freedom. So the trap works and the villagers capture him.

Perfectionists need to rethink their own values and decide whether they are going to continue to be trapped by these values or free themselves

link []www.utexas.edu]

Mike



Team his perfectionism with a fierce innate and congenital deep seated need to be right with anyone and everyone all the time and throw in a side of "doesnt play well with others" and you have Mike.

You just describe John the person I that I'm talking about,,

now how does a non perfectionist person work around Mike or John without going completely postal ? any tips ?

scholle-kid;904920 wrote: You just describe John the person I that I'm talking about,,

now how does a non perfectionist person work around Mike or John without going completely postal ? any tips ?


You can't compromise with a perfectionist...You just have to take charge and do whatever you feel needs to be done with or without their approval...

K.Snyder;904929 wrote: You can't compromise with a perfectionist...You just have to take charge and do whatever you feel needs to be done with or without their approval...




Well darn the luck ,,:( I was hopeing for a stress free way to do what needs to gget done,, and you just 'popped' that baloon ,,,:-5:-5

If you needed brain surgery, would you really want anyone other than a doc that is a perfectionist? Or if you were having a home built, would you want anyone other than a builder that was a perfectionist?

My father-In-Law is a perfectionist when it comes to DIY...... he measures everything again and again and again....... :wah:

Lon;904964 wrote: If you needed brain surgery, would you really want anyone other than a doc that is a perfectionist? Or if you were having a home built, would you want anyone other than a builder that was a perfectionist?


I've known plenty of perfectionists Lon who weren't very competent...In those instances you may come out worse than you would have if you had the neighbors monkey do it...

K.Snyder;904995 wrote: I've known plenty of perfectionists Lon who weren't very competent...In those instances you may come out worse than you would have if you had the neighbors monkey do it...


Are you saying that a doctor could not employ perfectionism to his medical skills?

Lon;904996 wrote:

Are you saying that a doctor could not employ perfectionism to his medical skills?


No I'm saying you shouldn't base doctors skills off of the fact that they may or may not be a perfectionist...

K.Snyder;904997 wrote: No I'm saying you shouldn't base doctors skills off of the fact that they may or may not be a perfectionist...


Sorry, I'll take a perfectionist doc every time, in fact, I have, and have never been sorry. My point of course is that there is not anything wrong with being a perfectionist except in the eyes of the non perfectionist/

Lon;905000 wrote: Sorry, I'll take a perfectionist doc every time, in fact, I have, and have never been sorry. My point of course is that there is not anything wrong with being a perfectionist except in the eyes of the non perfectionist/


Don't get me wrong...I'm a perfectionist myself and I take great pride in my work...

I would just have a hard time in understanding how someone would choose a doctor whom was a perfectionist based entirely on the fact that he was a perfectionist...I myself would like to see his credentials...

scholle-kid;904920 wrote: You just describe John the person I that I'm talking about,,

now how does a non perfectionist person work around Mike or John without going completely postal ? any tips ?


I laugh at him.

Also as soon as I recognize a hissy fit coming on I ask him what his 19 yr old daughter looks like and does she "party"

Nomad;905010 wrote: I laugh at him.

Also as soon as I recognize a hissy fit coming on I ask him what his 19 yr old daughter looks like and does she "party"


:wah:

Nomad;905010 wrote: I laugh at him.

Also as soon as I recognize a hissy fit coming on I ask him what his 19 yr old daughter looks like and does she "party"


I was going to say....I always laugh at/with them and make light of the fact that I am driving them crazy with my non-perfectionist ways. I have family members that are perfectionists....and whats worse, my brother MARRIED a perfectionist!...oh boy...they come into my house and want to re-organize it....I just laugh at them and put everything back later!

Now, as far as working with a perfectionist, my last job, my office manager was a perfectionist....but she didn't bother me. I guess its more than just the perfectionist aspect, the personality that ONLY they are right is a problem too....

I used to be teased at one of my office jobs because my desk was to be kept in a certain order and a sales associate borrowed my scissors and when he returned them, he didn't "put them away" in the proper spot!....I didn't live that one down any time soon, that and I hated sticky notes to be on my computer monitor....I came in to work with my monitor filled with stickies one morning!:wah:

I would just try to make light of the situation if you are able to do that.....

The biggest problem I've found is that the perfectionist insults my pride when they imply I was at fault... as if we can have a perfect day and the only reason we didn't was my error.

The best response I've found is to say "Wow. Thanks for explaining that. That really helps." They stand there speechless and end up just saying "ok... great" :wah:

I was pondering recently that all the supervisors where I work are perfectionist. They make a huge stink over the slightest error. The best days are when they find themselves in a no-win situation with impossible clients and, for the rest of the day, they slack off with expecting the rest of us to overcome the odds any better.

I think your buttery AV is perfect! :yh_bigsmi

Thanks everyone for the advice , I did not mean to imply the there is something wrong or right with a perfectionist, who am I to judge ?

I am just looking for ways to work with a perfectionist as a co worker,,

I tried the asvice to thank him for opinion and it worked . I'm not sure about the laughing at him ,I don't know him well enough to know what, if any kind of 'sence of humor' he has ,thanks again

I understand laughing at him might be uncomfortable.

Perhaps you could start his shoes on fire.

Nomad;905947 wrote: I understand laughing at him might be uncomfortable.

Perhaps you could start his shoes on fire.




:-3 Now there's an idea ! It would'nt do much for easing the stress ,, well some of the co workers would be less stessed because of the giggling.

Do you think it might stress him just a little bit ?:-2

scholle-kid;905970 wrote: :-3 Now there's an idea ! It would'nt do much for easing the stress ,, well some of the co workers would be less stessed because of the giggling.

Do you think it might stress him just a little bit ?:-2


Yea it would.

I watched a guy whos shoes were on fire some time ago.

Very funny.

We were selling Christmas trees, it was cold and windy.

We threw the cut ends of the trees in a drum and had a nice fire going.

There was a joint I recall, anyway the wind picked up fire and spread little grass fires all over the place.

We were running around stomping them out and one guys boots caught on fire.

He was stoned so he was just standing there looking down.

Then his pants started burning and he realized hed better do something.

You wouldnt think so but watching someone on fire can be amusing.

Especially with that funny look on their face.

Nomad;905971 wrote: Yea it would.

I watched a guy whos shoes were on fire some time ago.

Very funny.

We were selling Christmas trees, it was cold and windy.

We threw the cut ends of the trees in a drum and had a nice fire going.

There was a joint I recall, anyway the wind picked up fire and spread little grass fires all over the place.

We were running around stomping them out and one guys boots caught on fire.

He was stoned so he was just standing there looking down.

Then his pants started burning and he realized hed better do something.

You wouldnt think so but watching someone on fire can be amusing.

Especially with that funny look on their face.




I worked for the USFS and we were doing some thinning out over a overcrouded area and burning the slash this one person said her feet were cold she took her steel toed boots off and sat them very close to one of the slash pile fires and the steel had started to melt she was not hurt bad but was real grumpy when the rest of us could'nt stop laughing because for the rest of the day she was sitting in the truck off the clock,, that's as close as I have come to seeing shoes on fire, and your post reminded me about all the layghing and joking that her melting steel toes caused.

There should be a permanent "people on fire" section at FG.

Nomad;905989 wrote: There should be a permanent "people on fire" section at FG.


Yeah, ya' better get on that Nomad... that request for a foot fetish forum is really startin' to gain momentum. :wah:

I have a tendency to be a perfectionist, but I've learned that it's better to ease off a bit... (everything in moderation, correct?) ,but I've always been a rather creative problem solver who eagerly considers constructive criticism, as well... and more importantly, accepts a good ribbing every now and then when this monkey refuses to let go of the rice. :wah:

Actually, being the creative and analytical problem solver, this monkey would've just dumped the rice out into my hand... :p I also prefer to believe that there's something other than perfectionism that is holding that monkey back. Nor do I believe that all of those examples above are indeed representative of perfectionists... How do you handle them, though? It all depends upon the person... with me, I have a tendency to come across as intimidating at first, but the fact is that I'm rather calm and approachable and the direct approach works with me. It's best to handle the situation on an individual basis.

G-man;906102 wrote: Yeah, ya' better get on that Nomad... that request for a foot fetish forum is really startin' to gain momentum. :wah:



I have a tendency to be a perfectionist, but I've learned that it's better to ease off a bit... (everything in moderation, correct?) ,but I've always been a rather creative problem solver who eagerly considers constructive criticism, as well... and more importantly, accepts a good ribbing every now and then when this monkey refuses to let go of the rice. :wah:



Actually, being the creative and analytical problem solver, this monkey would've just dumped the rice out into my hand... :p I also prefer to believe that there's something other than perfectionism that is holding that monkey back. Nor do I believe that all of those examples above are indeed representative of perfectionists... How do you handle them, though? It all depends upon the person... with me, I have a tendency to come across as intimidating at first, but the fact is that I'm rather calm and approachable and the direct approach works with me. It's best to handle the situation on an individual basis.


If "wishes were pennies" so to speak,,I sure 'wish ' I could get my co worker and you in the same place ,,,oh well I'm glad to hear that there is some perfectionists that can give non perfectionists a break,, and not as in breaking arms ,legs or neck ,, ok i go now





As far as "those examples above " I googled the word perfectionist and sifted though all the 'hits' till I found "University of Texas " I wanted one that would be reputable and not frivolous or sarcastic. Because I want to come across as serious not 'pissy' or 'wah-wah' about working with this guy.