x mas eating hints (from qsducks)
Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:48 am
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You can't find it any other time of year but now.
So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-aholic of something. It's a treat....have one for me. It's later than you think. It's Christmas.
3. If something comes with gravy, eat it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.
Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
4. As for mashed potatoes, alway ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass.
Why bother. It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point
of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.......Hello!
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's Day. You can do that in
January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling
the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the
shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can
before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have
two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid
it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven'tbeen
paying attention. Re-read tips and start over. But hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by: "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arrivingsafely in
an attractive and well preserved body, but rather, to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, glass of wine
(or beer) in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride!"
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You can't find it any other time of year but now.
So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-aholic of something. It's a treat....have one for me. It's later than you think. It's Christmas.
3. If something comes with gravy, eat it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.
Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
4. As for mashed potatoes, alway ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass.
Why bother. It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point
of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.......Hello!
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's Day. You can do that in
January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling
the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the
shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can
before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have
two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid
it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven'tbeen
paying attention. Re-read tips and start over. But hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by: "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arrivingsafely in
an attractive and well preserved body, but rather, to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, glass of wine
(or beer) in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride!"
