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Prof

If a woman falls over in a forest and there's no one to hear her. Would she still complain ?

How much deeper would our oceans be without all those sponges ?

Should I wear the red tie or the blue one on saturday ?

Is there another word for synonym and why is abbreviation such a long word ?

Have you been drinking cut price cider?

oscar;1181686 wrote: Have you been drinking cut price cider?


Is that one for me or the Prof ?

Snowfire;1181701 wrote: Is that one for me or the Prof ? You :wah:

Where the heck are you Dr. G???

Snowfire;1181678 wrote: Prof

If a woman falls over in a forest and there's no one to hear her. Would she still complain ?


Firstly, its important to remember that I am not a professor, just a totally high-class and professional advice type professional with loads of bits of paper to prove that my time in the funny hospital with the padded walls was useful.

In terms of your question:

Yes, women are patient creatures and she will have a very clear memory of her "falling over" incident, which she will store until up until she meets a man, then she will explain what happened, think about it, blame him, and then complain to her girlfriends about him (whoever he was).

Snowfire;1181679 wrote: How much deeper would our oceans be without all those sponges ?


We have been through this one already I believe. I recall it may have been something on the order of 8 inches.

Snowfire;1181681 wrote: Should I wear the red tie or the blue one on saturday ?


The blue one, red indicates a certain sexual precocity that may be the wrong type of signal for the antiques road show audience.

oscar;1181686 wrote: Have you been drinking cut price cider?


No, I have been drinking milk fortified with vitamins.

Snowfire;1181701 wrote: Is that one for me or the Prof ?


It was for you, but I answered it anyway as I am in answering mode.

CARLA;1181719 wrote: Where the heck are you Dr. G???


Ireland dear. Its a relatively large Island off the NW Coast of Europe, roughly 71,000 square miles in size.

Galbally;1181750 wrote: The blue one, red indicates a certain sexual precocity that may be the wrong type of signal for the antiques road show audience.


I hadnt thought about flaunting my sexual proclivites. So you think I ought to wear trousers too then ?

Dear Doctor G. We've had enough of Gordon Brown. Do you have any 6 year old budding politicians that might have more of a clue how to run a country than a middle aged buffoon with a moronic smile that is as real as Jordans tits ?

Snowfire;1181773 wrote: I hadnt thought about flaunting my sexual proclivites. So you think I ought to wear trousers too then ?


Oh lord yes, especially seeing as they tend to have a lot of those ale mugs with lids on them, you wouldn't want any "incidents" to occur while you had your blue thong on.

In terms of the 6 year old budding politicians, why certainly we do. There is a precocious 6 year old in Ballyporeen, Co Tipperary, you could use. He is quite up to date on the current economic situation in the U.K. and has suggested that more fairy dust, boat rides, and chocolate bars will be required to solve the situation. His details are provided.



Conor Farrel

Our Lady Of Assumpta House

Corncrake Road

Ballyporeen

Co Tipperary

Republic of Ireland

Professor galbally.

Are you, as we speak, surrounded by petri dishes and bunson burners mixing concoctions of different colour chemicals in order to make the subsequent mixture bubble over, wafting rancid smoke, while you make one of those mad scientist laughs ?

In other words, are you planning to take over the world with your mad inventions and do you work from an isolated island in the Pacific, guarded by blokes in cheap imitation nazi uniforms ?

Galbally;1181792 wrote: Oh lord yes, especially seeing as they tend to have a lot of those ale mugs with lids on them, you wouldn't want any "incidents" to occur while you had your blue thong on.

In terms of the 6 year old budding politicians, why certainly we do. There is a precocious 6 year old in Ballyporeen, Co Tipperary, you could use. He is quite up to date on the current economic situation in the U.K. and has suggested that more fairy dust, boat rides, and chocolate bars will be required to solve the situation. His details are provided.



Conor Farrel

Our Lady Of Assumpta House

Corncrake Road

Ballyporeen

Co Tipperary

Republic of Ireland


Of course. Seems rather silly that none of the three main parties have those as part of their manifesto. How shortsighted. Does Conor have any views to change the education system ? How will he deal with the present curicullum, short of "A" level Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory

Yes Dr. G I know where you live just hadn't seen you around lately glad your back. :-4

[QUOTE]Quote:

Originally Posted by CARLA

Where the heck are you Dr. G???

Ireland dear. Its a relatively large Island off the NW Coast of Europe, roughly 71,000 square miles in size.[/QUOTE]

Galbally;1181748 wrote: my time in the funny hospital with the padded walls was useful.




Were you committed or was it voluntary ?

You Rock !

Please answer the following Dr Gallbladder:

Why is your government such shyte?

Why are your politicians so ugly?

Why can't cats clean that bit under their chin?

Where do my dogs lose their tennis balls?

Why do women running from a murderer in films always fall over in the woods?

Why can you not find pig kidney in supermarkets?

Why does it rain when you hire a skip?

Why does the paper boy leave my gate open?

Where is my 'New Order' cd?

Why are oven chips rubbish?

Why do builders want 8 sugars in their tea?

What does gmc look like?

Now I know that I am not the professor, nor am I the professor’s son, but I will try to answer your questions until the professor comes:



Why is your government such shyte?

Upon gaining our independence we foolishly followed the same parliamentary set up of other shyte governments

Why are your politicians so ugly?

Many year of incest, (OK it feels good, but has its side effects)

Why can't cats clean that bit under their chin?

I will leave this for the professor.

Where do my dogs lose their tennis balls?

Now you know that dogs don’t play tennis¦

Why do women running from a murderer in films always fall over in the woods?

The same reason they go back into the room where the killer is to save their stupid cat

Why can you not find pig kidney in supermarkets?

I will leave this for the professor.

Why does it rain when you hire a skip?

It’s always feck’n raining

Why does the paper boy leave my gate open?

If he knew better he wouldn’t be a paper boy, now would he?

Where is my 'New Order' cd?

I will leave this for the professor.

Why are oven chips rubbish?

Chips were just not invented to be cooked this way

Why do builders want 8 sugars in their tea?

To kill the taste of that big fecken sausage roll they had first thing in the morning

What does gmc look like?

I will leave this for the professor.

Snowfire;1181794 wrote: Professor galbally.

Are you, as we speak, surrounded by petri dishes and bunson burners mixing concoctions of different colour chemicals in order to make the subsequent mixture bubble over, wafting rancid smoke, while you make one of those mad scientist laughs ?

In other words, are you planning to take over the world with your mad inventions and do you work from an isolated island in the Pacific, guarded by blokes in cheap imitation nazi uniforms ?


No I am not, thats "Frankenstein" your thinking of, I am not trying to reanimate the dead, we don't have the funds.

Also, I am not on a pacific Island, thats "LOST" you are thinking of, we can't afford Pacific islands, we don't have the funds.

Snowfire;1181798 wrote: Of course. Seems rather silly that none of the three main parties have those as part of their manifesto. How shortsighted. Does Conor have any views to change the education system ? How will he deal with the present curicullum, short of "A" level Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory




Apparently he thinks that the judicous use of more paper glue, double-sided sticky tape, and star-dust will do the trick.

CARLA;1181822 wrote: Yes Dr. G I know where you live just hadn't seen you around lately glad your back. :-4


Sorry, I have been extremely busy working on reanimating the dead on the Pacific island surrounded by Pseudo-Nazis. Its a niche line in work, but it pays my way.

Nomad;1181828 wrote: Were you committed or was it voluntary ?

You Rock !


Both.

Thank you.

Now I know that I am not the professor, nor am I the professor’s son, but I will try to answer your questions until the professor comes:



Why is your government such shyte?

Upon gaining our independence we foolishly followed the same parliamentary set up of other shyte governments

Why are your politicians so ugly?

Many year of incest, (OK it feels good, but has its side effects)

Why can't cats clean that bit under their chin?

I will leave this for the professor.

Its natures way of making sure they don't get too smug

Where do my dogs lose their tennis balls?

Now you know that dogs don’t play tennis¦

Why do women running from a murderer in films always fall over in the woods?

The same reason they go back into the room where the killer is to save their stupid cat

Why can you not find pig kidney in supermarkets?

I will leave this for the professor.

Because they need to stay in buisness perhaps?

Why does it rain when you hire a skip?

It’s always feck’n raining

Why does the paper boy leave my gate open?

If he knew better he wouldn’t be a paper boy, now would he?

Where is my 'New Order' cd?

I will leave this for the professor.

That spotty little nerd who works in ebay probably nicked it

Why are oven chips rubbish?

Chips were just not invented to be cooked this way

Why do builders want 8 sugars in their tea?

To kill the taste of that big fecken sausage roll they had first thing in the morning

What does gmc look like?

I will leave this for the professor.
Either a lot like a scot, or a large American truck thing

Galbally;1181902 wrote: Sorry, I have been extremely busy working on reanimating the dead on the Pacific island surrounded by Pseudo-Nazis. Its a niche line in work, but it pays my way.


Do you conduct these experiments throughout a constant thunderstorm cos the results just wouldnt be the same

Right Gallstones:

Why do pharts smell?

Why do small children make so much noise?

Why is the A27 blocked every time I use it?

Why are leeks so expensive?

What type of undercrackers does gmc wear?

:wah: I have found myself enjoying this thread. Carry on...........



Thank you.

Snowfire;1181930 wrote: Do you conduct these experiments throughout a constant thunderstorm cos the results just wouldnt be the same#

No no thunder, but by christ it rains a lot.

Right Gallstones:

Why do pharts smell?

Sulfides

Why do small children make so much noise?

To make sure their parents can locate them at all times (seriously, like chicks in a nest).

Why is the A27 blocked every time I use it?

Overuse of cars, bad transport policies going back 30 years, not enough capacity on A27 etc etc.

Why are leeks so expensive?

Because they are not as popular as carrots, peas etc, they are fragile to tranport and don't keep for that long, and therefore you pay a premium for them.

What type of undercrackers does gmc wear?


He wears a jock-strap of course. :rolleyes:

along-for-the-ride;1182050 wrote: :wah: I have found myself enjoying this thread. Carry on...........



Thank you.


Really? Carry on then.

An Irishman once said to me, " Ireland would be a great place.....if it had a roof " I also heard that 98% of the worlds trench foot was found in Ireland.

Do you as a scientist, have any plans to harness this surfeit of precipitation to power Irelands industry.

Also as a supporter of environmental projects are there any plans to recycle the 4.5 million excess raincoats found piled up in several large fields near Lymerick. I understand the EU have reported the problem as being on a par with the butter mountain of the 1980's

Galbally;1181792 wrote: Oh lord yes, especially seeing as they tend to have a lot of those ale mugs with lids on them, you wouldn't want any "incidents" to occur while you had your blue thong on.

In terms of the 6 year old budding politicians, why certainly we do. There is a precocious 6 year old in Ballyporeen, Co Tipperary, you could use. He is quite up to date on the current economic situation in the U.K. and has suggested that more fairy dust, boat rides, and chocolate bars will be required to solve the situation. His details are provided.



Conor Farrel

Our Lady Of Assumpta House

Corncrake Road

Ballyporeen

Co Tipperary

Republic of Ireland


I've had second thoughts about young Conor. I'm thinking Chancellor of the Exchequer would suit him better. Providing he can count all his fingers

I'm much more keen to get Becky on board. Becky of course has the public profile needed to run our campaign. Plus the fact she has me in absolute stitches

Merchantprince » Little Irish Girl Prank Calls

Dear Proffessor Galbladder,

Why do kebabs taste better when your drunk?

Yours sincerely,

Stavros

URGENT MATTER

Sulawesi. Whats really going on there ? Just got a sudden feeling theyre up to no good.

Do I need to be alarmed or just take a wait and see approach.

Snowfire;1182217 wrote: An Irishman once said to me, " Ireland would be a great place.....if it had a roof " I also heard that 98% of the worlds trench foot was found in Ireland.

Do you as a scientist, have any plans to harness this surfeit of precipitation to power Irelands industry.

Also as a supporter of environmental projects are there any plans to recycle the 4.5 million excess raincoats found piled up in several large fields near Lymerick. I understand the EU have reported the problem as being on a par with the butter mountain of the 1980's


Yes, we can build rain collectors on roofs, and little micro-turbines from the collector tanks.

The Limerick raincoat issue is a complex one, its my own conviction that the raincoats should be stitched together and turned into a Irish-Raincoat Hindenberg type vehicle, using cow-produced methane as its flotation gas. It can take many of our current Irish politicians on an all-expenses paid trip to New Jersey, there is an old Airship landing field there that can take them.

oscar;1182484 wrote: Dear Proffessor Galbladder,

Why do kebabs taste better when your drunk?

Yours sincerely,

Stavros


Dear Stavros, its because Alcohol reduces your standards across a whole range of issues, it acts as an anti-suppressant, which is why so many young women get pregnant on a Friday or Saturday night, as opposed to Tuesday afternoon.

Nomad;1182539 wrote: URGENT MATTER

Sulawesi. Whats really going on there ? Just got a sudden feeling theyre up to no good.

Do I need to be alarmed or just take a wait and see approach.


We can adopt the wait and see approach I believe, I think your sudden worry about the Sulawesense may have been brought on by indigestion.

Dear Proffessor Gallstones,

Why are the Irish so good at tarmaccking drives?

Your's

Seamus O'Rielly.

Of all the things Ireland could be known for it ends up being potatos.

Any regrets ?

Nomad;1182738 wrote: Of all the things Ireland could be known for it ends up being potatos.

Any regrets ? It's not just potatoes Nomad.... they are famous for a shyte government, copper pans, Leprechauns, and the ability to tarmac your drive in record time.

oscar;1182740 wrote: It's not just potatoes Nomad.... they are famous for a shyte government, copper pans, Leprechauns, and the ability to tarmac your drive in record time.


Holy mother of Jesus himself.

You just laid down some serious trash talk.

Nomad;1182741 wrote: Holy mother of Jesus himself.

You just laid down some serious trash talk. You started it with potatoes.

oscar;1182745 wrote: You started it with potatoes.




That wasnt me.

Its not true.

Nomad;1182748 wrote: That wasnt me.

Its not true. Don't try to duck out now. The Irish also have turnips.

oscar;1182749 wrote: don't try to duck out now. The irish also have turnips.






filthy lies !

Nomad;1182751 wrote: filthy lies ! It's true. The turnips are a back up incase of potaoe famine.

Besides my father is Irish and he's told me about this strange land.