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many years ago when my daughter had died my partner was in hospital and i was at home taking down the cot .taking down the balloons ,removing all the cards ,the teddy bears that everyone had gotten us ,celebrating the birth of our beautiful daughter Natasha that tragically was never going to come home with us :-1

people that i knew and loved ones avoided me like i had the plague ,just when i needed people to give me some support they vanished ,there was this guy though we shall call him sid ,why not that was his name,i hated him and he hated me ,he pulled up along side me at the roadside and jumped out ,i thought oh no what does this pr1ck want now ,i thought the worst a fight ,to gloat i really just thought the worst but to my amazement he threw his arms around me and broke down crying saying is there anything thing i can do please let me know,and although we never spoke again it always stayed with me how much guts and compassion the guy had and how hard it was for him to do

today a friend of both suzy and i who lives a few doors away her younger sister died suddenly at only 31 years of age

sue saw it on facebook today i sat here for a few minutes and i knew what i must do ,i walked to her house and knocked on the door ,i told her i had just heard of her sister dying and she just got up and threw her arms around me sobbing and thanked me for coming over,i offered to look after the kids and said if they needed a lift any where or anything i could do just ask

i came back and told sue to go over she said she felt awkward and was worried she would be intruding but i insisted sue went over and i know it meant the world to them

i guess my ramble is over and the point i'm trying to make if any one you know is suffering from the loss of a family member or someone close ,dont avoid them or feel awkward just go over and hug them and talk to them ,for they need you there now more than any time ever in their life honest they do

Heavy.........

But you are spot on.

Can't say I have had such a tragedy to live through, but when my mother died people tended to either ignore you or avoid talking about the subject that is uppermost on your mind.

One guy at work came to me just after the funeral and engaged me in a conversation specifically about my Mum, it really helps. no.....it really really helps.

I have used that small act, that so helped me toward others in the same situation.....I hope I helped them.

Good for you Jim. Most people don't understand a horrific loss unless they've been thru it themselves. I could have used you as a neighbor about 4 months ago...it's sad, but people do pull away often when something like this happens.

Bruv;1213245 wrote: Heavy.........

But you are spot on.

Can't say I have had such a tragedy to live through, but when my mother died people tended to either ignore you or avoid talking about the subject that is uppermost on your mind.

One guy at work came to me just after the funeral and engaged me in a conversation specifically about my Mum, it really helps. no.....it really really helps.

I have used that small act, that so helped me toward others in the same situation.....I hope I helped them.


bingo buddy if just one person reads this thread and uses our experiences to help a grieving person then this thread has been worth writing

shelbell;1213246 wrote: Good for you Jim. Most people don't understand a horrific loss unless they've been thru it themselves. I could have used you as a neighbor about 4 months ago...it's sad, but people do pull away often when something like this happens.


i would of willingly of flown over if i'd of had the money,there is nothing like a big hug from a sincere friend when your world has just imploded :-6:-6:-6

farmer giles;1213249 wrote:

i would of willingly of flown over if i'd of had the money,there is nothing like a big hug from a sincere friend when your would has just imploded :-6:-6:-6


I know you would have buddy...and that means just as much. :-6

shelbell;1213257 wrote: i know you would have buddy...and that means just as much. :-6


:-6:-6:-6

Jimbo

I wish we had had more nieghbours and friends like you when my brothers died.

Some people avoid looking us in the eye others say they are going to call promise to come round and then dont.

My eldest ( and last surviving brother) has just ripped up the adress book, he went through page by page looking at the names of all those so called friends who promised to call or come round and never did ripping out the page calling them names as he did it.

We didnt expect people to turn into mother thresea but a simple call to ask how things were or popping in for a cuppa and a chat would have meant so much to mum.

You did the right thing..

Victoria;1213573 wrote: Jimbo

I wish we had had more nieghbours and friends like you when my brothers died.

Some people avoid looking us in the eye others say they are going to call promise to come round and then dont.

My eldest ( and last surviving brother) has just ripped up the adress book, he went through page by page looking at the names of all those so called friends who promised to call or come round and never did ripping out the page calling them names as he did it.

We didnt expect people to turn into mother thresea but a simple call to ask how things were or popping in for a cuppa and a chat would have meant so much to mum.

You did the right thing..


thanks for your reply V

it has given me goose bumps just thinking after my daughter had died i was walking down the road trying to hold me self together i saw a so called friend coming the other way towards me,i looked back up and they had crossed the road and walked off ,i felt like i had the plague

it seems just when you need people the most they turn their backs on you



i'm at home trying to work out what to do,about 100 yards from me is a woman of forty who has just lost their younger sister ,i feel i should do something i offered the if you need anything let me know,now if i go over again am i intruding or not ???

I dont think it would be intruding. Handle it gently, simple things are best like, Im just off to the shops if you give me your list Ill pick some stuff up for you..

walking the dog ( if they have one) mums dog was walked by a nieghbour and that helped because mum just didnt have the energy or want to leave the phone...just in case.

This lady made tea as other people (and police) arrived and washed up when they left as mum was too exhausted by then. She made sure there was milk and tea bags in the kitchen and reminded mum to take her meds.

She is a star.

Last week I was with someone who lost her husband before christmas she was having a bit of a bad day, I said 'you know if I could take this pain away for you I would but I cant so just tell me what I can do to help you through it'

She just wanted to sit and chat but after she said it was the best thing anyone had said to her for ages.

Sometimes its not the big things, just being there helps.

Victoria;1213584 wrote: I dont think it would be intruding. Handle it gently, simple things are best like, Im just off to the shops if you give me your list Ill pick some stuff up for you..

walking the dog ( if they have one) mums dog was walked by a nieghbour and that helped because mum just didnt have the energy or want to leave the phone...just in case.

This lady made tea as other people (and police) arrived and washed up when they left as mum was too exhausted by then. She made sure there was milk and tea bags in the kitchen and reminded mum to take her meds.

She is a star.

Last week I was with someone who lost her husband before christmas she was having a bit of a bad day, I said 'you know if I could take this pain away for you I would but I cant so just tell me what I can do to help you through it'

She just wanted to sit and chat but after she said it was the best thing anyone had said to her for ages.

Sometimes its not the big things, just being there helps.


ok v i'm going over thanks for your reply ,even if they dont want/need anything they will at least know we are thinking of them and care

thanks V

i just wnt over talking to them they did thank me for popping over ,they said they cant understand why some people have not come round to see them but sadly that always seems to happen

she looks terrible

but its such a tough thing saying goodbye to to your children or younger siblings it really seems to go against the natural order of things to me somehow :-5:-5:(

Theres a young girl at work, maybe 20, 21. She confided in me that she has a tumor in her head and at 8am this morning shell find out the results of the biopsy.

If its malignant what do I say ?

Whats the right thing ?

Nomad;1213592 wrote: Theres a young girl at work, maybe 20, 21. She confided in me that she has a tumor in her head and at 8am this morning shell find out the results of the biopsy.

If its malignant what do I say ?

Whats the right thing ?


if that tumour is malignant i dont think she will show up at work



and i dont think either of you will be talking much ,just get a big box of tissues ready and your hugging gear ready :(

I wish you were here when Mike left............I needed to talk, and no one was around.(