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:wah:. One of the inmates in America I write to has asked me to explain the rules of Cricket to him. The man knows not what he asks:wah:

Should I tell him he's not serving a life sentence and it could take that long? Or should I say that it could be construed as mental torture? and considered cruel and unusual punishment?

fuzzywuzzy;1220625 wrote: :wah:. One of the inmates in America I write to has asked me to explain the rules of Cricket to him. The man knows not what he asks:wah:

Should I tell him he's not serving a life sentence and it could take that long? Or should I say that it could be construed as mental torture? and considered cruel and unusual punishment? Meggs, Cricket is a cruel barbaric sport to force on the unsuspecting. My father was President of his cricket club for 25 years. This meant that much of my childhood and teenage years involved watching various male members of my family play for our team every sunday. If we had 'Childline' in those days, i would have reported my father for child abuse. It has to be the most brain numbing exercise i have ever encountered. My mother did the afternoon tea's and i got roped in to help. It is just not fair to force this onto anyone :wah:

This is a pdf provided by Lords. There are only 115 pages. You could send him a copy of this. It includes a brief history of the laws.



http://www.lords.org/data/files/laws_of ... 3-8685.pdf

did someone mention the ashes :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Let's see you stand still and someone throws a wooden ball at you at speeds up to 100mph trying to hit three twigs stuck in the ground. Your job is to stop the ball with a big branch and if you hit it you can sprint to another set of twigs and get points for your team. Hit it far enough and you get bonus points. If the bowler hits the twigs or you hit the ball the ball and it gets caught you are out and someone else gets a turn. This goes on until everyone has had a shot then the other team gets to defend the twigs. This can go on for days.

People watch this and pretend great interest. personally I think no one likes to admit they are bored to death and the spectators are playing their own game whereby the winner is the last one to admit they are bored silly.

What is amazing it has spread throughput the world except in some of the former colonies where they play a version of rounders instead. Perhaps it's an indication of true English genius that you can do something so totally pointless and convince everybody it's a great idea.

gmc;1220689 wrote: Let's see you stand still and someone throws a wooden ball at you at speeds up to 100mph trying to hit three twigs stuck in the ground. Your job is to stop the ball with a big branch and if you hit it you can sprint to another set of twigs and get points for your team. Hit it far enough and you get bonus points. If the bowler hits the twigs or you hit the ball the ball and it gets caught you are out and someone else gets a turn. This goes on until everyone has had a shot then the other team gets to defend the twigs. This can go on for days.

People watch this and pretend great interest. personally I think no one likes to admit they are bored to death and the spectators are playing their own game whereby the winner is the last one to admit they are bored silly.

What is amazing it has spread throughput the world except in some of the former colonies where they play a version of rounders instead. Perhaps it's an indication of true English genius that you can do something so totally pointless and convince everybody it's a great idea.


Your missing some-thing vital here Auld Yin. Each team or county often has a 'single wicket' trophy every year. This involves every member of the team going in to bat on their own without the other guy on the oppossing stumps. The entire team members take it in turn to throw a ball that can crack your skull open at the one in bat as fast as they can. The one with the most runs before being declared out, is the winner.

This means that when i was a child and many years after, i had to stand in the nets while my brother practised throwing this rock hard item that can split a skull, at me with speeds up to 120 mph. All i had to protect me was this bat thingy.

You also have to become fluent in cricket speak such as 'Bowled a Maiden Over' and 'A silly Maiden'. You must also perfectly understand the rule of LBW (leg before wicket) which is very similar and as confusing as the off side rule in football. You must also learn the art of polishing your ball to obtain maximum spin in bowling. The quaint British tradition for this is to rub your ball down your white flannels thus leaving a red stain from the ball that no biological soap powder will shift.

Now point scoring. A 'Four' is declared when the ball has not smashed the teeth out of the batsman and it goes enough distance to be caught by other cricketeers know as fielders. A 'six' is declared when the ball is struck by the bat and knocked at anything up to 140 mph outside of the boundary, into the spectators crowd and hospialised several people.

To be part of the cricket world in England, one most ceratinly be a Conservative and all women must have a blue rinse. You must be able to drink your tea out of charming china cups and saucers with your little finger cocked. Sandwiches are in the main of the cucumber variety and these must always be cut into four triangles with the crusts cut off. It must be white bread and is always followed by a bowl of strawberries and cream.

Spectators of cricket must dress in white. ladies, usually a white pleated skirt. you must not talk whilst match is in play and must politely appalud any stunning acts of sportmans-ship. this includes politely saying such encouraging remarks to your team as 'I say, good play old man'.

To clarify the game for the uninitiated.........



There are two sides, one out in the field the other one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.



Simple really..................................

Bruv;1221102 wrote: To clarify the game for the uninitiated.........



There are two sides, one out in the field the other one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.



Simple really.................................. I understand all of it :yh_rotfl

Bruv;1221102 wrote: To clarify the game for the uninitiated.........





There are two sides, one out in the field the other one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.





Simple really..................................




Freaks.

Nomad;1221150 wrote: Freaks.
:wah:

Bruv;1221102 wrote: To clarify the game for the uninitiated.........



There are two sides, one out in the field the other one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.



Simple really..................................


I understood that .................But I'll sit for days watching a test match. yes I know I'm sad. But I play chess that lasts for hours as well, and nobody complains about that.:-5

farmer giles;1220663 wrote: did someone mention the ashes :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl


NO THEY DIDN"T!!! It's not over until the fat umpire sings!!!

fuzzywuzzy;1220625 wrote: :wah:. One of the inmates in America I write to has asked me to explain the rules of Cricket to him. The man knows not what he asks:wah:

Should I tell him he's not serving a life sentence and it could take that long? Or should I say that it could be construed as mental torture? and considered cruel and unusual punishment?


Send him the standard rules of cricket :-



You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.



When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

Bryn Mawr;1221980 wrote: Send him the standard rules of cricket :-


Oops - too late, Bruv beat me to it

Well it's not like he doesn't have time to read it I suppose. He's an avid reader and dare I say it would put most of us to shame.