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DIVORCE has a huge impact on your health, even if you remarry, a study has found.

Divorced or widowed people have 20 per cent more chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes and cancer than married people, and also suffer more mobility problems such as having trouble climbing stairs and walking.

Research to be published in the Journal of Health and Social Behaviour reveals that interviews with more than 8000 people found they entered adulthood with a "stock" of health and each time a person divorced or was widowed they lost a chunk, putting them at risk of chronic illness.

The Chicago University study found divorcees who didn't remarry suffered the greatest ill-health due to a drop in income, and a rise in stress related to shared child care and possible custody issues.

Researcher Linda Waite said people who never married suffered 12 per cent more mobility limitations and 13 per cent more depressive symptoms than married people but reported no difference in the number of chronic health conditions.

"Some health situations like depression seem to respond both quickly and strongly to changes in current conditions," Mrs Waite said.

"In contrast, conditions such as diabetes and heart disease develop slowly over a substantial period and show the impact of past experiences, which is why health is undermined by divorce or widowhood even when a person remarries."




sorry but marriage was bad for mine:-5:-5:-5

The walking thing makes sense. My OH and I work different hours so when I come home I can relax and he makes me dinner and when he comes home, he can relax and I make him a nice breakfast (he works nights). If you're on your own you have to make all your own meals and do everything for yourself and it's more wear and tear on your knees! :rolleyes:

They never had the pleasure of meeting my X-husband marriage was killing me. :wah:

Divorce is good for your health if you a leaving a miserable marriage with an abusive, controlling spouse.

It's not divorce, or widowhood that affects your health. It is aging. JMO

going through a separation can cause health and broken heart problems.

stress

anxiety

worry

fatigue

hurt

anger

uncontrollable crying

mood swings

what ifs

sorrow

loneliness

sleepless nights

rage

revenge

despair



but hell, those are just a few.

Odie;1222006 wrote: going through a separation can cause health and broken heart problems.

stress

anxiety

worry

fatigue

hurt

anger

uncontrollable crying

mood swings

what ifs

sorrow

loneliness

sleepless nights

rage

revenge

despair



but hell, those are just a few.


Tell me about it...............and the ever present "well maybe he's right, maybe it could work this time"' that's when I deliberately hit my head against a wall and tell myself to snap out of it and remember what conversation he's had with the kids. guess what? he's told my son he can't afford to send him to america anymore...........didn't tell me first only told Brett !!!!!!!! (Rage after brett told me)

Considering the blow to my sons feelings and my son not understanding the connatations of a father who's on $84,000 a year and cannot send him on this school excursion.:-5:-5:-5:-5

(Revenge)

I can afford to send Brett next march to New Zealand on a competition shoot. ( skeet and clay.) Where he'll be trout fishing in one of the most beautiful lakes and rivers in the world. and could come back with a trophy or medal.

fuzzywuzzy;1222031 wrote: Tell me about it...............and the ever present "well maybe he's right, maybe it could work this time"' that's when I deliberately hit my head against a wall and tell myself to snap out of it and remember what conversation he's had with the kids. guess what? he's told my son he can't afford to send him to america anymore...........didn't tell me first only told Brett !!!!!!!! (Rage after brett told me)

Considering the blow to my sons feelings and my son not understanding the connatations of a father who's on $84,000 a year and cannot send him on this school excursion.:-5:-5:-5:-5

(Revenge)

I can afford to send Brett next march to New Zealand on a competition shoot. ( skeet and clay.) Where he'll be trout fishing in one of the most beautiful lakes and rivers in the world. and could come back with a trophy or medal.


your going through later stages I see, I am glad we never had kids.

happy you can send him to New Zealand!:-4

I`m kind of just starting, just been a month.....as he came back 4 times before in the last 3 months....god I was such a fool to think....

I did our separation on-line.......so much cheaper

now he asked me if I can backdate it......to get his divorce earlier...so he and his slut can buy a house.....:-5:-5:-5

I said, and what have you two done for me.:sneaky::mad:

I've been recieving emails about "deals" to be made. Not answering them is driving him nuts. I'm not making any deals (he's decided on) because it would be feeding his 'control' gene. Friends have told me what it would be like, but like a dick I thought, "no this divorce and seperation will be different"...........DOH!!!!!!:-5:-5

I have one rule, You can hurt me but you don't hurt my kids. They've been through enough . I have to get in touch with 'relationships australia' Cant get a divorce without being mediated first.

fuzzywuzzy;1222048 wrote: I've been recieving emails about "deals" to be made. Not answering them is driving him nuts. I'm not making any deals (he's decided on) because it would be feeding his 'control' gene. Friends have told me what it would be like, but like a dick I thought, "no this divorce and seperation will be different"...........DOH!!!!!!:-5:-5

I have one rule, You can hurt me but you don't hurt my kids. They've been through enough . I have to get in touch with 'relationships australia' Cant get a divorce without being mediated first.


you do what you have to do now......he has left and the kids are your responsibly.

YOU do what YOU want.:-4

:-5

Ugh isn't it he// having ex's

Mine still texts me about wanting his family back.... WTF? He is the one who bought his GF a $3,000 ring while still married to me? He is the one who repeatedly threatened to take the house, and kids away from me? He is the one who made me settle for a pay out of peanuts.... over 5 years. He is the one who reduced his child support costs 85% by getting fake documents stating he was ill and could not work. He is the one who lied to his family and cut his kids and I from communicating with them over 6 years. Oh yea I want that back NOT A CHANCE.

And he comes back time and time again saying he wants what we had ... back.

Oh give me strength.

And strength it is... I strongly say NO every time.

Yep divorce is hades, sadly when kids are involved these idiots are always going to be in our lives.....

Ah well good news.... my 5 year jail term is up, I am free to remarry if I want... hahahahaha yeah right... so very set in my ways now.

:yh_rotfl

minks;1222290 wrote: :-5

Ugh isn't it he// having ex's

Mine still texts me about wanting his family back.... WTF? He is the one who bought his GF a $3,000 ring while still married to me? He is the one who repeatedly threatened to take the house, and kids away from me? He is the one who made me settle for a pay out of peanuts.... over 5 years. He is the one who reduced his child support costs 85% by getting fake documents stating he was ill and could not work. He is the one who lied to his family and cut his kids and I from communicating with them over 6 years. Oh yea I want that back NOT A CHANCE.

And he comes back time and time again saying he wants what we had ... back.

Oh give me strength.

And strength it is... I strongly say NO every time.

Yep divorce is hades, sadly when kids are involved these idiots are always going to be in our lives.....

Ah well good news.... my 5 year jail term is up, I am free to remarry if I want... hahahahaha yeah right... so very set in my ways now.

:yh_rotfl




oh I am so sorry you had to deal with so much from him!:-5:-5

no one should be treated like that.



freedom is nice!:D

I'm really good friends with my ex-husband. I haven't seen him since Mr O and i moved here but prior, him, his new wife and the kids would visit us and vice versa. His new wife never had any hang up's about me and Mr O doesn't have any hang up's about him. It makes life alot simpler. :-6:-6

minks;1222290 wrote: :-5

Ugh isn't it he// having ex's

Mine still texts me about wanting his family back.... WTF? He is the one who bought his GF a $3,000 ring while still married to me? He is the one who repeatedly threatened to take the house, and kids away from me? He is the one who made me settle for a pay out of peanuts.... over 5 years. He is the one who reduced his child support costs 85% by getting fake documents stating he was ill and could not work. He is the one who lied to his family and cut his kids and I from communicating with them over 6 years. Oh yea I want that back NOT A CHANCE.

And he comes back time and time again saying he wants what we had ... back.

Oh give me strength.

And strength it is... I strongly say NO every time.

Yep divorce is hades, sadly when kids are involved these idiots are always going to be in our lives.....

Ah well good news.... my 5 year jail term is up, I am free to remarry if I want... hahahahaha yeah right... so very set in my ways now.

:yh_rotfl


Oh my god minks !!!! That is soooooo familiar. I'm not allowed to contact my ex's family. I never had any problem with them I liked most of them and they me. He told me he'd take a restraining order out on me if I did....WTF? His dad has been really sick and I'm not allowed to ring him and ask how he is doing:yh_rotfl

So much of that post is like you were married to mine.

I want to stay friends with my MIL, just not sure wants to.

Odie;1222426 wrote: I want to stay friends with my MIL, just not sure wants to. I hope so........ better than fighting. :-6

oscar;1222450 wrote: I hope so........ better than fighting. :-6


we haven't spoken for 4 months.........

Odie;1222471 wrote: we haven't spoken for 4 months.........
That's sad. My ex and i didn't speak for some time when we split but then we just started talking again. It just beat the heck out of yelling at each other. When i go home, i sometimes even go for a drink with him. Mr O is fine and his wife is fine.

oscar;1222477 wrote: That's sad. My ex and i didn't speak for some time when we split but then we just started talking again. It just beat the heck out of yelling at each other. When i go home, i sometimes even go for a drink with him. Mr O is fine and his wife is fine.


to me now, its up to her.....its her son that took off.......

Odie;1222479 wrote: to me now, its up to her.....its her son that took off.......
He'll see sense very soon i'm sure and i do so hope things work out soon :-4

oscar;1222484 wrote: He'll see sense very soon i'm sure and i do so hope things work out soon :-4


no no, I mean his mom.....she hasn't called since he left.

What's been interesting in my life at present is My ex (father of my first child) dissappeared almost 22 years ago . He's been contacting me on a regular basis just to chat and say hello. I've had apologies and regrets and spins on how much he's been hurting over the years (something which interfered with his own relationships)

I'm always like really? Gee that's tough for you, you really have had a hard time. ( I do this in a sharing caring kind of way of course) Then comes the clincher------ "I'm not sure I ever stopped loving you, and it scares the hell out of me"..........HHHMMMMM. "That's when I mentioned how much child support he owed me." Giving me that would show a certain level of love wouldn't it?

Things are okay though we will probably become good friends. He understands that I had to get the boot in, especially when he mentioned about his ex taking off and leaving him with the kids, (snigger, how does it feel huh?)

fuzzywuzzy;1222398 wrote: Oh my god minks !!!! That is soooooo familiar. I'm not allowed to contact my ex's family. I never had any problem with them I liked most of them and they me. He told me he'd take a restraining order out on me if I did....WTF? His dad has been really sick and I'm not allowed to ring him and ask how he is doing:yh_rotfl

So much of that post is like you were married to mine.


Interestingly, an uncle on his side of the family recently passed away (2 weeks ago) and my ex sis in law called and told me many people wanted me at the funeral... sitting with family. My presence there made a lot of people cry. My sis in law told me they all wished I had stayed in the family and the ex had buggered off.

One thing for sure, the ex MIL not a chance of recconciliation there, the old hag when I went to her for advice when I suspected the ex, she totally blew me off. Pffffft her loss not mine.

But life goes on, now I am a tough old cranky broad who won't put up with men's *****, if you wanna take issue with me, good luck... I don't stoop to those levels any more, if its a fight you want good luck, I just walk away ahahahahahaha

fuzzywuzzy;1222398 wrote: Oh my god minks !!!! That is soooooo familiar. I'm not allowed to contact my ex's family. I never had any problem with them I liked most of them and they me. He told me he'd take a restraining order out on me if I did....WTF? His dad has been really sick and I'm not allowed to ring him and ask how he is doing:yh_rotfl

So much of that post is like you were married to mine.


Get in touch with them and let them take the decision.

At the same time let him know you have done so and wish him luck with getting his restraining order - he has no grounds and no chance.

If, by some shenanigans, he gets one then what have you lost - in future you would not be able to contact them? You cannot now. On the other hand they would know the silence is not of your making and would blame him and not you (who knows what lies he's telling them?).

minks;1222634 wrote: Interestingly, an uncle on his side of the family recently passed away (2 weeks ago) and my ex sis in law called and told me many people wanted me at the funeral... sitting with family. My presence there made a lot of people cry. My sis in law told me they all wished I had stayed in the family and the ex had buggered off.

One thing for sure, the ex MIL not a chance of recconciliation there, the old hag when I went to her for advice when I suspected the ex, she totally blew me off. Pffffft her loss not mine.

But life goes on, now I am a tough old cranky broad who won't put up with men's *****, if you wanna take issue with me, good luck... I don't stoop to those levels any more, if its a fight you want good luck, I just walk away ahahahahahaha


I went to my ex father in laws funeral a while back. I went to say goodbye to someone who was a great father in law, it was a tough funeral especially when one of his daughters came over to give me a hug. She told me she admired my strength and courage to defy the orders that were given to me to not attend and insisted I went to the wake. His friends that knew me made me welcome along with that one sister, the rest looked at me in disgust and retired off to another room so they wouldn't have to acknowledge me. Funny how even after such a sad occasion they can't put their feelings aside and realise that I never had any problems with either of my in-laws, just their son.

When anything happens to mother in law, I will not be attending, I have attempted to drop the children off to visit as I am aware that they don't get taken to visit often. I have offered to do all manner of things to ensure she continues to have access to them only to have it thrown back in my face. I've given up now, especially as she has ordered that due to the fact she is grieving she wants to see no grandchildren at all.

Other than that Divorce was the best decision I ever made, being married to him was bad for my health!

minks;1222634 wrote: Interestingly, an uncle on his side of the family recently passed away (2 weeks ago) and my ex sis in law called and told me many people wanted me at the funeral... sitting with family. My presence there made a lot of people cry. My sis in law told me they all wished I had stayed in the family and the ex had buggered off.

One thing for sure, the ex MIL not a chance of recconciliation there, the old hag when I went to her for advice when I suspected the ex, she totally blew me off. Pffffft her loss not mine.

But life goes on, now I am a tough old cranky broad who won't put up with men's *****, if you wanna take issue with me, good luck... I don't stoop to those levels any more, if its a fight you want good luck, I just walk away ahahahahahaha


I remember just how much of an emotional time that was for you.:-4

my sister-in-law, x's brothers wife has consoled me daily and heard the crap that my X has been doing....

.....my MIL apparently doesn't want to talk to me now in case it upset her son.



excuse me? your son had an affair and walked out on me just a few months ago after being married 22 years.

...and I no longer matter in your life?

fine.....I will remember this.

Bryn Mawr;1222679 wrote: Get in touch with them and let them take the decision.

At the same time let him know you have done so and wish him luck with getting his restraining order - he has no grounds and no chance.

If, by some shenanigans, he gets one then what have you lost - in future you would not be able to contact them? You cannot now. On the other hand they would know the silence is not of your making and would blame him and not you (who knows what lies he's telling them?).


But that's just it Bryn I can't risk it. All my studies are pointing these days towards the justice system and more so the 'office of public advocate'. Can't afford an order like that. he's got me buggered at the moment.

fuzzywuzzy;1222723 wrote: But that's just it Bryn I can't risk it. All my studies are pointing these days towards the justice system and more so the 'office of public advocate'. Can't afford an order like that. he's got me buggered at the moment.


But on what grounds could they possibly issue one?

Obviously, I do not know Australian law but here, apart from exceptional circumstances, a restraining order can only be applied for by the aggrieved person and will only be issued in cases where violence has occurred or is feared to be immanent or in cases of persistent harassment. A single communication with someone other than your ex cannot be considered to be either and, from what you say, the rest of his family would be unlikely to go to the court to apply for one in the first place.

Certainly worth taking legal advice anyway - do you have the equivalent to our Citizen's Advice Bureau?

We used to have the CAB I used to be a volunteer for it . They changed the name and then palmed the whole thing off to different government agencies.

I'm sure he's just bluffing. but his mum could turn around and say I've stressed her (she's on his side always, plus the family is discussing about putting her into care ) she could say anything at this point in time. It's too risky I'll leave it for awhile.

Yeah we have laws but it depends on who has legal authority over a person . My friends sister has legal guardianship over his mother who is in a home. No one in the family is allowed to see her without contacting the sister first who has already tried to take out intervention orders on members of the family for seeing her. My friend and his sister do not get along so in essence he'll never see his mother again. It's a tangled web of family lies and greed.

There are people in this world that will do anything to keep their sins to themselves, my husband is one of them. I will phone his brother though and see how his dad is, his brother won't say anything and will tell me the truth.

fuzzywuzzy;1222763 wrote: We used to have the CAB I used to be a volunteer for it . They changed the name and then palmed the whole thing off to different government agencies.

I'm sure he's just bluffing. but his mum could turn around and say I've stressed her (she's on his side always, plus the family is discussing about putting her into care ) she could say anything at this point in time. It's too risky I'll leave it for awhile.

Yeah we have laws but it depends on who has legal authority over a person . My friends sister has legal guardianship over his mother who is in a home. No one in the family is allowed to see her without contacting the sister first who has already tried to take out intervention orders on members of the family for seeing her. My friend and his sister do not get along so in essence he'll never see his mother again. It's a tangled web of family lies and greed.

There are people in this world that will do anything to keep their sins to themselves, my husband is one of them. I will phone his brother though and see how his dad is, his brother won't say anything and will tell me the truth.


A tangled web indeed

May it straighten out soon :-6