Broken Heart
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:00 pm
Folks? i just need a place to vent, and this is going to be a L O N G post, because so much went so wrong...
My mom had a sort of stroke at the very beginning of this year. My dad, a retired Naval Commander, and alcoholic, immediately grabbed control of Mom's Medical Power of Attorney, and the drama began.
Mom was in ICU for about 2 1/2 months, with an intubation tube shoved down her throat, because
when she was first taken to the "hospital," a rinky-dink, small town facility, even though if they had gone the OTHER way, the same distance, she would have been in a less rinky-dink, small town facility, WITH ACCESS TO REAL DOCS AND AN EXCELLENT HOSPITAL,
the flippin' EMS fools, who had NO OXYGEN on board their vehicle, decided that she was in respiratory distress. (That's when they figured out that they had no oxygen :rolleyes: )
She wasn't. She had allergies, and the beginnings of a cold/cough, but my dad didn't bother telling them that, so.
Dear and i aren't rich. i don't work because of some rather major health problems of my own (HepC, Hemachromatosis), and Dear doesn't make much as a CO, in transportation, at the local prison.
In order for me to be able to remain in town, so that i could stay with my mom through some of the hospital stuff, i needed help, financially. In times past, when my mom was hospitalized, they paid for a motel room for me to stay in, as well as food.
Evidently, that was my mom's doing, because as soon as she couldn't speak for herself, all of a sudden it's a Whole New Day, and my dad isn't going to help, AT ALL, with the additional expenses. i ended up having to "hock" some jewelry ~ what a TRIP that was! Well, anyway. When i said something about it, Dad blew a gasket ~ how stupid, how financially irresonsible, how ... well, you get it.
i was a nurse, working private duty, for 20+ years, which he chooses to consider me as being a "baby-sitter." No credit for being a nurse, even though he knew i kept a Lippincott AND a PDR at hand, at all times. i never worked in a hospital, so i'm not a "real" nurse. And the truth is, i never did apply for my license ~ i knew i couldn't work in a hospital situation, treating folks like they were nothing more than slabs of flesh/meat, so i never bothered. i was a nurse. That's how God made me. That's what i'm supposed to do, in life. Folks that couldn't have afforded what a "real" nurse would have charged (up to $25/hr, for ALL hours), could easily afford me ($250/wk + room and board, i did Live-In).
When things started going wrong at the first rehab place,
the respiratory therapist came in, on the DAY a shunt had been installed in Mom's head to take away the excess spinal fluid that was building up in it,
and suctioned her trach (yep, by that time, she had been trached, because of a COLD...) to the point that Mom was coughing so hard that she was turning BEET RED and holding her head in her hands!
i asked if that was necessary, making her cough so hard, and was assured that it was. THEN i mentioned the shunt, and could tell that this weasel hadn't even GLANCED at Mom's chart, and had no idea what she was doing.
In later "sessions," i asked simple questions, such as "Well, there HAS to be SOME mucus in the lungs ~ the cilia move it around" ~ at which point she butted in with "There ARE no cilia in the lungs. They are only in the bronchi and sinuses." WTF??? Oh, she had more little "gems," but since i was only there for a week, i missed a lot of 'em.
Why was i only there for a week? Because i made noises about this woman's incompetence, and dear old Dad, decided that i was "making a scene" for NO good reason, and had me "removed" from the place.
Then, after Mom fell and was diagnosed with a subdural hemotoma, under these folks spectacular care, and RE-hospitalized ~
y'all don't know the hell i was going through, worried about Mom, not able to talk with her, because of the trach ~ oh, but of COURSE they damaged her vocal cords in their rush to "help" her ~ fighting with Dad about the care she was receiving, ... It was horrible.
At the second rehab, i was "allowed" to stay with her, the whole time, and she made excellent progress and was in good spirits.
It's funny, how, after so many years of being around each other, we STILL had cool stuff to talk about, but she was an interesting person, and common sense smart!
One of her thangs, when she had to go to the hospital, was "Getting Back To Normal Doin's." For her, the first thing that meant was a cup of coffee and a cigarette. She had been cutting down on her smoking, even before this all began, and only smoked 7 - 10 per day. Of course, with her trach'ed, she needed to completely quit, but while she was in rehab, she wanted like 3, maybe 4 per day.
And here is where the "nursing" comes in. No, you don't want her to smoke, AT ALL.
BUT:
Even though she hasn't had a cigarette in over 5 months, to HER, most of that time just disappeared, so SHE STILL SMOKES, regardless of any physical addiction. Not just that, but she has a RIGHT to make the decision to quit, ON HER OWN. (With LOTS of encouragement! lol)
Well, in his inimical way, Dad decided that he was in charge, and like it or not, SHE was quitting. He turned it into physical confrontations with me, right in front of her, with her so sad and crying, and summarily Threw My Ass OUT.
i tried to explain a patient's Bill of Rights to him, and that what he was doing was ABUSE, of the worst sort.
Oh, yeah, in amongst all the rest of what's going on, his drinking is still going on, full bore. He pulled a loaded gun on my son, twice; he physically accosted me several times, with the last time being him trying to shove me over the railing of the porch, which is approximately 10 feet high.
My brother sort of stabbed me in the back, at the very beginning of it all, by refusing to come be at a meeting with the first rehab, so that they would understand what they were dealing with, in Dad.
Also, because he drinks until he passes out, he's "sick" the next day, in a horrible mood, and will just throw stuff down, in front of Mom, ignore her when she tries to talk to him (she could speak, by that point, but very low, and he's semi-deaf, and refuses to get hearing-aids, so), and gets angry with her for asking questions about her meds, or ANYTHING, for that matter. Like she doesn't trust him, or something, idk.
Dear just got home, and i'm feeling sort of tired, so i'll continue later, maybe.
My mom had a sort of stroke at the very beginning of this year. My dad, a retired Naval Commander, and alcoholic, immediately grabbed control of Mom's Medical Power of Attorney, and the drama began.
Mom was in ICU for about 2 1/2 months, with an intubation tube shoved down her throat, because
when she was first taken to the "hospital," a rinky-dink, small town facility, even though if they had gone the OTHER way, the same distance, she would have been in a less rinky-dink, small town facility, WITH ACCESS TO REAL DOCS AND AN EXCELLENT HOSPITAL,
the flippin' EMS fools, who had NO OXYGEN on board their vehicle, decided that she was in respiratory distress. (That's when they figured out that they had no oxygen :rolleyes: )
She wasn't. She had allergies, and the beginnings of a cold/cough, but my dad didn't bother telling them that, so.
Dear and i aren't rich. i don't work because of some rather major health problems of my own (HepC, Hemachromatosis), and Dear doesn't make much as a CO, in transportation, at the local prison.
In order for me to be able to remain in town, so that i could stay with my mom through some of the hospital stuff, i needed help, financially. In times past, when my mom was hospitalized, they paid for a motel room for me to stay in, as well as food.
Evidently, that was my mom's doing, because as soon as she couldn't speak for herself, all of a sudden it's a Whole New Day, and my dad isn't going to help, AT ALL, with the additional expenses. i ended up having to "hock" some jewelry ~ what a TRIP that was! Well, anyway. When i said something about it, Dad blew a gasket ~ how stupid, how financially irresonsible, how ... well, you get it.
i was a nurse, working private duty, for 20+ years, which he chooses to consider me as being a "baby-sitter." No credit for being a nurse, even though he knew i kept a Lippincott AND a PDR at hand, at all times. i never worked in a hospital, so i'm not a "real" nurse. And the truth is, i never did apply for my license ~ i knew i couldn't work in a hospital situation, treating folks like they were nothing more than slabs of flesh/meat, so i never bothered. i was a nurse. That's how God made me. That's what i'm supposed to do, in life. Folks that couldn't have afforded what a "real" nurse would have charged (up to $25/hr, for ALL hours), could easily afford me ($250/wk + room and board, i did Live-In).
When things started going wrong at the first rehab place,
the respiratory therapist came in, on the DAY a shunt had been installed in Mom's head to take away the excess spinal fluid that was building up in it,
and suctioned her trach (yep, by that time, she had been trached, because of a COLD...) to the point that Mom was coughing so hard that she was turning BEET RED and holding her head in her hands!
i asked if that was necessary, making her cough so hard, and was assured that it was. THEN i mentioned the shunt, and could tell that this weasel hadn't even GLANCED at Mom's chart, and had no idea what she was doing.
In later "sessions," i asked simple questions, such as "Well, there HAS to be SOME mucus in the lungs ~ the cilia move it around" ~ at which point she butted in with "There ARE no cilia in the lungs. They are only in the bronchi and sinuses." WTF??? Oh, she had more little "gems," but since i was only there for a week, i missed a lot of 'em.
Why was i only there for a week? Because i made noises about this woman's incompetence, and dear old Dad, decided that i was "making a scene" for NO good reason, and had me "removed" from the place.
Then, after Mom fell and was diagnosed with a subdural hemotoma, under these folks spectacular care, and RE-hospitalized ~
y'all don't know the hell i was going through, worried about Mom, not able to talk with her, because of the trach ~ oh, but of COURSE they damaged her vocal cords in their rush to "help" her ~ fighting with Dad about the care she was receiving, ... It was horrible.
At the second rehab, i was "allowed" to stay with her, the whole time, and she made excellent progress and was in good spirits.
It's funny, how, after so many years of being around each other, we STILL had cool stuff to talk about, but she was an interesting person, and common sense smart!
One of her thangs, when she had to go to the hospital, was "Getting Back To Normal Doin's." For her, the first thing that meant was a cup of coffee and a cigarette. She had been cutting down on her smoking, even before this all began, and only smoked 7 - 10 per day. Of course, with her trach'ed, she needed to completely quit, but while she was in rehab, she wanted like 3, maybe 4 per day.
And here is where the "nursing" comes in. No, you don't want her to smoke, AT ALL.
BUT:
Even though she hasn't had a cigarette in over 5 months, to HER, most of that time just disappeared, so SHE STILL SMOKES, regardless of any physical addiction. Not just that, but she has a RIGHT to make the decision to quit, ON HER OWN. (With LOTS of encouragement! lol)
Well, in his inimical way, Dad decided that he was in charge, and like it or not, SHE was quitting. He turned it into physical confrontations with me, right in front of her, with her so sad and crying, and summarily Threw My Ass OUT.
i tried to explain a patient's Bill of Rights to him, and that what he was doing was ABUSE, of the worst sort.
Oh, yeah, in amongst all the rest of what's going on, his drinking is still going on, full bore. He pulled a loaded gun on my son, twice; he physically accosted me several times, with the last time being him trying to shove me over the railing of the porch, which is approximately 10 feet high.
My brother sort of stabbed me in the back, at the very beginning of it all, by refusing to come be at a meeting with the first rehab, so that they would understand what they were dealing with, in Dad.
Also, because he drinks until he passes out, he's "sick" the next day, in a horrible mood, and will just throw stuff down, in front of Mom, ignore her when she tries to talk to him (she could speak, by that point, but very low, and he's semi-deaf, and refuses to get hearing-aids, so), and gets angry with her for asking questions about her meds, or ANYTHING, for that matter. Like she doesn't trust him, or something, idk.
Dear just got home, and i'm feeling sort of tired, so i'll continue later, maybe.
)